I want to live elsewhere... NOW
I went with sarah today to her first crack appointment.. she was so nervous.. i'd say more so last night at 2 am when she was going around in circles saying things. But, i was more than glad to help out.. well i don't help.. i think maybe i just comfort her.. which is good. I worry.. i think she has so much potential as a person. And i know alllll about her issues with crack doctors.. we've all felt them at one point or another. I'm just glad shes started realizing all this. And i will do my best to keep supporting her, i just hope it doesnt get down to the point where she won't let me.
This really is the first relationship i've had where the other persons issues are not bringing me down. Maybe because this is the second time around, or maybe it's because we've both grown a lot since then, or maybe i just love her way too much to let my emotions get too involved in certain ways.
My mom just knows what to do to make me feel like shit. She always has to bring up the past. She just can't get over it.. and thats NOT my problem. I don't care if shes my mother and "i dont understand because you don't have a child" You just can't keep reliving the past. It's bad enough that she already thinks i've done all this to "punish" her somehow.. God, it's been 3 years since she knew anyyything was going on.. since then it's been on me, and for obvious reasons. So i can get her to freakin butt out. I'm feeling ok right now.. OK and she knows just what to do to upset me so that i spend the afternoon sleeping in my bed avoiding her.
Anyways, this month will be 2 years with Tom. The 26th i believe.. so that'll be interesting.. I'd love to tell him he's making me feel like shit but i don't think i have it in my right now. Boys are just not good at being friends.. really.. they have freaking problems showing that they care.. or at least i feel like he does.