whatsapp chat log
Bold: HIM
Normal text: ME
Parenthesis: My commentary
The morning after “The Incident”
Me: That wasn’t very nice. >.<
Maybe this isn’t working out…
14/5/16 Him: Well, I told you I was crazy tired, sleep is the natural conclusion of that tiredness. From my point of view, the fact that you decided to wake me up wasn't very nice :/
Me: Sorry I woke you up
I didn't realize it would upset you so much, but what upset me was that I felt that you snapped at me
If I bother you we don't need to hang out anymore, it's fine..
I guess I am kind of a sensitive person :/
Even tho maybe I dont seem it
I don't feel as strongly as you think I do, not about you bothering me. But, honestly, waking me up just because you're awake is not fair in my books. Going all sexual when I'm clearly out-of-it tired and even say no is also not fair. :/
(where I start to have a horrible, horrible, suicidal panic attack at the idea I could have done this without realizing it to someone I cared about before actually thinking about what really happened) >.< It's true, I did do that.
I'm really sorry.
That was really inconsiderate of me >.<
Well, I understand, and I completely understand if you don't want to see me again
I'm sorry and will leave you alone, I feel really badly
I'm honestly not sure about the "ever again" part. But right now I feel like a man puppet and that needs to pass.
(AT THIS POINT I ATTEMPT TO CALL HIM. BUT HE REFUSES TO PICK UP SO I PROCEED THE CONVERSATION BY TEXT.)
Oh god. I can't believe it. I am just so sorry.
You're right, that was unacceptable of me and I don't really know what to say other than that I feel disgusting for having violated your boundaries.
I have a lot of respect for you and knowing that I made someone feel like that makes me feel horribly and I promise I won't contact you anymore. I'm very sorry again and good luck with everything, you deserve the best
Don't beat yourself up, I'm not taking this as harshly as you think I am and there's no reason for you to feel worse than I do :)
I made you feel like that so I deserve it.
You deserve someone who makes you feel great
Knowing that I made you feel like that and violated your boundaries, again I am truly disgusted and appalled with myself.
That isn't your fault at all, it is all mine and I don't want to make someone as great as you feel disrespected or used
So I respectfully apologize once again, I feel like complete shit right now for having made you feel that way
Thats it. again good luck and hope everything goes.well for you
I just feel so bad. ai feel physically sick. what i did was so unacceptable i dont even know what to say. i am a complete piece of shit
I.. don't know what to say. You're not a complete piece of shit (by far!) but people make mistakes. I'm not too hurt but mistakes are rarely painless. This was not.. kind. You can bail out or you can give me time and learn from this. You seem to have made your choice but I haven't.
Fwiw, I've been where you are and just now realized it. I think I have an apology email to write too.
honestly if i really did that to you i would rather be dead.
i mean you are saying i raped you
right
i dont even know what to say
i would rather be dead than know i did that to someone
you dont need to apologize. if i did that im a monster and im no better than those who abused me
in fact i am worse
i would rather be dead than do that to some9ne
I made a decision to go through with it rather than push you off. I'm not a helpless baby and could have been firmer in my denial - I just decided it'd be easier to do this and sleep than push you away. And yes, I felt pretty cold too when I was making that choice. But I made that choice and had the power to refuse. That matters.
Please don't talk about death - from you, it scares me. :(
the fact that i even put you in that situation means there is something very, extremely wrong with me
(After about a week of no contact)**************
Me: Hey: You made a pretty serious allegation against me. If we are to continue staying in contact in any capacity we really need to talk it out face to face. It doesn't have to be today, obviously. I would suggest we get coffee somewhere.
Can do. For the record, the only allegation I made was that you ignored my needs and desires, in my mind things we consensual, albeit begrudgingly. There was a line crossed but it wasn't *the* line :/
Ok, thanks. it's really something we need to talk about in person
when would you like to meet?
Friday? Or Sunday?
Friday works for me :)
hey btw what was that website you mentioned, that was a yelp for places that are good to work out of?
workfrom.co I think
oh cool thanks
18/5/16 Me: any chance you'd be free to meet today or tomorrow instead of Friday?
if not it's fine
Can't do today, sorry. Tomorrow would have to be late, after work. Coffee time would be either Friday or Sunday
Yeah ok no problem, Friday is still fine
We don't actually have to drink coffee at the spot, I will probably order a tea
Any idea what time on Friday more or less would be good for you?
I can do any time after noon, really
Oh!
Okay great, thanks [REDACTED]
We can meet anywhere you feel most comfortable, or ill choose a spot. Alright, see you Fri.
*shrug* there's a bunch of coffee shops around, I don't have a preference
Okie dokie
Is at around 4pm good for you tomorrow?
I have a meeting from 2:30-3:30 near [REDACTED] then I'm done for the day
Yeah, I think I can make that happen. I'm technically waiting for my desk, so would appreciate it if we went somewhere close to my place in case fedex shows up
Yeah sure no problem
You can just tell me where to meet you, how about that?
There's REDACTED or REDACTED or one of the restaurants or..? :)
Sure yeah doesnt matter to me!
You pick good places so you can just tell me when and where
im free after 330 pm :p
REDACTED is closest I think, let's do that at 4?
Sure
Me: My meeting tmrw at 230 got moved to next week
so I'm now free after 12pm.if you'd like to meet earlier
Um, not sure, I'm kinda home bound by this delivery
I'd rather keep our coffee late in the day, hoping to have received things by then
Yeah no problem
See you at 4pm
20/5/16, (I am starting to get really nervous, thinking about what people in the forms said, about him being manipulative, just getting really agitated and want to get it over with):
Yo sorry but I really need to meet earlier in the day. This will not be a super long conversation. Any chance we could do it at 2pm?
I mean whatever we could even talk this out just standing in front of your building if you want
Coffee shop isnt necessary
Im free after 1pm now
I can do 1 pm-1:30, have a meeting I need to dial into from 1:30-2:30 though
Ah ok, we'll just do 4pm then
I mean I think it will take longer than 30 minutes
Can also to the evening, at whatever hour, I'm free after work
No I don't want to drag it out any longer because I've been agitated about this all week. If 4pm is good for you we'll just keep that time
Sorry for ruining your plans for the day :(
You didn't ruin my plans!
After the café meeting… ************************
Me: maybe for you it was just about sex but for my part i really liked you, beyond sex. for that reason I don't think staying friends would be a good idea for me now. It would be feel painful for me.
it would be painful*
in any case thanks for being honest and telling me how you felt
Fwiw, it wasn't just about sex for me. And I understand completely. I'm sorry I hurt you (emoticon frown)
Let me know if you ever wanna go on that hike (emoticon of tree)
Why would you even want to be my friend if you don't think we have any connection beyond sex
Or go on a hike whatever
Because I think the sex is interfering with any connection we may have otherwise.
Well look. We've already spent a pretty good deal of time together talking about and doing things other than sex
So saying that is just fucking mean I'm sorry
If that is how you feel then there is absolutely no point in being friends
I'm sorry, I'll stfu now
If you have a bad time/don't like me/think I'm whatever negative thing you think of with me when we're not sleeping together, literally nothing
nothing
would change if we were friends. also checking okcupid constantly while we were supposedly dating was not classy either. Just be honest with yourself and the people you involve yourself with
To be honest, I didnt say this while at the cafe but this almost feels like
you were trying to manipulate me
And that you think I'm an idiot or something by throwing everything back at me
Saying I'm this unempathetic jerk who was just "using you for my entertainment" or whatever
So yeah, honestly, I mostly feel angry and disrespected. Fine you don't like me but don't put all this b.s. on me like it is all my fucking fault
If I am friends with someone I want to be able to trust them
and feel like they tell me what they mean
With you I have no clue what you actually mean or want so as a friendship this would be difficult
I respect myself
I said I'd stfu, so I won't reply and make this worse. Even though some of it really hurts. Sounds like you've made up your mind about me, so let's leave it at that.
I'm sorry it hurts but what you said hurt too.
I didn't want this to go down this way, I wish we could have just met as friends and left it like that because the last two weeks
I felt like you dropped and anvil on my head because thats about as much sense as this has all made to me.
All I know now is that I feel kind of disgusting and gross
so yeah, thats it. thats all i have to say. I feel fucking gross.
if you dont want people to get upset with you, REDACTED,
a piece of advice would be to not tell them that all the time.you spent with them was "just sex". >.< if you want to talk about stuff that hurts, well that right there makes me feel like a..
Theres no point yelling at you anymore. I guess the most telling part of this time we spent together was that you never said a nice thing about me. other than the sex was good.
Normal text: ME
Parenthesis: My commentary
The morning after “The Incident”
Me: That wasn’t very nice. >.<
Maybe this isn’t working out…
14/5/16 Him: Well, I told you I was crazy tired, sleep is the natural conclusion of that tiredness. From my point of view, the fact that you decided to wake me up wasn't very nice :/
Me: Sorry I woke you up
I didn't realize it would upset you so much, but what upset me was that I felt that you snapped at me
If I bother you we don't need to hang out anymore, it's fine..
I guess I am kind of a sensitive person :/
Even tho maybe I dont seem it
I don't feel as strongly as you think I do, not about you bothering me. But, honestly, waking me up just because you're awake is not fair in my books. Going all sexual when I'm clearly out-of-it tired and even say no is also not fair. :/
(where I start to have a horrible, horrible, suicidal panic attack at the idea I could have done this without realizing it to someone I cared about before actually thinking about what really happened) >.< It's true, I did do that.
I'm really sorry.
That was really inconsiderate of me >.<
Well, I understand, and I completely understand if you don't want to see me again
I'm sorry and will leave you alone, I feel really badly
I'm honestly not sure about the "ever again" part. But right now I feel like a man puppet and that needs to pass.
(AT THIS POINT I ATTEMPT TO CALL HIM. BUT HE REFUSES TO PICK UP SO I PROCEED THE CONVERSATION BY TEXT.)
Oh god. I can't believe it. I am just so sorry.
You're right, that was unacceptable of me and I don't really know what to say other than that I feel disgusting for having violated your boundaries.
I have a lot of respect for you and knowing that I made someone feel like that makes me feel horribly and I promise I won't contact you anymore. I'm very sorry again and good luck with everything, you deserve the best
Don't beat yourself up, I'm not taking this as harshly as you think I am and there's no reason for you to feel worse than I do :)
I made you feel like that so I deserve it.
You deserve someone who makes you feel great
Knowing that I made you feel like that and violated your boundaries, again I am truly disgusted and appalled with myself.
That isn't your fault at all, it is all mine and I don't want to make someone as great as you feel disrespected or used
So I respectfully apologize once again, I feel like complete shit right now for having made you feel that way
Thats it. again good luck and hope everything goes.well for you
I just feel so bad. ai feel physically sick. what i did was so unacceptable i dont even know what to say. i am a complete piece of shit
I.. don't know what to say. You're not a complete piece of shit (by far!) but people make mistakes. I'm not too hurt but mistakes are rarely painless. This was not.. kind. You can bail out or you can give me time and learn from this. You seem to have made your choice but I haven't.
Fwiw, I've been where you are and just now realized it. I think I have an apology email to write too.
honestly if i really did that to you i would rather be dead.
i mean you are saying i raped you
right
i dont even know what to say
i would rather be dead than know i did that to someone
you dont need to apologize. if i did that im a monster and im no better than those who abused me
in fact i am worse
i would rather be dead than do that to some9ne
I made a decision to go through with it rather than push you off. I'm not a helpless baby and could have been firmer in my denial - I just decided it'd be easier to do this and sleep than push you away. And yes, I felt pretty cold too when I was making that choice. But I made that choice and had the power to refuse. That matters.
Please don't talk about death - from you, it scares me. :(
the fact that i even put you in that situation means there is something very, extremely wrong with me
(After about a week of no contact)**************
Me: Hey: You made a pretty serious allegation against me. If we are to continue staying in contact in any capacity we really need to talk it out face to face. It doesn't have to be today, obviously. I would suggest we get coffee somewhere.
Can do. For the record, the only allegation I made was that you ignored my needs and desires, in my mind things we consensual, albeit begrudgingly. There was a line crossed but it wasn't *the* line :/
Ok, thanks. it's really something we need to talk about in person
when would you like to meet?
Friday? Or Sunday?
Friday works for me :)
hey btw what was that website you mentioned, that was a yelp for places that are good to work out of?
workfrom.co I think
oh cool thanks
18/5/16 Me: any chance you'd be free to meet today or tomorrow instead of Friday?
if not it's fine
Can't do today, sorry. Tomorrow would have to be late, after work. Coffee time would be either Friday or Sunday
Yeah ok no problem, Friday is still fine
We don't actually have to drink coffee at the spot, I will probably order a tea
Any idea what time on Friday more or less would be good for you?
I can do any time after noon, really
Oh!
Okay great, thanks [REDACTED]
We can meet anywhere you feel most comfortable, or ill choose a spot. Alright, see you Fri.
*shrug* there's a bunch of coffee shops around, I don't have a preference
Okie dokie
Is at around 4pm good for you tomorrow?
I have a meeting from 2:30-3:30 near [REDACTED] then I'm done for the day
Yeah, I think I can make that happen. I'm technically waiting for my desk, so would appreciate it if we went somewhere close to my place in case fedex shows up
Yeah sure no problem
You can just tell me where to meet you, how about that?
There's REDACTED or REDACTED or one of the restaurants or..? :)
Sure yeah doesnt matter to me!
You pick good places so you can just tell me when and where
im free after 330 pm :p
REDACTED is closest I think, let's do that at 4?
Sure
Me: My meeting tmrw at 230 got moved to next week
so I'm now free after 12pm.if you'd like to meet earlier
Um, not sure, I'm kinda home bound by this delivery
I'd rather keep our coffee late in the day, hoping to have received things by then
Yeah no problem
See you at 4pm
20/5/16, (I am starting to get really nervous, thinking about what people in the forms said, about him being manipulative, just getting really agitated and want to get it over with):
Yo sorry but I really need to meet earlier in the day. This will not be a super long conversation. Any chance we could do it at 2pm?
I mean whatever we could even talk this out just standing in front of your building if you want
Coffee shop isnt necessary
Im free after 1pm now
I can do 1 pm-1:30, have a meeting I need to dial into from 1:30-2:30 though
Ah ok, we'll just do 4pm then
I mean I think it will take longer than 30 minutes
Can also to the evening, at whatever hour, I'm free after work
No I don't want to drag it out any longer because I've been agitated about this all week. If 4pm is good for you we'll just keep that time
Sorry for ruining your plans for the day :(
You didn't ruin my plans!
After the café meeting… ************************
Me: maybe for you it was just about sex but for my part i really liked you, beyond sex. for that reason I don't think staying friends would be a good idea for me now. It would be feel painful for me.
it would be painful*
in any case thanks for being honest and telling me how you felt
Fwiw, it wasn't just about sex for me. And I understand completely. I'm sorry I hurt you (emoticon frown)
Let me know if you ever wanna go on that hike (emoticon of tree)
Why would you even want to be my friend if you don't think we have any connection beyond sex
Or go on a hike whatever
Because I think the sex is interfering with any connection we may have otherwise.
Well look. We've already spent a pretty good deal of time together talking about and doing things other than sex
So saying that is just fucking mean I'm sorry
If that is how you feel then there is absolutely no point in being friends
I'm sorry, I'll stfu now
If you have a bad time/don't like me/think I'm whatever negative thing you think of with me when we're not sleeping together, literally nothing
nothing
would change if we were friends. also checking okcupid constantly while we were supposedly dating was not classy either. Just be honest with yourself and the people you involve yourself with
To be honest, I didnt say this while at the cafe but this almost feels like
you were trying to manipulate me
And that you think I'm an idiot or something by throwing everything back at me
Saying I'm this unempathetic jerk who was just "using you for my entertainment" or whatever
So yeah, honestly, I mostly feel angry and disrespected. Fine you don't like me but don't put all this b.s. on me like it is all my fucking fault
If I am friends with someone I want to be able to trust them
and feel like they tell me what they mean
With you I have no clue what you actually mean or want so as a friendship this would be difficult
I respect myself
I said I'd stfu, so I won't reply and make this worse. Even though some of it really hurts. Sounds like you've made up your mind about me, so let's leave it at that.
I'm sorry it hurts but what you said hurt too.
I didn't want this to go down this way, I wish we could have just met as friends and left it like that because the last two weeks
I felt like you dropped and anvil on my head because thats about as much sense as this has all made to me.
All I know now is that I feel kind of disgusting and gross
so yeah, thats it. thats all i have to say. I feel fucking gross.
if you dont want people to get upset with you, REDACTED,
a piece of advice would be to not tell them that all the time.you spent with them was "just sex". >.< if you want to talk about stuff that hurts, well that right there makes me feel like a..
Theres no point yelling at you anymore. I guess the most telling part of this time we spent together was that you never said a nice thing about me. other than the sex was good.