０３：「新しい仕事を捜しながら」
It's a little disconcerting how, for the past few weeks, at the back of my head, all I do is play with numbers and do a little math.
Correction -- do a lot of math.
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One year and five months into the Embassy, and 11 months into my new position (which doesn't sound so new anymore given that I've assumed the role for eleven months now), I still feel like I'm going to be kicked out sometime soon. :(
I'm a regular employee, of course, but somehow, we still have a probation period and as long as I haven't passed that date when they first hired me (that would be next month), I will never be fully secure with my status in the Chancery. I've been mostly told that I have no need to worry, seeing as they're not informing the Human Resources about having to look for a replacement for me (I can haz HR friends, whut), and the person who has been appointed as the next-in-line should I be deemed ineligible for the position and/or underperforming has not yet been given any notice (or so I assume, as I haven't seen her around the office yet). They've also given me a huge project that would require at least three months worth of time spent in the dungeons (as what I fondly call the basement section being rented out by the Embassy) a few hours everyday. Which I suppose could be considered an assurance that I'm not getting booted out.
But one can never be too sure.
Besides, what I make in the Embassy isn't enough to pay off the debts I've incurred -- our family has incurred -- when my dad had been hospitalised. And now that he's unable to take on a job (much less be left alone for a long period of time -- he's yet to have his second angioplasty done on him because we don't have enough money hence he gets exhausted too fast), I am, essentially, the only one that brings in money in the house.
It's difficult to admit to myself that I'm already earning and supporting a whole family, because I have so much other things that I would want to do while I'm still unattached. However I find that I am also given no other choice -- my siblings have their own families to deal with, and my brother has been kind enough to shoulder most of the expenses of dad's hospitalisation in Singapore, but the cost of living here in Manila for four adults, coupled with my sister's staggering school fees (including the occasional aid I am obliged to give my older sister who can't ever make things right with her useless pathetic excuse of a live-in partner that thinks money grow on trees) makes me balk at future ahead of me.
It's why I'm also out to look for a job overseas -- goodness knows the Philippines is a difficult place to live in if you're underpaid.
Not that I'm underpaid -- historically, the Embassy I work for pays their employees the highest wages compared to all other foreign diplomatic missions here in Manila -- but I think, with all the oil price hikes and steadily increasing prices of goods and services, trying to scrimp on food or foregoing other frivolities that we've gotten used to just wouldn't cut it anymore.
I've gotten a few calls and invitations for interviews for jobs outside of the country (Singapore, Malaysia, Japan) and I really wish one of them -- the one that's best for me -- would push through. Not because I can't let go of my lifestyle, but because there's just so much other expenses and debts to pay. I'm thinking of going back to teaching online, but I honestly don't know if I can still keep up with juggling a regular job and a part-time job, even if it's just teaching English online from home.
I don't know, maybe I'm just really getting old. Or the way I've abused my body when I had been younger has now completely caught up with me and has rendered me sickly and easy to get exhausted.
I wish everything would just disappear though. Or I'd win the lottery and be able to pay off hospital bills, debts, and other things I need to pay off.
But as it is, my money's extremely budgeted that I don't think I'd even have anything to spare to buy a lottery ticket. 8(
---
I've watched 「私が恋愛できない理由」 episodes 1-9 in one sitting. And now I can't even bring myself to watch episode 10, ahaha. #fail
My personal obsolete non-existent love story identifies/is similar with that of Karina's character (Fujii Emi), who thinks love is troublesome. My personality though resembles much of Yoshitaka Yuriko's (Ogura Saki), who likes to think herself knowledgeable and street-smart, but goes bollocks when she finally experiences love.
Though while I did enjoy the show as I've seen it, I'm actually not convinced of Yoshitaka Yuriko and Ogura Yuko's acting chops. 8( /runs from novemberbaby, april_0410 and jadenmd lol And and. Uhhh, something about Yuriko's mouth just unsettles me -- it's like she purposefully makes her lips curl in this catty way that'd make you think she's, well, catty. And cute. She's fast becoming a Toda Erika in my books
Maybe it was because I was expecting more character development for Saki and Mako (though I did think she had the most reasonable character development), but to me, the focus for the most part of the drama had been Emi's inability to get over an unfinished business. It doesn't help that the people in Emi's workplace seemed to be so deeply-rooted in the plot that they can't not have the bunch in every episode. (I'm not complaining though; the actors who played the part of Karina's colleagues were a good bunch.)
Also, my huge undercover crush for Tanaka Kei is just persistent. ahahaha. Kei wae so squishy?! yes this gets its own paragraph of sorts bwahahaha
I do commend though the development of Emi, Saki and Mako's friendship -- from vaguely familiar acquaintances to housemates to, well, confidantes. And it's executed the share a flat, share lives type of friendship-romance drama that Last Friends failed to flesh out. (Admit it, Last Friends' saving grace was Ueno Juri's stellar acting. Asami's talent was so sidelined and Eita's character development so stunted and the prolonged milking of the relationship between Masami and Ryo due to high ratings when DV is in play... idek how to explain that clusterfuck.)
That said, I think I'll try to watch the last episode of the drama this weekend instead of as soon as I can--
---
--I'll just be watching the VS Arashi episode where Arashi plays against the kids. THE KIDS. AIBA AND MOMOKA HOMG /ovaries explode seriously Japan, WE NEED A MY GIRL 2. In which Masamune finds a new love and Koharu-chan gets jealous and sad and mad that Masamune-kun is replacing her mama. ;O;
13 DAYS TO GO AND OMG, IT'S NADEGATA JAPAN'S 30TH BIRTHDAY O M G SHO WAE YOU LOOK YOUNGER THAN I DO?!?! /creys at her subpar genes orz
---
We have a photo op tomorrow at work. And I'm still awake at an ungodly hour.
I... just can't sleep yet.
Correction -- do a lot of math.
---
One year and five months into the Embassy, and 11 months into my new position (which doesn't sound so new anymore given that I've assumed the role for eleven months now), I still feel like I'm going to be kicked out sometime soon. :(
I'm a regular employee, of course, but somehow, we still have a probation period and as long as I haven't passed that date when they first hired me (that would be next month), I will never be fully secure with my status in the Chancery. I've been mostly told that I have no need to worry, seeing as they're not informing the Human Resources about having to look for a replacement for me (I can haz HR friends, whut), and the person who has been appointed as the next-in-line should I be deemed ineligible for the position and/or underperforming has not yet been given any notice (or so I assume, as I haven't seen her around the office yet). They've also given me a huge project that would require at least three months worth of time spent in the dungeons (as what I fondly call the basement section being rented out by the Embassy) a few hours everyday. Which I suppose could be considered an assurance that I'm not getting booted out.
But one can never be too sure.
Besides, what I make in the Embassy isn't enough to pay off the debts I've incurred -- our family has incurred -- when my dad had been hospitalised. And now that he's unable to take on a job (much less be left alone for a long period of time -- he's yet to have his second angioplasty done on him because we don't have enough money hence he gets exhausted too fast), I am, essentially, the only one that brings in money in the house.
It's difficult to admit to myself that I'm already earning and supporting a whole family, because I have so much other things that I would want to do while I'm still unattached. However I find that I am also given no other choice -- my siblings have their own families to deal with, and my brother has been kind enough to shoulder most of the expenses of dad's hospitalisation in Singapore, but the cost of living here in Manila for four adults, coupled with my sister's staggering school fees (including the occasional aid I am obliged to give my older sister who can't ever make things right with her useless pathetic excuse of a live-in partner that thinks money grow on trees) makes me balk at future ahead of me.
It's why I'm also out to look for a job overseas -- goodness knows the Philippines is a difficult place to live in if you're underpaid.
Not that I'm underpaid -- historically, the Embassy I work for pays their employees the highest wages compared to all other foreign diplomatic missions here in Manila -- but I think, with all the oil price hikes and steadily increasing prices of goods and services, trying to scrimp on food or foregoing other frivolities that we've gotten used to just wouldn't cut it anymore.
I've gotten a few calls and invitations for interviews for jobs outside of the country (Singapore, Malaysia, Japan) and I really wish one of them -- the one that's best for me -- would push through. Not because I can't let go of my lifestyle, but because there's just so much other expenses and debts to pay. I'm thinking of going back to teaching online, but I honestly don't know if I can still keep up with juggling a regular job and a part-time job, even if it's just teaching English online from home.
I don't know, maybe I'm just really getting old. Or the way I've abused my body when I had been younger has now completely caught up with me and has rendered me sickly and easy to get exhausted.
I wish everything would just disappear though. Or I'd win the lottery and be able to pay off hospital bills, debts, and other things I need to pay off.
But as it is, my money's extremely budgeted that I don't think I'd even have anything to spare to buy a lottery ticket. 8(
---
I've watched 「私が恋愛できない理由」 episodes 1-9 in one sitting. And now I can't even bring myself to watch episode 10, ahaha. #fail
My personal obsolete non-existent love story identifies/is similar with that of Karina's character (Fujii Emi), who thinks love is troublesome. My personality though resembles much of Yoshitaka Yuriko's (Ogura Saki), who likes to think herself knowledgeable and street-smart, but goes bollocks when she finally experiences love.
Though while I did enjoy the show as I've seen it, I'm actually not convinced of Yoshitaka Yuriko and Ogura Yuko's acting chops. 8( /runs from novemberbaby, april_0410 and jadenmd lol And and. Uhhh, something about Yuriko's mouth just unsettles me -- it's like she purposefully makes her lips curl in this catty way that'd make you think she's, well, catty. And cute. She's fast becoming a Toda Erika in my books
Maybe it was because I was expecting more character development for Saki and Mako (though I did think she had the most reasonable character development), but to me, the focus for the most part of the drama had been Emi's inability to get over an unfinished business. It doesn't help that the people in Emi's workplace seemed to be so deeply-rooted in the plot that they can't not have the bunch in every episode. (I'm not complaining though; the actors who played the part of Karina's colleagues were a good bunch.)
Also, my huge undercover crush for Tanaka Kei is just persistent. ahahaha. Kei wae so squishy?! yes this gets its own paragraph of sorts bwahahaha
I do commend though the development of Emi, Saki and Mako's friendship -- from vaguely familiar acquaintances to housemates to, well, confidantes. And it's executed the share a flat, share lives type of friendship-romance drama that Last Friends failed to flesh out. (Admit it, Last Friends' saving grace was Ueno Juri's stellar acting. Asami's talent was so sidelined and Eita's character development so stunted and the prolonged milking of the relationship between Masami and Ryo due to high ratings when DV is in play... idek how to explain that clusterfuck.)
That said, I think I'll try to watch the last episode of the drama this weekend instead of as soon as I can--
---
--I'll just be watching the VS Arashi episode where Arashi plays against the kids. THE KIDS. AIBA AND MOMOKA HOMG /ovaries explode seriously Japan, WE NEED A MY GIRL 2. In which Masamune finds a new love and Koharu-chan gets jealous and sad and mad that Masamune-kun is replacing her mama. ;O;
13 DAYS TO GO AND OMG, IT'S NADEGATA JAPAN'S 30TH BIRTHDAY O M G SHO WAE YOU LOOK YOUNGER THAN I DO?!?! /creys at her subpar genes orz
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We have a photo op tomorrow at work. And I'm still awake at an ungodly hour.
I... just can't sleep yet.