Pocky Abuse
As a Sue Reporter, I would like to think that we have a responsibility of expressing ourselves intelligently . Which is exactly what one of the newer Sue Reports is NOT.
Maybe you think I'm being unfair, him/her being new at this, yeah, I've made my share of mistakes, and will still keep making them, but seriously, a Sue-Reporter that doesn't use capitalization or grammar in commenting other people's journals?? How are you supposed to enforce grammar rules if you don't even follow them yourself? Her ratings are extremely unimaginative for the matter too, featuring little quotes like: "Bad: not good." No. Fucking. Duh.
Anyway, today's Sue has a little too much Flip Pride. Which is a good thing, but not in fanfiction. And especially not in a fandom that doesn't take place on Earth.
TITLE: Kuya Mali it (Small Brother?)
SINNER AUTHOR'S NAME: Glass Moon Roses
NUMBER OR SPORKS IT TAKES TO KILL THIS SUE:
FULL NAME(with titles): Ate Solane (According to the reviews, "Ate" is Tagalog for Sister)
SPECIES: Human/Alchemist
AGE: 13
ATTIRE: "The girl had something that covered her mouth and nose that was metal and was shaped like an open mouth with fangs. The girl’s attire was a camouflage cargo that fit snugly around her hips as the pockets were rather big. The upper half of the girl was covered was covered with white bandages and that was covered with a mesh top that covered her arms, hand and fingers. The girl seemed to stuff the ends of her cargo pants into her black combat boots. "
HAIR (with adjectives): "raven hair that was tied up in a high pony tail"
EYES (with adjectives): Not sure, it could be read as completely black, no eyes, or just plain black.
UNUSUAL MARKINGS: A tattoo that goes from her left cheek down to her left hand of vines with thorns and transmutation circles.
POSSESSIONS: Two Chimeras
ANNOYING ORIGIN: Risembool. She's an orphan, her parents died of cancer. She has a brother named Jacob, who she calls Kuya (I think it's Tagalog for "brother") that was taking care of her, but then he goes and dies of cancer.
So what does she do? Yes! She decides to bring him back and she ends us creating a homunculus! At this point, she's... seven or eight years old. Not sparkly AT ALL.
After that, she starts traveling.
ANNOYING CONNECTIONS TO CANON: As a child, she promises Trisha that she'll look over Ed and Al. She was once in love with Envy, who kept bothering her after she revived Jacob trying to get him on their side, but now she's moved on to Ed and Al. Only Ed doesn't like her, so she hangs out with Al.@__@
ANNOYING SPECIAL ABILITIES: Sparkly Alchemy Skillz.
OTHER ANNOYING TRAITS:She created chimeras using tigers and Saberteeth. The chimeras ended up having tentacles. Maybe it's like incest, being so closely genetically related, there were really, really, rare recessive genes that both had and were paired together and expressed.
I want to kill myself for even attempting to make sense of Fangirl!Logic.
NOTES:
Wooooooooooo... *s*p*a*r*k*l*y* alchemy powers!
What really got to be was the constant mention of the Philippine/Asian heritage. The author being Philippine, can you say "self-insert"?
Pocky is amazing.
But Pocky does not belong in FMA.
SAMPLE: “It’s okay, I’ll be back later.” Ate winked at the door imagining it begging her not to go(Cute. Now go meet some real people.). Ate smiled and walked toward the tall black metal fence and climbed over it. There Ate thought to explore the town that surrounded the Central building. Ate wondered the streets for 30 minutes getting a good exercise(I fear for your physical wellness if you get tired for wandering for thirty minutes.) and building an appetite. What Ate didn’t know that there was a pair of green eyes staring her down from the shadows.
Ate walked into a small little shop that seemed to have a nice snack lying around somewhere. Sure enough Ate found what she wanted, a medium sized box of Pocky. The girl looked over at the price seeing how it was on sale for 80 cents made the girl rather happy so Ate thought that she’d at least by two boxes and a bottle of water.
Ate took out 2 dollars and 10 cents and walked up to the counter. The cashier girl was fairly pretty. She had big green eyes and her hair was brown and she had a nice tan. Ate smiled at the girl as she smiled back at Ate taking the items from the girl gently.
“Will this be all?” The girl asked.
“Yes.” Ate said softly trying not to sound rude. One thing that Ate did learn from her brother that was to always be nice though the person you’re trying to be friendly to doesn’t seem nice. (I can see the author thinking "My advice sentence is too short.. let's add some totally inapplicable wise saying so I'll seem smarter!" Too bad it backfired.)
“The total will be two dollars and ten cents.” The cashier girl sad rather happily as Ate handed her the money she had out. The cashier took the money carefully and gave Ate the bag of treats and bid her a good day which Ate also replied. Ate walked out of the shop with a pocky stick in between her red lips.
Ate hummed a tune that came in her head while heading towards the park she and Alphonse were yesterday afternoon. Ate was rather happy with what she got but also upset that she would be chewed out for leaving the building and causing trouble. But it was boring in that place. It’s kind of hard not to see how anyone could die of boredom there but Ate shrugged the thought off while she walked towards a bench that was shaded under a big oak tree. Ate sat down and nibbled on her pocky stick while her eyes were close and the white plastic bag clutched in her left hand.
“Hey.” Ate opened her right eye and looked to the right to see one of the Sins smirking at her.
“Ugh, leave me alone Envy.” Ate growled at the Sin while scooting down the bench and getting a little nervous around him.
“Oh don’t be like that, Ate.” Envy smirked as he scooted beside Ate closely while his wild green hair rubbed against the girl’s right cheek(I'm not the only who finds the verb choice in that sentence irksome?>.
“What do you want, Envy dearest?” Ate said sarcastically while closing her right eye and nibbled more on her pocky. Ate could feel Envy’s left shoulder rubbing against her and she only groaned at him for being so annoying towards her.
“Is it so bad to have a small chat with a friend?” Envy asked while shrugging his shoulders while keeping his green mischievous eyes on the girl. Ate hated it when Envy tried to hide words over words and she knew when he referred ‘friend’ towards her it meant ‘lover’. Ate hated the Sin and wished he would give up on winning her over. Ever since the day after Ate created her Homunculi brother the Sin has been annoying her when ever he visited. Of course Envy said he visited the girl and her brother because Lust wanted Jacob on their team to stop the Full Metal. But still either way the Sins weren’t going to touch Jacob.
“Listen Envy,” Ate opened her eyes and looked over at Envy while she clutched the plastic shopping bag in her right hand while she stroked the side of Envy’s head with her left. Ate’s face was just inches away from Envy’s while getting him somewhat nervous and so he gulped.
“As much as I’d like to be your little girlfriend I can’t. Reason one, because you are a Homunculus and I am a human. I once loved you but that’s over with.” Ate said and stood up and walked away from Envy.(This girl does not sound 13. It sounds more like she's a thousand year old spirit, wandering around the earth, eating pocky.)
Envy frowned as he watched Ate walk away from him. Envy sat back and threw his arms over his head as he crossed his legs and smirked.
“Did you actually think she’d say she loved you?” Envy heard Lust’s voice over his shoulder and he shrugged slightly.
“Was worth a try.” Envy whispered while his lips curled into a small smile.
Maybe you think I'm being unfair, him/her being new at this, yeah, I've made my share of mistakes, and will still keep making them, but seriously, a Sue-Reporter that doesn't use capitalization or grammar in commenting other people's journals?? How are you supposed to enforce grammar rules if you don't even follow them yourself? Her ratings are extremely unimaginative for the matter too, featuring little quotes like: "Bad: not good." No. Fucking. Duh.
Anyway, today's Sue has a little too much Flip Pride. Which is a good thing, but not in fanfiction. And especially not in a fandom that doesn't take place on Earth.
TITLE: Kuya Mali it (Small Brother?)
SINNER AUTHOR'S NAME: Glass Moon Roses
NUMBER OR SPORKS IT TAKES TO KILL THIS SUE:
FULL NAME(with titles): Ate Solane (According to the reviews, "Ate" is Tagalog for Sister)
SPECIES: Human/Alchemist
AGE: 13
ATTIRE: "The girl had something that covered her mouth and nose that was metal and was shaped like an open mouth with fangs. The girl’s attire was a camouflage cargo that fit snugly around her hips as the pockets were rather big. The upper half of the girl was covered was covered with white bandages and that was covered with a mesh top that covered her arms, hand and fingers. The girl seemed to stuff the ends of her cargo pants into her black combat boots. "
HAIR (with adjectives): "raven hair that was tied up in a high pony tail"
EYES (with adjectives): Not sure, it could be read as completely black, no eyes, or just plain black.
UNUSUAL MARKINGS: A tattoo that goes from her left cheek down to her left hand of vines with thorns and transmutation circles.
POSSESSIONS: Two Chimeras
ANNOYING ORIGIN: Risembool. She's an orphan, her parents died of cancer. She has a brother named Jacob, who she calls Kuya (I think it's Tagalog for "brother") that was taking care of her, but then he goes and dies of cancer.
So what does she do? Yes! She decides to bring him back and she ends us creating a homunculus! At this point, she's... seven or eight years old. Not sparkly AT ALL.
After that, she starts traveling.
ANNOYING CONNECTIONS TO CANON: As a child, she promises Trisha that she'll look over Ed and Al. She was once in love with Envy, who kept bothering her after she revived Jacob trying to get him on their side, but now she's moved on to Ed and Al. Only Ed doesn't like her, so she hangs out with Al.@__@
ANNOYING SPECIAL ABILITIES: Sparkly Alchemy Skillz.
OTHER ANNOYING TRAITS:She created chimeras using tigers and Saberteeth. The chimeras ended up having tentacles. Maybe it's like incest, being so closely genetically related, there were really, really, rare recessive genes that both had and were paired together and expressed.
I want to kill myself for even attempting to make sense of Fangirl!Logic.
NOTES:
Wooooooooooo... *s*p*a*r*k*l*y* alchemy powers!
What really got to be was the constant mention of the Philippine/Asian heritage. The author being Philippine, can you say "self-insert"?
Pocky is amazing.
But Pocky does not belong in FMA.
SAMPLE: “It’s okay, I’ll be back later.” Ate winked at the door imagining it begging her not to go(Cute. Now go meet some real people.). Ate smiled and walked toward the tall black metal fence and climbed over it. There Ate thought to explore the town that surrounded the Central building. Ate wondered the streets for 30 minutes getting a good exercise(I fear for your physical wellness if you get tired for wandering for thirty minutes.) and building an appetite. What Ate didn’t know that there was a pair of green eyes staring her down from the shadows.
Ate walked into a small little shop that seemed to have a nice snack lying around somewhere. Sure enough Ate found what she wanted, a medium sized box of Pocky. The girl looked over at the price seeing how it was on sale for 80 cents made the girl rather happy so Ate thought that she’d at least by two boxes and a bottle of water.
Ate took out 2 dollars and 10 cents and walked up to the counter. The cashier girl was fairly pretty. She had big green eyes and her hair was brown and she had a nice tan. Ate smiled at the girl as she smiled back at Ate taking the items from the girl gently.
“Will this be all?” The girl asked.
“Yes.” Ate said softly trying not to sound rude. One thing that Ate did learn from her brother that was to always be nice though the person you’re trying to be friendly to doesn’t seem nice. (I can see the author thinking "My advice sentence is too short.. let's add some totally inapplicable wise saying so I'll seem smarter!" Too bad it backfired.)
“The total will be two dollars and ten cents.” The cashier girl sad rather happily as Ate handed her the money she had out. The cashier took the money carefully and gave Ate the bag of treats and bid her a good day which Ate also replied. Ate walked out of the shop with a pocky stick in between her red lips.
Ate hummed a tune that came in her head while heading towards the park she and Alphonse were yesterday afternoon. Ate was rather happy with what she got but also upset that she would be chewed out for leaving the building and causing trouble. But it was boring in that place. It’s kind of hard not to see how anyone could die of boredom there but Ate shrugged the thought off while she walked towards a bench that was shaded under a big oak tree. Ate sat down and nibbled on her pocky stick while her eyes were close and the white plastic bag clutched in her left hand.
“Hey.” Ate opened her right eye and looked to the right to see one of the Sins smirking at her.
“Ugh, leave me alone Envy.” Ate growled at the Sin while scooting down the bench and getting a little nervous around him.
“Oh don’t be like that, Ate.” Envy smirked as he scooted beside Ate closely while his wild green hair rubbed against the girl’s right cheek(I'm not the only who finds the verb choice in that sentence irksome?>.
“What do you want, Envy dearest?” Ate said sarcastically while closing her right eye and nibbled more on her pocky. Ate could feel Envy’s left shoulder rubbing against her and she only groaned at him for being so annoying towards her.
“Is it so bad to have a small chat with a friend?” Envy asked while shrugging his shoulders while keeping his green mischievous eyes on the girl. Ate hated it when Envy tried to hide words over words and she knew when he referred ‘friend’ towards her it meant ‘lover’. Ate hated the Sin and wished he would give up on winning her over. Ever since the day after Ate created her Homunculi brother the Sin has been annoying her when ever he visited. Of course Envy said he visited the girl and her brother because Lust wanted Jacob on their team to stop the Full Metal. But still either way the Sins weren’t going to touch Jacob.
“Listen Envy,” Ate opened her eyes and looked over at Envy while she clutched the plastic shopping bag in her right hand while she stroked the side of Envy’s head with her left. Ate’s face was just inches away from Envy’s while getting him somewhat nervous and so he gulped.
“As much as I’d like to be your little girlfriend I can’t. Reason one, because you are a Homunculus and I am a human. I once loved you but that’s over with.” Ate said and stood up and walked away from Envy.(This girl does not sound 13. It sounds more like she's a thousand year old spirit, wandering around the earth, eating pocky.)
Envy frowned as he watched Ate walk away from him. Envy sat back and threw his arms over his head as he crossed his legs and smirked.
“Did you actually think she’d say she loved you?” Envy heard Lust’s voice over his shoulder and he shrugged slightly.
“Was worth a try.” Envy whispered while his lips curled into a small smile.