a damn good story for steeplers
I was talking to Clare last night (as you do) and told her a story. Because she was so delighted by it, I shall share it here, with you.
Last Wednesday, Kristofferson and myself went to see Zodiac at the Regent (OH YES IT WAS GOOD). Before the movie, I had to go to the toilet (naturally) and so I started going into the male toilet before Kris stopped me. Hahah - Don't worry, the imbosile doesn't suspect a thing *steeples fingers*.
LMFAO. PSYCHE!
That's besides the point though. So I went into female toilets and there was someone already in there. I began to pray ("oh please let us not have awkward toilet silence"). My prayers were answered with a nice steady stream of pee. I thanked the divine force kindly.
So I started to get my toilet paper (NATURALLY) when I realized that the lid which encloses the toilet dispensers (big black round ones - you know) was missing. So before I could react, the toilet paper landed on the floor and rolled out.
You: "ERR SO WHAT PAM. YOU'RE SO LAME PAM. YOU AND YOUR USELESS STORIES, PAM."
Me: "SHUT THE FUCK UP"
See, this isn't another one of my embarrassing stories. I was just so taken by the way the god damn toilet roll rolled out of my cubicle. See, it's escape was so fucking perfectly executed. TOO FUCKING PERFECT. CREEPILY PERFECT. But, you know... PERFECTLY PERFECT *eyes beam yellow*.
I will explain this escape and why it was so perfect. Firstly, the roll wasn't full size anymore. I couple of people have been peeing/pooing in this cubicle before me and using up some his rolls. This made the clever bastard's body just the perfect size to slide out of my cubicle flawlessly. Like it was waiting to be used a little, before it would make an escape. And it didn't even bounce when it hit the ground; it landed. IT FUCKING LANDED! THERE IS A STARK DIFFERENCE BETWEEN LANDING AND FALLING: IT'S FALL WASN'T NECESSARILY DUE TO GRAVITY'S PULL.
So there I sat with inadequate toilet paper, which just had to fucking do. I was pissed. But more than pissed, I was impressed. "Clever bastard. Well done tricky shit" I thought with a smile. So I left in an instant hoping that I would be able to leave the premises before caught red handed by the girl who was still in the toilet. SUCCESS. EXCELLENT.
Needed to go back to the toilet after the movie and it was pretty busy this time. HAHAH! My former cubicle was empty. Wonder why. OH YEAH PROBABLY BECAUSE IT'S TOILET ROLL IS ACROSS THE ROOM SITTING IN A CORNER, BOASTING IT'S SUCCESS. I smiled at him cheekily as if we intimately shared some 'in joke'. He smiled back.
So I went into a cubicle and when I went to sit down (and excrete) I thought: what would be fun is if I talk to someone outside [the cubicle after i'm done excreting] and say, "How random is that toilet roll *point to roll*." And they'd be like "Yeah I know right." And I'd be like *STEEEEEEEEPLE FUCKING STEEEEEEEEPLE* - in my mind. ARGH! IT WOULD HAVE BEEN THE PERFECT CRIME! And they'd be thinking, well obviously it wasn't her [me] who did that.
BUT GUESS WHAT??
IT SO FUCKING WAS. *pushes steeple into overdrive*
AND THEY'D NEVER KNOW, TO THE DAY THEY DIED. *steeples without sanity*
MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAAHAHAHHFDJKAHF[O FNIO;AWTCUPFNRDX - *chokes on saliva*
Last Wednesday, Kristofferson and myself went to see Zodiac at the Regent (OH YES IT WAS GOOD). Before the movie, I had to go to the toilet (naturally) and so I started going into the male toilet before Kris stopped me. Hahah - Don't worry, the imbosile doesn't suspect a thing *steeples fingers*.
LMFAO. PSYCHE!
That's besides the point though. So I went into female toilets and there was someone already in there. I began to pray ("oh please let us not have awkward toilet silence"). My prayers were answered with a nice steady stream of pee. I thanked the divine force kindly.
So I started to get my toilet paper (NATURALLY) when I realized that the lid which encloses the toilet dispensers (big black round ones - you know) was missing. So before I could react, the toilet paper landed on the floor and rolled out.
You: "ERR SO WHAT PAM. YOU'RE SO LAME PAM. YOU AND YOUR USELESS STORIES, PAM."
Me: "SHUT THE FUCK UP"
See, this isn't another one of my embarrassing stories. I was just so taken by the way the god damn toilet roll rolled out of my cubicle. See, it's escape was so fucking perfectly executed. TOO FUCKING PERFECT. CREEPILY PERFECT. But, you know... PERFECTLY PERFECT *eyes beam yellow*.
I will explain this escape and why it was so perfect. Firstly, the roll wasn't full size anymore. I couple of people have been peeing/pooing in this cubicle before me and using up some his rolls. This made the clever bastard's body just the perfect size to slide out of my cubicle flawlessly. Like it was waiting to be used a little, before it would make an escape. And it didn't even bounce when it hit the ground; it landed. IT FUCKING LANDED! THERE IS A STARK DIFFERENCE BETWEEN LANDING AND FALLING: IT'S FALL WASN'T NECESSARILY DUE TO GRAVITY'S PULL.
So there I sat with inadequate toilet paper, which just had to fucking do. I was pissed. But more than pissed, I was impressed. "Clever bastard. Well done tricky shit" I thought with a smile. So I left in an instant hoping that I would be able to leave the premises before caught red handed by the girl who was still in the toilet. SUCCESS. EXCELLENT.
Needed to go back to the toilet after the movie and it was pretty busy this time. HAHAH! My former cubicle was empty. Wonder why. OH YEAH PROBABLY BECAUSE IT'S TOILET ROLL IS ACROSS THE ROOM SITTING IN A CORNER, BOASTING IT'S SUCCESS. I smiled at him cheekily as if we intimately shared some 'in joke'. He smiled back.
So I went into a cubicle and when I went to sit down (and excrete) I thought: what would be fun is if I talk to someone outside [the cubicle after i'm done excreting] and say, "How random is that toilet roll *point to roll*." And they'd be like "Yeah I know right." And I'd be like *STEEEEEEEEPLE FUCKING STEEEEEEEEPLE* - in my mind. ARGH! IT WOULD HAVE BEEN THE PERFECT CRIME! And they'd be thinking, well obviously it wasn't her [me] who did that.
BUT GUESS WHAT??
IT SO FUCKING WAS. *pushes steeple into overdrive*
AND THEY'D NEVER KNOW, TO THE DAY THEY DIED. *steeples without sanity*
MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAAHAHAHHFDJKAHF[O FNIO;AWTCUPFNRDX - *chokes on saliva*