Late. Again. It's always 1 a.m.

[fullmoonmadness]

Every time I think about writing lately, I find some excuse not to--usually that I'm too tired and my writing always takes so damn long because I often insist on writing by hand. I like the feel of it so much better. I can't draw for shit, but a few of my five or six different schizo handwritings look really neat, and there's something innately satisfying about the faint scratching sound of a fountain pen, and feeling the ink bleed out on the paper. But I've been tired, so I always find something else to do--like sleep. But it frustrates me. Because I seem to forget things now when I don't write them down. Not too badly, but enough so that I have to actually think hard to remember what I did a weekend or two ago. I'd like to just attribute that to the fact that I often opt out of the optimal eight hours of shut-eye, and instead scrape by on three or five, and thus zombifie myself throughout the day (I find this dulls the pain of corporate America, and insodoing, slows what seems to be an inevitable internal death--here I digress) but I don't really know why I forget things. But I'll stop pondering that now lest the hypochriasis flares up again and I spend another afternoon or early morning playing "internet doctor" in an attempt to find out what all is wrong with me, and in the process do little more than scare the utter crap out of myself. It's good to have hobbies. I think it would be so macabre-funny to sit down and list all of the diseases I've convinced myself of having in the last year alone.

"You have every disease known to man."
"You mean I'm invincible?"
"Well, no, even the slightest breeze could--"
"Invincible!"

/obligatory Simpsons reference

Sigh.

But the point is I plan to start writing again. Frequently. I've gotten into the habit of reading leisurely again--funny what a light semester and graduation will do for you--and I recently finished Stephen King's Dark Tower series. Reading fiction is one of my greatest inspirations and motivations for writing, so I'm sitting here all primed and ready... I'm feeling good about this, and a lot of other things. The panic attacks and general anxiety seem to have ebbed for the time being. That makes it a bit easier to handle the number of things on my plate at the moment.

Anyway, enough of this for tonight. I'm tired. And this typing shit is so unsatisfying.