Change.
This is the first part of a two-part entry. I'm just inspired, I guess.
So, change and rejection are two things I've suffered with all my life. I have never dealt well with change, for some reason. I get upset when Christmas is over, just because I'll miss seeing the decorations. I hate going home for the weekend and coming back to school, just because of the change of atmosphere. As I'm getting older, much bigger things are changing in my life, and I can't stand it. I'm constantly thinking back to the days in high school, particularly my junior year, when everything seemed to be perfect. I had this amazing group of friends that I loved more than the world, and we had so many good times together. Going to the movies, hanging out at the beach, sitting around the band room before practice (yes, I'm a nerd). I took so many of these times for granted, and now I hardly ever talk to any of those people anymore, and it kills me to know that I can never have any of those times back. There was some sort of unspoken innocence about our group, romance didn't come into the picture (except for the inevitable innocent crushes), and we just truly enjoyed being in each other's company. Sure, there were hard times, but life, for the most part, was genuinely happy. Then, college happened. My freshman year was a lot like my high school life in many ways. I had an amazing group of friends, again, and we were always doing something fun, whether it be riding around aimlessly, singing dorky songs that nobody else liked but us, or sitting in a dorm room watching a movie. There was still that childlike innocence hovering over us, but it was different, because we were in college, where life is obviously more grown-up. Over the last year and a half, my life has changed dramatically. Adult life has basically hit me like a ton of bricks. Where I used to have tons of close friends that would always hang out together...I now have a few very close acquaintances that I love very much. That innocence seems to have disintegrated, because of many things. Classes require much more time and effort. Money is tight because there are bills to pay. Graduation looms in the distance, proving that there is an end to childhood, although we never wanted to believe it. There's something about endings that puts life into perspective. When we were young, we thought we'd never grow up, that it would last forever. All of a sudden, adulthood is here, and I'm not sure I'm ready for it. I've said all this, basically to show that my life is changing, and I hate it. I miss all those times before, and I want them back. I try so hard to make things the way they were, and I always fail. I'm scared to let that life go and embark on this new one. What's going to be out there? Who will I meet? Will I be happy? Change scares me to death.
So, change and rejection are two things I've suffered with all my life. I have never dealt well with change, for some reason. I get upset when Christmas is over, just because I'll miss seeing the decorations. I hate going home for the weekend and coming back to school, just because of the change of atmosphere. As I'm getting older, much bigger things are changing in my life, and I can't stand it. I'm constantly thinking back to the days in high school, particularly my junior year, when everything seemed to be perfect. I had this amazing group of friends that I loved more than the world, and we had so many good times together. Going to the movies, hanging out at the beach, sitting around the band room before practice (yes, I'm a nerd). I took so many of these times for granted, and now I hardly ever talk to any of those people anymore, and it kills me to know that I can never have any of those times back. There was some sort of unspoken innocence about our group, romance didn't come into the picture (except for the inevitable innocent crushes), and we just truly enjoyed being in each other's company. Sure, there were hard times, but life, for the most part, was genuinely happy. Then, college happened. My freshman year was a lot like my high school life in many ways. I had an amazing group of friends, again, and we were always doing something fun, whether it be riding around aimlessly, singing dorky songs that nobody else liked but us, or sitting in a dorm room watching a movie. There was still that childlike innocence hovering over us, but it was different, because we were in college, where life is obviously more grown-up. Over the last year and a half, my life has changed dramatically. Adult life has basically hit me like a ton of bricks. Where I used to have tons of close friends that would always hang out together...I now have a few very close acquaintances that I love very much. That innocence seems to have disintegrated, because of many things. Classes require much more time and effort. Money is tight because there are bills to pay. Graduation looms in the distance, proving that there is an end to childhood, although we never wanted to believe it. There's something about endings that puts life into perspective. When we were young, we thought we'd never grow up, that it would last forever. All of a sudden, adulthood is here, and I'm not sure I'm ready for it. I've said all this, basically to show that my life is changing, and I hate it. I miss all those times before, and I want them back. I try so hard to make things the way they were, and I always fail. I'm scared to let that life go and embark on this new one. What's going to be out there? Who will I meet? Will I be happy? Change scares me to death.