going psychotic

[frostopia]

i'm finding sanctuary in the things that mattered most to me. fuck drugs, fuck the way i spend my money so callously, fuck my inability to sort these trivial emotions out. fuck these dreams, fuck my laziness, and most of all, fuck myself for letting it get this far

Comments

[haplo_alone]

yeah, drugs are good, but only in moderation. remember that YOU need to live your life, not the drugs living your life.

some intersting thoughts: its not you with the problem. its society. its civilization. its the world. you dont need anything or anyone to look up to. you aren't someone else, and your life isn't being lived by someone else. be yourself. and understand that anything like a mid-life crisis is the realization that society has failed you, and no matter what you have been doing, you aren't happy.

i too am feeling all this (this is why i'm so ready to talk about it). i hate work, and i'm wondering would i ever be happy in any job, even if it is something i actually enjoy doing? and then i wonder, what is it that makes me so special to be the one to find a job i love instead of one i hate and still expect others to take up that job? we all hate our jobs. we all hate our lives. and then i looked at my life. i remembered an old movie, and the show carnivale. they both took place durring the great depression. both had hobos. and i remembered how happy these people were, even durring the "great depression" (yes i understand these were tv and so might not be true), but then i thought to my own friends who lived semi-hoboistic lives. they were happy. not 24-7. and the more time they spent in one city, the more they hated their lives. i dunno, i think now i'm just rambling. so yeah, good luck with your life :)

[haplo_alone]

oh yeah and i did want to say, control hasn't done anything good for anyone. its the lack of it (aka freedom) that bring people happiness and self-worth.