good stuff/evidence that i'm still man crazy
So here I am wondering why I am interested in Dylan. I mean, beside the fact that he is so handsome and witty and flirtatious and sexy. Beside the fact that he represents my opportunity to bite forbidden fruit, twenty years younger and oh so fine. I’ll admit that just the sound of his voice makes me cream, and when he touches me, I gush. These facts alone provide an understandable answer to my question. But it usually takes more than simple answers to keep me interested. And with him, there’s more worth mentioning, like the sex, but that’s not all I see in this. I feel and see much more. But I’m confused, and I don’t know why. (haha…that’s confusion for you!) So I thought I would just tap out my thoughts on this here keyboard and see what comes out.
I know that I should be able to just take this day by day for what it is: a new relationship. And I have been doing that, but there’s no denying that our daily contact is significant and has, as of late, been the source of my happiness.
So what is it that keeps me in this with him right now? And what is it, exactly, that I’m in? A risk-free risk: that’s what Laura calls it, though I don’t agree. There is certainly an element of risk here to be acknowledged. Risk of a broken heart. Risk of changes to other relationships. Risk to reputation. Laura and I both understand the risk part of it. Risky. Risk risk risqué… haha. But doesn’t risk come with any new relationship? It’s all a risk. So am I suggesting to myself because after all it is the risk element that keeps the blood pumping.
More specifically, why is it that I want to talk to him so often? Is it the way he is with animals? That certainly is refreshing. I began to admire his commitment to his animals from the first. When he introduced me to his two cats, his dog… and then told me about the fish and the lizard and the snapping turtle, I was thoroughly impressed. And then at the same time, I had just recently decided to plunge straight into the deep pet ownership by getting a new dog and cat. I was feeling overwhelmed and kinda stupid for giving in to my kids and getting these additional animals, and then I meet this guy who has animals… he must have loosened me up and made me willing to give it a more honest try.
I don’t think Dylan would even suspect it, but the way he is with his animals was only the first star on his report card. Additionally, I am somewhat impressed with his communication skills. Communication with him has been a pleasant change from the norm. Since we started to get to know each other, I have enjoyed conversations with him online and on the phone. He makes me laugh and sometimes he makes me cringe, but mostly it’s intriguing, a turn-on. He makes me feel sexier by giving me a certain type of attention that I crave, which makes me want more of him. He lets me know that he is out there. I want to know my man would circle my building to keep me safe… He’s far away, but I know he’s keeping watch. He chases me and I let him catch me. It’s been a long time since I let any man catch me. Though I have had many pursuers, none have interested me in the manner I am interested in Dylan. For years, I was only interested in men who weren’t as interested in me. (lol) Naw, that’s not really true, but one might have accused me of it before this point. Attracted to his approach, I allow him to engage me in communications that refresh my outlook on life. His interest sparks my interest, not only in him, but in EVERYTHING. It’s like when I start talking to him, everything becomes more interesting…. Hmmmm.
And because he’s such an extrovert, I wonder about what he keeps inside, because outwardly, he often puts on this boisterous strangeness to repel others. And I think it’s his strangeness that is winning me over. I suppose that I appreciate in him what others may find off-putting. I like the theatrics and even the abrasiveness, but I’m not fooled by the show. In fact, his extroversion tells me that only those he trusts most know the real Dylan. I want to be a part of that exclusive group too.
I told him once that he was a keeper, and this is because he’s not just a taker, he’s a giver. I know that he is a giver because when he touched my body, he made it feel better than it did before. He’s a giver, and I need to be with a giver. I need someone who can replenish my stock. I am here for the reciprocity. I felt that before during and after sex that he was in it to please me, that his own pleasure was secondary. And feeling this made me want to please him. He took my energy from me and he gave his energy to me. Together, we felt like a well-oiled engine of perpetual motion that should never have stopped.
So, is that all I need? A guy who puts me first when we fuck? What besides attention and sweet words has he given me? Material things? None. But I am sure that if he had the means he would. But he’s 24. There’s time for all that.
And of course, I am aware that I could have it all wrong about him. He could just be some jerk that I’m temporarily crazy about. Even that’s okay. No matter what happens from here on out, I’m grateful to have met him. He’s precious. Literally.
I know that I should be able to just take this day by day for what it is: a new relationship. And I have been doing that, but there’s no denying that our daily contact is significant and has, as of late, been the source of my happiness.
So what is it that keeps me in this with him right now? And what is it, exactly, that I’m in? A risk-free risk: that’s what Laura calls it, though I don’t agree. There is certainly an element of risk here to be acknowledged. Risk of a broken heart. Risk of changes to other relationships. Risk to reputation. Laura and I both understand the risk part of it. Risky. Risk risk risqué… haha. But doesn’t risk come with any new relationship? It’s all a risk. So am I suggesting to myself because after all it is the risk element that keeps the blood pumping.
More specifically, why is it that I want to talk to him so often? Is it the way he is with animals? That certainly is refreshing. I began to admire his commitment to his animals from the first. When he introduced me to his two cats, his dog… and then told me about the fish and the lizard and the snapping turtle, I was thoroughly impressed. And then at the same time, I had just recently decided to plunge straight into the deep pet ownership by getting a new dog and cat. I was feeling overwhelmed and kinda stupid for giving in to my kids and getting these additional animals, and then I meet this guy who has animals… he must have loosened me up and made me willing to give it a more honest try.
I don’t think Dylan would even suspect it, but the way he is with his animals was only the first star on his report card. Additionally, I am somewhat impressed with his communication skills. Communication with him has been a pleasant change from the norm. Since we started to get to know each other, I have enjoyed conversations with him online and on the phone. He makes me laugh and sometimes he makes me cringe, but mostly it’s intriguing, a turn-on. He makes me feel sexier by giving me a certain type of attention that I crave, which makes me want more of him. He lets me know that he is out there. I want to know my man would circle my building to keep me safe… He’s far away, but I know he’s keeping watch. He chases me and I let him catch me. It’s been a long time since I let any man catch me. Though I have had many pursuers, none have interested me in the manner I am interested in Dylan. For years, I was only interested in men who weren’t as interested in me. (lol) Naw, that’s not really true, but one might have accused me of it before this point. Attracted to his approach, I allow him to engage me in communications that refresh my outlook on life. His interest sparks my interest, not only in him, but in EVERYTHING. It’s like when I start talking to him, everything becomes more interesting…. Hmmmm.
And because he’s such an extrovert, I wonder about what he keeps inside, because outwardly, he often puts on this boisterous strangeness to repel others. And I think it’s his strangeness that is winning me over. I suppose that I appreciate in him what others may find off-putting. I like the theatrics and even the abrasiveness, but I’m not fooled by the show. In fact, his extroversion tells me that only those he trusts most know the real Dylan. I want to be a part of that exclusive group too.
I told him once that he was a keeper, and this is because he’s not just a taker, he’s a giver. I know that he is a giver because when he touched my body, he made it feel better than it did before. He’s a giver, and I need to be with a giver. I need someone who can replenish my stock. I am here for the reciprocity. I felt that before during and after sex that he was in it to please me, that his own pleasure was secondary. And feeling this made me want to please him. He took my energy from me and he gave his energy to me. Together, we felt like a well-oiled engine of perpetual motion that should never have stopped.
So, is that all I need? A guy who puts me first when we fuck? What besides attention and sweet words has he given me? Material things? None. But I am sure that if he had the means he would. But he’s 24. There’s time for all that.
And of course, I am aware that I could have it all wrong about him. He could just be some jerk that I’m temporarily crazy about. Even that’s okay. No matter what happens from here on out, I’m grateful to have met him. He’s precious. Literally.