I fucking hate this place.
This weekend I had to go on a field trip through Albany. It was an aquaducks tour and it was kinda boring. I wasted a lot of my time. I hate that I have to spend MY free time doing things for school. Thats not really what I paid for. It's my money poop. Anyways, after that I took a bus to Crossgates and waited there for like a half an hour to charlie to come. Waiting wasn't so bad. I got to sit on a bench all by myself and just relax. All I want to do is sleep right now. I dont remember the last time I got a good nights rest. This weekend I couldnt sleep at all. I just want to go home. I hate it so much here that its making me homesick. Anyways, after a while I bought some candy corn at Hallmark because I needed a dollar for the bus. I went back and sat on my bench. Charlie came after some time and we hugged and stuff. He was soaking wet because it was pouring outside. We decided to go to Unos and get something to eat. I got the best thing ever....BBQ chicken pizza. It was really good. Then we walked around for a little. Then went back to Albany. I dropped off my stuff and we just hung around and got Charlies laundry done. We bascially just watched TV and layed around. I wanted to sleep but I dont know I just feel bad sleeping because the weekends are really the only time I get to see him. I took a shower and we went watched some more tv. We ordered Chinese food and mine wasnt as good as I thought it would be. I got the scallops and garlic sauce. I should just stick with General Tsos from now on. Always a good choice. I had some of my Malibu and it felt good. I like Malibu. Anyways then I tried to sleep but he woke me up because he wanted to cuddle. I hate my face. I'm breaking out everywhere. I dont think I will ever get rid of my acne. Its just going to follow me whereever I go. Anyways, we bascially did nothing all nite. I coudnt sleep at all that night. It sucked. I hate it when I cant sleep beause I am so tired. The clocks went back on Sunday. We woke up and showered (not together) and saw a movie and went to Paneras. Paneras was pretty good, it always reminds me of Kristen Nestler because she always used to talk about it. I wonder how she is doing. I think I had a dream about her last night I dont remember about what though. I ran today. I dont know why, I cant seem to lose any weight. So why am I running? I think I do it because if I didt I would be worse off than I am now. I wonder if I am the only one feeling this way right now? I wonder if there is someone else out there just like me? Who really hates where they are right now in life and has no idea where their life is headed. We saw a movie and got free popcorn. It wasnt that funny. It was Open Season. I went back late on Sunday. I finshed my Malibu and I'm wishing I didnt because I wish I had more. And here I am now. I cant get any of my homework done because there is always more. I dont want to do it anymore. I just want to go home, climb underneath a rock and pretend like I never exsisted. I'm beyond crying now. I cant even get myself to cry. I cant talk to anyone anymore. Its not worth it, they can do nothing to help me. They cant even comfort me. I guess I'll keep continuing with my lie. My life of lies and pain. Who cares? Cause I sure don't.
Next weekend I am going to try and forget about my past week, like I always do. Then come home on Sunday and do the whole thing over again. Whats the point? So I can get a job? I dont even know what I want to do. Does anyone? This weekened I want to play beer pong but I prolly wont because nothing ever works out for me. Or maybe it does and I just dont realize it. I take advantage of it. I dont know. I really want to go to confession and I keep saying that but I never go. I guess thats bad, but I dont know. I guess I dont ever remember or I just never go. Im a lost cause anyway. I have to go to lab soon. I dont want to. I just want to get my homework done. But I cant do that either because I always have homework. I have figured that there are only 50 more days left until the end of the semester. I hope they fly. I hope that I dont have to be here next year. Its killled me. Actually it prolly wouldnt even make a different. I'd still be sad. I dont know why I even try anymore.
Next weekend I am going to try and forget about my past week, like I always do. Then come home on Sunday and do the whole thing over again. Whats the point? So I can get a job? I dont even know what I want to do. Does anyone? This weekened I want to play beer pong but I prolly wont because nothing ever works out for me. Or maybe it does and I just dont realize it. I take advantage of it. I dont know. I really want to go to confession and I keep saying that but I never go. I guess thats bad, but I dont know. I guess I dont ever remember or I just never go. Im a lost cause anyway. I have to go to lab soon. I dont want to. I just want to get my homework done. But I cant do that either because I always have homework. I have figured that there are only 50 more days left until the end of the semester. I hope they fly. I hope that I dont have to be here next year. Its killled me. Actually it prolly wouldnt even make a different. I'd still be sad. I dont know why I even try anymore.