back from hibernation.....at least for today anyway...
so today she came up to me and asked, "so are you going to march with us down to the park?"
i replied, "nah, i have some things to do."
she said, "oh come on...it's International Women's Day!"
i looked at her uneasily and said, "no, i don't think so. i'm not much in a marching mood."
she half-smiled giving in and said, "oh okayyyy," and walked off.
it kind of made me feel uncomfortable. afterall, she knows i'm trans, but really when she was talking to me it was kind of like she was ignoring that HUGE fact. not that i couldn't march still, being trans and all. ANYONE and EVERYONE can and should really, BUT the way she asked me and then said so proudly, "oh come on...it's International Women's Day!" seemed like she thought i should be proud as well....to be a woman. hmm.
i'm sure this post is already angering alot of you, but just hear me out okay?
after she walked away, my friend came up to me and pointed out that there were a couple other guys marching with them. i looked over at them...bio boys...facial hair...flat chests....no question as to whether or not people would think they were guys or girls...
and i told her, "well, it's different for me, see...when THEY march...the people around them and the people that see the march are going to see them as men...men supporting women. when I march, people see me as a butch dyke fighting for my rights as woman and being proud of my womanhood. that just makes me feel a little uncomfortable. so, i don't really want to march."
she replied with a sigh, nodded, and said, "yeah that makes sense, i understand," and ran off to join the group.
i felt like i had dissapointed them. they looked at me as if i was denying my identity as a woman....or like i was betraying women in general. it was probably all in my head i know, but it got me thinking about stuff ya know?
am i being ridiculous? i really don't think so. i'm not ashamed by any means of the fact that i have experienced life as a woman in a woman's body. i mean, i know that having the experiences i've had has helped me become who i am today. but, right now in my life, i'm just really frusterated. this summer i'm going to work hard to make enough money so that i can start going to a therapist and getting on track to starting testosterone. I need to...i'm just getting really anxious about it. i want to just start it NOW, but i know that if i take my time i'll appreciate it more when it does happen and i'll be better able to deal with the changes and prepare myself mentally for it.
i dunno.
i just needed to vent that.
whether or not you agree with what i just stated, please do not write "hate" comments. for one, i will just not respond to them and will delete them promptly, and for two...my feelings are valid just as yours are, and i am entitled to my opinions.
--shey
i replied, "nah, i have some things to do."
she said, "oh come on...it's International Women's Day!"
i looked at her uneasily and said, "no, i don't think so. i'm not much in a marching mood."
she half-smiled giving in and said, "oh okayyyy," and walked off.
it kind of made me feel uncomfortable. afterall, she knows i'm trans, but really when she was talking to me it was kind of like she was ignoring that HUGE fact. not that i couldn't march still, being trans and all. ANYONE and EVERYONE can and should really, BUT the way she asked me and then said so proudly, "oh come on...it's International Women's Day!" seemed like she thought i should be proud as well....to be a woman. hmm.
i'm sure this post is already angering alot of you, but just hear me out okay?
after she walked away, my friend came up to me and pointed out that there were a couple other guys marching with them. i looked over at them...bio boys...facial hair...flat chests....no question as to whether or not people would think they were guys or girls...
and i told her, "well, it's different for me, see...when THEY march...the people around them and the people that see the march are going to see them as men...men supporting women. when I march, people see me as a butch dyke fighting for my rights as woman and being proud of my womanhood. that just makes me feel a little uncomfortable. so, i don't really want to march."
she replied with a sigh, nodded, and said, "yeah that makes sense, i understand," and ran off to join the group.
i felt like i had dissapointed them. they looked at me as if i was denying my identity as a woman....or like i was betraying women in general. it was probably all in my head i know, but it got me thinking about stuff ya know?
am i being ridiculous? i really don't think so. i'm not ashamed by any means of the fact that i have experienced life as a woman in a woman's body. i mean, i know that having the experiences i've had has helped me become who i am today. but, right now in my life, i'm just really frusterated. this summer i'm going to work hard to make enough money so that i can start going to a therapist and getting on track to starting testosterone. I need to...i'm just getting really anxious about it. i want to just start it NOW, but i know that if i take my time i'll appreciate it more when it does happen and i'll be better able to deal with the changes and prepare myself mentally for it.
i dunno.
i just needed to vent that.
whether or not you agree with what i just stated, please do not write "hate" comments. for one, i will just not respond to them and will delete them promptly, and for two...my feelings are valid just as yours are, and i am entitled to my opinions.
--shey