Down, down and away!
I may not be around much for a while. Things at my house seem to be merely falling apart around me. My home is always a mess, it's always full of junk and has odd smells from rotting food in it. Mom has little drive to do much, even after taking leave from her job. The checks she has said that are coming to help us haven't come and she no longer is working.
The phone has been cut off. The Internet has been cut off. How long will it be before we run out of food to eat or maybe even lose our home? *places his face into his hands* Right now I hate my dad, I hate him a lot. I hate him for dying, because with his death all this crap seemed to happen. Mom isn't an extrovert anymore, afraid of people and preferring to keep away from them. To hide away.
I'm depressed and I'm afraid of what the future is holding for us. I want to cry right now but I very well can't, seeing as I'm surrounded by strangers. My heart hurts and I can only wonder how much worse things can get. My tooth is chipped because of a cavity weakening it and it'll only progressively get worse. We don't have the money to get it fixed. What if we don't have enough for the medication that keeps me sane and my mother from going completely apeshit?
What if we lose the ability to pay for food?
I feel so angry at my mom and dad now, I feel like they've failed my brother and I. My dad just had to die, he had to leave us and let things go to Hell. I know he had no control but it doesn't feel like that, it just feels like he abandoaned us. And after all these months, after all this time, mom's only gotten worse, she's only feeling worse. I'm tired of being a support, I'm tired of having to hold her up and see her degenerate.
I can't even leave her because without my brother and I, this woman would fall apart completely. She constantly tells us that we're her pride and the only thing that keeps her alive and I wonder if I'll ever be able to leave home with a clean conscience. By God... by God, I'm tired of this, I just want things to be right. I want everyone to be happy and things like they used to be. Why the Hell can't they be?
Please take care guys, I hope to see you all soon. Hopefully the checks will start to come in and things will gain some semblance of normality. I'm lucky to have you all. *hugs to everyone*
The phone has been cut off. The Internet has been cut off. How long will it be before we run out of food to eat or maybe even lose our home? *places his face into his hands* Right now I hate my dad, I hate him a lot. I hate him for dying, because with his death all this crap seemed to happen. Mom isn't an extrovert anymore, afraid of people and preferring to keep away from them. To hide away.
I'm depressed and I'm afraid of what the future is holding for us. I want to cry right now but I very well can't, seeing as I'm surrounded by strangers. My heart hurts and I can only wonder how much worse things can get. My tooth is chipped because of a cavity weakening it and it'll only progressively get worse. We don't have the money to get it fixed. What if we don't have enough for the medication that keeps me sane and my mother from going completely apeshit?
What if we lose the ability to pay for food?
I feel so angry at my mom and dad now, I feel like they've failed my brother and I. My dad just had to die, he had to leave us and let things go to Hell. I know he had no control but it doesn't feel like that, it just feels like he abandoaned us. And after all these months, after all this time, mom's only gotten worse, she's only feeling worse. I'm tired of being a support, I'm tired of having to hold her up and see her degenerate.
I can't even leave her because without my brother and I, this woman would fall apart completely. She constantly tells us that we're her pride and the only thing that keeps her alive and I wonder if I'll ever be able to leave home with a clean conscience. By God... by God, I'm tired of this, I just want things to be right. I want everyone to be happy and things like they used to be. Why the Hell can't they be?
Please take care guys, I hope to see you all soon. Hopefully the checks will start to come in and things will gain some semblance of normality. I'm lucky to have you all. *hugs to everyone*