(no subject)
Love. That fucked up emotion that can turn you into the worlds biggest fool. Or kill you just the same as a fucking bullet piercing your brain. I've only ever truely loved 2 women. One nearly destroyed me, the other helped me to cope with my pain. Both I'd die for. So why is it that I can't honestly see myself without either of them? I don't think I'll ever know. Now I don't mean that as in being with either of them, just...i honestly can't see myself without them in my life. But at the same time....I don't know. I guess I'm just rambleing as usual. Though it's funny, the little things that force memories out of the farthest, darkest corners of your mind. For example I just found a bottle of massage lotion and the memory of the first time she gave me a massage came rushing to my mind. And it hurt. Alot. Though I can honestly say it was the best massage I've had to date. Now for all of you perverts reading this, it was just a back rub. Nothing more. Ack some one shoot me please, I'm remembering way too much right now. I won't lie, every memory of her brings back the pain. But at the same time, all the memories of the other one....takes the pain away. And i can never thank her enough for all the help she gives me without even knowing that she is, or has helped me. Now if you know me you know exactly who i am talking about. And if you don't, well then i guess you really don't care about what i'm writing about. in either case it doesn't matter. I think in all honesty i just needed to get a few things off my mind. And i feel better now that i've written what i've wrote. Part of me will always love those two. And part of me will never trust one of them ever again. And thats a feeling i don't like. I mean, how can you truelly love some one and not trust them? Isn't trust a part of love? Or am i just looking into this too much? What ever the case, I've become a better person because of them. And i've learned alot from them. Though never again will i let someone into the deepest part of my heart, never again will i allow myself to be so blinded by love. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Anyways..................Today was a ok day. I didn't really do much. Talked with Andrea online for a few minutes cause i was getting ready to go play pool. i got beat. bad. but it was fun. I miss south florida. Every minute i'm stuck here the more i remember why i HATE it here. There is absolutely NOTHING here for me. Ok my mind went totally blank for over a hour there. i guess i'll update again tommorow.