Worried before surgery

[slightlywee]

I'm having top surgery with Medalie in 29 days, and I'm really really excited about it, theoretically, but I'm having a lot of trouble actually believing it's going to happen. Getting a non-insane therapist, hormones, and changing my name were all unusually difficult because of bureaucracy and craziness from my parents, who I've mostly reconciled with, but who won't acknowledge that they were cruel and emotionally abusive during the process (threatening me in public, lying about me to my therapist, refusing to speak to me unless I was on medication I didn't need, etc. etc. death). So I have problems believing that things I want -- especially related to transition -- are actually going to happen.

I want to look forward to this and feel good about it (I made one of those countdown paper chains), and I also want to try to eat better and exercise more in the following weeks, but I'm too nervous about making that kind of investment in something I fear is going to be ruined somehow before it happens. Can anyone else relate to this? Is there anything that worked for you?