(no subject)
I want more white clothing. Lately I've been irritated by colours that I wear because I don't relate with any of them any more. only white.
And the cars just don't stop. All day and all night there are cars, and I hear them and I see them and I look both ways for them. And they never stop. ever. Each day they take up more of my attention. Each day they get a little louder and a little faster and a little more obnoxious. Each day the people in the cars look a little more desperate. Each day I breathe in more exhaust, and each day the fumes get stronger. Somewhere fresh pavement is being layed down. Somewhere, I'm looking down on all this and seeing nothing but white light.
It's really beautiful tonight; it feels like the middle of August. I wish I was in love and with something. I really miss being fifteen. I really miss being six. I really miss feeling like I had any kind of a past. I don't identify with anyone that I suposedly used to be, I feel entirely disconnected from my past. I could be anyone right now. blank slate. I just need to need someone right now, but I don't.
Do you ever get so comfortable with yourself that it makes you uncomfortable? Do you ever wish that you had a hole somewhere in you that you needed someone to fix? I'm way too resolved right now, but I know better than to get self destructive. Just keep on going up, especially if it gets lonely. that's how you know it's working.
I feel like I don't remember you. Do you ever get like that? I'm having a weird night and I'd like to talk to you I think you could ground me a bit. I'm not seeing anything the way it really is. Or maybe I'm seeing it too much like it really is, don't know. I'm stuck in that "everything is connected and the same thing" mentality and I can't seem to get out of it, even though it's a pretty thought. I need you to talk to me and try to convince me that you are a seperate person, and that it's important to maintain a relationship with you instead of taking it for granted because everything is so connected that nothing matters...etc. I need you to wake me up, or I think I might just drift off into whatever this is for a few days, and I'll stop making sense and stop making efforts.
And the cars just don't stop. All day and all night there are cars, and I hear them and I see them and I look both ways for them. And they never stop. ever. Each day they take up more of my attention. Each day they get a little louder and a little faster and a little more obnoxious. Each day the people in the cars look a little more desperate. Each day I breathe in more exhaust, and each day the fumes get stronger. Somewhere fresh pavement is being layed down. Somewhere, I'm looking down on all this and seeing nothing but white light.
It's really beautiful tonight; it feels like the middle of August. I wish I was in love and with something. I really miss being fifteen. I really miss being six. I really miss feeling like I had any kind of a past. I don't identify with anyone that I suposedly used to be, I feel entirely disconnected from my past. I could be anyone right now. blank slate. I just need to need someone right now, but I don't.
Do you ever get so comfortable with yourself that it makes you uncomfortable? Do you ever wish that you had a hole somewhere in you that you needed someone to fix? I'm way too resolved right now, but I know better than to get self destructive. Just keep on going up, especially if it gets lonely. that's how you know it's working.
I feel like I don't remember you. Do you ever get like that? I'm having a weird night and I'd like to talk to you I think you could ground me a bit. I'm not seeing anything the way it really is. Or maybe I'm seeing it too much like it really is, don't know. I'm stuck in that "everything is connected and the same thing" mentality and I can't seem to get out of it, even though it's a pretty thought. I need you to talk to me and try to convince me that you are a seperate person, and that it's important to maintain a relationship with you instead of taking it for granted because everything is so connected that nothing matters...etc. I need you to wake me up, or I think I might just drift off into whatever this is for a few days, and I'll stop making sense and stop making efforts.