Take a deep breath and step away...
I'll just jump right into this. Feel free to ask questions later if you're a bit confused. :)
My father and I have a relationship that is...well, let's just say he gets on my nerves to no end and I wish he'd just go away.
Out of my nearly 40 years of life, he's been out of my life for about 25 of them. This was my decision.
My parents separated when I was 10, divorced when I was 11. I spent every other weekend with him until I was 12. And then something happened and I made the decision that I didn't want to see him again. (Nothing overly sinister, just him not accepting that I'd caught him in a few lies about my mother -- and when I confronted him, he decided that the best course of action would be to go sit in his truck with a gun, listening to George Jones and saying that he was going to kill himself. Nice.) My mother completely supported my decision, once I explained what had happened.
When I was 25, after I had recovered from two major surgeries within 2 months (and had 90% of my bowel removed), I thought I might try and see if I might be able to have a relationship with him. That lasted two years...and most of that time was spent with me doing everything I could to keep from saying "I'm NOT 5 years old, quit acting like I'm a child. And NO I DON'T WANT TO GO TO FUCKING TWEETSIE RAILROAD!!!" I made the decision that things were not going to work...and that maybe I would be better off just walking away.
Then I moved to Australia...and started my new life with my new family. And I didn't hear anything from him...until he joined Facebook and found me. :/
He sent me a birthday message last year...which I didn't see until over a month later because it went to my "others" folder. Once I saw it, I thought I should reply...because I felt bad that he would probably think that I had just ignored it.
Today, a little over 10 months later...I'm seriously regretting that decision.
I won't get into his behaviour while we were in the States. But...he's taken to posting these extremely over the top public declarations of love in comments on Facebook. If you're friends with me or El over there, I'm sure you've seen some of them.
For the most part, I ignore them. But...his latest just pretty much sent me into a rage. It's really pissing me off that he's pretending to everyone that we have this great relationship and that he's some father of the year recipient or something. I'm going on the record here and now and stating...our "relationship" is very rocky (and probably hanging on by it's last strands) and he is not father of the year material in the least.
So, I sent him a private message -- a very polite and thoughtfully written private message -- asking him to please stop the OTT PDAs because they were making me extremely uncomfortable. I stress that it was a polite message because he has always had the tendency to take anything I say and twist it around in order to make himself look like a victim...and make me look like I'm being unreasonable.
The message was read three hours after I sent it. I waited two days...no reply. This is not new behaviour either. He likes to stick his head in the sand and ignore problems...and then after a while, he'll re-emerge and act like nothing ever happened. So, I sent him another message...which was read 20 minutes after I sent it. Pretty much, the second message was me saying that if he couldn't be bothered acknowledging my message, then I really didn't see where our "relationship" was going...
His response was "I just said it because you may never get another chance". WTF kind of response is that? I told him that that was a cop out excuse because he knows that I've never been comfortable with his OTT antics -- and I also said that it could also be seen as the foundations of a guilt trip, for which he's quite known.
I said a few other things...and he read that message too. But, haven't had another response...and that was 2 days ago.
So, I seriously think it's time that I just step away. Like my Grandmother said to my Mom..."It's always been all or nothing with him". That's true. I go YEARS without any communication with him...and then all of the sudden it's "I love you so much. I love you as much today as I did the night you were born." kind of bullshit. It's too much. I'm not coping with it, I'll be very honest.
As of two days ago, he's been filtered out of about 98% of my facebook posts. I'll continue letting him read some (if not most) things about Nio. But, if he continues...I'll stop that as well. Because I won't have him damaging my son the way he damaged me.
Well, that was a bit longer than I was expecting...obviously, I needed to get that out.
Sorry, but thank you for listening.
This entry was originally posted at http://froxyn.dreamwidth.org/345979.html. However, you can comment here or there...I'm still around! :)
My father and I have a relationship that is...well, let's just say he gets on my nerves to no end and I wish he'd just go away.
Out of my nearly 40 years of life, he's been out of my life for about 25 of them. This was my decision.
My parents separated when I was 10, divorced when I was 11. I spent every other weekend with him until I was 12. And then something happened and I made the decision that I didn't want to see him again. (Nothing overly sinister, just him not accepting that I'd caught him in a few lies about my mother -- and when I confronted him, he decided that the best course of action would be to go sit in his truck with a gun, listening to George Jones and saying that he was going to kill himself. Nice.) My mother completely supported my decision, once I explained what had happened.
When I was 25, after I had recovered from two major surgeries within 2 months (and had 90% of my bowel removed), I thought I might try and see if I might be able to have a relationship with him. That lasted two years...and most of that time was spent with me doing everything I could to keep from saying "I'm NOT 5 years old, quit acting like I'm a child. And NO I DON'T WANT TO GO TO FUCKING TWEETSIE RAILROAD!!!" I made the decision that things were not going to work...and that maybe I would be better off just walking away.
Then I moved to Australia...and started my new life with my new family. And I didn't hear anything from him...until he joined Facebook and found me. :/
He sent me a birthday message last year...which I didn't see until over a month later because it went to my "others" folder. Once I saw it, I thought I should reply...because I felt bad that he would probably think that I had just ignored it.
Today, a little over 10 months later...I'm seriously regretting that decision.
I won't get into his behaviour while we were in the States. But...he's taken to posting these extremely over the top public declarations of love in comments on Facebook. If you're friends with me or El over there, I'm sure you've seen some of them.
For the most part, I ignore them. But...his latest just pretty much sent me into a rage. It's really pissing me off that he's pretending to everyone that we have this great relationship and that he's some father of the year recipient or something. I'm going on the record here and now and stating...our "relationship" is very rocky (and probably hanging on by it's last strands) and he is not father of the year material in the least.
So, I sent him a private message -- a very polite and thoughtfully written private message -- asking him to please stop the OTT PDAs because they were making me extremely uncomfortable. I stress that it was a polite message because he has always had the tendency to take anything I say and twist it around in order to make himself look like a victim...and make me look like I'm being unreasonable.
The message was read three hours after I sent it. I waited two days...no reply. This is not new behaviour either. He likes to stick his head in the sand and ignore problems...and then after a while, he'll re-emerge and act like nothing ever happened. So, I sent him another message...which was read 20 minutes after I sent it. Pretty much, the second message was me saying that if he couldn't be bothered acknowledging my message, then I really didn't see where our "relationship" was going...
His response was "I just said it because you may never get another chance". WTF kind of response is that? I told him that that was a cop out excuse because he knows that I've never been comfortable with his OTT antics -- and I also said that it could also be seen as the foundations of a guilt trip, for which he's quite known.
I said a few other things...and he read that message too. But, haven't had another response...and that was 2 days ago.
So, I seriously think it's time that I just step away. Like my Grandmother said to my Mom..."It's always been all or nothing with him". That's true. I go YEARS without any communication with him...and then all of the sudden it's "I love you so much. I love you as much today as I did the night you were born." kind of bullshit. It's too much. I'm not coping with it, I'll be very honest.
As of two days ago, he's been filtered out of about 98% of my facebook posts. I'll continue letting him read some (if not most) things about Nio. But, if he continues...I'll stop that as well. Because I won't have him damaging my son the way he damaged me.
Well, that was a bit longer than I was expecting...obviously, I needed to get that out.
Sorry, but thank you for listening.
This entry was originally posted at http://froxyn.dreamwidth.org/345979.html. However, you can comment here or there...I'm still around! :)