12 days
My life has slowly been deteriorating, as if it were left soaking in lemons.
I fucked up and almost killed my car yesterday, then had to pay close to $400 to get her running again. That's money I had saved for my apartment. I'm not exactly sure if I'm even going to get the apartment. I have to be out by the end of the month, so I'm kind of fucked if I don't get it.
Romantically, things have been fucked. I got dumped twice, then he came back a third time with a will to change and I turned him away to focus on his own bullshit, while I focus on mine. We're suppose to meet up again in July, but I have a feeling he's not going to give a shit and just forget about me, which really hurts but... whatever.
Workwise, I got promoted to management, then they cut my hours down extremely. Also, the Sam's Club job I applied for didn't go through 'cause they're in a hiring freeze. I was really hoping to get that so I could quit Party City.
Everything's pretty much been falling apart lately. Not only are my hope and heart lying in shredded dismay on the floor, but the rest of my body is slowly giving up on me. My stomach freaks out whenever I eat, my head won't stop killing me, and my ankle is sprained and swollen like a motherfucker, but I keep working on it 'cause there's no other way around it.
I'm scared.
Will July be better?
Will things actually start falling into place?
Will our love surely grow?
Am I going to lose complete hope?
Is my family going to be understanding?
Are my prayers being heard?
Seriously, fuck shit. Fuck it all.
...and why would I wait 'til you swear to stay when you left yesterday?...