(no subject)
Tried calling Mariah all day but I dunno what's happening over there, I guess their power went out or something, because it keeps going straight to voice mail when I call. Ben's been on AIM all day, but on Idle, so I'm assuming he's at his mom's house or his friends' house, because he doesn't have his own computer, which means he's still in Almont. It's weird, not talking to him. I guess I just got used to him being around all the time, since we more or less spent all of our (considerable) spare time together, when we weren't doing our programs and therapy and seeing our friends and things like that. So, yeah. It's a little weird not having him around, but hopefully he'll IM me back once he comes home from doing whatever he's doing. I think he's thinking of moving back there, and of course I really don't want him to, cause realistically we wouldn't be able to see each other a whole lot if he did. Anyway, yeah. Pretty calm day, walked up to the park with Bentley and Christian earlier, so. I think I pretty much hit all of the goals that I had for myself this weekend in terms of the Day Program goals sheet, so I think I'm doing fairly well despite the fact that I just started it. On the other hand, I'm not really looking forward to going back tomorrow, and I'm really, really freaking out about it, ugh. I really wish Ben was here so that I could talk about it with him. I always really appreciate his advice because, well. I mean, obviously, having anxiety himself, he's probably the only person in my life who completely and totally understands everything I'm going through, how constant and irrational the fear is, how profoundly it affects your judgment and your relationships and your life. However, the thing I appreciate about him the most is that he's such a logical person, and I think that's one of the reasons why we get along so well. I know lots of girls want and expect a guy who's sensitive and all that, and I know a lot of girls (one in particular) try to see sensitively in their boyfriends where there is none, but I really appreciate his logic. It's really helpful in situations where I'm overly anxious or brimming over with emotion, and he kind of just pins me down with logic and reason, and it's very helpful. Anyway. I'm really over all of the ignorance and negativity today and I haven't let it ruin my day at all. It's a beautiful day and hopefully I'll get to talk to Ben or Mariah by the end of the day.. hopefully, for some reason, Mariah's phone problems are somehow connected to them going to get her passport?! I don't know. Anyway, not gonna let cattiness and pseudo-intellectualism get me down, though it's one of the things that bothers me the most, especially in regards to this entire generation, really. I don't know, there's just something about it that rubs me the wrong way, more so than any other negative traits that people have, I think. But I know that once I can talk to Ben and he reasons it out for me, or once I speak to Mariah and she interjects with some of her humor and clear perception, it won't bother me so much. All in all, pretty good day, DESPITE THE FACT THAT MY BANDWIDTH LIMIT IS STILL EXCEEDED, and despite the fact that my patience for girls and boys online (and in life, really), is wearing pretty thin. Thinking about taking a bit of a break from the Internet, because it's basically just a cesspool for negativity and people who are simultaneously obtuse and think they're superior, particularly men. Anyway. It's Michael's birthday tomorrow and I'm really looking forward to going out with him and a couple of his friends, the kind of day where you just kick back with a beer and shoot the shit. I don't really have any money with which to buy him a present, but I suppose the new iPod screen is good enough.. guess I should have saved that for the actual day, though.. anyway. Hopefully his birthday party will offset my anxiety at having to go to group tomorrow, so. Hope everyone else can stop focusing on the negative and get out to have fun, too. Get off the Internet, guys. It's a beautiful summer day. Go sit outside and read a book or something.