Spring Break Blues
Today's a bad day. It just hurts like Hell. A wonderful way to start off the first start of Spring Break, yeah?
It seems that with agreat deal of my loved ones, I always have to start the conversations between us. It seems that without me starting those conversations then we'd never talk and I'd be alone. It feels like despite all that I care and all that I'd do for them, they just don't care as much. It feels like I'm some sort of weight to them.
It seems like, lately, almost everyone's distant and I don't know what to do about that. I don't know how to fix it and it feels like it's entirely my fault. They can't all be that way with everyone, right? So why is it with me? Why the Hell am I so flawed that I receive that?
I remember how I used to be, what a bastard I was. I've strove so much to not be that person, to become better than how I was. I think I've come pretty far and I think I'm doing good. But why is it that in the past a person who was worse than me got more care from a person who's so valuable to me? Why can't I just shrug this off and move on?
Lately I've been looking back to those people I lost because I was an asshole, a jerk. I changed for them, I changed because of them. I wanted their friendships back, I wanted that care back but now it seems like half of those I lost are either afraid of what I'm capable of doing or just don't care. It feels like I've striven for so much, to be a much better person and it's not even worth much.
Now instead of exploding on people when I get hurt I instead just take it and either bitch to someone or cry. I'm expected to be the better man in situations that are nasty. And all these expectations are because of the way I act, a way that doesn't get me much whatsoever. It just gets me the apathy of people generally.
This is so bloody frustrating, so bloody annoying. I can't go back to what I was but right now, I hate who I am, I hate what I've become. I'm just some bloody doormat it seems typically. I'll give my heart and soul to people and they'll return half of that if even that amount. Why am I so unworthwhile?
-Why-?
It seems that with agreat deal of my loved ones, I always have to start the conversations between us. It seems that without me starting those conversations then we'd never talk and I'd be alone. It feels like despite all that I care and all that I'd do for them, they just don't care as much. It feels like I'm some sort of weight to them.
It seems like, lately, almost everyone's distant and I don't know what to do about that. I don't know how to fix it and it feels like it's entirely my fault. They can't all be that way with everyone, right? So why is it with me? Why the Hell am I so flawed that I receive that?
I remember how I used to be, what a bastard I was. I've strove so much to not be that person, to become better than how I was. I think I've come pretty far and I think I'm doing good. But why is it that in the past a person who was worse than me got more care from a person who's so valuable to me? Why can't I just shrug this off and move on?
Lately I've been looking back to those people I lost because I was an asshole, a jerk. I changed for them, I changed because of them. I wanted their friendships back, I wanted that care back but now it seems like half of those I lost are either afraid of what I'm capable of doing or just don't care. It feels like I've striven for so much, to be a much better person and it's not even worth much.
Now instead of exploding on people when I get hurt I instead just take it and either bitch to someone or cry. I'm expected to be the better man in situations that are nasty. And all these expectations are because of the way I act, a way that doesn't get me much whatsoever. It just gets me the apathy of people generally.
This is so bloody frustrating, so bloody annoying. I can't go back to what I was but right now, I hate who I am, I hate what I've become. I'm just some bloody doormat it seems typically. I'll give my heart and soul to people and they'll return half of that if even that amount. Why am I so unworthwhile?
-Why-?