March Update
Hello, once again.
It's the last day of March, so I thought I'd update you on everything that's happened since I last posted.
In order of appearance:
-I had my first cigarettes
-Kyle Nelson asked me out and I said yes, then people freaked out because I involuntarily never date
-I finished and posted snow!fic, but was still very unhappy with it
-We went on our first date
-I had my first kiss
-I broke up with Kyle, because I'm kind of in love with Nico (explanation in a second)
-I smoked weed for the first time
-I made plans to move in with my mom, for the summer and/or permanently
-Spring Break started
-I smoked weed for the second time
-I told Nico that I love him
And that was yesterday, so I'll continue in big long paragraphs now.
First of all, I broke up with Kyle two days after our first kiss. And here's why: when you're as obsessed with love as I am, and all the sudden the person you're supposed to love isn't the person you love, you freak out. So, yeah, I got scared because people expected me to be in love with Kyle, when, in reality, I'm, for lack of a better phrase, "in love" with Nico.
Nico Nico Nico. He's my best friend. He has been since half way through first semester. And I'm kind of in love with him. I can't say "I kind of love him", because that's not true. I totally love him. He's the most wonderful person I know and I can trust him with everything. But I'm not IN love with him. Kind of. (I completely understand if you want to skip to the next paragraph, it's okay.) I like him. A lot. Like, I would kiss him back if he kissed me. And I almost cried when he went to Sweetheart's with Misty.
So. When you mix the initial 'love' with the progressive 'like', it turns into 'mostly love'. Like when you were a kid and you tried to make black paint with watercolors. When you add orange and blue, love and like, they turn into mostly black. It's not really black, but it's about right. And if you keep adding blue, it turns into actual black. And I figure that's what's going to happen with Nico. If I keep liking him so much, my situation is going to turn into actual black. I mean love. God, that was a crappy metaphor. Sorry, I'm trying.
And yesterday night, I got very stoned and started texting Nico. That's when I told him I love him. And he didn't reply, so I don't know what's going to happen.
But all in all, I'm not afraid. If he doesn't love me back, that's okay. If he does I will do a happy dance that will last forever.
Wow. Sorry, it's very late. And I'm really tired. And not making sense, so I apologize for this post, you'll get a better one next month.
It's the last day of March, so I thought I'd update you on everything that's happened since I last posted.
In order of appearance:
-I had my first cigarettes
-Kyle Nelson asked me out and I said yes, then people freaked out because I involuntarily never date
-I finished and posted snow!fic, but was still very unhappy with it
-We went on our first date
-I had my first kiss
-I broke up with Kyle, because I'm kind of in love with Nico (explanation in a second)
-I smoked weed for the first time
-I made plans to move in with my mom, for the summer and/or permanently
-Spring Break started
-I smoked weed for the second time
-I told Nico that I love him
And that was yesterday, so I'll continue in big long paragraphs now.
First of all, I broke up with Kyle two days after our first kiss. And here's why: when you're as obsessed with love as I am, and all the sudden the person you're supposed to love isn't the person you love, you freak out. So, yeah, I got scared because people expected me to be in love with Kyle, when, in reality, I'm, for lack of a better phrase, "in love" with Nico.
Nico Nico Nico. He's my best friend. He has been since half way through first semester. And I'm kind of in love with him. I can't say "I kind of love him", because that's not true. I totally love him. He's the most wonderful person I know and I can trust him with everything. But I'm not IN love with him. Kind of. (I completely understand if you want to skip to the next paragraph, it's okay.) I like him. A lot. Like, I would kiss him back if he kissed me. And I almost cried when he went to Sweetheart's with Misty.
So. When you mix the initial 'love' with the progressive 'like', it turns into 'mostly love'. Like when you were a kid and you tried to make black paint with watercolors. When you add orange and blue, love and like, they turn into mostly black. It's not really black, but it's about right. And if you keep adding blue, it turns into actual black. And I figure that's what's going to happen with Nico. If I keep liking him so much, my situation is going to turn into actual black. I mean love. God, that was a crappy metaphor. Sorry, I'm trying.
And yesterday night, I got very stoned and started texting Nico. That's when I told him I love him. And he didn't reply, so I don't know what's going to happen.
But all in all, I'm not afraid. If he doesn't love me back, that's okay. If he does I will do a happy dance that will last forever.
Wow. Sorry, it's very late. And I'm really tired. And not making sense, so I apologize for this post, you'll get a better one next month.