Edit Me... For the Good of the World!

[fullmotor]

There's a job I'm trying to get.  It's a desk job, it involves writing, it's many things that I'm looking for.

It's also the first time I've ever had to submit a writing sample.

So I wrote a little something, a review of the movie Brick.  And I want this thing to be good.  I know that there are many, many writers amongst my friends here, so I'm

Comments

[feanor1138]

Hey man, good luck!!

Also, this is fantastic. I just have a few comments:

-I don't know how much this matters in whatever context we're using here, but usually TV show and movie titles are italicized.

-I'd change the semicolon in the first sentence to a colon.

-I'd change the last sentence of the second paragraph like so: "A web that weaves together the coolest of the cool kids, a couple of violent thugs, and a bizarre drug dealer, revealing underneath it all a brutal murder."

-It's not entirely necessary, but I generally prefer more commas, and would change your sentence in the middle of the third paragraph like so: "In Brendan, you can see exactly where the road forked and led to both the early twentieth century private eye characters, like Philip Marlowe, and the rebellious geek that is Duckie from Sixteen Candles."

-The next sentence needs a bit of work to make more sense: "Gordon-Levitt's unwavering commitment to the reality of his character - his portrayal of Brendan as a kid with deep reserves of determination and uncanny perception - is what makes this movie work."

-The occasional sentence fragment can work, I think, but I'd tie these two in the fourth paragraph together into one sentence: "The alluring rich girl Laura, the wicked sex pot Kara, the street punk Dode, the brutal enforcer Tug - they all add intriguing angles for Brendan to stumble his way through."

-Again, I want more commas in the last paragraph: "What may leave the deepest impression, though, is Johnson's use of language."

But like I said, great review.