(no subject)
I lasted 5 days b/p free but i purged on Friday night after i got back from my friends house. I then purged again yesterday, twice.
But today i feel strong again so i'll try and stave off the urge if i can. My friend sent me a document he created about positive mental thinking, i've been putting it into action today, trying to visualise stopping myself from binging, slapping myself on the leg, saying NO, i am comfortably full and i don't want to purge because with the purge comes the negative thoughts and feelings, these thoughts and feelings i then take out on my wonderful boyf, who doesn't deserve to be treated this way.
I love him.
I stole some of his food, i am too ashamed to tell him so i'm going to replace it before he notices. i feel terrible, low, worthless, a loser, a thief, i hate myself for doing this.
All these feelings i'm wishing away right now, i don't want to feel like this anymore and its Bulimia that makes me feel this way.
Stop the bulimia and i stop the negative.
So today is day 1 of no b/p, i am happy to restrict if i can, just visualise the end of the day without staring into the toilet bowl.
This i can do!