Tired.

[fuchsiascreams]

So fucking pissed. My dad has this doctor, right, a pain specialist. He's been seeing him for almost a year and his pain still isn't controlled, but he's prescribing him larger and larger amounts of like a dozen medications, all of which completely incapacitate him for like twenty hours a day. He doesn't cook, he doesn't clean, he doesn't do the groceries, he doesn't drive my brother to work or school. He leaves lights on, the oven on, the rat cages open, the front door open (when we have five animals running around? are you kidding me?). It's really frustrating because I'm twenty years old, trying to deal with my own demons, and also basically acting as mother and babysitter to two grown children: my dad and my brother. And it's fucking tiring. I know it's not his fault - it's the medication - but he sleeps or is in bed for 20/24 hours a day at least, and the meds aren't even helping with the pain. So why take them? He's trying to get a business started up and he nods off in the middle of conference calls on Skype. I can't even express how frustrating it is to have to answer the same question ten times in a row because he's so fucked up that he literally has no perception of what he's doing or where he is. I'm terrified that one day he's going to put the rats in the microwave or leave the door open or drive himself into a fucking lake. My entire day is centered around being up while he's up so I can basically follow him around and undo all the crazy shit that he does.

I'm just really tired.. I need a break.