[super junior] the high cost of dying (4/7)
Second arc of the story. >:)
The High Cost of Dying
super junior // kyuhyun/zhou mi (+ minor mimin, kyumin) // r // 50,000+ words (total)
[inception!AU] In which Cho Kyuhyun, international corporate spy and part-time assassin, is sent to China on a bizarre mission involving famous popstar Victoria Song with the assistance of Chinese MC slash fashionista Zhou Mi, whom he had never met before. Along the way they discover shocking secrets, unexpected attraction, and how to make edible pancakes.
1 - 2 - 3 - 4
The High Cost of Dying.
-
The first thing Kyuhyun did the next morning was to blindly crawl his way to the bathroom and throw up his entire stomach’s content. More liquid came out than he would have expected, but he supposed that was good. As long as he could detox, the day would at least be mildly bearable. He should have thrown up the night before, but apparently he had passed out before he could remember to do so. Kyuhyun flushed the toilet and rested his head against the cold porcelain. He needed to get up and start functioning as a normal human being soon, but for the moment it was all he was capable of to focus on calming his erratic breaths. No pain or ache behind his eyes yet, so it meant the hangover hadn’t hit. He could still feel alcohol thrumming in his veins.
A cold hand touched his cheek and Kyuhyun jerked back. He opened his eyes blearily and looked up to see Zhou Mi’s worried frown.
“Are you okay? Do you need anything? Advils? Tea? Juice? I’m making breakfast.”
The thought of food was particularly revolting right then. His eyelids felt really hot and heavy, Kyuhyun mused. He leaned closer to Zhou Mi’s touch, the coolness soothing against his heated skin. He felt pretty much like death warmed over in a microwave, half cold half luke-warm.
“Nothing. I’m fine, really.” He managed to croak out and allowed himself five more seconds of calm before he forcibly pulled away and waved Zhou Mi out of the bathroom. He would rather preserve whatever was left of his dignity by suffering in the bathroom by himself.
He managed to pull himself up after Zhou Mi had left. Kyuhyun stared into the mirror and ascertained that this was reality he was seeing. Red-rimmed eyes, bruised shadows, bloated face, horrible bed hair. He was still wearing most of his clothes from the night before. He suddenly remembered then, how he had passed out when they were still at the sofa, but he had woken up on the bed. In fact, he had woken up because Zhou Mi had come in to shake him awake, saying something about catching their flight early in the morning.
When Kyuhyun blearily recalled what had happened last night while he was brushing his teeth, he couldn’t even drag it up in him to be horrified. He slowly took it in with a hungover kind of resignation. He couldn’t even bring himself to feel shocked and excited over the memory of Zhou Mi’s reciprocation either. It would have been more shocking if the guy were completely straight. On the other hand, he was practically throwing himself at Zhou Mi. In any case, he was feeling too out of it to contemplate the implications. It was best to leave it until tomorrow morning at the earliest.
Except he didn’t consider the fact that Zhou Mi wouldn’t have enough patience to wait for him to recover from his hangover to have the awkward morning after talk.
When Kyuhyun finally stepped out of the bathroom after a fresh change of clothes, feeling more like something that resembled a human being, he wandered into the kitchen to watch Zhou Mi prepare breakfast. All the skimmed milk, low sugar iced tea, and organic fruit juice were there on the table.
“I made toast.” Zhou Mi turned when he saw Kyuhyun hovering nearby. Kyuhyun made rumbling non-committal noise, looking at the toast and fruit marmalade offered. At least toast was pretty low on the nausea scale. Kyuhyun dropped himself down on a chair, picking up a piece of toast and starting to munch on it. He wasn’t exactly big on breakfast, but he knew he had a full day of work ahead. Zhou Mi placed a plate of sliced fresh fruit on the table and sat down.
“The last of the oranges and apples and melon before I leave. You should replenish your vitamins, too.” Zhou Mi smiled at him and Kyuhyun grunted over his toast. Everything tasted like ash in his mouth, but his stomach couldn’t afford to complain then. They ate breakfast in silence, or at least that was what Kyuhyun had hoped for before Zhou Mi opened his mouth again.
“I’m really sorry.”
Zhou Mi was fidgeting with his knife, pressing down on his piece of toast perhaps a little too forceful. Kyuhyun decided to play deaf and mute. He focused on dissolving the bread in his mouth and swallowing it down his scratchy throat.
“About last night, I mean.” Zhou Mi’s eyes flickered up, trying to meet his. Kyuhyun stared blankly at a piece of orange, trying to imagine he was eating toast that tasted of orange. It wasn’t that hard to imagine. He kept chewing.
“I don’t know what came over… I mean, I shouldn’t have. I drank too much. It… it’s never going to happen again. Please don’t-“
Kyuhyun’s toast dropped to his plate. He held up a hand. “I have no idea what you are even talking about.” His voice was flat, clearly leaving no room for argument. He looked up to stare straight at Zhou Mi for the first time in the morning, his face casually blank and perplexed. He might not be an excellent actor but he had this down. So this was how it was going to go, Kyuhyun thought. Drunken ill-advised behaviours, no one was at fault, no one meant it. He could play this, no problem. There was no need for anyone to get awkward, considering that nothing much had even happened last night.
Zhou Mi looked a little stunned. Kyuhyun shrugged, picking up the last small piece of his toast and swallowing it down with a gulp of tea. He stood up, clearing the plates.
“Let’s wrap up, we are leaving for the airport in half an hour.”
Zhou Mi sat still for a few beats until he scrambled up, putting all the leftover fruit into a plastic container and packing it with them to the airport.
Kyuhyun slid his giant sunglasses back in place, picked up his two pieces of luggage and walked out into the last sunshine morning of early winter. It was perhaps fitting how he had arrived and was now leaving Beijing with the same taste of stale alcohol at the back of his throat.
He spent the flight furiously typing up his report instead of sleeping. His eyes were aching. Leeteuk would be so proud of him. Zhou Mi was blissfully quiet beside him, staring intensely at his ipad. Kyuhyun considered it a job well done.
-
They arrived at the company’s headquarter just in time for the meeting, no time to detour to Kyuhyun’s place and drop off the luggage. Kyuhyun tried hard not to stagger down the hallway, though he still received a few funny looks for his sunglasses. The building was kind of dark inside. That, or people were just staring at the gawking tall Chinese guy trailing behind him like some lost puppy. Kyuhyun silently prayed for quick session with Leeteuk so he could get his ass home before he fell over, though knowing the older man the odds were not too high on his favour.
When he finally opened the door of the meeting room, Kyuhyun briefly wondered whether he should have just gone straight home to nurse his failing body instead. There were too many people sitting inside for his hope of just one quick simple job.
“Oh, finally, our two last main characters, Cho Kyuhyun and Zhou Mi!’ Leeteuk chirped up, poking his head out and waving at them. He could see Zhou Mi wave back from the corner of his eyes. Kyuhyun rolled his eyes behind his sunglasses.
“Come in, you two, everyone has been waiting.” Leeteuk waved them in, looking harried and more haggard than the last time Kyuhyun had seen him. The other two persons jumped up from their seats when they saw him. Kyuhyun awkwardly tried to fend off half hugs.
“Kyuhyunnie, I haven’t seen you in forever!”
“We worked the Daewon job together last month, what are you talking about.” Kyuhyun said, his voice flat, but he didn’t even try to disengage the arms wrapping tight around his shoulder. The other patted his back in sympathy. Kyuhyun’s eyes flickered to Zhou Mi who was just standing there awkwardly, staring at them. He quickly averted his eyes, slowly pulling away. “Let’s just get on with this. I want to go home for a shower.”
When they finally settled down around the glass table, Leeteuk started with the introduction.
“Kyuhyun, everyone knows why he’s here. The skyscraper-tall guy here is Zhou Mi, our new Chinese contact point who has just finished his last trial mission a mere day before. He will be of tremendous help to the operation this time. You guys, take care of him.”
There was more frantic waving. This was getting too cheerful a meeting for Kyuhyun’s sensibility.
“These two here,” Leeteuk smiled at Zhou Mi, pointing towards the other two, “are Lee Eunhyuk and Lee Donghae, our resident crazy scientists.”
Kyuhyun cut everyone off before they could start exchanging pleasantries and greetings and dragging the meeting on forever. “Not that I don’t appreciate the reunion and everything, but why are there four of us here? Normally you just pick one per job and then leave it to him to pick his own partners.”
Leeteuk’s smile sort of drooped in tired resignation, one hand reaching up to rub at his forehead. “This is an emergency job. We need to ensure we have the best team for this. That’s why I had to immediately call you back from China. I’m sorry, Kyuhyun, I know this is your third back to back job, but we are desperately short on good architects at the moment.”
Kyuhyun grunted under his breath. It wasn’t like he didn’t know what to expect in this thing called a career. “I’m still here standing,” but just barely, he mentally added, “so let’s get on with this emergency thing.”
The projector flashed on, and a profile appeared on the screen.
“This is Kim Minyoung, SM’s fourth biggest shareholder, member of the Board of Director, and our mark for this job.”
Kyuhyun blinked. An SM higher-up as target? This was new. The photo of the man in question showed a middle-aged man with long harrowed face and eagle-sharp eyes. Throughout all the years working for the company, he had never seen anyone on a higher level than the immediate supervisor. Judging from Eunhyuk’s and Donghae’s interested expressions, they were thinking the same thing.
“Recently there have been rumours brewing about the man’s extortion and illegal possession of company fund. An investigation was carried out and confirmed this claim just a few days ago. Unfortunately he is the only one who holds the contact information list of the Japanese segment of our client base. He has secured this document out of reach from the company’s system. This is where you come in. He is starting to smell hints of the company’s investigation. There is a very high possibility that he would try selling the list to a rival company for their protection.”
“Oh, so this job is a…” Eunhyuk made a slashing gesture with his fingers in the air.
Leeteuk nodded, his expression grim. “That’s why I called you two in.”
Kyuhyun leaned back against his chair. “This is not going to be easy.”
“Definitely not.” Leeteuk nodded. “He’s had the defense training. He knows what we are all about and what we are capable of. He most likely expects you all if he has already sniffed out the company’s intention.”
“Well, thanks for letting us know ahead this time.” Kyuhyun sat up straighter, eyes flicking sideway to gauge Zhou Mi’s expression. He looked very concentrated in examining the man on the screen. Kyuhyun could practically feel data rushing through the other man’s head at light speed. “Are you sure about Zhou Mi’s inclusion in this job though? He just got out of his trial mission.” Kyuhyun turned to look at Leeteuk, ignoring Zhou Mi’s surprised jerk and eyes that bore at him.
“It’s more than likely that we are going to need a forger for this job. Zhou Mi is new, but he’s good. He passed with the highest assessment range from the China branch. Plus we are also really short on forgers around here.” Leeteuk shrugged. “You said yourself he was good.”
“Wow, wait, you are a forger? That’s pretty cool.” Donghae leaned forward, smiling brightly at Zhou Mi, who looked a bit startled by the attention.
“Academic excellence doesn’t necessarily mean he’s going to be perfect in the field though. He might not be ready for this scale of a job.” Kyuhyun frowned, remembering Zhou Mi’s pale face and shaking knees on the train.
“I can do it.” Zhou Mi snapped from beside him, and Kyuhyun startled, turning to look at the other man. Zhou Mi was resolutely not looking at him but at Leeteuk. His mouth was set in a grim line. Donghae and Eunhyuk looked a little perplexed by the tension.
“Well then, he said it.” Leeteuk looked at Kyuhyun with bemusement. “We need all the help we can get for this, Kyuhyun.”
-
The drive back home was quiet with subtle tension. Zhou Mi didn’t look angry at him as much as he looked hurt, and Kyuhyun wasn’t quite sure what to do with that. He understood why Zhou Mi would be mad at him, but there was no getting around that he didn’t exactly want Zhou Mi in this job. It wasn’t that he didn’t believe the other man to be capable, he knew Zhou Mi was more than capable, technically speaking, but there was just something about this particular job that he knew Zhou Mi wouldn’t be mentally prepared for.
Only when he slid his key card into the electronic lock of his apartment did Kyuhyun remember the sorry state of the place. He shuffled inside with Zhou Mi in tow, feeling a bit embarrassed as he started seeing the stacked carton boxes and empty cupboards from the eyes of an outsider. Zhou Mi stood in the middle of the spacious living room, looking a bit lost as he looked around.
“Guest bedroom is… er… this way.” Kyuhyun wandered over to a door that he had never really bothered to open more than twice in his entire stay in the apartment. He poked his head inside, looking around. At least it looked decent - there was a king bed, a bedside table, a working table, and that was it. It smelled dusty, but so was the rest of the place basically. Opening the window for an hour would solve the problem. He would also have to take extra duvet and pillows later.
“Your place is… big.” Zhou Mi spoke up from somewhere behind him, and Kyuhyun nearly jumped because it was the first thing he had spoken since they got out of that meeting room.
“Yeah. Well. My sister insisted I actually spent money on a decent warehouse, despite the fact I probably spend less time here than I spend on airplanes.” Kyuhyun shrugged, feeling slightly like he was walking Zhou Mi around for a tour to sell the empty apartment. Zhou Mi smiled at him, and although the smile was a lot dimmer than it should have been, Kyuhyun felt he could breathe a little easier.
The urge to wander far away in embarrassment rose again as Zhou Mi wandered into the kitchen and started looking at his fridge and cupboards.
-
If it weren’t for the fact that Donghae and Eunhyuk were coming over later that evening and they really needed to get started as soon as possible, Zhou Mi would have dragged him to the grocery store. Instead, they settled for Kyuhyun’s stack of take-away menus. They both called for black bean noodle and Zhou Mi started setting up his computer system when Kyuhyun spread out the files they had received. They both polished off their black bean noodles while going through all the files they had received for the job. It was considerably thick for this job, as if trying to make up for the unnatural thinness in the file of their last bogus mission.
Kim Minyoung was supposed to have no idea about his blacklisted name in the company’s system yet. The moment he got a whiff of the company’s intention, there was the risk that he would immediately sell the list of SM’s Japanese clients to a rival company for protection. For a company like SM, it was inevitable that there would be several other big corporations who were more than eager to topple them off the throne as the biggest dream technology company in the country. Not to mention Kim Minyoung had much more other inside information as he had been a member of the Board of Directors for several years. The longer they dragged this out, the bigger the risk was, so it was imperative that they had to act as soon as possible. Leeteuk didn’t specify a deadline, but this was high-profile and all of them knew they had an invisible deadline to chase.
“The upcoming Korean UNICEF Charity Dinner Gala,” Zhou Mi turned the laptop screen towards Kyuhyun, “This Saturday, thirteenth of November, seven in the evening. He is going to the event as a representative of the company since we are one of the big sponsors for the fund. Minimal security since it’s going to be a public formal event, incredibly crowded, and set in a hotel.” Zhou Mi looked up at him, pushing up his glasses.
“What hotel?” Kyuhyun scuttled closer, gluing his eyes to the screen and not the stupidly fashionable black-rimmed glasses.
“The Westin Chosun Hotel Seoul. Roughly 450 rooms, quite big. It’s going to be really crowded, around 300 guests for the Gala that evening, not to mention members of staff, many of them casual labour hired on an hourly basis. We would have no problem getting in and out.”
“Perfect,” Kyuhyun nodded, leaning close to scrutinizer the hotel’s layout on the screen. “Show me the venue floor plan?”
It took Kyuhyun a few seconds of tense silence before he noticed he was all pressed up against Zhou Mi and one of his hands was curled loosely around the other man’s arm. Kyuhyun hastily dropped his hand and straightened himself up, inching a bit away from the warm body.
Zhou Mi cleared his throat, clicking around the website, pulling up the floor plan for the Chosun Seoul’s banquet facilities. “They are most likely going to use the biggest ballroom - the Grand Room. It’s the most lavish and luxurious one for the occasion. The real world part is basic, now what we have to figure out is the dream world part.”
Kyuhyun’s brows furrowed. “We probably don’t have enough time to do in-depth research on his history and such to pull off an elaborate plan. It’s more than likely that we are going to have to use brute force.”
“Another gun fight?” Zhou Mi’s voice was clipped, and Kyuhyun inwardly winced.
“Something like that. He has had the compulsory defense training courtesy of the company, and you know how the defense program is like. His subconscious projections would be more than slightly aggressive. They would most likely barge in, guns blazing, intent on blasting us off to smithereens the moment he felt the slightest bit of threat.” Kyuhyun grimaced, remembering Victoria Song’s subconscious in the second dream. “No matter what, they would sniff us out sooner or later, so we would have to make it fast. Get in, bash the information out of him, get the hell out.” Kyuhyun peered up at the other man’s face. “Zhou Mi, this is-“
“Is this why you didn’t want me to join the operation?” Zhou Mi’s eyes stared straight into his, and Kyuhyun stilled.
“What-?”
“I may not look it, but I can handle the job, Kyuhyun. Do you think the training program for the China branch is any less grueling than the one in Korea? I have passed through all of them, you have as well, so you should know.”
“Zhou Mi, that’s not-“
“I appreciate your concern, but I can hold my own, Kyuhyun. I knew what I was getting into when I applied for the company’s training program.” Zhou Mi’s eyes were hard yet they still held that earnest spark, and Kyuhyun sighed.
“I know you can, but the nature of this one… it might just be a little too early for you.”
“I understand that it is high profile, but if you have so little faith in my ability, why did you-“
“Zhou Mi.” Kyuhyun cut him off, “This is not about your ability. I know you are technically capable. However, you lack the emotional capability required. It isn’t up to the standard for this particular job. I don’t know why Leeteuk insisted on this, maybe we really are short on staff, but I still don’t think this is a good idea. I would be okay with you easing slowly into more technical operations, but this is not it.” He met Zhou Mi’s eyes, unflinching. Kyuhyun could see the exact moment the words hit and stung the other man hard.
“Why…”
Kyuhyun’s eyes flickered down, hesitant to meet Zhou Mi’s hurt look. “I’m sorry I have to be blunt, but this is what you have to expect in this job. If you still get hung up over something like a violent death in the dream, this kind of mission isn’t going to work out for you at this moment. You say you’ve gone through enough deaths in the training program, but-”
“Are you saying I lied?” Zhou Mi’s voice was hard, but he could still detect a shaky edge to it.
“No, I’m not, but-“
“It wasn’t about me, it was you.”
“What?” Kyuhyun startled, eyes flicking up to meet Zhou Mi’s infuriated expression. Zhou Mi’s lips were pressed into a thin line.
“She blew your head off. I was a mess not because of my own death - I barely felt the impact - it was because of yours.”
Kyuhyun’s face flushed. “Well, I’m sorry my brain matter offended you. You would damn well have to get used to it as well. Your own death, someone else’s death, what does it matter? It’s still just a fucking dream.”
“It matters to me, Kyuhyun,” Zhou Mi’s hand suddenly shot out and grasped his wrist. Kyuhyun jerked, standing up and trying to pull his hand away, but Zhou Mi’s grasp was insistent, strong enough to leave bruises.
“I’m not some fucking delicate twelve-year-old child! What is wrong with you, you have been treating me like I am a fucking kid who can’t deal with life. I’m not your little brother, I’m not your little girlfriend either. You think I didn’t notice?” Kyuhyun saw Zhou Mi’s eyes flicker away, a flash of guilt apparent in Zhou Mi’s gaze, and his eyes narrowed. “What’s up with that? Tell me.”
Zhou Mi looked away. It only fueled the fire at the pit of his stomach.
“Tell me!” Kyuhyun snapped, jerking his wrist.
“I read your file.” Zhou Mi’s voice was quiet, barely a whisper, but both of them definitely caught it. Kyuhyun went completely still in the middle of the struggle.
“…What. You what.”
The previous indignation on Zhou Mi’s face had suddenly mellowed. “I read your file, Kyuhyun.” His voice softened, somehow hesitant and regretful. His grasp slackened around Kyuhyun’s wrist, but somehow Kyuhyun couldn’t bring himself to move.
“How did you even… That’s not legal.” Kyuhyun could feel his heart pounding loudly in his chest. Actually, it wasn’t even about legality or anything of the sorts. The existence of the file probably was not legal in the first place. However, the company employee files were always supposed to be confidential.
“I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.” Zhou Mi’s eyes flickered away. “I… I was just curious. I hacked into the company’s system and found your file.”
Kyuhyun inhaled sharply. SM’s security system was not exactly stellar, but with all these recent breaches, there had better be a complete system audit soon. “Why did you do it? Why me?” He was hardly anyone important in the company, merely a lowly employee like any other employee. Every muscle in his body tensed. His eyes were fixed on Zhou Mi’s sharp profile.
Zhou Mi went quiet. His eyes flickered down, glued to the floor. “I wanted to know more about you.”
“What does that even mean?”
Zhou Mi let out a shaky sigh. “I’m sorry. I didn’t think. I didn’t think about what kind of information that kind of file would contain.”
“How much did you read?” Kyuhyun asked, suddenly feeling something prickling along his skin. The moment he opened his mouth to ask the question, he already knew it was pointless. Of course Zhou Mi wouldn’t have just opened the file and read only the goddamn header.
Kyuhyun himself had never even read his own file. He wouldn’t even know exactly what was in there for Zhou Mi to read - the employee files were always confidential even to themselves - but he could guess. It was not even because he couldn’t get to them that he had never read it. He could hack into the system if he wanted to, probably not as efficient as Zhou Mi, but he could. Still, the thing was just that he didn’t want to. He didn’t want to know.
“Just… your CV, your basic history file, your medical file, the pictures…”
The pictures. From the accident. Kyuhyun inhaled deeply. Those, he had seen. They had been required to document every single angle of the scene for further investigation, including the humans. That explained Zhou Mi’s squeamish reaction towards what had happened in the dream.
“And…” Zhou Mi stopped short, his voice trailed off, and Kyuhyun felt his body flash hot and cold.
“And what?” The way Zhou Mi’s fingers curled loosely around his hand was hardly comforting, but Kyuhyun couldn’t bring himself to shake them off.
“And… your psych evaluation file.” Zhou Mi let out a shaky breath, Kyuhyun shrugged his hand away, his nerves going numb. He sluggishly moved away from the other man. His mouth was moving, but Kyuhyun wasn’t quite sure what was coming out was his own voice.
“My psych eval file.”
He could see Zhou Mi wince out of the corner of his eyes, but it was his turn to look away now. Kyuhyun huffed out a harsh laugh. “What does it say? I have never read it.”
“Kyuhyun…”
“No, wait, I don’t really want to know. But was it an exciting read for you at least?”
“Kyuhyun, I’m really sorry…”
“Well, aren’t you going to give me the lecture about how it is so not fucking safe for any sane human being to work with someone like me?”
Zhou Mi opened his mouth, but no sound came out. Kyuhyun was too furious to care.
“If you’re on a job with me, you get a ninety-three percent of being crushed to death in a spectacular car crash in the dream, so how’s that? Were you that upset after that dream because you had confirmed my level of psychological damage? Anything else I need to know in that file?”
Zhou Mi looked away, and Kyuhyun was just a breath away from smashing his laptop to the floor.
“Oh wait, no, there is one thing I want to know from my file though.” Kyuhyun whirled back, turning to face Zhou Mi, his hand reaching out to grab Zhou Mi’s shirt collar. He felt his own expression go blank and calm, but his voice came out harsh and near hysterical in the rush of the words. “What did they say about my ‘car accident’?”
Zhou Mi looked confused for a moment, and then it clicked, and his expression turned into a sour mix of apprehension and regret. Kyuhyun inhaled sharply. Zhou Mi was tense under his grasp. Their position seemed to have been completely reversed in a matter of minutes. The anger and indignation were all his privileges now. Kyuhyun stared at Zhou Mi’s thin red lips, waiting for words to fall out of them. The one thing he had always wanted to know somewhere at the back of his head and never allowed himself to look. The ground felt like they were shaking loose under his feet, and it was almost ironic. Their breathing was loud and harsh in the sudden silence of the room, the tension thick and nauseating. Their faces were only a few centimetres apart, Kyuhyun’s hot breath puffing against Zhou Mi’s lips.
“Zhou Mi,” Kyuhyun carefully enunciated the words that fell from his lips, “what did my file say about the cause of that ‘car accident’?”
Zhou Mi’s mouth opened and then closed. He looked like he was gasping for breath, or just merely grasping for the right thing to say. Zhou Mi winced lightly in his grip, but he didn’t back away. “Kyuhyun, I’m really sorry…” Zhou Mi paused, taking in a small gulp of breath, “they listed the reason as ‘unknown’.”
Kyuhyun stared into Zhou Mi’s eyes for one long moment, and then unclenched his fist from the fabric of Zhou Mi’s shirt, dropping him back down to the couch. He slowly straightened up and took a step back. The air in his apartment felt cold and tepid. He should have known. He should have known, yet he still had his expectations held too high. He had always been content with not knowing, reassuring himself with the thought that the knowledge would always be there, the truth behind the murky past. He didn’t want to know what it was, but he wanted to believe it was there. Now though, suddenly faced with the staggering truth that there was no truth, no closure, nothing concrete for everything that happened… he didn’t quite know what to feel.
The door bell rang the moment Zhou Mi reached out for his hand again. The tip of his long fingers brushed against the heel of Kyuhyun’s palm.
Kyuhyun mechanically turned to the buzzer system, checking only to see that Donghae and Eunhyuk had already arrived. He buzzed them up, feeling sluggish and disconnected. There was a constant white noise buzzing in his ears.
When Donghae and Eunhyuk got up to Kyuhyun’s place, it took them less than ten seconds to recognize the tension in the room. Kyuhyun’s face was oddly blank (even more than normal if it was even possible, Donghae noted) while his movements were jerky and mechanical. Zhou Mi, on the other hand, was huddled over his laptop and all the paper files spread out on the small glass coffee table and leather couch on the other end of the living room, as if trying to make himself smaller, or even invisible. The set of his shoulders looked tense. They were both resolutely not looking at each other. Donghae and Eunhyuk turned to look at each other.
“Did we perhaps… come at a wrong time?”
Kyuhyun looked like he suddenly blinked awake, shaking his head vehemently. “No, no, of course not. We need to get on with this as soon as possible.”
Donghae and Eunhyuk hesitantly settled themselves down next to Zhou Mi on the couch, while Kyuhyun was moving towards the kitchen. Eunhyuk watched in fascination as Kyuhyun opened the fridge and proceeded to stare at it with great concentration. If Eunhyuk knew Kyuhyun at all, and they had known each other for quite a while, the fridge was always heartbreakingly empty.
“Do you want something to drink? Coca? Beer? Organic juice?” Kyuhyun asked from the kitchen, startling the three people in the living room. Donghae turned to stare at Kyuhyun as if he had just discovered that aliens were real.
“Are you offering?”
“Well, yeah. I don’t have anything here in the apartment though. I’ll go out to get some.” Kyuhyun closed the fridge and wandered over to the doorway without even looking back. Donghae and Eunhyuk turned to look at each other again, this time in mild confusion and worry.
“Kyuhyun, you know you don’t need to go to the grocery store just for that, right? We can just drink tap water or something.” Eunhyuk had always wished for a more sociable friend, but this was getting a bit bizarre. Cho Kyuhyun didn’t just go out of his way at night to pick up a few sugar-loaded drinks for his friends. Did he consider them his friends even?
However, before Eunhyuk could open his mouth to say something, Kyuhyun had already finished putting on his jacket, picking up his wallet, and walking towards the door.
“So tequila-flavoured beer, diet Coke, and pineapple juice?” Kyuhyun called out and Eunhyuk turned to look at Donghae and Zhou Mi, his expression dubious. They had been hanging out together enough for Kyuhyun to know his and Donghae’s favourite drinks of choice, but sometimes it was still a bit eerie. Zhou Mi was still resolutely not looking at the direction of the door way. Before they knew it, Kyuhyun was out of the door.
“So what happened? Did you have a lover’s quarrel?” Donghae asked, barely able to contain his inappropriate excitement. Zhou Mi blinked slowly as if he was coming out of a trance.
“What? Um. No.” Then he just glued his eyes back to the computer screen.
“I thought he was Kyuhyun’s older sister’s boyfriend?” Eunhyuk mumbled under his breath. Donghae just shrugged. The both of them sighed, dutifully turning back to their respective laptops.
-
Outside, the cold wind was harsh and unrelenting. Kyuhyun pulled his jacket tighter around his body. It was freezing, but his brain felt like it was thawing from the inside. In fact, his body just felt like it was getting hotter by the hour. His body felt slow and sluggish, but his mind was moving two hundred miles an hour. Thoughts just rushed by, scrambling all over each other to get out and make some little sense in the day.
He ended up at a bar not far away from his apartment since he was on foot. It wasn’t anything swanky and pretentiously sophisticated like Sapphire Blue, it was just a bar with music a little too loud, the crowd a little too obnoxious, and the drinks a little too strong. He wasn’t quite sure how long he just sat there at the bar, counting shot glasses and losing track after the fourth one. There was something about the pounding music that drowned out the white noise in his head, and something about the burning alcohol that slowly filled up the hole in his stomach. Some people approached him, but he never bothered with a look in their direction. The obnoxious ones left after a while, leaving him with the slowly accumulating pile of glasses. Then suddenly someone grabbed his arm and Kyuhyun lost his balance, tumbling backwards.
“Kyuhyun?”
His back hit someone’s body, strangely warm and sturdy in the raucous mess of the bar. He blinked as a familiar face appeared in his vision.
“Sungmin?”
Sungmin beamed at him, the kind of enthusiasm you would reserve for a close friend you hadn’t met in five years, but the smile instantly dimmed when the other man took in the state of his being.
“Wow, you’re kind of smashed.” Sungmin held on to his arms, steadying his position on the high chair. Kyuhyun thought he laughed, but he wasn’t really sure because he couldn’t feel the muscles on his face move.
“Wait, I’m not at Sapphire Blue, am I?” Kyuhyun looked around, blinking his aching eyes. “Nope. Why are you here, Sungmin? Don’t you have your own bar to take care of?”
“It’s past two, Sapphire Blue is closed already.” Sungmin’s smile was almost indulgent, and Kyuhyun said nothing as the other man leaned closer to slide his arm around Kyuhyun’s waist, supporting his weight. Kyuhyun leaned heavily against Sungmin, resting his head on the other man’s shoulder, nuzzling his cheek against Sungmin’s soft hair. He smelled like cigarette smoke and the dark fruity current of vintage French wine. Something felt a bit jarring, but Kyuhyun wasn’t sure what.
“Do you want me to take you home?” Sungmin’s hand reached up to curl around the back of his neck, his fingers brushing Kyuhyun’s hair lightly. The light touch sent a shudder down his spine. Kyuhyun dragged in a slow shaky breath.
“You just got here though.”
“It’s okay. You are obviously in no state to get home by yourself at the end of the night.” Sungmin’s hands slid down his back and he stepped away slightly. Kyuhyun slid down the tool he was sitting in and tumbled into Sungmin’s arms, his knees knocking against the other’s legs. Sungmin was warm and solid. At that point he really couldn’t care less where the other man wanted to take him, whether actually back to Kyuhyun’s apartment or to his own. Sungmin was normal and harmless. Sungmin didn’t care about who he was. Sungmin never saw his head splattered open with blood and grey matter on a steering wheel.
They tumbled out of the noisy club into the cold winter street. The bristling wind hit Kyuhyun in the face the moment he stepped out. The volume of the world had suddenly dropped to deafening silence out there on the street. With every tumbling step he took, the cold only served to drain the muddled inebriety from his brain. They had just barely reached the parking lot up the street when Kyuhyun heard a shout that sounded like his name, and the lilt in the word was more than familiar. Except he didn’t stop, but it was Sungmin who froze in his step.
“Kyuhyun!” The familiar high, accented voice got nearer, and Kyuhyun couldn’t bring himself to be surprised when he looked up and saw Zhou Mi’s towering form.
The other man looked flushed and out of breath in the cold wind, his breathing harsh and loud as if he had just run a marathon, and it really looked like he had just done so. Zhou Mi looked worried, and Kyuhyun was sure he just looked really drunk. Zhou Mi reached out to touch his cheek, and Kyuhyun instinctively jerked away, taking pleasure in the hurt look on the other man’s face.
“…Zhou Mi?”
Both Zhou Mi and Kyuhyun blinked, whirling their heads back to look at Sungmin. Sungmin seemed merely surprised and confused, while the myriads of emotion that crossed Zhou Mi’s face were a little harder to grasp. It seemed like only then did Zhou Mi take a long good look at the other man who was plastered against Kyuhyun.
“…Sungmin. Oh.”
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Part 5