Contemplation...
Today is Sunday, the 29th of June. I have been married for one week, and one day. Today, my honeymoon actually begins.
Today I kiss my babies goodbye, but the soul-wrenching sadness I have endured since our first separation during Thanksgiving of 2011 has slowly eased. (That was the week I lost my mind, ran away from home, drank like a fish to ease the pain, and and awoke to discover that I'd dyed my hair black. YIKE!) Gone are the days where I feebly stand watching out the peephole until the taillights disappear, before sliding down the door in anguish, and sobbing until I've emptied myself of all my sorrow.
I really feel that it was last summer that took away the majority of my pain. I began my new life with my Lauren last summer, moving to a new place with new responsibilities, made new friends, and learned about the little things that come with living with a new person, like realizing why the toothpaste is always missing, or understanding the true purpose of a fan. I suffered greatly with their loss, sure, but did all I could to keep myself busy, and refocus. But I did something I wasn't honestly sure that I could... I survived the summer without them.
After that, I got a little spoiled having them around - I didn't lose them again until Boxing Day, which while difficult for a bit, I managed to bounce back in no time, leaving precious time for Lauren and I, and enabling us to host a New Year's Eve party. Spring Break in March I won't even count, since I became violently ill the day the left, and the following days were a succession of half-conscious, medicated days that very nearly cancelled our planned trip to Tahoe. (Thankfully, it didn't, and we had a wonderful time!)
So now here I am, waiting patiently for the sun to rise, my daughter to return from Grand Bethel, and my children to then turn and depart for summer. I'll be headed over to Amy's where it has been promised that there will be no sewing or DIY projects of any kind. (Freedom from wedding plans! LOVE IT!!!) I'll be there til Lauren get's off of work, then it will be popcorn and World War Z and other assorted awesomeness that comes from being childless.
And while a tiny voice in the back of my head chides me for being pleased, content, and dare I say... looking forward to my quiet summer, I have to admit there really isn't anything I can do about it. And admittedly, although Jimmy is the only one looking forward to his incarceration in AZ, it seems to me that rather than tear my hair out and scream and shout... I may as well relax and enjoy. After all, how many people would love the opportunity to get away from life's responsibilities for 3 weeks, AND have free babysitting? It really isn't that bad a gig. :) I personally intend to enjoy it to the fullest.
Cheers!
Today I kiss my babies goodbye, but the soul-wrenching sadness I have endured since our first separation during Thanksgiving of 2011 has slowly eased. (That was the week I lost my mind, ran away from home, drank like a fish to ease the pain, and and awoke to discover that I'd dyed my hair black. YIKE!) Gone are the days where I feebly stand watching out the peephole until the taillights disappear, before sliding down the door in anguish, and sobbing until I've emptied myself of all my sorrow.
I really feel that it was last summer that took away the majority of my pain. I began my new life with my Lauren last summer, moving to a new place with new responsibilities, made new friends, and learned about the little things that come with living with a new person, like realizing why the toothpaste is always missing, or understanding the true purpose of a fan. I suffered greatly with their loss, sure, but did all I could to keep myself busy, and refocus. But I did something I wasn't honestly sure that I could... I survived the summer without them.
After that, I got a little spoiled having them around - I didn't lose them again until Boxing Day, which while difficult for a bit, I managed to bounce back in no time, leaving precious time for Lauren and I, and enabling us to host a New Year's Eve party. Spring Break in March I won't even count, since I became violently ill the day the left, and the following days were a succession of half-conscious, medicated days that very nearly cancelled our planned trip to Tahoe. (Thankfully, it didn't, and we had a wonderful time!)
So now here I am, waiting patiently for the sun to rise, my daughter to return from Grand Bethel, and my children to then turn and depart for summer. I'll be headed over to Amy's where it has been promised that there will be no sewing or DIY projects of any kind. (Freedom from wedding plans! LOVE IT!!!) I'll be there til Lauren get's off of work, then it will be popcorn and World War Z and other assorted awesomeness that comes from being childless.
And while a tiny voice in the back of my head chides me for being pleased, content, and dare I say... looking forward to my quiet summer, I have to admit there really isn't anything I can do about it. And admittedly, although Jimmy is the only one looking forward to his incarceration in AZ, it seems to me that rather than tear my hair out and scream and shout... I may as well relax and enjoy. After all, how many people would love the opportunity to get away from life's responsibilities for 3 weeks, AND have free babysitting? It really isn't that bad a gig. :) I personally intend to enjoy it to the fullest.
Cheers!