"Nothing changes, it just gets rearranged"
Things are not much better.. in any catigory of my life. I feel like my heart just aches from emotions.. i freaking miss my brother so much and every time i think about it makes me want cry. And the one key person in my life whos been there constantly for the past 2 years has just kinda pushed my feelings aside. I mean, i know hes manipulative with girls.. i've seen it, i've heard about it. i know he doesnt purposefully do it, but its happening to me now.. and its just a shock i guess.
Maybe this shouldn't bother me, but i am in one of my worst episodes the past week.. and i just want support and love from him (not that kind of love). He calls randomly and says he's sorry, but you can't do that.. and do the wrong again. He's just throwing it all away in my eyes.. he knows its hard for me to trust people.. he knows why i don't talk to laura anymore, or greg. I just think he thinks i'm always going to be there the way he wants when he wants.. but i'm sorry i can't do that, i'm a girl.. and i have feelings.
My weight has been bugging me because its just standing still on 127ish.. and no matter what i do it just wont lower.. oh well.. i mean this is a big deal for me in the first place so i should be happy and proud.
I start second semester tomorrow.. I hope this goes well.. i hope i go to class.. i hope i meet someone.. i hope i do well.. Hope is not a safe thing to depend on..