(no subject)
I'm tired of questioning myself. I hate how this place makes me feel. I have had a great time, but as we near the end, i am so tired of how high school this is for me.
I hate feeling as ostricized as i do, as if im not a normal person because i am being myself. My biggest pet peeves are people who, without knowing, touch on my insecurities. I guess i cant be angry because its not like they know. Things like, my deep voice, the fact that im not feminine. Shit like that. Sometimes, i think i should work at reforming myself so i can fit in more. Be what everyone expects to see when they see a tall, dark, brown eyed girl from maine. Im so torn. Who wants to be generic? But its like, i will avoid so much pain. I have a constant battle brewing within myself. I suppose i should take my own medicine sometimes and just surround myself with good people who dont care.
Im just so tired of feeling ignorant here. Just because i'm not cut out to be what everyone expects.
I am exhausting myself by falling in love with people from the past who are very good for me, but live so far away. I know in my heart who i should really be with right now. But it's just not possible.
I am getting weaker. I hate who i am right now. Need to get back. Need to forget about this year. Need to get rid of people in my life who arent worth it. Even if they live close and i cant avoid them, i wont take them into heart.
So many people to miss. I hate feeling so weak. Hate it. Hate contradicting myself and questioning my self-worth.
I hate feeling as ostricized as i do, as if im not a normal person because i am being myself. My biggest pet peeves are people who, without knowing, touch on my insecurities. I guess i cant be angry because its not like they know. Things like, my deep voice, the fact that im not feminine. Shit like that. Sometimes, i think i should work at reforming myself so i can fit in more. Be what everyone expects to see when they see a tall, dark, brown eyed girl from maine. Im so torn. Who wants to be generic? But its like, i will avoid so much pain. I have a constant battle brewing within myself. I suppose i should take my own medicine sometimes and just surround myself with good people who dont care.
Im just so tired of feeling ignorant here. Just because i'm not cut out to be what everyone expects.
I am exhausting myself by falling in love with people from the past who are very good for me, but live so far away. I know in my heart who i should really be with right now. But it's just not possible.
I am getting weaker. I hate who i am right now. Need to get back. Need to forget about this year. Need to get rid of people in my life who arent worth it. Even if they live close and i cant avoid them, i wont take them into heart.
So many people to miss. I hate feeling so weak. Hate it. Hate contradicting myself and questioning my self-worth.