Early Update
It's been a while since I've updated, so let's make up for it by putting in a big entry!
Breakers. This all started over breakers. They're what control portions of the house's electricity and apparently one breaker seems to be on the decline. This means in certain rooms that one cannot turn on too many things without all the electricity going off in certain sectors of the home.
My brother was on his computer and I wanted to be on mine. Against good reasoning I went on and spoke for a few minutes before... boom. The power went off. My brother got annoyed and told me to go outside to flip a breaker to try and get it working again. I didn't want to; it wasn't worth it to me, it was cold, and it's night. It's just wasn't something that seemed quite appealing.
He thus threatened me, telling me that if I didn't turn it on he'd wake up our mother to do it. I didn't think he was bastard enough to do such a thing. After all, she's his mom, someone who gives and strives for him, right? Who loves him unconditionally and who would do almost anything for him.
I was horribly wrong.
He woke her up and this made me angry. I actually grabbed him by the shirt and pushed him unto the couch. Of course mom got between us and no blows were actually thrown. He tried to make her go out there though, for his bloody computer addiction. Of course she's compliant to his demands; she always is. That made me angry, that fired me up!
This -boy- was commanding her, getting his way, and she was just allowing it to happen. By her doing as he commanded he'd think similar occassions in the future would be fine and it made me angry. I got in front of the door, barring it from her exit. We yelled, I put my hand over her mouth, I got into her face telling her to go, to get out of my way. I didn't want her out there, feeding his laziness, his assholeishness!
I'm looking back and those actions just made me as bad as him. She's a good woman who's worked hard for so very years, who truly loves us. If noone else was there for us, noone, she would be. She gives us so much and does so much for us. She bought our Christmas, she's made sure we have great, proper educations, she's loved us so much! She tells me enough that I remember that my brother and I are all that keeps her going these days.
All that keeps her going are two irresponsible, horrible children. That breaks my heart, to know that he and I are what keeps such a wonderful woman going. I know she lies a lot to try to stop fights, I know the house is now a horrible mess, the toilets are falling apart, a border of the door is falling off. I know these conditions are awful but she's depressed, she's hurting, and for so long she took care of my brother, my father, and I. She worked a job and she cooked and she cleaned, and she's just had -enough-!
I'm really an awful son though and I know it. I claim I've changed, I try to be a great person, and yet in situations like these I know how horrible I actually am. I worry that if I marry I'll hit my wife or treat her in such an awful fashion. If I'll do that to my mom who's been so wonderful to me, what could I do to the woman I love? What if children come along?
People say I'm good and kind, that I'm a great listening ear. They don't bloody well live with me, though! They don't put up with this bull. I want to be a good person and a good son. I want that and my mom and loved ones deserve that.
So why can't I?
Breakers. This all started over breakers. They're what control portions of the house's electricity and apparently one breaker seems to be on the decline. This means in certain rooms that one cannot turn on too many things without all the electricity going off in certain sectors of the home.
My brother was on his computer and I wanted to be on mine. Against good reasoning I went on and spoke for a few minutes before... boom. The power went off. My brother got annoyed and told me to go outside to flip a breaker to try and get it working again. I didn't want to; it wasn't worth it to me, it was cold, and it's night. It's just wasn't something that seemed quite appealing.
He thus threatened me, telling me that if I didn't turn it on he'd wake up our mother to do it. I didn't think he was bastard enough to do such a thing. After all, she's his mom, someone who gives and strives for him, right? Who loves him unconditionally and who would do almost anything for him.
I was horribly wrong.
He woke her up and this made me angry. I actually grabbed him by the shirt and pushed him unto the couch. Of course mom got between us and no blows were actually thrown. He tried to make her go out there though, for his bloody computer addiction. Of course she's compliant to his demands; she always is. That made me angry, that fired me up!
This -boy- was commanding her, getting his way, and she was just allowing it to happen. By her doing as he commanded he'd think similar occassions in the future would be fine and it made me angry. I got in front of the door, barring it from her exit. We yelled, I put my hand over her mouth, I got into her face telling her to go, to get out of my way. I didn't want her out there, feeding his laziness, his assholeishness!
I'm looking back and those actions just made me as bad as him. She's a good woman who's worked hard for so very years, who truly loves us. If noone else was there for us, noone, she would be. She gives us so much and does so much for us. She bought our Christmas, she's made sure we have great, proper educations, she's loved us so much! She tells me enough that I remember that my brother and I are all that keeps her going these days.
All that keeps her going are two irresponsible, horrible children. That breaks my heart, to know that he and I are what keeps such a wonderful woman going. I know she lies a lot to try to stop fights, I know the house is now a horrible mess, the toilets are falling apart, a border of the door is falling off. I know these conditions are awful but she's depressed, she's hurting, and for so long she took care of my brother, my father, and I. She worked a job and she cooked and she cleaned, and she's just had -enough-!
I'm really an awful son though and I know it. I claim I've changed, I try to be a great person, and yet in situations like these I know how horrible I actually am. I worry that if I marry I'll hit my wife or treat her in such an awful fashion. If I'll do that to my mom who's been so wonderful to me, what could I do to the woman I love? What if children come along?
People say I'm good and kind, that I'm a great listening ear. They don't bloody well live with me, though! They don't put up with this bull. I want to be a good person and a good son. I want that and my mom and loved ones deserve that.
So why can't I?