(no subject)

[mutated_queer]

Recently not feeling able to sleep around and have one night stands in really on my mind. I'm read as male without question but that just means to sleep with someone I need to do the 'btw I don't have the bits you assume I do' thing. I know sex isn't the be all and end all but I see my friends being able to do it as they want and I feel like I'm missing out on a great bit of what being young and single means to me.

Having to out myself to some near stranger makes me feel unsafe. I don't like being out to people when I don't know if I can trust them. As well as in a physical sense of safety, even if it's someone who isn't physically threatening to me I worry that they tell some drunk friends and things go bad. Even if I were to put this aside I'm not sure I can take the rejection. It wouldn't leave me really upset but it's piss me off and if that was happening half the time I pull then  overall it wouldn't feel worth putting myself through. I wouldn't want it kill the mood either. I wouldn't want it to be like some half hour discussion because I find having to explain my body on cis terms varying degrees of annoying, boring and tedious.

The obvious answer is online sites but I'm a lot more into women than other genders and nearly every site like that is full of guys. So I don't think it's really a worthwhile option. I live in a city with an almost non-existant queer scene so it doesn't really help. The gay scene is very gay so I'd not go there and hit on women.

I don't know if there is some clever solution or something I can work on. Or if I need to accept it and get over it. I was wondering if any of you guys have any thoughts or tips or comments how you feel about it. Maybe it'll hep me think a way though it enough to not be thinking about it so much. It's something I either need to resolve or find a way to be comfortable with