[Sporking] The Plus One of RWBY: Weakness - Bonus
[Kirby]: Oh god help us.
[Fufu]: So, we’re back to this trainwreck.
[Talon]: Someone, shoot me now. I didn’t want to be back for this bullshit!
[Fufu]: Well tough titties! We didn’t ask for this either!
[Kirby]: Nobody asked for this.
[Fufu]: And what is this? This is that one noodle incident that we bitched on in chapter 8, when the team reunites with their friends once again and Weiss finally learns her place in this fic. This ladies and gentlepeople...is the hug.
[Kirby]: FUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[Kirby]: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH@1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[Kirby]:
[Fufu]: Couldn’t have put it better myself. Let’s just jump right on in then, and get this over with as quick as we can.
[Kirby]: Yes, please.
~*~*~
I have a little… something for you all. Those of you who had read the original TPOR in particular will like it.
[Fufu]: Somehow I doubt that. You’re not really taking into account the people that maybe weren’t too pleased with the original fic.
I was going to put it in EXTRAS, but I decided to put it here.
[Talon]: Lucky us.
It takes place sometime before the argument and Blake and AJ running away and all that. I won't say specifically when since it doesn't matter, but there were a few time skips in the fic, so it took place during one of those.
[Fufu]: Okay so this is one of the biggest problems with this little bonus. Not so much him dismissing the many time skips the show offers on a silver platter for him to actually make use of to develop his OC and his relations with the girls, not that part. But when this bonus is set; chronologically, this is set before the big argument of chapter 7. Chapter placement wise, in his new arrangement bullshit of his story, he’s placed it after the argument. No matter which way you slice it, this chapter is completely ruined by that argument, which he doesn’t even alter in the rearrangement. This chapter - which, I’m not gonna lie, and my co-sporkers will agree with me - is actually kind of well written. And, would you fucking believe, it shows Weiss in a sympathetic light! But then you get the argument, which goes right back to showing her as this awful Faunus hating bitch. It just...it doesn’t work.
[Kirby]: This chapter is basically a tumor. Granted, a tumor that looks nicer than the bigger tumor it’s attached to, but a tumor nonetheless.
Enjoy.
The Plus One of RWBY: When you show weakness
[Kirby]: In which our author has still not learned how to format his titles.
Weiss knew how people reacted when you were weak.
[Kirby]: Oh hey, Weiss POV. That’s new.
She learned that the hard way, when she got her scar.
She thought her father, of all people, would comfort her, but he scolded her for her weakness.
[Talon]: I’m amazed the Stuthor actually acknowledges that her father is implied to be abusive towards her. I was almost expecting him to write Weiss realising that she deserves any harsh treatment and that her poor father must be so put out by having such a bitch for a daughter.
Yeah, she learned that the hard way…
…Everyone treats you differently when you show weakness.
So she chose to never show weakness, to always seem strong.
[Kirby]: Okay author, you’ve actually got me interested here. Kudos.
What she viewed as strength, AJ saw as just being rude.
[Kirby]: Kudos retracted. And fuck you.
[Fufu]: Okay, so this actually started really well. We cannot deny that this little opening section is actually kind of well done. And in fact, even if it’s still a little harsh, it’s kind of in-character for Weiss. But then when AJ get involved, even if it’s still only in the narrative, it goes downhill again.
[Talon]: This shift here has me wondering, are we still in Weiss’ POV? And if yes, why the fuck should she care what Boy thinks? If no, while the change isn’t too bad (at most, I’m thrown off because this change of POV isn’t consistent with the rest of the fic) why did Boy immediately need to take a shot at Weiss? It could have easily been phrased as “But what she viewed as strength, AJ could not see eye to eye to her about” or something to that effect. It tells the readers that they don’t agree on this matter without anyone looking as if they’re in the right, and it’d actually be appropriate for this section as we’re about to see (supposedly) Boy for once understanding something Weiss is feeling.
It was just another day at lunch, with teams RWBY and JNPR sitting together at their tables.
AJ recognized that Weiss was one of his teammates, and he was just going to have to deal with the fact that she was rude and bratty at times.
[Kirby]: Hypocrite.
Today though, she was even more rude. By more rude, I mean that
[Talon]: (ProAJ): “I’ve suddenly forgotten I was writing in third person limited, not first person!”
she actually interrupted conversations she had no part of far more often just to say rude and disrespectful things.
[Kirby]: HypocriteX2
One of those times just happened to be when AJ and Ruby were joking and laughing.
"Honestly! Could you two be any more annoying!? You both have such stupid sounding laughs, and your jokes aren't even funny!" Weiss suddenly yelled at them.
[Kirby]: This mostly bothers me because, once again, author doesn’t take advantage of Weiss’ creative name calling habit. These are such stock accusations that I can’t imagine her ever saying them.
Now if that was the first outburst of that day, they would have been shocked, but outbursts like that had been happening all day.
Ruby's mood was ruined for a little bit, but remembering that Weiss seemed to just be in a mood today, she got over it and assumed no hard feelings.
[Fufu]: Okay, given when this is set, I’d like to think that Ruby would try and talk to her teammate, since by this point in the show, Ruby and Weiss were working on their friendship. And even within this bonus, even if you say that there have been multiple outbursts from Weiss all day, Ruby would’ve done something at the first outburst. Like, I don’t know, checked if her friend was okay?
She did really want to ask Weiss if she was ok and help her out, but she made it clear that she did not want any help.
[Kirby]: Why wouldn’t Ruby say anything? Remember “The Badge and The Burden” when Weiss walked off in a huff, and Ruby was right friggin behind her to ask what was wrong? Or when Jaune was feeling down in “Jaunedice”, and she talked to him? Or how worried she was about Blake’s obsession? Ruby doesn’t just let these things go without at least a talk.
They had already asked her if she was ok, but she refused to answer/ insisted that she was fine.
[Kirby]: Wild slash appeared?
[Talon]: Is this an indication of slash between Weiss and Ruby? =D What? I can hope for something better from this fic.
[Kirby]: No! *stomps on slash* Nuts and Dolts 4ever!
AJ however, wasn't as able to get over it. Few things ruined his mood more than being pulled out of a really good mood by interruptions, people being rude, etc.
[Kirby]: Why would he be in a good mood at all then, since apparently Weiss has been in a mood all day?
[Talon]: He was probably revelling in her misery. After all, Boy seeks enjoyment in the suffering of others, especially when that other person is Weiss.
He sent Weiss a very displeased glare and frown, but she scoffed, like she was above him and didn't have to worry about his anger.
[Kirby]: Were this canon, she would be right.
Somehow he was able to calm himself down, but he found no way to be in a good mood again. He couldn't be happy now without having to worry about Ice Queen ruining things.
Though as lunch went on, other members finally got tired of Weiss's behavior.
[Kirby]: Care to elaborate? No? Okay then.
[Fufu]: It’s very much like Meyer’s style isn’t it? Just sum-up something quickly as long as it helps move onto the next scene.
[Kirby]: Tip: Summarizing dull scenes to get to the parts you want to write is fine in a first draft, but you have to go back later and expand them before you publish.
"What is up with you, Weiss?" Yang asked, annoyed. "You've had a serious attitude all day."
[Kirby]: (Weiss): “What are you talking about? I’m always serious.”
[Fufu]: First off, you really should have italicised “serious” so we could get the inflection in Yang’s voice. Secondly, what attitude? We didn’t see it cause you skipped over it.
[Talon]: Thirdly, if this has been going on all day, why are you only bringing this up now? Wouldn’t someone have bothered to say something to Weiss a hell of a lot earlier?
"I have not!"
"You've been yelling so much I haven't been able to read for more than five minutes." Blake spoke up, unable to hide the annoyance in her voice.
[Talon]: Again, someone should have said something earlier! If Weiss is yelling that much there is no way everyone would tolerate it for as long as they had.
"That should be plenty of time!" Weiss argued.
[Kirby]: I… what? Is Blake reading post-it notes? I’m befuddled.
"You yelled at Nora so much about how many pancakes she ate you actually made her feel bad about it." Pyrrha pointed out, looking disappointed with Weiss.
[Kirby]: This sentence is just so odd to me, for so many reasons. I don’t even.
[Talon]: Is it because this is a mouthful to say? It really could use a comma somewhere or be reworded to break it up more. Also, there’s a grammar mistake right in the first word there: it should have been a “you’ve”, especially coming from someone like Pyrrha.
[Kirby]: Well, there’s that. But since when does Pyrrha look disappointed in people? Even when she doesn’t like someone (Cardin, for example), she never goes farther than passive-aggression. Pyrrha is an incredibly nice person, to the point where even this amount of negativity feels out-of-character.
"It's okay Pyrrha! I'm over it!" Nora said happily.
She then went to stab her next pancake with her fork, but she stopped herself, looking sad.
[Talon]: I call bull. Nora would not get upset about being yelled at for eating too many pancakes. If anything, she would respond with something innocently humorous then continue eating pancakes because it would be a shame to let them go to waste.
Ren glared at Weiss when he saw this.
"But she does eat too much!" Weiss pointed out.
[Fufu]: Okay, now this makes no sense. Volume 1!Weiss was a little mean, we cannot deny that. She had her issues, but the main thing about her character is that she mellowed out by Volume 2. But even with Volume 1!Weiss’ characterisation, she wouldn’t take offense to someone eating too much. She would maybe take offense if they were being a slob about how they were eating, but not how much.
"That's just who she is. You can't force her to change like this." Ren argued. "Go ahead, Nora. You can eat." He said softly to the girl.
[Fufu]: This is so weird, on a couple of points; first off, Ren doesn’t say much. That’s too much speaking for him, given that he is a man of few words. Second, given the friendship he and Nora have, he could easily make a small joke like, “Yeah, you do sort of eat too much.” and Nora would just smile and go along with it, making her own quip. Thirdly, why is he speaking softly to her? Why is he trying to reassure her? Which leads nicely into point four; why is she even upset over this? What Weiss is saying isn’t even that bad of a thing. If anything, Nora would, again, go along with it and take pride in how much she’s eating.
"And you insulted Jaune repeatedly." Pyrrha added.
"I do that all the time." Weiss pointed out uncaringly.
"She does that all the time." Jaune pointed out casually, the only one here seemingly unaffected by Weiss's behavior.
[Kirby]: Uh, no. Jaune cares very much about Weiss’ opinion. He has a super big crush on her right now, and would take insults from her to heart. And Weiss doesn’t so much “insult” Jaune as she does “disregard” him.
"She's doing it even more than usual though!" Pyrrha argued to Jaune before turning back to Weiss. "Why are you being so rude today!?"
"Seriously Ice Queen, what is your problem?" Yang demanded.
[Talon]: Stop trying to make that nickname of yours relevant to other characters! No one else calls her that, least of all Yang!
[Kirby]: Well, not as an insult anyway. They use it more like an in-joke between friends. Like how some people call each other “asshole” affectionately.
"Why are you being so mean today, Weiss?" Ruby asked.
[Kirby]: Asked how? Was she concerned? Angry? Joking? Come on author you gotta give us more than that.
Weiss abruptly stood up and fast-walked out of the cafeteria.
Yang let out an annoyed "tch" sound upon seeing this. "About time."
"Agreed." Pyrrha said.
[Talon]: What was in those pancakes?
[Kirby]: Bitchiness. And chocolate chips.
[Fufu]: In all seriousness, look at that section again, folks. Everyone has some sliver of bitchiness to them in this scene. Hell, the ironic part is that the only character who was even close to their canon self was Weiss. The author has had to make everyone else meaner in order to make AJ seem nicer. That’s how far he’s reaching now to make AJ likable, though to be fair, he probably doesn’t even realise that he’s done this.
[Talon]: Especially so when it came to writing Yang’s and Pyrrha’s reactions here. They’re the two most supportive members in their groups, but here they’re the most vitriolic towards Weiss when they shouldn’t be. In fact, if they were written in any way half in character, Yang would have immediately grabbed Weiss, taken her somewhere where they can talk alone, and find out what the fuck is wrong. However, she had to be written as a bitch in order for AJ to instead serve that role.
"Maybe we shouldn't have-" Ruby was cut off by AJ abruptly standing up from the table.
They all looked at him and, maybe he just forgot to remove the glare
[Kirby]: Don’t worry, you can fix that in Photoshop.
he had sent towards Weiss not long ago, but he seemed to be glaring at them. He then proceeded to walk out the same way Weiss had gone.
[Talon]: There’s a problem with how Boy’s glaring at everyone here. I’ll get into a bit later when that point comes up.
"Done that…" Ruby finished.
[Kirby]: That took too long and, ergo, isn’t funny. Timing, author!
"Why was he angry at us?" Yang asked, confused. "Isn't he the one that probably hates Weiss more than any of us?"
[Fufu]: Nope, no-one in the show hated Weiss. They didn’t like her attitude, but nobody hated her. At like the biggest possible stretch, you could maybe-ish possibly say Blake, but even at that, it’s more bitterness toward Weiss’ family’s company, which unfortunately reflects onto Weiss.
"He looked… disappointed?" Pyrrha noted, confused.
[Talon]: Pyrrha, what have you been smoking? Honestly, Stuthor you can’t have the narrative describe Boy as glaring at everyone then have someone else point out he’s feeling a different emotion. At least describe it in a way where the readers could logically deduce that Boy wasn’t just angry.
[Talon]: And yes, I do understand on rare occasions you can glare in disappointment, but that leads to my point from earlier where something was wrong with how it was done here. He is glaring at everyone in disappointment because of how they treated Weiss. How condescending is that? I expect a glare of disappointment coming from a teacher who is trying to teach a lesson and no one is paying attention. And this is how it’s being presented here too - Boy is behaving like the authority figure with everyone else opposing his authority on the group.
AJ quickly caught up with Weiss, but followed far enough behind her so she would notice him as she stomped through the halls, glaring at everyone that passed by and scaring them away.
[Kirby]: ...What?
[Talon]: I think this is a mistake on the Stuthor’s part. I believe he meant to say “so she *wouldn’t notice him”, otherwise it would not make sense why he was following so far away if he wanted to be noticed. Also, as we’ll see later on, Weiss was going off for some alone time so she wouldn’t let Boy follow her.
[Kirby]: Actually, my confusion was from wondering why AJ was glaring at random people in the hallway. It occurs to me that author meant that it was Weiss who was glaring, not AJ, but the confusing sentence structure threw me off.
[Talon]: Wait, that wasn’t Boy glaring at everyone? Considering what an overbearing prick he is, I thought it was incredibly in-character for him to be glaring down at everyone he passed for not knowing their place and bowing down before him.
After following her for awhile she suddenly turned and walked into an empty classroom and shut the door.
Neko went back into AJ's mind so he could use his Faunus senses to listen through the door.
[Kirby]: I sort of assumed AJ was already in Faunus Mode, but okay...
[Fufu]: Yeah, I sort of assume AJ is in his Faunus form unless otherwise stated, given how much he wants to use the whole Faunus thing to preach on top of his soapbox. Honestly, Neko’s mention here is really out of left field, and you’re left wondering, “Wait, when did he get here?”
He didn't hear crying, or yelling… he didn't hear anything really. Fearing the worst
[Kirby]: Uh… Not to be insensitive, but were you expecting her to have killed herself? Cause that’s the vibe I’m getting.
he opened the door and quickly walked in, only to find her standing in the middle of the room, her back towards him.
Hearing the door open and close, Weiss turned towards him. "What do you want!?" She asked angrily. She came here to be alone and he was disturbing the silence.
[Kirby]: The POV shifted for a second there.
[Talon]: I understand that the text does describe the room being quiet, but the use of “disturbing the silence” still sounds off. And this is because the description of this moment is so brief that it never fully sinks in how quiet the scene is. On top of that, the sound that is causing the disturbance was the door opening and closing, which has no description on what sound is being made so it creates no impact. Is that door creaking? Did Boy slam it on the way in? How loud is this door? If it only makes a slight “click” of the latch slipping into the doorframe, how is that enough to be considered a disturbance?
He walked down the steps towards her, holding his right arm out so Neko could come out, and jump over to a nearby chair so he was out of the way and could watch.
[Kirby]: I don’t like where this is going.
Weiss stared him right in the eyes, but she wasn't looking at his bright green-gold eyes, she was looking at dull green eyes that were at that moment far more grey than green.
[Fufu]: That just sounds confusing. This sentence doesn’t really make sense.
Despite her anger towards him, she saw in his eyes that he was sad, and he felt sad for her.
[Kirby]: Because Weiss can read minds, apparently.
She couldn't help but notice what seemed to be understanding in his eyes. 'How could he possibly understand me?'
[Kirby]: He doesn’t dearie. He’s just looking for sympathy points. Also we seem to have switched completely into Weiss’ POV.
"Well!? What do you wa-"
She was cut off when he wrapped his arms around her and hugged her tightly.
[Kirby]: BAD TOUCH! BAD TOUCH! BAD TOUCH!
"Hey! Let go of me!" She yelled as she tried to struggle.
[Fufu]: And that should really be his cue to let her go. The cooldown hug can work and yes, there would obviously be struggling on one half’s part, but in this particular scenario, given the characters and how they feel toward each other, this doesn’t feel like much of a cooldown hug, and instead feels kinda creepy with how insistent AJ is.
[Talon]: Despite that the Stuthor thinks when this is happening doesn’t matter, I’m gonna bring in some context for this situation. This is happening sometime after when Boy went on a psychopathic rage to kill Weiss for wanting to be perfect. Something that Boy actively told Weiss about, so she knows he wanted to kill her at a point.
[Talon]: And here we are now: Boy, who is completely overpowered and far stronger than Weiss, is alone in a room with her, and holding her against her will. If Boy wanted to kill her now, he easily could and he has the opportunity to cover his tracks and make it seem like a suicide. Worst off, this would be completely in character for Boy given what we’ve seen of his feelings towards Weiss thus far.
"Shut up. You need this." He said simply and continued to hold her.
[Kirby]: NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE! YOU STOP THAT RIGHT NOW! LET HER GO THIS INSTANT!
She struggled at first, but when she realized he wasn't going to let go, she stopped struggling. "Why are you doing this?" She asked, confused, but refused to look up at him.
[Kirby]: BECAUSE HE’S A SEX OFFENDER!
[Fufu]: Okay, that’s maybe a bit much even for this shitstain, even with some questionable moments that happen with Blake while she’s drunk. Calm down Kirby, let’s stay on topic. Only call him out on shit he’s actually done, even if he is being a creeper here.
[Kirby]: *hisses*
"Because I feel bad." He answered. "You were clearly just having a really bad day. You really should try not to take it out on others, but still, I don't want you to feel this way."
[Kirby]: So… You just want to clear your conscious? I know this might sound like I’m reaching a bit, but the way he phrased it sounds like he’s trying to make her feel bad for making him feel bad. I mean, look at that “You really should try not to take it out on others” jab right in the middle of this “apology”. He just doesn’t sound sincere. At all.
"Why though? I thought you hated me." Weiss pointed out.
"You're annoying as hell."
[Kirby]: Weiss is rubber and you are glue.
AJ answered honestly. "But you're still human, and I couldn't just leave you after being ganged up on by your friends like that. No one should ever feel betrayed like that. No one should be hated by everyone… I wanted to make sure you knew that not everyone hated you, and that I know this isn't really your fault."
[Talon]: *laughs* Oh, that’s rich! This coming from the bastard who has no problem throwing the fact that the White Fang killed members of her family in front of her right into her face.
It was at this moment she realized that she was feeling comfortable in his arms, and was resting her head on his chest, which she stopped doing. However, she still couldn't bring herself to struggle again. It actually felt nice to be hugged. It had been a very long time since she got a hug she actually wanted.
[Kirby]: The author really doesn’t think before he writes does he?
[Talon]: I repeat: if he did that, then he wouldn’t have created this piece of shit in the first place.
[Fufu]: If he did, he would maybe think about why he’s receiving the “negativity” he’s getting rather than just instantly jump and rant in his author’s notes about how everyone is so mean, and how the entire fanbase just hates OCs. Nevermind that this series is rife with potential for OCs and of course people are gonna jump at that.
Ruby had hugged her, but she always found it annoying and embarrassing.
[Kirby]: This is what he meant when he was referring to unwanted hugs. He only meant Ruby, nobody else. What he doesn’t get is the implications of it being a long time since she’s had a friendly hug. Author really needs to stop forgetting about Weiss’ father.
[Talon]: Especially in the very same chapter where he mentions Weiss was never comforted by her own father.
"I… have been having a very stressful day." Weiss reluctantly admitted.
[Kirby]: Really? What happened? *scrolls down* Aaaaaaaaaaand, nothing. We never find out what happened. Because obviously it didn’t matter why she was sad, as long as author gets to wank about how great and sympathetic his character is.
[Talon]: Even when Boy is trying to be sympathetic to Weiss, it’s still Weiss. Who really gives a crap about her?
[Kirby]:
"And having everyone yell at you isn't really helping, is it?" AJ asked sarcastically.
[Kirby]: You little prick. You can’t be sincere about anything can you!? Not for one damn second! DO YOU KNOW WHAT THE WORD “SARCASM” MEANS AUTHOR!? CAUSE I DON’T THINK YOU DO! IT IMPLIES MOCKERY, AND THAT YOU MEAN THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT YOU SAY! YOU’RE SAYING THAT SHE DESERVES TO HAVE EVERYONE YELL AT HER, AND YOU’RE MAKING FUN OF HER FOR IT!!!!!!!!
[Kirby]: THIS IS HIM TRYING TO BE NICE! THIS IS HIM TRYING TO HELP! OUR FUCKING HERO, LADIES AND GENTS! What a douche.
"Do you want me to let go now?"
[Kirby]: YES!
She wanted him to let go but at the same time really didn't, so it took her awhile to answer.
[Talon]: OF FUCKING COURSE. BECAUSE NOT EVEN WEISS IS IMMUNE TO THE FUCKING GARY STU GLAMOUR. NEVERMIND THAT THIS IS STILL NOT LONG AFTER HE ADMITTED TO WANTING TO KILL HER! HE’S JUST SO INCREDIBLY BISHI THAT WHY THE FUCK WOULDN’T SHE WANT TO BE IN HIS ARMS. FUCKING GAG ME.
"Y-Yes…"
He did as requested, then looked at her, noticing her expression was far softer now. She seemed to be feeling better now.
"Sometimes we just have really bad days." AJ started. "On those days, it really helps to have someone just hug you for a bit."
[Kirby]: Well, yeah. Why are you speaking the obvious like it’s a revolutionary idea?
[Talon]: Can I just point out that I absolutely loathe the “everyone needs a hug” advice? There are people that are not comfortable with being touched. I, myself, find it actually makes the situation worse, because I will be trying to open up, then someone has to force a hug on me, and then suddenly I feel so uncomfortable that I get reluctant to talk in case I get hugged again. It ends with me feeling worse than before said “help”.
He paused, wondering if he should say it or not. '…I wish that happened to me when I had all those bad days... No. I'm not gonna say it, it doesn't matter. She deserves hugs, not me.'
[Talon]:
[Kirby]: BECAUSE IT’S STILL ALL ABOUT HIM! I swear, this whole thing only exists because the author wants to whine.
[Talon]: And this is the paragraph that completely and utterly ruins this entire chapter. Sure, we’ve pointed out other problems but we’ve also said this piece was written well. However, you get to here and suddenly this chapter proves to be one giant waste of time because it gives us this big contradiction that refutes any claim that Boy was doing this because he can care about someone other than himself.
[Kirby]: It’s not just AJ, it’s the author using these characters to comfort himself. And you know what, fine. There’s nothing wrong with imagining your favourite characters encouraging you. But, this is a story intended for others to read. And the people reading this story do not know you, author, and therefore have no way of knowing whether or not you’re justified in complaining about your life. It makes you look like you’re fishing for sympathy, under the guise of a story. It’s very underhanded, author, and does not win any points with me.
[Talon]: This is also a common tactic that Suethors in general make. They will want to show off that their Mary Sue is as caring as they have characters claim. However, they will immediately disprove it by having the narrative show that the Mary Sue is still thinking about how hard their life is. The problem with this is that it people who do real genuine selfless acts do not think like that. I know whenever I am trying to help a friend out, I never find myself thinking “oh, I wish they would do the same for me” because I’m too worried about them to suddenly start thinking about myself at that moment. Sure, maybe an hour later if I’m feeling down, I might start thinking self centred thoughts, but at that moment no one needs my help so I’m allowed to start thinking selfishly. But while I’m helping someone else out, it’s not about me, it’s about that other person.
[Kirby]: And finally, a tip: Don’t go looking for sympathy on the internet, especially in such a disingenuous way. Because people on the internet are assholes. *gestures at self* Case and point, and we have even less reason to give a flying fuck about your feelings then anyone in real life does. In all likelihood, I will never meet you face-to-face, I only know you through this story. So why should I be nice to someone who ultimately is too selfish to put even a fictional character’s feelings before their own for even a moment? Why should I care about someone who flaunts his character as perfect, while he belittles and abuses the canon characters I love? This is all we know about you author, and it doesn’t put you in my good book.
"So, are you going to be okay now?
"…Yes…Thank you." Weiss said hesitantly.
"You're welcome… We should probably head back. Lunch will be over soon." He said before starting to walk towards the door out of the class. He turned back to make sure she was following him.
When they walked out the door she stopped him. "Let me make one thing clear. This. Never. Happened. Do not expect me to treat you any differently, because I will treat you as I always did. Understood?"
He simply smiled in understanding. "Of course." He said with a slight bow.
[Talon]: (Boy): “Which is why I will completely disregard what you say and immediately blab about how I hugged you to everyone!”
[Talon]: Don’t know what I’m talking about? Let me point you to this section of the sporking here (which was the dickens to find): http://fufuyurifan.livejournal.com/14050.html. This is where we have Ren be the Stuthor’s mouthpiece and point out all the Noodle Incidents to prove that Boy is oh-so caring! One of these Noodle Incidents is this hug.
[Talon]: Now that everyone here has seen the hug, go back and look over Ren mentioning how this hug happened. I’m sure you’ll all quickly notice how Ren doesn’t appear anywhere for this scene. In other words, the only way he could have known that is because Boy was bragging about this. We know Weiss’ character enough to know she wouldn’t likely talk about this to anyone from team JPNR, and earlier that chapter, when Weiss does mention the incident, only the rest of team RWBY were around her. We also know that Blake, Yang and Ruby would not be the type to gossip about this to other teams as well, so it only leaves Boy as the culprit. Which really shows how nice he is, since he had to make a point to let everyone know about an incident that was otherwise private to showcase how caring and kind he is.
Weiss spent more time than she would like to admit trying to understand what had happened. Why did he of all people help her? Why did he seem to understand her pain? And what he said about being hated by everyone, what was that about?
[Kirby]: Author: “ASK ME WHAT IT MEANS! ASK ME WHAT IT MEANS!”
[Talon]: “I couldn't just leave you after being ganged up on by your friends like that. No one should ever feel betrayed like that. No one should be hated by everyone… I wanted to make sure you knew that not everyone hated you.” This was the quote in question, to save those of you planning to scroll up to double check if this meant anything special. Considering how according to this fic, everyone hates Weiss, I don’t see why she should be reading more into it.
Weiss was a smart girl though. As she thought about it, she began to believe more and more that he was, and maybe still is, in pain. Maybe that look in his eyes was just bad memories and feelings resurfacing? She had never seen that look in his eyes before, so it was possible. Maybe he was just good at hiding it?
[Kirby]: *sighs and rubs temples* Author, what bad feelings? AJ has had nothing but a good time since arriving in Remnant, barring one incident (which is still JUST ONE TIME!) You can’t just say that he’s sad and tortured without anything to back it up. It doesn’t make him any more sympathetic, it’s just whining at this point.
Like… Like she was…
[Fufu]: That formatting is awful. I’d forgive it if this was written in first person, but it’s not. This is third person, and this kind of casual writing shouldn’t fly.
And then she realized she had trapped herself. She couldn't go back on what she said and try to help him now, she had to treat him as she always did. It's not like she would know how to help him anyway… What if he just wants a hug, like he said? Maybe someone just needed to comfort him.
[Kirby]: Author: “FEEL BAD FOR ME, DAMMIT!”... remind me to make that into a count for next volume’s sporking (should it come into being.)
Maybe she was just seeing things, overthinking things. Maybe he was fine. Why would he help everyone so much if he actually needed help himself? Wouldn't he be like her? Unable to help others because of how much pain she was in?
[Kirby]: *spasms* You acknowledge that she’s in pain and yet you’re still going to have AJ yell at her in a few chapters?! And what is this bullshit about her being unable to help others? Weiss saved Ruby from the Deathstalker, she directly assisted the slaying of the Nevermore, she gets Blake to talk everyone about her anxiety regarding Torchwick, she gives Blake Dust to help her use her semblance offensively, and she protected everyone when the train crashed through Vale’s walls. She’s never let her past stop her from helping her team, quite the opposite, she’s motivated to be a better person because of her past. She wants to fix things with her company and repair the damage her father caused. Her pain makes her stronger because she doesn’t let herself wallow in it, and she keeps doing the best she can.
No, she had to be seeing things. He didn't show strength like she always tried to do. He must be fine. He can't really be hiding his emotions like she was, she would have been able to see it!
[Talon]: Stuthor, you have spent too damn long on this train of thought to the point that you have gone passed beating a dead horse to beating its decomposed remains after a week! You also show how you don’t understand how people who are extremely distressed work.
[Talon]: This chapter is running on the premise that something *~mysteriously~* bad happened to Weiss to put her in a foul mood. This mood has been going on all day. Only now was she comforted, but even then, a person’s mood doesn’t automatically reset to “normal”. She may be feeling a lot better but she still needs some time to calm down. It can be so easy to shoot down someone’s mood after being comforted just because they haven’t completely gotten over it.
[Talon]: Yet here, Weiss is immediately over her problems to start analysing in length about Boy feeling the most painful pain that anyone can bear. People just don’t work that way. When something significant upsets you, your brain will want you to focus on it because you can’t keep functioning by ignoring it and not resolving it. Unfortunately, it makes it incredibly difficult to notice the feelings of others around you when they’re not being obvious. So this becomes very jarring - Weiss has gone from angry and stressed (something she’s been feeling all day) to being able to completely brush it all aside to start analysing how Boy must be hiding pain but he’s doing it so well because he keeps helping everyone else regardless in what would have to be about a minute.
But now that she thought about it, he didn't just help her, he helped her when she showed weakness. She was weak, and he helped her! He didn't hurt her, make fun of her, he didn't do anything bad ([Fufu]: Ignoring all those other times.) but force her to realize she needed a hug!
[Kirby]: No. Nope. Fuck you.
For a moment she was worried. Worried that what she thought was wrong. That when you're weak, people don't always treat you differently. She couldn't be wrong! There had to be another expla-
And there it was.
He treated her nicely and helped her when she showed weakness. Normally he doesn't hide the fact that he doesn't really like her.
[Kirby]: *rests head in hands* Author, do you know what you’re implying here? Think about it for a second. AJ hates Weiss when she’s her normal haughty, confident, Weiss-y self. He’s only on her side when she’s weak. Guys, he likes it when she’s weak. He likes her better this way; smaller than him and not talking back. That’s the behaviour he approves of and rewards. HE DOESN’T CARE ABOUT WEISS, he’s just getting off on lording over her while she can’t fight back. In short; HE’S A FUCKING SEX OFFENDER!
[Fufu]: *sprays water on Kirby* Down! Calm!
[Kirby]: *hisses*
[Fufu]: I will agree with what you’ve pointed out about AJ liking Weiss better when she’s weak. It’s still incredibly creepy. However I won’t agree with the sex offender point. He is many awful things (A murderer in the making, a psychopath, a racist, an arrogant shithead, to name a handful of his negative qualities), but he hasn’t quite stepped the line into being a sex offender yet. *spritzes one last time for good luck*
[Kirby]:
She calmed down then, realizing she wasn't wrong.
'People always treat you differently when you show weakness.
Apparently though, that isn't always a bad thing.' She thought with a smile.
[Kirby]: Oh my god. I hate you so much.
Yeah, I felt like that moment I had brought up but not actually put into a chapter should have its moment here.
[Talon]: Why here and not when it happened, which was before chapter 7? I understand wanting to use this opportunity of “rewriting” this fic to add in things you couldn’t add before, but you’ve still not placed it where it should be in this “rewrite”, so what’s the point?
I had the idea of a scene where he comforted Weiss, but saw no good place to actually put it in, so I just kind of brought it up at one point without going into detail, till now.
[Kirby]: Why? Why did a scene where AJ comforts Weiss need to exist? You didn’t use it to develop their relationship beyond “Oh, AJ was nice to her once, so that he’ll forgive… her… when...”
[Kirby]: Oh my god. No. Nononono. He didn’t!
[Fufu]: ???
[Talon]: What chu talkin’ about, puffball?
[Kirby]: Later on! During the whole “AJ and Weiss make up scene”! He forgives her because of this scene! The only reason this exists is to fabricate a reason for why they made up. Because, if this hadn’t happened, AJ wouldn’t have forgiven her. This is the only reason we’re given that he does, and you know what that means? That the author wasn’t satisfied with how Weiss and Blake resolved things. It wasn’t good enough for AJ, he needed to make Weiss weak because otherwise she wouldn’t beg for his forgiveness, like I’m sure he thinks she should have for Blake.
[Talon]: I’m not really surprised by this. It’s in line of how most Suethors work. They can’t seem to understand that friends can work things out despite their differences. Or even that, sometimes, if you want a friendship to work out, you need to put your pride aside.
[Kirby]: That’s just it! Neither Weiss nor Blake apologized for what they said, because Weiss stopped Blake in order to make two things clear. The first is that Weiss doesn’t care about the past. The second, that she wants them to do better in the future. Neither of them was in the right, but they can move on from it, the sorry wasn’t necessary.
[Kirby]: I’ve seen plenty of fans who think that Weiss still needs to apologise to Blake. And to those fans, I say; she already has. Look at when they fight together in volume 2, Weiss takes a hit but still casts a Glyph to help Blake. And, later, Weiss refuses to let Blake internalize her problems. AND, even later, she stays behind to fight Chainsaw Guy because she knows how much taking down Torchwick means to Blake. Actions speak louder than words, and I’m quite sure that everything between them, personally, is forgiven. Because they’re friends.
And for the record, I don't actually believe that people will always treat you differently when you show weakness, but Weiss has no proof against that idea, and that last part was from her point of view, so that's really what she believes.
[Kirby]: WHAT THE HELL DO YOU KNOW ABOUT WEISS!?
Hope you enjoyed, don't flame, and have a great day!
[Kirby]: DON’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO! *BURNS EVERYTHING IN ANGER*
[Fufu]: So folks, that was the bonus hug chapter. We have an awful lot to say about this piece. My first point would be to reiterate what I said in the beginning of the chapter; the author has actually improved somewhat. His writing technique is better, even with some little bumps here and there with the odd spelling mistake and some grammar issues. We aren’t denying that. But what is still obvious is that the content is still awful.
[Kirby]: It’s god fucking awful! But you know what? This story could have worked, and it would have just taken one change: Have Yang talk to Weiss after her outburst. Yang and Weiss haven’t had a heart-to-heart yet in the show, and it would be in-character for Yang to give her a cool-down-hug. It could have been a really sweet character study between two people as different as Yang and Weiss. But, as always, the problem is AJ. No matter how the author improves, he’ll never write anything good as long as he keeps forcing AJ into things. AJ is an awful character. He’s unsympathetic, self-centered, and a raging douche-bag.
[Fufu]: And yet he was the “nice one” here. He was the one that went and comforted Weiss. I said it earlier in the fic, and I’ll say it again; everyone else had to be meaner in order to make AJ seem nicer. Weiss was probably the only one who was near enough in-character, even given the state of her character in this chapter. Which makes me want to bring up another point about this series as a whole; Weiss has been the only in-character character in this entire fic series, albeit with some flanderization and focus on her bitchier side. And let’s be fair here, it’s precisely because of her bitchiness that that is the case.
[Fufu]: The author has made it more than clear through AJ’s own interactions with these characters that he doesn’t like Weiss. So how does he write her? He writes her as being the only one out of the team to not instantly fawn over AJ when he shows up. That is what Weiss herself would do. She is prideful, maybe somewhat arrogant, and yes, she has her moments of being condescending to others in Volume 1. So ironically, by focusing purely on her more negative traits in order to portray her as the mega bitch, the author has written Weiss as her Volume 1 self. The only other character that we could possibly say is in-character in this fic is Ruby, and even then she doesn’t have nearly as much presence as she should. Everyone else has something that sets them just off character enough to be noticed.
[Talon]: Rather, we could say that every other character here had a role to serve to show how awesome AJ is, except for Ruby. Blake’s the love interest. Weiss is the Straw-woman. Pyrrha and Jaune are the beta couple. Nora and Ren are the yes-woman/man. And Yang’s everything else. But Ruby, she has no role in showing AJ off, so she pretty much has no presence except for when ProAJ has to crib from canon or include her in a scene just to say “the whole team is here”.
[Kirby]: Or to have her act like an idiot so AJ can play big brother, despite Ruby already having a big sister. Actually, it seems Yang is so busy being a plot device, that AJ takes her roles (and her lines) more than anyone else’s. Her older sibling role, her bruiser role, her eye colour changing shtick, her comforting Blake, her fighting style, even her hot-headedness. All he’s left her is her sense of humour, which he’s flanderized to the point that it’s unrecognizable as Yang.
[Talon]: To summarise all this, the only way for AJ to fit in this universe at all is to literally steal aspects and abilities from the canon characters, but leaving them nothing in order to be the characters that we know and love.
*~*~*
[Kirby]: So that’s the end of the Bonus Hug Chapter Bullshit.
[Fufu]: Yeah, my naming schemes for these chapters in Google Drive are certainly interesting. :’’D As long as we know what each document is...
[Talon]: I’d say your naming schemes are accurate. At least more so than the ones ProAJ gave them.
[Kirby]: Aye. So what’s next on our list…
[Talon]: Next is you will let Talon be free of her prison sentence in this hell =D
[Kirby]: No. Bad. *sprays Talon with water*
[Talon]: *blinks* You know it’s just water in there, right?
[Kirby]: Are you sure? :D
[Talon]: Well… it can’t be worse than this fic... I think.
[Fufu]: And while you two were having your moment, I locked the door.
[Talon]: … Wait, what? NO! LET ME OUT! *claws at the door* I WANT MY FREEDOM!
[Kirby]: *laughs maniacally*
[Fufu]: Till next time!
[Kirby]: On our next sporking! Bullshit Twilight Chapter! Everyone is Out Of Character! We’ll see you then!
[Fufu]: So, we’re back to this trainwreck.
[Talon]: Someone, shoot me now. I didn’t want to be back for this bullshit!
[Fufu]: Well tough titties! We didn’t ask for this either!
[Kirby]: Nobody asked for this.
[Fufu]: And what is this? This is that one noodle incident that we bitched on in chapter 8, when the team reunites with their friends once again and Weiss finally learns her place in this fic. This ladies and gentlepeople...is the hug.
[Kirby]: FUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[Kirby]: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH@1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[Kirby]:
[Fufu]: Couldn’t have put it better myself. Let’s just jump right on in then, and get this over with as quick as we can.
[Kirby]: Yes, please.
~*~*~
I have a little… something for you all. Those of you who had read the original TPOR in particular will like it.
[Fufu]: Somehow I doubt that. You’re not really taking into account the people that maybe weren’t too pleased with the original fic.
I was going to put it in EXTRAS, but I decided to put it here.
[Talon]: Lucky us.
It takes place sometime before the argument and Blake and AJ running away and all that. I won't say specifically when since it doesn't matter, but there were a few time skips in the fic, so it took place during one of those.
[Fufu]: Okay so this is one of the biggest problems with this little bonus. Not so much him dismissing the many time skips the show offers on a silver platter for him to actually make use of to develop his OC and his relations with the girls, not that part. But when this bonus is set; chronologically, this is set before the big argument of chapter 7. Chapter placement wise, in his new arrangement bullshit of his story, he’s placed it after the argument. No matter which way you slice it, this chapter is completely ruined by that argument, which he doesn’t even alter in the rearrangement. This chapter - which, I’m not gonna lie, and my co-sporkers will agree with me - is actually kind of well written. And, would you fucking believe, it shows Weiss in a sympathetic light! But then you get the argument, which goes right back to showing her as this awful Faunus hating bitch. It just...it doesn’t work.
[Kirby]: This chapter is basically a tumor. Granted, a tumor that looks nicer than the bigger tumor it’s attached to, but a tumor nonetheless.
Enjoy.
The Plus One of RWBY: When you show weakness
[Kirby]: In which our author has still not learned how to format his titles.
Weiss knew how people reacted when you were weak.
[Kirby]: Oh hey, Weiss POV. That’s new.
She learned that the hard way, when she got her scar.
She thought her father, of all people, would comfort her, but he scolded her for her weakness.
[Talon]: I’m amazed the Stuthor actually acknowledges that her father is implied to be abusive towards her. I was almost expecting him to write Weiss realising that she deserves any harsh treatment and that her poor father must be so put out by having such a bitch for a daughter.
Yeah, she learned that the hard way…
…Everyone treats you differently when you show weakness.
So she chose to never show weakness, to always seem strong.
[Kirby]: Okay author, you’ve actually got me interested here. Kudos.
What she viewed as strength, AJ saw as just being rude.
[Kirby]: Kudos retracted. And fuck you.
[Fufu]: Okay, so this actually started really well. We cannot deny that this little opening section is actually kind of well done. And in fact, even if it’s still a little harsh, it’s kind of in-character for Weiss. But then when AJ get involved, even if it’s still only in the narrative, it goes downhill again.
[Talon]: This shift here has me wondering, are we still in Weiss’ POV? And if yes, why the fuck should she care what Boy thinks? If no, while the change isn’t too bad (at most, I’m thrown off because this change of POV isn’t consistent with the rest of the fic) why did Boy immediately need to take a shot at Weiss? It could have easily been phrased as “But what she viewed as strength, AJ could not see eye to eye to her about” or something to that effect. It tells the readers that they don’t agree on this matter without anyone looking as if they’re in the right, and it’d actually be appropriate for this section as we’re about to see (supposedly) Boy for once understanding something Weiss is feeling.
It was just another day at lunch, with teams RWBY and JNPR sitting together at their tables.
AJ recognized that Weiss was one of his teammates, and he was just going to have to deal with the fact that she was rude and bratty at times.
[Kirby]: Hypocrite.
Today though, she was even more rude. By more rude, I mean that
[Talon]: (ProAJ): “I’ve suddenly forgotten I was writing in third person limited, not first person!”
she actually interrupted conversations she had no part of far more often just to say rude and disrespectful things.
[Kirby]: HypocriteX2
One of those times just happened to be when AJ and Ruby were joking and laughing.
"Honestly! Could you two be any more annoying!? You both have such stupid sounding laughs, and your jokes aren't even funny!" Weiss suddenly yelled at them.
[Kirby]: This mostly bothers me because, once again, author doesn’t take advantage of Weiss’ creative name calling habit. These are such stock accusations that I can’t imagine her ever saying them.
Now if that was the first outburst of that day, they would have been shocked, but outbursts like that had been happening all day.
Ruby's mood was ruined for a little bit, but remembering that Weiss seemed to just be in a mood today, she got over it and assumed no hard feelings.
[Fufu]: Okay, given when this is set, I’d like to think that Ruby would try and talk to her teammate, since by this point in the show, Ruby and Weiss were working on their friendship. And even within this bonus, even if you say that there have been multiple outbursts from Weiss all day, Ruby would’ve done something at the first outburst. Like, I don’t know, checked if her friend was okay?
She did really want to ask Weiss if she was ok and help her out, but she made it clear that she did not want any help.
[Kirby]: Why wouldn’t Ruby say anything? Remember “The Badge and The Burden” when Weiss walked off in a huff, and Ruby was right friggin behind her to ask what was wrong? Or when Jaune was feeling down in “Jaunedice”, and she talked to him? Or how worried she was about Blake’s obsession? Ruby doesn’t just let these things go without at least a talk.
They had already asked her if she was ok, but she refused to answer/ insisted that she was fine.
[Kirby]: Wild slash appeared?
[Talon]: Is this an indication of slash between Weiss and Ruby? =D What? I can hope for something better from this fic.
[Kirby]: No! *stomps on slash* Nuts and Dolts 4ever!
AJ however, wasn't as able to get over it. Few things ruined his mood more than being pulled out of a really good mood by interruptions, people being rude, etc.
[Kirby]: Why would he be in a good mood at all then, since apparently Weiss has been in a mood all day?
[Talon]: He was probably revelling in her misery. After all, Boy seeks enjoyment in the suffering of others, especially when that other person is Weiss.
He sent Weiss a very displeased glare and frown, but she scoffed, like she was above him and didn't have to worry about his anger.
[Kirby]: Were this canon, she would be right.
Somehow he was able to calm himself down, but he found no way to be in a good mood again. He couldn't be happy now without having to worry about Ice Queen ruining things.
Though as lunch went on, other members finally got tired of Weiss's behavior.
[Kirby]: Care to elaborate? No? Okay then.
[Fufu]: It’s very much like Meyer’s style isn’t it? Just sum-up something quickly as long as it helps move onto the next scene.
[Kirby]: Tip: Summarizing dull scenes to get to the parts you want to write is fine in a first draft, but you have to go back later and expand them before you publish.
"What is up with you, Weiss?" Yang asked, annoyed. "You've had a serious attitude all day."
[Kirby]: (Weiss): “What are you talking about? I’m always serious.”
[Fufu]: First off, you really should have italicised “serious” so we could get the inflection in Yang’s voice. Secondly, what attitude? We didn’t see it cause you skipped over it.
[Talon]: Thirdly, if this has been going on all day, why are you only bringing this up now? Wouldn’t someone have bothered to say something to Weiss a hell of a lot earlier?
"I have not!"
"You've been yelling so much I haven't been able to read for more than five minutes." Blake spoke up, unable to hide the annoyance in her voice.
[Talon]: Again, someone should have said something earlier! If Weiss is yelling that much there is no way everyone would tolerate it for as long as they had.
"That should be plenty of time!" Weiss argued.
[Kirby]: I… what? Is Blake reading post-it notes? I’m befuddled.
"You yelled at Nora so much about how many pancakes she ate you actually made her feel bad about it." Pyrrha pointed out, looking disappointed with Weiss.
[Kirby]: This sentence is just so odd to me, for so many reasons. I don’t even.
[Talon]: Is it because this is a mouthful to say? It really could use a comma somewhere or be reworded to break it up more. Also, there’s a grammar mistake right in the first word there: it should have been a “you’ve”, especially coming from someone like Pyrrha.
[Kirby]: Well, there’s that. But since when does Pyrrha look disappointed in people? Even when she doesn’t like someone (Cardin, for example), she never goes farther than passive-aggression. Pyrrha is an incredibly nice person, to the point where even this amount of negativity feels out-of-character.
"It's okay Pyrrha! I'm over it!" Nora said happily.
She then went to stab her next pancake with her fork, but she stopped herself, looking sad.
[Talon]: I call bull. Nora would not get upset about being yelled at for eating too many pancakes. If anything, she would respond with something innocently humorous then continue eating pancakes because it would be a shame to let them go to waste.
Ren glared at Weiss when he saw this.
"But she does eat too much!" Weiss pointed out.
[Fufu]: Okay, now this makes no sense. Volume 1!Weiss was a little mean, we cannot deny that. She had her issues, but the main thing about her character is that she mellowed out by Volume 2. But even with Volume 1!Weiss’ characterisation, she wouldn’t take offense to someone eating too much. She would maybe take offense if they were being a slob about how they were eating, but not how much.
"That's just who she is. You can't force her to change like this." Ren argued. "Go ahead, Nora. You can eat." He said softly to the girl.
[Fufu]: This is so weird, on a couple of points; first off, Ren doesn’t say much. That’s too much speaking for him, given that he is a man of few words. Second, given the friendship he and Nora have, he could easily make a small joke like, “Yeah, you do sort of eat too much.” and Nora would just smile and go along with it, making her own quip. Thirdly, why is he speaking softly to her? Why is he trying to reassure her? Which leads nicely into point four; why is she even upset over this? What Weiss is saying isn’t even that bad of a thing. If anything, Nora would, again, go along with it and take pride in how much she’s eating.
"And you insulted Jaune repeatedly." Pyrrha added.
"I do that all the time." Weiss pointed out uncaringly.
"She does that all the time." Jaune pointed out casually, the only one here seemingly unaffected by Weiss's behavior.
[Kirby]: Uh, no. Jaune cares very much about Weiss’ opinion. He has a super big crush on her right now, and would take insults from her to heart. And Weiss doesn’t so much “insult” Jaune as she does “disregard” him.
"She's doing it even more than usual though!" Pyrrha argued to Jaune before turning back to Weiss. "Why are you being so rude today!?"
"Seriously Ice Queen, what is your problem?" Yang demanded.
[Talon]: Stop trying to make that nickname of yours relevant to other characters! No one else calls her that, least of all Yang!
[Kirby]: Well, not as an insult anyway. They use it more like an in-joke between friends. Like how some people call each other “asshole” affectionately.
"Why are you being so mean today, Weiss?" Ruby asked.
[Kirby]: Asked how? Was she concerned? Angry? Joking? Come on author you gotta give us more than that.
Weiss abruptly stood up and fast-walked out of the cafeteria.
Yang let out an annoyed "tch" sound upon seeing this. "About time."
"Agreed." Pyrrha said.
[Talon]: What was in those pancakes?
[Kirby]: Bitchiness. And chocolate chips.
[Fufu]: In all seriousness, look at that section again, folks. Everyone has some sliver of bitchiness to them in this scene. Hell, the ironic part is that the only character who was even close to their canon self was Weiss. The author has had to make everyone else meaner in order to make AJ seem nicer. That’s how far he’s reaching now to make AJ likable, though to be fair, he probably doesn’t even realise that he’s done this.
[Talon]: Especially so when it came to writing Yang’s and Pyrrha’s reactions here. They’re the two most supportive members in their groups, but here they’re the most vitriolic towards Weiss when they shouldn’t be. In fact, if they were written in any way half in character, Yang would have immediately grabbed Weiss, taken her somewhere where they can talk alone, and find out what the fuck is wrong. However, she had to be written as a bitch in order for AJ to instead serve that role.
"Maybe we shouldn't have-" Ruby was cut off by AJ abruptly standing up from the table.
They all looked at him and, maybe he just forgot to remove the glare
[Kirby]: Don’t worry, you can fix that in Photoshop.
he had sent towards Weiss not long ago, but he seemed to be glaring at them. He then proceeded to walk out the same way Weiss had gone.
[Talon]: There’s a problem with how Boy’s glaring at everyone here. I’ll get into a bit later when that point comes up.
"Done that…" Ruby finished.
[Kirby]: That took too long and, ergo, isn’t funny. Timing, author!
"Why was he angry at us?" Yang asked, confused. "Isn't he the one that probably hates Weiss more than any of us?"
[Fufu]: Nope, no-one in the show hated Weiss. They didn’t like her attitude, but nobody hated her. At like the biggest possible stretch, you could maybe-ish possibly say Blake, but even at that, it’s more bitterness toward Weiss’ family’s company, which unfortunately reflects onto Weiss.
"He looked… disappointed?" Pyrrha noted, confused.
[Talon]: Pyrrha, what have you been smoking? Honestly, Stuthor you can’t have the narrative describe Boy as glaring at everyone then have someone else point out he’s feeling a different emotion. At least describe it in a way where the readers could logically deduce that Boy wasn’t just angry.
[Talon]: And yes, I do understand on rare occasions you can glare in disappointment, but that leads to my point from earlier where something was wrong with how it was done here. He is glaring at everyone in disappointment because of how they treated Weiss. How condescending is that? I expect a glare of disappointment coming from a teacher who is trying to teach a lesson and no one is paying attention. And this is how it’s being presented here too - Boy is behaving like the authority figure with everyone else opposing his authority on the group.
AJ quickly caught up with Weiss, but followed far enough behind her so she would notice him as she stomped through the halls, glaring at everyone that passed by and scaring them away.
[Kirby]: ...What?
[Talon]: I think this is a mistake on the Stuthor’s part. I believe he meant to say “so she *wouldn’t notice him”, otherwise it would not make sense why he was following so far away if he wanted to be noticed. Also, as we’ll see later on, Weiss was going off for some alone time so she wouldn’t let Boy follow her.
[Kirby]: Actually, my confusion was from wondering why AJ was glaring at random people in the hallway. It occurs to me that author meant that it was Weiss who was glaring, not AJ, but the confusing sentence structure threw me off.
[Talon]: Wait, that wasn’t Boy glaring at everyone? Considering what an overbearing prick he is, I thought it was incredibly in-character for him to be glaring down at everyone he passed for not knowing their place and bowing down before him.
After following her for awhile she suddenly turned and walked into an empty classroom and shut the door.
Neko went back into AJ's mind so he could use his Faunus senses to listen through the door.
[Kirby]: I sort of assumed AJ was already in Faunus Mode, but okay...
[Fufu]: Yeah, I sort of assume AJ is in his Faunus form unless otherwise stated, given how much he wants to use the whole Faunus thing to preach on top of his soapbox. Honestly, Neko’s mention here is really out of left field, and you’re left wondering, “Wait, when did he get here?”
He didn't hear crying, or yelling… he didn't hear anything really. Fearing the worst
[Kirby]: Uh… Not to be insensitive, but were you expecting her to have killed herself? Cause that’s the vibe I’m getting.
he opened the door and quickly walked in, only to find her standing in the middle of the room, her back towards him.
Hearing the door open and close, Weiss turned towards him. "What do you want!?" She asked angrily. She came here to be alone and he was disturbing the silence.
[Kirby]: The POV shifted for a second there.
[Talon]: I understand that the text does describe the room being quiet, but the use of “disturbing the silence” still sounds off. And this is because the description of this moment is so brief that it never fully sinks in how quiet the scene is. On top of that, the sound that is causing the disturbance was the door opening and closing, which has no description on what sound is being made so it creates no impact. Is that door creaking? Did Boy slam it on the way in? How loud is this door? If it only makes a slight “click” of the latch slipping into the doorframe, how is that enough to be considered a disturbance?
He walked down the steps towards her, holding his right arm out so Neko could come out, and jump over to a nearby chair so he was out of the way and could watch.
[Kirby]: I don’t like where this is going.
Weiss stared him right in the eyes, but she wasn't looking at his bright green-gold eyes, she was looking at dull green eyes that were at that moment far more grey than green.
[Fufu]: That just sounds confusing. This sentence doesn’t really make sense.
Despite her anger towards him, she saw in his eyes that he was sad, and he felt sad for her.
[Kirby]: Because Weiss can read minds, apparently.
She couldn't help but notice what seemed to be understanding in his eyes. 'How could he possibly understand me?'
[Kirby]: He doesn’t dearie. He’s just looking for sympathy points. Also we seem to have switched completely into Weiss’ POV.
"Well!? What do you wa-"
She was cut off when he wrapped his arms around her and hugged her tightly.
[Kirby]: BAD TOUCH! BAD TOUCH! BAD TOUCH!
"Hey! Let go of me!" She yelled as she tried to struggle.
[Fufu]: And that should really be his cue to let her go. The cooldown hug can work and yes, there would obviously be struggling on one half’s part, but in this particular scenario, given the characters and how they feel toward each other, this doesn’t feel like much of a cooldown hug, and instead feels kinda creepy with how insistent AJ is.
[Talon]: Despite that the Stuthor thinks when this is happening doesn’t matter, I’m gonna bring in some context for this situation. This is happening sometime after when Boy went on a psychopathic rage to kill Weiss for wanting to be perfect. Something that Boy actively told Weiss about, so she knows he wanted to kill her at a point.
[Talon]: And here we are now: Boy, who is completely overpowered and far stronger than Weiss, is alone in a room with her, and holding her against her will. If Boy wanted to kill her now, he easily could and he has the opportunity to cover his tracks and make it seem like a suicide. Worst off, this would be completely in character for Boy given what we’ve seen of his feelings towards Weiss thus far.
"Shut up. You need this." He said simply and continued to hold her.
[Kirby]: NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE! YOU STOP THAT RIGHT NOW! LET HER GO THIS INSTANT!
She struggled at first, but when she realized he wasn't going to let go, she stopped struggling. "Why are you doing this?" She asked, confused, but refused to look up at him.
[Kirby]: BECAUSE HE’S A SEX OFFENDER!
[Fufu]: Okay, that’s maybe a bit much even for this shitstain, even with some questionable moments that happen with Blake while she’s drunk. Calm down Kirby, let’s stay on topic. Only call him out on shit he’s actually done, even if he is being a creeper here.
[Kirby]: *hisses*
"Because I feel bad." He answered. "You were clearly just having a really bad day. You really should try not to take it out on others, but still, I don't want you to feel this way."
[Kirby]: So… You just want to clear your conscious? I know this might sound like I’m reaching a bit, but the way he phrased it sounds like he’s trying to make her feel bad for making him feel bad. I mean, look at that “You really should try not to take it out on others” jab right in the middle of this “apology”. He just doesn’t sound sincere. At all.
"Why though? I thought you hated me." Weiss pointed out.
"You're annoying as hell."
[Kirby]: Weiss is rubber and you are glue.
AJ answered honestly. "But you're still human, and I couldn't just leave you after being ganged up on by your friends like that. No one should ever feel betrayed like that. No one should be hated by everyone… I wanted to make sure you knew that not everyone hated you, and that I know this isn't really your fault."
[Talon]: *laughs* Oh, that’s rich! This coming from the bastard who has no problem throwing the fact that the White Fang killed members of her family in front of her right into her face.
It was at this moment she realized that she was feeling comfortable in his arms, and was resting her head on his chest, which she stopped doing. However, she still couldn't bring herself to struggle again. It actually felt nice to be hugged. It had been a very long time since she got a hug she actually wanted.
[Kirby]: The author really doesn’t think before he writes does he?
[Talon]: I repeat: if he did that, then he wouldn’t have created this piece of shit in the first place.
[Fufu]: If he did, he would maybe think about why he’s receiving the “negativity” he’s getting rather than just instantly jump and rant in his author’s notes about how everyone is so mean, and how the entire fanbase just hates OCs. Nevermind that this series is rife with potential for OCs and of course people are gonna jump at that.
Ruby had hugged her, but she always found it annoying and embarrassing.
[Kirby]: This is what he meant when he was referring to unwanted hugs. He only meant Ruby, nobody else. What he doesn’t get is the implications of it being a long time since she’s had a friendly hug. Author really needs to stop forgetting about Weiss’ father.
[Talon]: Especially in the very same chapter where he mentions Weiss was never comforted by her own father.
"I… have been having a very stressful day." Weiss reluctantly admitted.
[Kirby]: Really? What happened? *scrolls down* Aaaaaaaaaaand, nothing. We never find out what happened. Because obviously it didn’t matter why she was sad, as long as author gets to wank about how great and sympathetic his character is.
[Talon]: Even when Boy is trying to be sympathetic to Weiss, it’s still Weiss. Who really gives a crap about her?
[Kirby]:
"And having everyone yell at you isn't really helping, is it?" AJ asked sarcastically.
[Kirby]: You little prick. You can’t be sincere about anything can you!? Not for one damn second! DO YOU KNOW WHAT THE WORD “SARCASM” MEANS AUTHOR!? CAUSE I DON’T THINK YOU DO! IT IMPLIES MOCKERY, AND THAT YOU MEAN THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT YOU SAY! YOU’RE SAYING THAT SHE DESERVES TO HAVE EVERYONE YELL AT HER, AND YOU’RE MAKING FUN OF HER FOR IT!!!!!!!!
[Kirby]: THIS IS HIM TRYING TO BE NICE! THIS IS HIM TRYING TO HELP! OUR FUCKING HERO, LADIES AND GENTS! What a douche.
"Do you want me to let go now?"
[Kirby]: YES!
She wanted him to let go but at the same time really didn't, so it took her awhile to answer.
[Talon]: OF FUCKING COURSE. BECAUSE NOT EVEN WEISS IS IMMUNE TO THE FUCKING GARY STU GLAMOUR. NEVERMIND THAT THIS IS STILL NOT LONG AFTER HE ADMITTED TO WANTING TO KILL HER! HE’S JUST SO INCREDIBLY BISHI THAT WHY THE FUCK WOULDN’T SHE WANT TO BE IN HIS ARMS. FUCKING GAG ME.
"Y-Yes…"
He did as requested, then looked at her, noticing her expression was far softer now. She seemed to be feeling better now.
"Sometimes we just have really bad days." AJ started. "On those days, it really helps to have someone just hug you for a bit."
[Kirby]: Well, yeah. Why are you speaking the obvious like it’s a revolutionary idea?
[Talon]: Can I just point out that I absolutely loathe the “everyone needs a hug” advice? There are people that are not comfortable with being touched. I, myself, find it actually makes the situation worse, because I will be trying to open up, then someone has to force a hug on me, and then suddenly I feel so uncomfortable that I get reluctant to talk in case I get hugged again. It ends with me feeling worse than before said “help”.
He paused, wondering if he should say it or not. '…I wish that happened to me when I had all those bad days... No. I'm not gonna say it, it doesn't matter. She deserves hugs, not me.'
[Talon]:
[Kirby]: BECAUSE IT’S STILL ALL ABOUT HIM! I swear, this whole thing only exists because the author wants to whine.
[Talon]: And this is the paragraph that completely and utterly ruins this entire chapter. Sure, we’ve pointed out other problems but we’ve also said this piece was written well. However, you get to here and suddenly this chapter proves to be one giant waste of time because it gives us this big contradiction that refutes any claim that Boy was doing this because he can care about someone other than himself.
[Kirby]: It’s not just AJ, it’s the author using these characters to comfort himself. And you know what, fine. There’s nothing wrong with imagining your favourite characters encouraging you. But, this is a story intended for others to read. And the people reading this story do not know you, author, and therefore have no way of knowing whether or not you’re justified in complaining about your life. It makes you look like you’re fishing for sympathy, under the guise of a story. It’s very underhanded, author, and does not win any points with me.
[Talon]: This is also a common tactic that Suethors in general make. They will want to show off that their Mary Sue is as caring as they have characters claim. However, they will immediately disprove it by having the narrative show that the Mary Sue is still thinking about how hard their life is. The problem with this is that it people who do real genuine selfless acts do not think like that. I know whenever I am trying to help a friend out, I never find myself thinking “oh, I wish they would do the same for me” because I’m too worried about them to suddenly start thinking about myself at that moment. Sure, maybe an hour later if I’m feeling down, I might start thinking self centred thoughts, but at that moment no one needs my help so I’m allowed to start thinking selfishly. But while I’m helping someone else out, it’s not about me, it’s about that other person.
[Kirby]: And finally, a tip: Don’t go looking for sympathy on the internet, especially in such a disingenuous way. Because people on the internet are assholes. *gestures at self* Case and point, and we have even less reason to give a flying fuck about your feelings then anyone in real life does. In all likelihood, I will never meet you face-to-face, I only know you through this story. So why should I be nice to someone who ultimately is too selfish to put even a fictional character’s feelings before their own for even a moment? Why should I care about someone who flaunts his character as perfect, while he belittles and abuses the canon characters I love? This is all we know about you author, and it doesn’t put you in my good book.
"So, are you going to be okay now?
"…Yes…Thank you." Weiss said hesitantly.
"You're welcome… We should probably head back. Lunch will be over soon." He said before starting to walk towards the door out of the class. He turned back to make sure she was following him.
When they walked out the door she stopped him. "Let me make one thing clear. This. Never. Happened. Do not expect me to treat you any differently, because I will treat you as I always did. Understood?"
He simply smiled in understanding. "Of course." He said with a slight bow.
[Talon]: (Boy): “Which is why I will completely disregard what you say and immediately blab about how I hugged you to everyone!”
[Talon]: Don’t know what I’m talking about? Let me point you to this section of the sporking here (which was the dickens to find): http://fufuyurifan.livejournal.com/14050.html. This is where we have Ren be the Stuthor’s mouthpiece and point out all the Noodle Incidents to prove that Boy is oh-so caring! One of these Noodle Incidents is this hug.
[Talon]: Now that everyone here has seen the hug, go back and look over Ren mentioning how this hug happened. I’m sure you’ll all quickly notice how Ren doesn’t appear anywhere for this scene. In other words, the only way he could have known that is because Boy was bragging about this. We know Weiss’ character enough to know she wouldn’t likely talk about this to anyone from team JPNR, and earlier that chapter, when Weiss does mention the incident, only the rest of team RWBY were around her. We also know that Blake, Yang and Ruby would not be the type to gossip about this to other teams as well, so it only leaves Boy as the culprit. Which really shows how nice he is, since he had to make a point to let everyone know about an incident that was otherwise private to showcase how caring and kind he is.
Weiss spent more time than she would like to admit trying to understand what had happened. Why did he of all people help her? Why did he seem to understand her pain? And what he said about being hated by everyone, what was that about?
[Kirby]: Author: “ASK ME WHAT IT MEANS! ASK ME WHAT IT MEANS!”
[Talon]: “I couldn't just leave you after being ganged up on by your friends like that. No one should ever feel betrayed like that. No one should be hated by everyone… I wanted to make sure you knew that not everyone hated you.” This was the quote in question, to save those of you planning to scroll up to double check if this meant anything special. Considering how according to this fic, everyone hates Weiss, I don’t see why she should be reading more into it.
Weiss was a smart girl though. As she thought about it, she began to believe more and more that he was, and maybe still is, in pain. Maybe that look in his eyes was just bad memories and feelings resurfacing? She had never seen that look in his eyes before, so it was possible. Maybe he was just good at hiding it?
[Kirby]: *sighs and rubs temples* Author, what bad feelings? AJ has had nothing but a good time since arriving in Remnant, barring one incident (which is still JUST ONE TIME!) You can’t just say that he’s sad and tortured without anything to back it up. It doesn’t make him any more sympathetic, it’s just whining at this point.
Like… Like she was…
[Fufu]: That formatting is awful. I’d forgive it if this was written in first person, but it’s not. This is third person, and this kind of casual writing shouldn’t fly.
And then she realized she had trapped herself. She couldn't go back on what she said and try to help him now, she had to treat him as she always did. It's not like she would know how to help him anyway… What if he just wants a hug, like he said? Maybe someone just needed to comfort him.
[Kirby]: Author: “FEEL BAD FOR ME, DAMMIT!”... remind me to make that into a count for next volume’s sporking (should it come into being.)
Maybe she was just seeing things, overthinking things. Maybe he was fine. Why would he help everyone so much if he actually needed help himself? Wouldn't he be like her? Unable to help others because of how much pain she was in?
[Kirby]: *spasms* You acknowledge that she’s in pain and yet you’re still going to have AJ yell at her in a few chapters?! And what is this bullshit about her being unable to help others? Weiss saved Ruby from the Deathstalker, she directly assisted the slaying of the Nevermore, she gets Blake to talk everyone about her anxiety regarding Torchwick, she gives Blake Dust to help her use her semblance offensively, and she protected everyone when the train crashed through Vale’s walls. She’s never let her past stop her from helping her team, quite the opposite, she’s motivated to be a better person because of her past. She wants to fix things with her company and repair the damage her father caused. Her pain makes her stronger because she doesn’t let herself wallow in it, and she keeps doing the best she can.
No, she had to be seeing things. He didn't show strength like she always tried to do. He must be fine. He can't really be hiding his emotions like she was, she would have been able to see it!
[Talon]: Stuthor, you have spent too damn long on this train of thought to the point that you have gone passed beating a dead horse to beating its decomposed remains after a week! You also show how you don’t understand how people who are extremely distressed work.
[Talon]: This chapter is running on the premise that something *~mysteriously~* bad happened to Weiss to put her in a foul mood. This mood has been going on all day. Only now was she comforted, but even then, a person’s mood doesn’t automatically reset to “normal”. She may be feeling a lot better but she still needs some time to calm down. It can be so easy to shoot down someone’s mood after being comforted just because they haven’t completely gotten over it.
[Talon]: Yet here, Weiss is immediately over her problems to start analysing in length about Boy feeling the most painful pain that anyone can bear. People just don’t work that way. When something significant upsets you, your brain will want you to focus on it because you can’t keep functioning by ignoring it and not resolving it. Unfortunately, it makes it incredibly difficult to notice the feelings of others around you when they’re not being obvious. So this becomes very jarring - Weiss has gone from angry and stressed (something she’s been feeling all day) to being able to completely brush it all aside to start analysing how Boy must be hiding pain but he’s doing it so well because he keeps helping everyone else regardless in what would have to be about a minute.
But now that she thought about it, he didn't just help her, he helped her when she showed weakness. She was weak, and he helped her! He didn't hurt her, make fun of her, he didn't do anything bad ([Fufu]: Ignoring all those other times.) but force her to realize she needed a hug!
[Kirby]: No. Nope. Fuck you.
For a moment she was worried. Worried that what she thought was wrong. That when you're weak, people don't always treat you differently. She couldn't be wrong! There had to be another expla-
And there it was.
He treated her nicely and helped her when she showed weakness. Normally he doesn't hide the fact that he doesn't really like her.
[Kirby]: *rests head in hands* Author, do you know what you’re implying here? Think about it for a second. AJ hates Weiss when she’s her normal haughty, confident, Weiss-y self. He’s only on her side when she’s weak. Guys, he likes it when she’s weak. He likes her better this way; smaller than him and not talking back. That’s the behaviour he approves of and rewards. HE DOESN’T CARE ABOUT WEISS, he’s just getting off on lording over her while she can’t fight back. In short; HE’S A FUCKING SEX OFFENDER!
[Fufu]: *sprays water on Kirby* Down! Calm!
[Kirby]: *hisses*
[Fufu]: I will agree with what you’ve pointed out about AJ liking Weiss better when she’s weak. It’s still incredibly creepy. However I won’t agree with the sex offender point. He is many awful things (A murderer in the making, a psychopath, a racist, an arrogant shithead, to name a handful of his negative qualities), but he hasn’t quite stepped the line into being a sex offender yet. *spritzes one last time for good luck*
[Kirby]:
She calmed down then, realizing she wasn't wrong.
'People always treat you differently when you show weakness.
Apparently though, that isn't always a bad thing.' She thought with a smile.
[Kirby]: Oh my god. I hate you so much.
Yeah, I felt like that moment I had brought up but not actually put into a chapter should have its moment here.
[Talon]: Why here and not when it happened, which was before chapter 7? I understand wanting to use this opportunity of “rewriting” this fic to add in things you couldn’t add before, but you’ve still not placed it where it should be in this “rewrite”, so what’s the point?
I had the idea of a scene where he comforted Weiss, but saw no good place to actually put it in, so I just kind of brought it up at one point without going into detail, till now.
[Kirby]: Why? Why did a scene where AJ comforts Weiss need to exist? You didn’t use it to develop their relationship beyond “Oh, AJ was nice to her once, so that he’ll forgive… her… when...”
[Kirby]: Oh my god. No. Nononono. He didn’t!
[Fufu]: ???
[Talon]: What chu talkin’ about, puffball?
[Kirby]: Later on! During the whole “AJ and Weiss make up scene”! He forgives her because of this scene! The only reason this exists is to fabricate a reason for why they made up. Because, if this hadn’t happened, AJ wouldn’t have forgiven her. This is the only reason we’re given that he does, and you know what that means? That the author wasn’t satisfied with how Weiss and Blake resolved things. It wasn’t good enough for AJ, he needed to make Weiss weak because otherwise she wouldn’t beg for his forgiveness, like I’m sure he thinks she should have for Blake.
[Talon]: I’m not really surprised by this. It’s in line of how most Suethors work. They can’t seem to understand that friends can work things out despite their differences. Or even that, sometimes, if you want a friendship to work out, you need to put your pride aside.
[Kirby]: That’s just it! Neither Weiss nor Blake apologized for what they said, because Weiss stopped Blake in order to make two things clear. The first is that Weiss doesn’t care about the past. The second, that she wants them to do better in the future. Neither of them was in the right, but they can move on from it, the sorry wasn’t necessary.
[Kirby]: I’ve seen plenty of fans who think that Weiss still needs to apologise to Blake. And to those fans, I say; she already has. Look at when they fight together in volume 2, Weiss takes a hit but still casts a Glyph to help Blake. And, later, Weiss refuses to let Blake internalize her problems. AND, even later, she stays behind to fight Chainsaw Guy because she knows how much taking down Torchwick means to Blake. Actions speak louder than words, and I’m quite sure that everything between them, personally, is forgiven. Because they’re friends.
And for the record, I don't actually believe that people will always treat you differently when you show weakness, but Weiss has no proof against that idea, and that last part was from her point of view, so that's really what she believes.
[Kirby]: WHAT THE HELL DO YOU KNOW ABOUT WEISS!?
Hope you enjoyed, don't flame, and have a great day!
[Kirby]: DON’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO! *BURNS EVERYTHING IN ANGER*
[Fufu]: So folks, that was the bonus hug chapter. We have an awful lot to say about this piece. My first point would be to reiterate what I said in the beginning of the chapter; the author has actually improved somewhat. His writing technique is better, even with some little bumps here and there with the odd spelling mistake and some grammar issues. We aren’t denying that. But what is still obvious is that the content is still awful.
[Kirby]: It’s god fucking awful! But you know what? This story could have worked, and it would have just taken one change: Have Yang talk to Weiss after her outburst. Yang and Weiss haven’t had a heart-to-heart yet in the show, and it would be in-character for Yang to give her a cool-down-hug. It could have been a really sweet character study between two people as different as Yang and Weiss. But, as always, the problem is AJ. No matter how the author improves, he’ll never write anything good as long as he keeps forcing AJ into things. AJ is an awful character. He’s unsympathetic, self-centered, and a raging douche-bag.
[Fufu]: And yet he was the “nice one” here. He was the one that went and comforted Weiss. I said it earlier in the fic, and I’ll say it again; everyone else had to be meaner in order to make AJ seem nicer. Weiss was probably the only one who was near enough in-character, even given the state of her character in this chapter. Which makes me want to bring up another point about this series as a whole; Weiss has been the only in-character character in this entire fic series, albeit with some flanderization and focus on her bitchier side. And let’s be fair here, it’s precisely because of her bitchiness that that is the case.
[Fufu]: The author has made it more than clear through AJ’s own interactions with these characters that he doesn’t like Weiss. So how does he write her? He writes her as being the only one out of the team to not instantly fawn over AJ when he shows up. That is what Weiss herself would do. She is prideful, maybe somewhat arrogant, and yes, she has her moments of being condescending to others in Volume 1. So ironically, by focusing purely on her more negative traits in order to portray her as the mega bitch, the author has written Weiss as her Volume 1 self. The only other character that we could possibly say is in-character in this fic is Ruby, and even then she doesn’t have nearly as much presence as she should. Everyone else has something that sets them just off character enough to be noticed.
[Talon]: Rather, we could say that every other character here had a role to serve to show how awesome AJ is, except for Ruby. Blake’s the love interest. Weiss is the Straw-woman. Pyrrha and Jaune are the beta couple. Nora and Ren are the yes-woman/man. And Yang’s everything else. But Ruby, she has no role in showing AJ off, so she pretty much has no presence except for when ProAJ has to crib from canon or include her in a scene just to say “the whole team is here”.
[Kirby]: Or to have her act like an idiot so AJ can play big brother, despite Ruby already having a big sister. Actually, it seems Yang is so busy being a plot device, that AJ takes her roles (and her lines) more than anyone else’s. Her older sibling role, her bruiser role, her eye colour changing shtick, her comforting Blake, her fighting style, even her hot-headedness. All he’s left her is her sense of humour, which he’s flanderized to the point that it’s unrecognizable as Yang.
[Talon]: To summarise all this, the only way for AJ to fit in this universe at all is to literally steal aspects and abilities from the canon characters, but leaving them nothing in order to be the characters that we know and love.
*~*~*
[Kirby]: So that’s the end of the Bonus Hug Chapter Bullshit.
[Fufu]: Yeah, my naming schemes for these chapters in Google Drive are certainly interesting. :’’D As long as we know what each document is...
[Talon]: I’d say your naming schemes are accurate. At least more so than the ones ProAJ gave them.
[Kirby]: Aye. So what’s next on our list…
[Talon]: Next is you will let Talon be free of her prison sentence in this hell =D
[Kirby]: No. Bad. *sprays Talon with water*
[Talon]: *blinks* You know it’s just water in there, right?
[Kirby]: Are you sure? :D
[Talon]: Well… it can’t be worse than this fic... I think.
[Fufu]: And while you two were having your moment, I locked the door.
[Talon]: … Wait, what? NO! LET ME OUT! *claws at the door* I WANT MY FREEDOM!
[Kirby]: *laughs maniacally*
[Fufu]: Till next time!
[Kirby]: On our next sporking! Bullshit Twilight Chapter! Everyone is Out Of Character! We’ll see you then!