Contextless Symphonia scenes, part II
I have a huge post of quotes from my old stories up here. There are so many quotes by now, though, that I need a second post, so here goes! This one is dedicated to Symphonia quotes only. In case I have new non-Symphonia quotes to show you, I'll add those to the original post.
Without further blabbering, let's get the ball rolling. There are 130 Symphonia quotes in the original post, so this list continues straight from 131.
WARNING
Some of the quotes in this post deal with themes unsuitable to younger readers/people who have specific triggers. These themes include (at least) the following: death, murder (including mentioned fratricide/sororicide), graphic violence, blood, strong language, sexually suggestive material. Read at your own discretion.
(Note that there are also other less triggering things that you might not want to run across anyway. Most notably, spoilers abound. Also, any and all pairings/polyships are fair game.)
Help is still very much wanted! Please leave a comment if any of the prompts inspires something in you. :3
Updates
Feb 26: #131-150
Feb 27: #151-160
Mar 1: #161-170
March: #171-180
May 8: #181-200
Oct 15: #201-240
April 23, 2013: #241-290
131.
The minutes crawled by, and while he was making fine progress, Botta was bored out of his skull. He would have welcomed almost any kind of distraction at that point.
He wasn't counting on one appearing with such clamor.
132.
Yuan held back a sigh. "Knock yourself out."
133.
Botta knew he was being unfair, but he was nervous and that made every shadow seem like it held untold, scary secrets within it and something would creep out of it to stab him in the back the moment he passed it...
And yet, come to think of it, he had never been afraid of the dark. He had to shake his head to clear out the stupid, superstitious ideas.
134.
"It's not something you can really understand from just reading an account of what happened," she said quietly and closed the book in front of her. "I can't even imagine what it must be like to watch that kind of torture take place."
Voices -- ones he knows better from listening to their owners making jokes, giving status reports, having debates about inconsequential things -- are strained beyond their breaking point, turned into piercing screams that echo off the corridor outside the chamber. The floor that almost gleamed to begin with is now stained red, red with the blood of too many people he has known and befriended. There is so much blood and noise. In his dreams, all the deaths he has seen add up and even far away from that place, the walls seem to weep blood, blood of those people who believed in him, those whom he let down.
"You can't." Yuan didn't allow his expression to change in the least. "No one can."
135.
Kratos gave him a sour smile. "I doubt that. Regardless, Yuan was asking after you. He isn't much fun to talk to right now, but I thought it best to do as he wishes and seek you out."
"I'll go," Botta replied. "It's no problem."
Kratos inclined his head. "Good. I'll be seeing you around later, then."
136.
"Say..." Botta trailed off. That was enough to draw Yuan's attention to him. Noticing that, Botta tapped the folder in front of him with his pen as he asked, "Is it ever acceptable to recommend an ex for promotion?"
137.
Yuan made an irritated sound in his throat. "I know this is cliché, but it really is because of me and not you that I'm... confused. You stirring things up isn't helping me clear my head."
"Oh." Botta felt a surge of blood coloring his cheeks. "I'm sorry. That was never my intention."
138.
He brought down his sword and then did something that he, as a guard in the employ of a noble house, should never have done. As a Renegade, though, he felt perfectly justified in his actions.
He began to cast a spell.
139.
Botta flinched and then looked upset at having shown even that much of a reaction.
"At this rate, I'll never master this," he muttered.
140.
It helped that Yuan was quiet -- either he had passed out or the worst of the pain had been dulled by whatever drug the woman had given him, but whatever the reason, Botta was grateful for it, even if he was a little concerned that Yuan not making any sound might as well have been caused by him being, well, dead already.
141.
"But I," Yuan said and frowned slightly, "I don't want to accept your acceptance."
142.
Botta blinked as he reluctantly pulled himself back from the rage and frustration that had kept him going for -- however long it had been. He looked around himself and was shocked to see the destruction there.
When he had entered the hall, there had been practice dummies and rotting wood and other constructs just meant to be rent apart there.
Now, there was little more left of them than a pile of sawdust and rock.
143.
"It doesn't really matter if I'm here or not," he said. "I'll be awake at that time anyway."
Yuan sank back into his pillows as if the mere thought sapped his strength. "And you get up at such an ungodly hour every day? There should be a law prohibiting people from working that early."
144.
It didn't matter if Yuan didn't see it like that. There were some rules that had to observed, or they would have a damn coup in their hands before long.
145.
Seeing the familiar walls and corridors of the Renegade base was usually comforting and made him feel more at home than Vinheim or Welgaia ever could. Now, though, the walls seemed to be crashing down on him and he was unsure of whether he was even upright. The relief he felt at having been able to escape soon dissolved into nausea. There were too many colors, too sharp contrasts, too many people ... His thought process was sluggish. He recognized some of the people, and, most importantly, he recognized the second-in-command. He had made it back alive.
"Lord Yuan!" one of the men cried out sharply.
"...He... he's..." he rasped, not quite aware of the sound he was making. He felt the world shift dangerously again. "...alive..."
It was a peculiar feeling, he mused in some faraway corner of his mind as he became dimly aware of the cool floor he was lying on, to lose all control. The surprised and alarmed voices of the soldiers around him made his head hurt. He closed his eyes, loosening his hold on the thread that had linked him to consciousness.
146.
Even if Yuan had guessed why he was acting like such a bumbling idiot, there was no need for him to prove that his mind went on a decidedly disconcerting strike whenever Yuan gave him a look like that.
147.
Yuan found he couldn't speak for several seconds. When he found his voice, it was colder than the climate in Flanoir. "You're high."
Botta hardly even reacted. At length, he replied, "I wasn't expecting to see you today."
148.
"Don't look so much like you saw a ghost or felt someone walk over your grave," Yuan said with a tired smirk. "It doesn't become you."
149.
Sometimes, things like this made him wonder if his plan to keep working with the Renegades even if it meant going to war with the rest of the entire world was not, in fact, utterly insane.
150.
Botta gritted his teeth together and balled up the shirt, dropping it by his bed. He would have to do laundry tomorrow, then. He couldn't walk around in blood-stained clothing -- that would not only get everyone's attention, it would also be downright creepy. The sooner he could get rid of any and all reminders of what had happened to Yuan, the better for his sanity.
151.
The Houses of Salvation in Sylvarant were hardly the most comfortable places to spend a night, especially for such a large group. Seriously, what was the point of having one bed available for travelers? Was the Church of Martel in the declining world so poor that it couldn't afford beds in these places?
Zelos sighed quietly as he turned onto his back on the floor. He wouldn't have minded sharing if he could have snuggled up to the women in their group, but of course Sheena had vocally (and violently) vetoed that idea. So now he was lying between Lloyd, who had turned out to be the sort of guy who flailed a lot in his sleep, and Regal, who was a sedate sleeper but whose chains would clink and clang, jolting Zelos awake several times a night. Man, wasn't that just his luck?
It kind of disturbed him that he was starting to find such inconvenient sleeping arrangements almost ... comfortable.
Zelos listened to his companions' breathing in the dark and wondered, not for the first time, where exactly his own allegiances lay.
152.
"Wow, it's dark in here..." one of the Renegades whispered as their group entered the partly concealed cavern.
"We are inside a mountain," one of the others remarked sourly. "It kind of stands to reason it would be dark in here."
"But we've been here before," the first speaker said and sniffed daintily. "Shouldn't there be lighting here?"
Botta ignored the hushed discussion going on behind him and began leading the group down the treacherous path to their destination.
153.
"I don't giggle," Yuan said, full of righteous indignation. Unfortunately, the drama was lost on Botta who merely snorted.
"Clearly you should to listen to yourself more when you're drunk," he said.
154.
Still, Botta felt uneasy. The whole mission had gone awry. He shouldn't have been part of it in the first place. He wondered if all the drama could have been avoided had he not been present.
155.
The smile disappeared and Yuan made a face. "That is one of the reasons it's a good thing we didn't manage to get married. I would make for a terrible father. Without Martel, I would have managed to run this place into the ground if I had had children underfoot. I almost managed to do that as it was."
156.
Yuan stood up hastily. "That's great news!"
Unfortunately, his quick movements had tipped the already precariously balanced paper stacks on his desk, and the next moment the air was full of paper merrily fluttering down, accompanied by an annoyed curse from him.
157.
"I'm sorry." Botta sighed. "I think I'm going insane."
158.
He coughed dryly. "Damn, that was close."
Botta wanted to snap at him, wanted to tell him 'that's what I said', but he quelled the urge to do that. He had been a leader for too long to give in to such nonconstructive urges.
159.
"I'm not involved in any wars at the moment, despite what my friends seem to think," Yuan said. "And, contrary to popular belief, I don't plan on starting any either."
160.
The faraway look in Yuan's eyes melted away and he smiled crookedly. "Well, that would have to be the case, yes?"
161.
"Hah! Okay, how about this, then: we're a freak show, and Lord Yuan just so happens to collect samples of all kinds of freaks. Is that better?"
"No," he said in a deadpan voice, "but I suppose that's the best I can get out of you without you resorting to even more horrible comparisons, so let's leave it at that."
162.
"Don't say anything," Botta warned him in that same calm, toneless voice he had adopted as soon as he had stood up. "We have work to do."
163.
"No wonder after what happened today," the man said and smirked. "I thought you were going to have an aneurysm, from what I saw."
From what you saw? Botta was too startled to voice the question that floated up to the surface of his mind at the comment. What did you see, then? Something... incriminating?
164.
That didn't mean Botta could keep ignoring reality for as long as he wished. There really was something he needed to take care of, something only he could do for Yuan, something he knew he was expected to do. Something that he could never ask anyone else to do.
165.
Raine flipped the paper over and blinked.
"You will do as you have been told, else you will never get us to release our hold," she read. "Follow these decrees, and you can do as you please."
"That's pretty ominous," Zelos opined. "And you think I wrote that?"
166.
Yuan hadn't given up hope -- if his stubbornness had ever been motivated by hope, anyway. Irritation seemed to be the driving force behind his actions.
Botta kept hoping that Yuan would chance upon something that would allow them to escape this deadlock, but he knew the chances of that happening were slim at best.
167.
"I can't believe this! Who would be sick enough to come up with an idea like that?" Sheena was clenching her hands into fists so hard that her knuckles were turning white.
"I think it's a sweet idea," Colette said with her imperturbable smile firmly in place.
Sheena sighed, but she seemed to deflate a little. "Colette, you're too accommodating."
168.
Yuan smirked. "Don't worry about it so much. It's fine."
"Yes, and that's why you commented on it," Botta remarked dryly.
Oho, Yuan thought. Sarcasm. The man might yet prove to be even more interesting to talk to than he had given him credit for.
169.
The next morning was almost painfully bright, and Yuan muttered vile curses at it as the persistent rays peeking in through the window finally succeeded in dragging him into the world of the living. He buried his head in his pillow for a moment, contemplated throwing said pillow at the window, and eventually decided not to because it was getting awfully chilly out there in the mornings and the last thing he wanted right now in his bedroom was a broken window.
170.
"Marriages are ultimately arrangements of convenience," the man reasoned. "You don't need love to make it work."
"How cynical of you." Yuan crossed his arms after setting his coffee mug on the tray. "I didn't expect that from you of all people."
171.
"What happened to my children?" the woman screeched. "What did you do to them?"
Yuan had been walking away from her cell, but now he paused. He didn't turn to look at her when he replied, "I killed them. The ones you didn't kill yourself, at any rate."
After he had said his piece, Yuan continued on his way. His boots clicked on the stone floor with each measured step he took. He didn't react at all to the shout that followed him out of the dungeon.
"You always were a terrible son!"
172.
The pulse was steady and strong under his fingertips and his palm. It was hardly any faster than it would have been under normal circumstances, despite the situation being so far from normal.
Yuan wasn't sure he should have been happy about that.
"You do know I could crush your windpipe with little effort," he said. He tried to keep his voice devoid of any inflection, to keep his thoughts from spilling out into the open, but he had no idea how successful his attempt was.
To his surprise and annoyance, Botta managed to trump him even in that regard; he laughed, the sound quiet and winded and impossible to interpret.
"You could."
173.
There was more commotion going on than Botta could pay attention to, but his focus was elsewhere anyway.
"Yuan," he called to the other man rather unceremoniously sprawled on the ground. "Sir, are you all right?"
Yuan replied with a slew of curses, although at least none of them seemed to be directed at Botta. He pushed himself up onto all fours and then sat up on his knees, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. "What the fuck was that?"
174.
"What?" Lloyd gave her a flabbergasted look. "How do you figure that?"
"I hadn't thought about it, but that would make sense," Raine said. "The overwhelming sense of wild, free mana is considerably more muted here. It's not gone, but it's as though it's... sealed."
175.
"This is ridiculous. I can't get her off my mind." Aldan was playing with his glass restlessly, nervous energy practically oozing from him. He leaned back in his chair. "It -- it doesn't make sense. I mean, I don't swing that way. But I still want to spend time with her. Listen to her. Make her laugh. Make her happy. Not in the friend kind of sense. The romantic sense. And that's just messed up."
Much as he disliked seeing his friend so agitated, Botta couldn't help being somewhat amused at the same time. "Considering your track record of making ostensibly straight guys fall for you, I would have thought this wouldn't bother you. Is it so different when the tables are turned?"
Aldan scoffed. "Men usually think they're straight until they actually have to think about whether they really only dig chicks or if they just haven't taken a look around and noticed that there are great guys around, too. Me, I've always seen both the women and the men, so it's not a case of not noticing the women. I just never felt anything for any woman. There was never any desire. Hell, I have no idea what I would do with a woman."
He glanced up sharply to silence any lewd remarks, but when none were forthcoming, he sighed and slumped back into his seat.
"It's so weird and -- I just feel like someone pulled the rug from under my feet." He wrinkled his nose in a gesture of self-consciousness. "And I'm drunk and spilling my guts about a new crush to someone I used to live with. Now would be a perfect time to pass out before I embarrass myself any further, thanks."
176.
Botta seemed to have a good head on his shoulders, and if he was a bit too naïve for Yuan's liking... well, that would pretty much fix itself as soon as he joined the Renegades. If the naïveté was born of ignorance, then giving the man the knowledge the Renegades had amassed should help get rid of it. If it was something in the man's nature, then introducing him to the Renegades would essentially mean signing his death warrant.
177.
It took Botta a fair while to come up with a plan, but once he had made his decision, he allowed a slow, infinitely sad smile to spread over his face.
Now that was a plan worth thinking about.
178.
Yuan closed his eyes again and allowed himself to drift back into the semi-sleep state he had been in for most of the night. These thoughts about the Renegades were making him cranky and he knew he needed sleep if he was practically daydreaming. He wasn't the sort of person to indulge in such fancies if he was in good health mentally as well as physically.
That probably should have made it clear that he might not have been fully in his right mind at the moment.
179.
"Lord Botta! I didn't think I'd find you here." She strode into the office -- his office -- as though she belonged there.
"Where else would I be?" Botta countered without even looking at her. Apparently the paperwork was more interesting than whatever business she might have had with him.
"Dead in a ditch? Moping somewhere?" she offered.
180.
Botta had always been sociable enough and he had several close friends, but none of them had become as close to him as Yuan. Yuan had always been an eccentric and peculiar man, but Botta hadn't been deterred by the cold exterior. Under the flaky surface, he had discovered a person so multifaceted and so fragile that he had been completely won over. He had made it a point to see to making Yuan's life easier whenever that goal didn't run counter to those of the Renegades'.
And somewhere along the line, he had become so fiercely attached to Yuan, that strange person, that he had no idea what to do without him.
181.
"I've always wondered," he started, "why didn't you marry Kratos?"
Yuan spat the coffee all over the carpet at that. "What?!"
"He's a widower," he said and held up one finger, then raised one for every point he made as he continued, "he swings both ways, judging by the way he acts around certain people; there has been persistent attraction between the two of you for years; he knows about your involvement in something shady even if he doesn't know it's the Renegades specifically, and here's the most important thing: he hasn't tried to stop you or exposed your plans." He held out his hands in a 'so there you have it' gesture. "What more could you ask for?"
Yuan wiped his mouth on the tea towel that had been on the tray. "You're not asking me this in all seriousness, are you? Because I think my faith in your intelligence will be broken beyond fixing if you say you are."
182.
"Your opinion is duly noted," Yuan said, "and ignored. You can do what you wish. I'll do what I deem right."
183.
Botta watched him for a long time before speaking. "That's only going to incite more violence, isn't it?"
"Maybe." Yuan let out a breath, not quite a sigh, and looked up at the ceiling as if it could give him the answers he was looking for. "But that is inevitable in the long run, and I'm tired of pussyfooting around issues that need to be addressed."
184.
And, as the leader of the Renegades, Lord Yuan was his boss.
Still, no matter his rank, that didn't mean the man wasn't an absolute nutjob.
185.
"He took his own life before Mithos and I got to him, so we didn't learn anything new. We tried to look for clues for some months, but eventually I had to leave to tend to matters here. Mithos and I haven't talked after that." Yuan made a face. "Shouted, yes. Talked, no. It's impossible to talk to him."
186.
"Is there some reason why you are tearing through my drawers," Botta asked as he looked at the mess Yuan had managed to create, "or did you finally snap?"
187.
"I was 'lucky' enough to not be born with pointed ears. In what world does that make any sense? That someone born with pointed ears has to die without even being given a chance at life, while someone who has just as much 'tainted' blood but round ears gets a chance to fool everyone into believing he is just 'one of them' and not one of those disgusting half-bloods?"
188.
Yuan had heard an elf say that the mana around the dwarf seemed to cease to be. Humans were something of an oddity in the world of mana and magic: elves were clearly most attuned to the magical mana and half-elves could, in the majority of the cases, tap into that stream, too, but humans... humans were practically invisible in terms of mana streams. Not that elves and half-elves could see the streams they took their spell power from, but they could sense it, to some degree. Humans didn't, at all. Apparently, most non-magical animals and other creatures were like that.
Dwarves were not invisible to magical mana; they outright rejected it. That seemed to unnerve the more delicate animals immensely.
189.
Yuan growled. He felt like putting his fist through the nearest magitechnology console.
People died. Their loved ones grieved, said their farewells, picked up the pieces and continued on with their lives. They didn't try to found new religions devoted to the loved one who had passed away or anything of the sort.
Except for Mithos fucking Yggdrasill, apparently.
190.
"You 'know us'?" Raine repeated warily. The man's smile widened.
"Indeed I do. You're the lady who tried to disarm the self-destruction system at the Remote Island Human Ranch, correct?" He bowed to her. "Got to love a woman who can handle her magitechnology. Pleased to make your acquaintance."
Raine gave him a look that could have frozen him to the bone, but he paid it no heed.
191.
His expression was one that gave Botta pause, though. It was cold, calculating, and gave him the feeling that he was being measured up -- and probably found wanting. There was a hint of a smile on his face, but it was not a happy one.
192.
It wouldn't take a genius to put two and two together and realize what had happened, and what with the Grand Cardinal able to sense residual healing magic, Yuan wasn't willing to take the risk of accidentally revealing his true allegations if he could help it. It had been a stupid move to defend the Renegade party from the Desians. Getting caught for doing it would be even stupider.
193.
"That, too," Kratos agreed with a smile. Yuan shook his head with a short laugh.
"Well, I appreciate your honesty and your being here. I've been too busy to think, these past few days."
"What, you can think?" Kratos asked, affecting a shocked expression.
194.
"Oh? Well, I'll tell you a little secret. People don't like half-elves." Yuan paused for a moment, then continued almost casually, "And I don't like people, so if I don't conform to their opinions, that's just as well."
195.
Kratos realized that he was probably quite a sight; the ground hadn't been wet, but it was very dusty, so it looked like he had just walked through a flour mill. Oh, well. It didn't matter. Where was the fun in playing with children and animals if you couldn't even get your clothes dirty?
196.
"Listen, mister, you can't..." The man finally turned to look at him and did a visible double-take. "L-Lord Yuan?"
"In the flesh," Yuan said, still irritable. "What took you so long?"
197.
There were many more half-elves out and about than humans could ever guess, but even nature was rejecting them like the mongrels they were.
198.
"You never asked." The man went back to his task, leaving Yuan to contemplate murdering him on the spot. "No, honestly, watching over his shoulder - figuratively speaking, of course, that man is built like a barn door - is nothing but a waste of time for him and for me."
199.
As much as the thought displeased him, it made Yuan want to find her all the more urgently. If possible, he thought he should try to locate her without delay.
Even if he had no clue where he was, let alone where she might have run off to.
200.
When they had been left to their own devices, Yuan turned to Botta. "Never mind them. They're asses, the lot of them."
Botta's smile was both amused and guarded at the same time. "Trust me, I have seen far worse."
201.
He was torn away from his wandering thoughts when he heard voices, orders being barked out, but there was one sound that drowned it all out after a few moments -- a low, erratic beat, annoyingly insistent but weak and flighty, not regular or strong enough to form a recognizable pattern of any sort.
It took Yuan a curiously long time to realize the sound was his own heartbeat.
202.
"That's something I wanted to ask you about," Botta said. "Why didn't you leave with Kratos?"
"Kratos has a very rigid sense of duty. Unless he goes insane with grief or boredom up there, chances are that he will live forever." Yuan snorted. "I've spent far too much time cooped up on that forsaken planet as it is."
203.
"I doubt there's anything to worry about," Botta said. "I've noticed that talking to people can be a useful way to avoid conflicts."
"Certainly," Yuan muttered, "if they're willing to listen to you in the first place."
204.
Botta jolted awake violently, gasping for breath as though he couldn’t get enough air no matter what, and damn it, why did he have to go through this again, there wasn’t even water here -
Shut up, he told himself through the haze of the panic. Calm down. Calm down.
205.
"You're still alive," a familiar voice chimed in, sounding sort of relieved and in a bizarre way also slightly disappointed. Yuan craned his head just enough to see Mithos and Kratos walk up to them.
206.
"How do you feel?" Yuan asked, smirking. "Sore?"
Botta couldn't stop himself from making a face at that. "Would you believe me if I said no?"
"No," Yuan said cheerfully. "I have no idea how the hell you managed to get up and sneak out without waking me up, because I suspect you're probably stiff as a rod, judging by how I feel."
207.
"It's got Lord Botta's mana signature attached to it," the lieutenant said. "And I tracked him. He hasn't left the Triet base. And no, he's not dead either."
"It worries me that that's where everyone's mind instantly went," Jingle muttered.
208.
"Kratos cast a spell... Hmm."
"So? What does that mean?" Yuan made a face. "Other than me getting one hell of a punch to the face. Metaphorically speaking."
209.
"You look tired." Yuan's gaze was piercing, searching. Botta turned his head away, looking back into the flames.
"Why does everybody keep telling me that?"
"Because it's true?" Yuan suggested.
210.
"In other words, you're afraid Botta is going to turn on us and murder us in the middle of the damned desert," Yuan supplied, his eyebrows raised. "That he's going to kill us for... what reason exactly?"
211.
Yuan knew his debt to society was greater than he could ever hope to repay, and he wondered if maybe it was futile to try -- maybe all he was doing was just digging his own grave, deeper and deeper, until the ground above him would collapse and he'd be buried alive.
But, he reflected in a perversely cheery way, he didn't really mind that scenario. In fact, that would be preferable to many of the other options he had. He kind of hoped that the day he was finally killed he wouldn't know it was coming so that everything was still left unfinished. If he tied all the loose threads together, then he was afraid that the knots would end up choking everyone who was left at that point. If everything was still open and others could decide for themselves what direction to take, then maybe a better world just might emerge as a result.
Unfortunately, Yggdrasill was hardly an opponent to be underestimated, and if he was allowed to go on his merry way sabotaging everyone else, there wouldn't even be a world to save soon enough.
212.
Botta hadn't noticed him; he was leaning his back against a tree and watching kittens playing in the shade of a shrub. He looked almost... bored. That was a weird thing for Yuan to be noticing, but he had spent a good while trying to work out the man's expressions, and this one could hardly be anything else.
213.
"Damn right, sir." She gave him an amused look. "If you tell me to stay out of the room, I can do that, but rest assured, in that case I'll be camping on your doorstep."
"And I wonder if I should be worried that that is exactly the sort of thing I would expect you to do," Yuan murmured with a roll of his eyes.
214.
"Botta. What the hell are you doing here?"
"Cleaning up the place." Botta answered Yuan's frustrated gesturing with a calm, if guarded, look. "Something wrong with that?"
215.
"Are you feeling better?"
Yuan was sitting cross-legged on the floor. He leant his elbows on his knees, hunching his shoulders. "Better? I guess. Good? No. I still feel all kinds of wrong."
216.
"I don't understand how you've managed to stay alive this long with an attitude like that," Yuan muttered.
217.
Botta put his arms on the desk in front of him and laced his fingers together so he wouldn't spr
It wouldning up and punch something out of sheer frustration. He was good at controlling his emotional impulses. Of course he was. But when faced with... this, a thing so major that it rocked the very foundations of his life, and he found he had no way to change any of it... That was when he was ready to tell his usually placid nature to take a hike and start going around destroying something.
218.
"Come on out. I know you're there."
A figure emerged from the shadows and came closer. Yuan didn't turn around to face it. It wouldn't have made a difference. He could feel the presence of the spirit behind him all the same.
He hadn't expected to feel a pair of arms wrap themselves about his shoulders - arms that felt all too real, considering their owner didn't have a corporeal body.
"I'm so sorry," the spirit murmured softly, the voice soft and apologetic. "So, so sorry."
219.
"I don't think so. I know so." Usually Botta wasn't likely to be so snippy, but he was understandably short on patience. "Do you think I would let something like this affect my judgement?"
220.
Botta gave him a sideways glance, amusement in his eyes. "I liked the stories. You didn't enjoy them?"
"I don't think I'd have minded the stories themselves," Yuan said and snorted. "The problem was that I didn't have the attention span to keep sitting down long enough to get through a book."
221.
"Hm." Yuan's weary expression was hardly changed. He placed his hands on the table in front of him and rubbed his right palm right where the blast had scorched his mana veins mere weeks before.
222.
"You must be kidding me." Yuan's voice was incredulous as studied the looks on his subordinates' faces. "Why are you here alone? Without adequate supplies, no less?"
223.
He forgot about it, though, when Botta caressed his cheek and jaw gently, almost too gently. "I missed you."
Yuan took hold of his hand and lowered it, causing a bitter smile to appear on Botta's face.
"I'm sorry. Was that a bad thing to say?"
"You're jinxing this... thing," Yuan said, not able to come up with a better word for whatever 'this thing' between them was.
224.
Yuan looked at him, his gaze suddenly sharply focused, his mind lucid. "It all began with death. It keeps revolving around death, and the only way it'll end is death."
225.
"No," he protested loudly. His voice fell flat in the surrounding silence, but his irritation and indignation were practically radiating off him. "I'm not leaving empty-handed."
226.
Yuan had been surprised time and again by Botta's ability to walk so quietly - or maybe that wasn't the right word. He didn't walk quietly so much as he walked... comfortably, if you could say that. His footfalls were by no means silent, but it felt like they belonged perfectly in the base whose corridors he kept walking day after day. The clicking sound of his boots had become so natural Yuan hardly noticed it anymore.
Much to his chagrin, however, he certainly noticed it when that familiar, comforting sound was forever gone.
227.
"That's your headache, not mine," Yuan replied. "I'll be heading back to the base. Don't go getting in trouble again."
228.
Yuan wasn't sure what he had been expecting when the door to the room opened and he stepped in cautiously, but he was relieved and glad to see Botta sitting on the bed going through what looked like old logs; if the man was working, nothing truly terrible could have happened. Right?
229.
"Quit lying, Yuan," Botta snapped. Yuan didn't seem particularly taken aback, but he didn't try to protest as Botta went on. "You were acting downtrodden and secretive for days before you left. Why didn't you talk to me?"
230.
"Botta," Yuan greeted with a small but genuine smile. "Admiring my new look? I'm starting to think bruise blue isn't really my color."
231.
"You... you don't know what it's like to hear the way his breath catches when he shifts in his sleep," he said so quietly it was difficult to make out the words. "The way he keeps drugs stashed everywhere in his quarters because if he's hit with a spell of pain, he can't move at all. The way that--"
"--that he often almost drops the coffee mug he's holding but catches it at the last moment before he spills any of its contents? The way his eyes flash with pain if he turns slightly too fast?" Botta sighed and shook his head. "I'm hardly blind. We can see he's in agony and I wish there was something we could do to change that. I still don't think getting yourself killed here is the right way to go about helping him out."
232.
Yuan rolled his eyes. "She knows she has me at a disadvantage so she doesn't even bother trying to be polite."
233.
Their surroundings were precariously fragile. Getting up would be a challenge for Botta even if he used his mana senses to their very limit. His companion, although much lighter and more agile, didn't have that ability to call upon and he would be going in literally blind. It sounded more like an elaborate suicide plan than anything else.
234.
"Origin is no longer bound," he said eventually. "Lloyd has made a pact with him. He has the Eternal Sword."
Botta's expression didn't change in understanding. Yuan found that irrationally annoying. He frowned.
"It's only a matter of time before he and his friends vanquish Yggdrasill."
"I know." The simple, sure answer caught Yuan by surprise. The continuation made him feel worse than before, though. "I read the report."
235.
Botta came close to calling Yuan a liar to his face, but he thought that that wouldn't help things any, so he swallowed the biting and nervous remark, instead nodding slowly.
236.
He couldn't help feeling conflicted nevertheless. He sat back on the bed, hands in his lap, and looked at the other man currently occupying more than his fair share of the bed. Yuan was sprawled out on it, dead to the world. He had fought off sleep for nearly three days and nights before he had no longer been able to stay awake. Hell, he hadn't been able to stay on his feet at that point.
Botta wasn't sure how to feel about that. He hadn't thought much of it at the time he had practically dragged Yuan off to bed before he collapsed in the corridors, but now that Yuan had fallen to sleep and was clearly asleep, he wondered if he should be more worried. Although Yuan was the least angel-like of all Cruxis' hideous creatures, he was still usually able to eschew such basic things as food, sleep and breathing, at least for a time.
237.
There was one thing everyone agreed on, one thing they could have lived without ever learning: Yuan was frightening when drunk.
If they had been asked what they thought a drunk Yuan would be like, they would probably have assumed he was one of those angry, unstable, violent drunks who would rant about the rottenness of the world until he passed out.
The problem was, Yuan might well have been angry and he was more than likely unstable, but the fact that he didn't speak at all was the worst.
238.
Botta went to the desk. All sensitive documents had been removed, of course, back when they had evacuated the bases. That didn't mean there was nothing there, even if the actual papers were gone.
Memories lingered in the place.
239.
Yuan walked to the window and leant his arm against the pane, smiling wryly as he gazed out into the thickening darkness. "There in itself lies the irony, don't you think? She harbored childish romantic feelings for a mysterious man she nursed back to health. She knows literally nothing about him, having an idea of him that doesn't correspond to the reality at all. I doubt she would much like the real me."
240.
Botta gritted his teeth as he rinsed the soap off the razor. He had long ago decided to keep the knowledge of his infatuation secret from Yuan, because by the goddess, they both had more than enough baggage to deal with and workplace romances made work far too complicated more often than not, in Botta's experience.
It was far easier to keep something like that from being revealed when one didn't have to share a bloody bed with one's object of interest.
Botta huffed as he brought up the razor again to finish his task. He nearly nicked the unprotected skin at his throat in surprise, though, because when he raised his eyes to the mirror, he found himself locking gazes with Yuan who had appeared at the bathroom door without a sound.
241.
Kratos looked out. "I've lived for much too long to want to live on for another eternity. Then again, I don't see a point in taking the matter directly into my own hands -"
"-Because you already failed at that." Yuan's voice had no particular inflection to it, as though he was talking about the weather or something equally trivial.
242.
"What do you want?"
"To talk."
"To lament, you mean." Yuan gave him no chance to reply and flipped open the book he had picked up. "Speak up, then. I intend to finish this paperwork before midnight, and the clock's ticking away."
243.
"This is one of your battle cards, right? It's pretty. How do you make these into weapons?"
He glanced up just in time to see her back stiffen considerably. She answered at length. "...It's not a battle card. There's no way I'm making those outside our village."
244.
Raine sighed irritably at the sound of a knock on her front door and placed her bookmark back between the pages of the book she had been intending to read. It had been dark and cloudy all day, and she had been looking forward to a quiet evening spent snuggled up in covers by the fireplace with a good book in her hand. Whoever dared to disturb her had better have a very good reason to be doing so. She stood up and walked to the door, opening it.
"Yuan," she deadpanned, looking at the man before her. He gave her a dry smile.
"Hello again, Miss Sage. I came to collect what is rightfully mine." Raine noted he had learned something from the last few times he had shown up at her doorstep - he didn't attempt to get any closer to her or past her. Wise of him.
245.
Raine nodded. "It feels strange. I'll be able to teach all your children, and their children, and so forth for several generations to come." A shadow passed her fine-featured face. "I'm not sure I would like to see it happen, though."
Sheena cast her eyes down, looking at her toes, feeling a pang of sadness well up inside. "I wonder if I'll outlive Lloyd and the others, too."
246.
No matter what Yuan said about it, his wings were a sight to behold. Especially in the pitch-black office where they were currently trapped - glittering, casting a warm pinkish glow in the suddenly rather confined space, beating in a slow rhythm, making the shadows shift continuously.
247.
"Why are you here?"
"I came looking for you," Botta replied walking slowly closer. Yuan didn't move, but he was on his guard, almost as though he were to bolt if given half a reason to do so. He didn't seem impressed with the reason Botta was offering him.
248.
Yuan's main weapon was enormous and thus wasn't ideal to be carried around at all times. Botta had sometimes wondered whether the man kept any other kind of weapon on himself or if he simply relied on his magic to save his hide should he be caught in a tight spot.
He got his answer once when he found Yuan, disoriented and wounded, in his office and tried to place his hand on the other man's shoulder to shake some sense into him. The dagger was out in a flash and caught him off guard.
249.
Raine looked up. "That's strange. I couldn't sense anything. Not even in the Tower of Salvation."
"Most people don't." Kratos shrugged. "The mana signature is like a fine web woven of extremely thin threads of life. Yuan's web has been... torn apart."
250.
"It's not like you're unfamiliar with being rejected," he shot back.
"There are very few things I'm unfamiliar with," Yuan conceded.
251.
"What?" Yuan turned around to look the woman in the face, obviously thinking he had heard her wrong.
The woman met Yuan's glare and, despite flinching a little, held her ground. "Two of the nurses have reported that you practically exude hatred and animosity. That is hardly the kind of thing a seriously injured person needs anywhere near him. So, for the time being, you are forbidden from entering the hospital wing."
252.
"Kratos loves to wander around the halls of the Vinheim castle at odd hours just for the sake of creeping me out. At least, that's how it feels, though I guess he's usually headed for a midnight rendezvous with dearest Mithos when I run into him." He paused and an odd look passed his face. "Now that just sounds wrong."
253.
"One could likely hit Lloyd over the head with a log while he's asleep, and that would merely make him wonder why his head hurts in the morning."
"Well, that just goes to prove you two are related," Yuan said.
254.
"Do you think he'll be okay?"
"He shouldn't even be alive. Not after being underwater for so long. And…"
"What is it, Genis?"
"Lloyd... He's not breathing."
255.
Lloyd assumed a pose that was far too close to his fighting stance for Yuan's liking. "Wait! What do you mean?"
Before Yuan had a chance to give a venomous reply or smash the boy's head in for asking stupid questions, Botta stepped in.
256.
"If your concentration falters -"
"When has anything like that happened?" Yuan interrupted, sounding irritated. "I can focus fine."
Botta paused for barely a moment. The look he gave Yuan quite clearly said that he thought Yuan was being a complete idiot. "You have blanked out on me twice in the past three hours because of fatigue."
257.
Fifty-three agonizingly long and dull years. He knew he should have left with Kratos back when Derris-Kharlan was about to drift away, but the Renegades… back then, they had needed him as much as he had needed them. It was only now that he felt they were both ready to be rid of one another for good.
258.
"Fairy feathers," Lloyd replied with a huge grin. "Red fairy feathers!"
"Fairy? Do I look like a fairy?" Yuan's tone was incredulous, bordering on both shock and rage. He inspected the damage done to his wings over his shoulder.
259.
"When is it ever?" Yuan asked in annoyance. "You don't trust me, I know that. Get over it. There are lots of people whose lives depend on this. It's no different from what Mithos did."
260.
"I'm sorry, Marble," he murmured as he gently wiped away the snow. "I'm sorry I couldn't make it here last year."
He placed a candle on the ground and cleaned the rest of the stone because somehow he felt compelled to do so. He was surprised to see four new names added to the list.
Martel. Mithos. Kratos. Yuan.
There was a short message to accompany their names. May they find the peace they long sought.
Sighing deeply, the man stood up and ran his fingertips over the second new name. "Yeah... find your peace. I hope you finally found it, Mithos. Take care of Lloyd and Colette and everyone for me for a little while longer, okay? I... leave them in your hands."
261.
"It's not my headache your sweetheart turned you down." Yuan looked up and raised a brow mockingly. "The course of true love never did run smooth. Ever hear that?"
262.
A breeze ruffled his hair, making him glance up at the remnants of the Tower of Salvation. Salvation, indeed. So many people were dead, and he, directly or indirectly at fault for causing their demises, was still alive. Martel, Mithos, and so many others. People he had known. People he had cared about.
All of them were dead and he was not.
263.
"It's no different from the Remote Island Human Ranch except for the fact that our roles are reversed."
Botta gave him a skeptical look. "That's not exactly a reassuring thought, considering that if it weren't for you, I would be long dead."
264.
The rest of the party followed him into the building. Zelos raised an eyebrow.
"You know Yuan's going to bitch you out if he ever finds out you came here, right?"
Lloyd threw him a look over his shoulder. "The door was open. That's like an invitation, don't you think? The Tethe'allan base was all locked up."
"The open door may well be just a way to lure us into a trap," Raine said. "It wouldn't be the first time Yuan has changed allegiances."
"Yeah, he's about as trustworthy as a weathervane," Genis muttered.
265.
Zelos rolled his eyes and gave Yuan an evil glare. "Relax? With him around? Sure."
"Why, I could almost feel insulted," Yuan muttered dryly.
266.
Kratos turned slowly, eyes locking evenly with those of Lloyd's. "He was no longer capable of trusting anyone after having been used by the whole of Cruxis for whatever ends. Mithos, Yuan and even myself... we misused the trust he placed in us. It is no wonder he wouldn't trust you, either. Although I confess I had hoped he would do so in time."
267.
"I don't understand how you've managed to stay alive this long with an attitude like that," Yuan said. Botta gave him one of those hauntingly familiar (but, a corner of his brain told him, much more bitter than he remembered) faint smiles he had missed.
268.
Yuan rolled his eyes. "I haven't been breathing for several minutes, in case you haven't noticed."
"Impressive how you can talk without any oxygen in your lungs."
269.
Anyone who passed through the eastern outskirts of the city had to be a thug, armed to the teeth, or just plain insane. It was common knowledge the place had been taken over by criminals and half-elves, and anyone who dared to pass through couldn't be entirely in their right mind. So, when an unarmed man dressed in what was far too fine clothing for the area was seen strolling the streets without any apparent anxiousness, it did tend to attract attention.
"Hey, look. There's a weird one out there."
Botta looked up to see his friend leaning against the wall and pointing out the window. He stood up, abandoning the half-repaired spear he had been working on, and walked up to the window.
270.
There were few people insane enough to pick a fight with Yuan, and even fewer who got away with it unscathed. Up to date there had only been two people still alive who had known his temper and still dared to go against it. Now here was a third, and truth be told, Yuan was not sure how to react to such impudence.
271.
"What is it, sir?" Botta asked. Yuan narrowed his eyes as he took a look at the map the computer was displaying.
"We're screwed, that's what," he replied and tapped the screen.
272.
Asgard hadn't yet deteriorated into a barely surviving village like so many of the other cities in Sylvarant. If he found no way to reunite the worlds soon, Sylvarant might end up spiraling to its doom, dragging Tethe'alla down with it. He sighed quietly. It was no new train of thought for him. He knew he couldn't dethrone Yggdrasill alone from his assumed role as the god manipulating everyone, including the Desians. It was too risky to try to involve Kratos; if he chose to talk, Yuan knew he would wind up losing his life the instant Yggdrasill got hold of him, and all his good intentions of freeing both Martel and the worlds would be lost to the wind.
273.
He clenched his fingers down on his arms hard enough to leave colorful bruises. "Did it ever occur to you that you could have told me?"
"What end would that have served?" Botta asked, meeting Yuan's eyes without flinching.
274.
Zelos gave a long-suffering sigh. "You just hate me. You could admit it already, you know."
"I'm quite sure the feeling is mutual," Yuan said as he walked away.
275.
Yuan opened his eyes and looked around the room lazily. He yawned and burrowed his head in the pillows. He knew he should be getting up, but he couldn't be bothered to do so, choosing to stay in bed for a few more minutes. It wasn't often that he slept in the first place, but he was feeling warm and secure.
Of course, the universe wouldn't stand for the Renegade leader to take a day off, and he was rudely jolted out of his pleasant half-dreaming state when the base-wide alarm went off.
276.
"Let me guess. His triumph ended shortly?"
"It did." The woman paused. "Lord Yuan doesn't play fair, you know. Not that I'm complaining! Seeing the look on Lord Botta’s face was priceless."
277.
"I didn't know you smoked." There was no scorn or disgust in the voice; it was merely a statement.
Yuan's lips curled almost unnoticeably as he brought the cigarette to his lips once more, but the almost-smile didn't reach his eyes.
"Some of the habits I pick up during undercover missions are difficult to get rid of," he said by way of an explanation, even though they both knew that wasn't really the truth. "What are you doing here?"
"I found the report you left on my desk," Botta replied dryly. "I came looking for you because it sounded like you were planning on going back to Cruxis without talking to anyone at all. Were you?"
Yuan had taken a pull on the cigarette once more as Botta spoke, watching him intently. Now he lowered his hand again and looked away, holding his breath. Slowly, he exhaled the bitter smoke through his nose.
"I have overstayed on Tethe'alla," he replied at length. "Yggdrasill is already suspicious."
278.
"What?" his eyes went wide in shock. "I can't do that!"
"You do realize that that was not so much a request as it was an order?" Botta countered, his expression stern and set in stone. "That will keep the shields stable."
279.
"What?" Yuan snapped. Zelos looked at him coldly.
"If this plan ends up backfiring like every other plan you've ever made and Lloyd has to suffer, I will kill you myself."
280.
"At least we're safe from the monsters for now," Yuan muttered, ignoring Kratos' nondescript grunt. "You owe me one Holy Bottle."
"I didn't make you toss it in the bushes. You did that adeptly enough on your own."
281.
When no one seemed to be able to react accordingly to this awkward situation, Yuan glanced at the group and spotted Zelos hanging around near the door. He, at least, seemed to have the intelligence to make sure he would have a chance to bolt if things got hairy.
Maybe the redhead wasn't so dumb, after all.
282.
Yuan was acting like a complete moron, and it pained Botta to think that he may have technically committed suicide. But why would he go about it in such a complicated, unreliable manner?
283.
Lloyd turned to Yuan who had begun to smirk in a sickening way. Did he truly take delight in seeing the emotional anguish of others?
284.
"I know," Botta said, his voice dark. "I kind of had noticed that myself."
Menazo kept looking at him, but now it seemed like he was having trouble hiding his grin. "Oh, I see."
"Don't start with me now," Botta told him with a glare.
"Mm. I was wondering why the air felt so weird. I guess I should have known," Menazo said, entirely heedless of the warning look Botta was giving him.
"Do you want me to set you on fire?" Botta asked. "I could do that for you if you'd like."
285.
He had known. He had known full well that Yuan wouldn't be anywhere near Palmacosta. He was mad at himself for having allowed even the slightest shred of hope to exist. The fall was always a rough one for someone who had futile hope in their heart.
286.
The shock sent them flying, and for the second time in less than ten minutes, Yuan found himself falling to the ground painfully, the wind knocked out of him and a fierce, white-hot pain engulfing him.
He wasn't sure whose scream it was that rang in his ears - his, Martel's or Mithos' -, but it was the last thing he was aware of before he finally blacked out. That, and the sharp pain that stabbed him when he tried to draw breath. But the scream - that was the thing that stayed with him.
287.
It wasn't his hell that was about to begin, Yuan mused as he slipped into the shadows of the alley, it was Yggdrasill's.
288.
Zelos ran his fingertips over a yellowed page, following the old, intricate letters with a finger. He suspected the book had been magically preserved; it looked hardly a hundred years old (which meant ancient for most humans but was nothing for the elves), but he knew it had to be at least three thousand years old. Not that that made it any more interesting; the text was hardly legible, written in the ancient elven language, and mostly had random statistics Zelos didn't understand scribbled on the pages. What did Yuan collect these things for?
289.
There were some things that Should Never Happen, and of course that meant that all those things were destined to happen at one point or another. Usually at a very inconvenient point, too, and much to his dismay, Botta found himself the victim of such circumstances.
290.
He had had to learn to live with that borderline painful itch, that call in his blood that screamed for lightning and thunder to be commanded, to give him that feeling of power when lightning bolts crackled in the air around him and static made everything snap when he touched it for minutes afterwards. But that was only a memory, something he craved to feel again, to be one with the raging powers of nature and for one ecstatic moment have those storms do his bidding, have that enormous power inside his veins, ready to burst forth.
But he couldn't.
Without further blabbering, let's get the ball rolling. There are 130 Symphonia quotes in the original post, so this list continues straight from 131.
WARNING
Some of the quotes in this post deal with themes unsuitable to younger readers/people who have specific triggers. These themes include (at least) the following: death, murder (including mentioned fratricide/sororicide), graphic violence, blood, strong language, sexually suggestive material. Read at your own discretion.
(Note that there are also other less triggering things that you might not want to run across anyway. Most notably, spoilers abound. Also, any and all pairings/polyships are fair game.)
Help is still very much wanted! Please leave a comment if any of the prompts inspires something in you. :3
Updates
Feb 26: #131-150
Feb 27: #151-160
Mar 1: #161-170
March: #171-180
May 8: #181-200
Oct 15: #201-240
April 23, 2013: #241-290
131.
The minutes crawled by, and while he was making fine progress, Botta was bored out of his skull. He would have welcomed almost any kind of distraction at that point.
He wasn't counting on one appearing with such clamor.
132.
Yuan held back a sigh. "Knock yourself out."
133.
Botta knew he was being unfair, but he was nervous and that made every shadow seem like it held untold, scary secrets within it and something would creep out of it to stab him in the back the moment he passed it...
And yet, come to think of it, he had never been afraid of the dark. He had to shake his head to clear out the stupid, superstitious ideas.
134.
"It's not something you can really understand from just reading an account of what happened," she said quietly and closed the book in front of her. "I can't even imagine what it must be like to watch that kind of torture take place."
Voices -- ones he knows better from listening to their owners making jokes, giving status reports, having debates about inconsequential things -- are strained beyond their breaking point, turned into piercing screams that echo off the corridor outside the chamber. The floor that almost gleamed to begin with is now stained red, red with the blood of too many people he has known and befriended. There is so much blood and noise. In his dreams, all the deaths he has seen add up and even far away from that place, the walls seem to weep blood, blood of those people who believed in him, those whom he let down.
"You can't." Yuan didn't allow his expression to change in the least. "No one can."
135.
Kratos gave him a sour smile. "I doubt that. Regardless, Yuan was asking after you. He isn't much fun to talk to right now, but I thought it best to do as he wishes and seek you out."
"I'll go," Botta replied. "It's no problem."
Kratos inclined his head. "Good. I'll be seeing you around later, then."
136.
"Say..." Botta trailed off. That was enough to draw Yuan's attention to him. Noticing that, Botta tapped the folder in front of him with his pen as he asked, "Is it ever acceptable to recommend an ex for promotion?"
137.
Yuan made an irritated sound in his throat. "I know this is cliché, but it really is because of me and not you that I'm... confused. You stirring things up isn't helping me clear my head."
"Oh." Botta felt a surge of blood coloring his cheeks. "I'm sorry. That was never my intention."
138.
He brought down his sword and then did something that he, as a guard in the employ of a noble house, should never have done. As a Renegade, though, he felt perfectly justified in his actions.
He began to cast a spell.
139.
Botta flinched and then looked upset at having shown even that much of a reaction.
"At this rate, I'll never master this," he muttered.
140.
It helped that Yuan was quiet -- either he had passed out or the worst of the pain had been dulled by whatever drug the woman had given him, but whatever the reason, Botta was grateful for it, even if he was a little concerned that Yuan not making any sound might as well have been caused by him being, well, dead already.
141.
"But I," Yuan said and frowned slightly, "I don't want to accept your acceptance."
142.
Botta blinked as he reluctantly pulled himself back from the rage and frustration that had kept him going for -- however long it had been. He looked around himself and was shocked to see the destruction there.
When he had entered the hall, there had been practice dummies and rotting wood and other constructs just meant to be rent apart there.
Now, there was little more left of them than a pile of sawdust and rock.
143.
"It doesn't really matter if I'm here or not," he said. "I'll be awake at that time anyway."
Yuan sank back into his pillows as if the mere thought sapped his strength. "And you get up at such an ungodly hour every day? There should be a law prohibiting people from working that early."
144.
It didn't matter if Yuan didn't see it like that. There were some rules that had to observed, or they would have a damn coup in their hands before long.
145.
Seeing the familiar walls and corridors of the Renegade base was usually comforting and made him feel more at home than Vinheim or Welgaia ever could. Now, though, the walls seemed to be crashing down on him and he was unsure of whether he was even upright. The relief he felt at having been able to escape soon dissolved into nausea. There were too many colors, too sharp contrasts, too many people ... His thought process was sluggish. He recognized some of the people, and, most importantly, he recognized the second-in-command. He had made it back alive.
"Lord Yuan!" one of the men cried out sharply.
"...He... he's..." he rasped, not quite aware of the sound he was making. He felt the world shift dangerously again. "...alive..."
It was a peculiar feeling, he mused in some faraway corner of his mind as he became dimly aware of the cool floor he was lying on, to lose all control. The surprised and alarmed voices of the soldiers around him made his head hurt. He closed his eyes, loosening his hold on the thread that had linked him to consciousness.
146.
Even if Yuan had guessed why he was acting like such a bumbling idiot, there was no need for him to prove that his mind went on a decidedly disconcerting strike whenever Yuan gave him a look like that.
147.
Yuan found he couldn't speak for several seconds. When he found his voice, it was colder than the climate in Flanoir. "You're high."
Botta hardly even reacted. At length, he replied, "I wasn't expecting to see you today."
148.
"Don't look so much like you saw a ghost or felt someone walk over your grave," Yuan said with a tired smirk. "It doesn't become you."
149.
Sometimes, things like this made him wonder if his plan to keep working with the Renegades even if it meant going to war with the rest of the entire world was not, in fact, utterly insane.
150.
Botta gritted his teeth together and balled up the shirt, dropping it by his bed. He would have to do laundry tomorrow, then. He couldn't walk around in blood-stained clothing -- that would not only get everyone's attention, it would also be downright creepy. The sooner he could get rid of any and all reminders of what had happened to Yuan, the better for his sanity.
151.
The Houses of Salvation in Sylvarant were hardly the most comfortable places to spend a night, especially for such a large group. Seriously, what was the point of having one bed available for travelers? Was the Church of Martel in the declining world so poor that it couldn't afford beds in these places?
Zelos sighed quietly as he turned onto his back on the floor. He wouldn't have minded sharing if he could have snuggled up to the women in their group, but of course Sheena had vocally (and violently) vetoed that idea. So now he was lying between Lloyd, who had turned out to be the sort of guy who flailed a lot in his sleep, and Regal, who was a sedate sleeper but whose chains would clink and clang, jolting Zelos awake several times a night. Man, wasn't that just his luck?
It kind of disturbed him that he was starting to find such inconvenient sleeping arrangements almost ... comfortable.
Zelos listened to his companions' breathing in the dark and wondered, not for the first time, where exactly his own allegiances lay.
152.
"Wow, it's dark in here..." one of the Renegades whispered as their group entered the partly concealed cavern.
"We are inside a mountain," one of the others remarked sourly. "It kind of stands to reason it would be dark in here."
"But we've been here before," the first speaker said and sniffed daintily. "Shouldn't there be lighting here?"
Botta ignored the hushed discussion going on behind him and began leading the group down the treacherous path to their destination.
153.
"I don't giggle," Yuan said, full of righteous indignation. Unfortunately, the drama was lost on Botta who merely snorted.
"Clearly you should to listen to yourself more when you're drunk," he said.
154.
Still, Botta felt uneasy. The whole mission had gone awry. He shouldn't have been part of it in the first place. He wondered if all the drama could have been avoided had he not been present.
155.
The smile disappeared and Yuan made a face. "That is one of the reasons it's a good thing we didn't manage to get married. I would make for a terrible father. Without Martel, I would have managed to run this place into the ground if I had had children underfoot. I almost managed to do that as it was."
156.
Yuan stood up hastily. "That's great news!"
Unfortunately, his quick movements had tipped the already precariously balanced paper stacks on his desk, and the next moment the air was full of paper merrily fluttering down, accompanied by an annoyed curse from him.
157.
"I'm sorry." Botta sighed. "I think I'm going insane."
158.
He coughed dryly. "Damn, that was close."
Botta wanted to snap at him, wanted to tell him 'that's what I said', but he quelled the urge to do that. He had been a leader for too long to give in to such nonconstructive urges.
159.
"I'm not involved in any wars at the moment, despite what my friends seem to think," Yuan said. "And, contrary to popular belief, I don't plan on starting any either."
160.
The faraway look in Yuan's eyes melted away and he smiled crookedly. "Well, that would have to be the case, yes?"
161.
"Hah! Okay, how about this, then: we're a freak show, and Lord Yuan just so happens to collect samples of all kinds of freaks. Is that better?"
"No," he said in a deadpan voice, "but I suppose that's the best I can get out of you without you resorting to even more horrible comparisons, so let's leave it at that."
162.
"Don't say anything," Botta warned him in that same calm, toneless voice he had adopted as soon as he had stood up. "We have work to do."
163.
"No wonder after what happened today," the man said and smirked. "I thought you were going to have an aneurysm, from what I saw."
From what you saw? Botta was too startled to voice the question that floated up to the surface of his mind at the comment. What did you see, then? Something... incriminating?
164.
That didn't mean Botta could keep ignoring reality for as long as he wished. There really was something he needed to take care of, something only he could do for Yuan, something he knew he was expected to do. Something that he could never ask anyone else to do.
165.
Raine flipped the paper over and blinked.
"You will do as you have been told, else you will never get us to release our hold," she read. "Follow these decrees, and you can do as you please."
"That's pretty ominous," Zelos opined. "And you think I wrote that?"
166.
Yuan hadn't given up hope -- if his stubbornness had ever been motivated by hope, anyway. Irritation seemed to be the driving force behind his actions.
Botta kept hoping that Yuan would chance upon something that would allow them to escape this deadlock, but he knew the chances of that happening were slim at best.
167.
"I can't believe this! Who would be sick enough to come up with an idea like that?" Sheena was clenching her hands into fists so hard that her knuckles were turning white.
"I think it's a sweet idea," Colette said with her imperturbable smile firmly in place.
Sheena sighed, but she seemed to deflate a little. "Colette, you're too accommodating."
168.
Yuan smirked. "Don't worry about it so much. It's fine."
"Yes, and that's why you commented on it," Botta remarked dryly.
Oho, Yuan thought. Sarcasm. The man might yet prove to be even more interesting to talk to than he had given him credit for.
169.
The next morning was almost painfully bright, and Yuan muttered vile curses at it as the persistent rays peeking in through the window finally succeeded in dragging him into the world of the living. He buried his head in his pillow for a moment, contemplated throwing said pillow at the window, and eventually decided not to because it was getting awfully chilly out there in the mornings and the last thing he wanted right now in his bedroom was a broken window.
170.
"Marriages are ultimately arrangements of convenience," the man reasoned. "You don't need love to make it work."
"How cynical of you." Yuan crossed his arms after setting his coffee mug on the tray. "I didn't expect that from you of all people."
171.
"What happened to my children?" the woman screeched. "What did you do to them?"
Yuan had been walking away from her cell, but now he paused. He didn't turn to look at her when he replied, "I killed them. The ones you didn't kill yourself, at any rate."
After he had said his piece, Yuan continued on his way. His boots clicked on the stone floor with each measured step he took. He didn't react at all to the shout that followed him out of the dungeon.
"You always were a terrible son!"
172.
The pulse was steady and strong under his fingertips and his palm. It was hardly any faster than it would have been under normal circumstances, despite the situation being so far from normal.
Yuan wasn't sure he should have been happy about that.
"You do know I could crush your windpipe with little effort," he said. He tried to keep his voice devoid of any inflection, to keep his thoughts from spilling out into the open, but he had no idea how successful his attempt was.
To his surprise and annoyance, Botta managed to trump him even in that regard; he laughed, the sound quiet and winded and impossible to interpret.
"You could."
173.
There was more commotion going on than Botta could pay attention to, but his focus was elsewhere anyway.
"Yuan," he called to the other man rather unceremoniously sprawled on the ground. "Sir, are you all right?"
Yuan replied with a slew of curses, although at least none of them seemed to be directed at Botta. He pushed himself up onto all fours and then sat up on his knees, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. "What the fuck was that?"
174.
"What?" Lloyd gave her a flabbergasted look. "How do you figure that?"
"I hadn't thought about it, but that would make sense," Raine said. "The overwhelming sense of wild, free mana is considerably more muted here. It's not gone, but it's as though it's... sealed."
175.
"This is ridiculous. I can't get her off my mind." Aldan was playing with his glass restlessly, nervous energy practically oozing from him. He leaned back in his chair. "It -- it doesn't make sense. I mean, I don't swing that way. But I still want to spend time with her. Listen to her. Make her laugh. Make her happy. Not in the friend kind of sense. The romantic sense. And that's just messed up."
Much as he disliked seeing his friend so agitated, Botta couldn't help being somewhat amused at the same time. "Considering your track record of making ostensibly straight guys fall for you, I would have thought this wouldn't bother you. Is it so different when the tables are turned?"
Aldan scoffed. "Men usually think they're straight until they actually have to think about whether they really only dig chicks or if they just haven't taken a look around and noticed that there are great guys around, too. Me, I've always seen both the women and the men, so it's not a case of not noticing the women. I just never felt anything for any woman. There was never any desire. Hell, I have no idea what I would do with a woman."
He glanced up sharply to silence any lewd remarks, but when none were forthcoming, he sighed and slumped back into his seat.
"It's so weird and -- I just feel like someone pulled the rug from under my feet." He wrinkled his nose in a gesture of self-consciousness. "And I'm drunk and spilling my guts about a new crush to someone I used to live with. Now would be a perfect time to pass out before I embarrass myself any further, thanks."
176.
Botta seemed to have a good head on his shoulders, and if he was a bit too naïve for Yuan's liking... well, that would pretty much fix itself as soon as he joined the Renegades. If the naïveté was born of ignorance, then giving the man the knowledge the Renegades had amassed should help get rid of it. If it was something in the man's nature, then introducing him to the Renegades would essentially mean signing his death warrant.
177.
It took Botta a fair while to come up with a plan, but once he had made his decision, he allowed a slow, infinitely sad smile to spread over his face.
Now that was a plan worth thinking about.
178.
Yuan closed his eyes again and allowed himself to drift back into the semi-sleep state he had been in for most of the night. These thoughts about the Renegades were making him cranky and he knew he needed sleep if he was practically daydreaming. He wasn't the sort of person to indulge in such fancies if he was in good health mentally as well as physically.
That probably should have made it clear that he might not have been fully in his right mind at the moment.
179.
"Lord Botta! I didn't think I'd find you here." She strode into the office -- his office -- as though she belonged there.
"Where else would I be?" Botta countered without even looking at her. Apparently the paperwork was more interesting than whatever business she might have had with him.
"Dead in a ditch? Moping somewhere?" she offered.
180.
Botta had always been sociable enough and he had several close friends, but none of them had become as close to him as Yuan. Yuan had always been an eccentric and peculiar man, but Botta hadn't been deterred by the cold exterior. Under the flaky surface, he had discovered a person so multifaceted and so fragile that he had been completely won over. He had made it a point to see to making Yuan's life easier whenever that goal didn't run counter to those of the Renegades'.
And somewhere along the line, he had become so fiercely attached to Yuan, that strange person, that he had no idea what to do without him.
181.
"I've always wondered," he started, "why didn't you marry Kratos?"
Yuan spat the coffee all over the carpet at that. "What?!"
"He's a widower," he said and held up one finger, then raised one for every point he made as he continued, "he swings both ways, judging by the way he acts around certain people; there has been persistent attraction between the two of you for years; he knows about your involvement in something shady even if he doesn't know it's the Renegades specifically, and here's the most important thing: he hasn't tried to stop you or exposed your plans." He held out his hands in a 'so there you have it' gesture. "What more could you ask for?"
Yuan wiped his mouth on the tea towel that had been on the tray. "You're not asking me this in all seriousness, are you? Because I think my faith in your intelligence will be broken beyond fixing if you say you are."
182.
"Your opinion is duly noted," Yuan said, "and ignored. You can do what you wish. I'll do what I deem right."
183.
Botta watched him for a long time before speaking. "That's only going to incite more violence, isn't it?"
"Maybe." Yuan let out a breath, not quite a sigh, and looked up at the ceiling as if it could give him the answers he was looking for. "But that is inevitable in the long run, and I'm tired of pussyfooting around issues that need to be addressed."
184.
And, as the leader of the Renegades, Lord Yuan was his boss.
Still, no matter his rank, that didn't mean the man wasn't an absolute nutjob.
185.
"He took his own life before Mithos and I got to him, so we didn't learn anything new. We tried to look for clues for some months, but eventually I had to leave to tend to matters here. Mithos and I haven't talked after that." Yuan made a face. "Shouted, yes. Talked, no. It's impossible to talk to him."
186.
"Is there some reason why you are tearing through my drawers," Botta asked as he looked at the mess Yuan had managed to create, "or did you finally snap?"
187.
"I was 'lucky' enough to not be born with pointed ears. In what world does that make any sense? That someone born with pointed ears has to die without even being given a chance at life, while someone who has just as much 'tainted' blood but round ears gets a chance to fool everyone into believing he is just 'one of them' and not one of those disgusting half-bloods?"
188.
Yuan had heard an elf say that the mana around the dwarf seemed to cease to be. Humans were something of an oddity in the world of mana and magic: elves were clearly most attuned to the magical mana and half-elves could, in the majority of the cases, tap into that stream, too, but humans... humans were practically invisible in terms of mana streams. Not that elves and half-elves could see the streams they took their spell power from, but they could sense it, to some degree. Humans didn't, at all. Apparently, most non-magical animals and other creatures were like that.
Dwarves were not invisible to magical mana; they outright rejected it. That seemed to unnerve the more delicate animals immensely.
189.
Yuan growled. He felt like putting his fist through the nearest magitechnology console.
People died. Their loved ones grieved, said their farewells, picked up the pieces and continued on with their lives. They didn't try to found new religions devoted to the loved one who had passed away or anything of the sort.
Except for Mithos fucking Yggdrasill, apparently.
190.
"You 'know us'?" Raine repeated warily. The man's smile widened.
"Indeed I do. You're the lady who tried to disarm the self-destruction system at the Remote Island Human Ranch, correct?" He bowed to her. "Got to love a woman who can handle her magitechnology. Pleased to make your acquaintance."
Raine gave him a look that could have frozen him to the bone, but he paid it no heed.
191.
His expression was one that gave Botta pause, though. It was cold, calculating, and gave him the feeling that he was being measured up -- and probably found wanting. There was a hint of a smile on his face, but it was not a happy one.
192.
It wouldn't take a genius to put two and two together and realize what had happened, and what with the Grand Cardinal able to sense residual healing magic, Yuan wasn't willing to take the risk of accidentally revealing his true allegations if he could help it. It had been a stupid move to defend the Renegade party from the Desians. Getting caught for doing it would be even stupider.
193.
"That, too," Kratos agreed with a smile. Yuan shook his head with a short laugh.
"Well, I appreciate your honesty and your being here. I've been too busy to think, these past few days."
"What, you can think?" Kratos asked, affecting a shocked expression.
194.
"Oh? Well, I'll tell you a little secret. People don't like half-elves." Yuan paused for a moment, then continued almost casually, "And I don't like people, so if I don't conform to their opinions, that's just as well."
195.
Kratos realized that he was probably quite a sight; the ground hadn't been wet, but it was very dusty, so it looked like he had just walked through a flour mill. Oh, well. It didn't matter. Where was the fun in playing with children and animals if you couldn't even get your clothes dirty?
196.
"Listen, mister, you can't..." The man finally turned to look at him and did a visible double-take. "L-Lord Yuan?"
"In the flesh," Yuan said, still irritable. "What took you so long?"
197.
There were many more half-elves out and about than humans could ever guess, but even nature was rejecting them like the mongrels they were.
198.
"You never asked." The man went back to his task, leaving Yuan to contemplate murdering him on the spot. "No, honestly, watching over his shoulder - figuratively speaking, of course, that man is built like a barn door - is nothing but a waste of time for him and for me."
199.
As much as the thought displeased him, it made Yuan want to find her all the more urgently. If possible, he thought he should try to locate her without delay.
Even if he had no clue where he was, let alone where she might have run off to.
200.
When they had been left to their own devices, Yuan turned to Botta. "Never mind them. They're asses, the lot of them."
Botta's smile was both amused and guarded at the same time. "Trust me, I have seen far worse."
201.
He was torn away from his wandering thoughts when he heard voices, orders being barked out, but there was one sound that drowned it all out after a few moments -- a low, erratic beat, annoyingly insistent but weak and flighty, not regular or strong enough to form a recognizable pattern of any sort.
It took Yuan a curiously long time to realize the sound was his own heartbeat.
202.
"That's something I wanted to ask you about," Botta said. "Why didn't you leave with Kratos?"
"Kratos has a very rigid sense of duty. Unless he goes insane with grief or boredom up there, chances are that he will live forever." Yuan snorted. "I've spent far too much time cooped up on that forsaken planet as it is."
203.
"I doubt there's anything to worry about," Botta said. "I've noticed that talking to people can be a useful way to avoid conflicts."
"Certainly," Yuan muttered, "if they're willing to listen to you in the first place."
204.
Botta jolted awake violently, gasping for breath as though he couldn’t get enough air no matter what, and damn it, why did he have to go through this again, there wasn’t even water here -
Shut up, he told himself through the haze of the panic. Calm down. Calm down.
205.
"You're still alive," a familiar voice chimed in, sounding sort of relieved and in a bizarre way also slightly disappointed. Yuan craned his head just enough to see Mithos and Kratos walk up to them.
206.
"How do you feel?" Yuan asked, smirking. "Sore?"
Botta couldn't stop himself from making a face at that. "Would you believe me if I said no?"
"No," Yuan said cheerfully. "I have no idea how the hell you managed to get up and sneak out without waking me up, because I suspect you're probably stiff as a rod, judging by how I feel."
207.
"It's got Lord Botta's mana signature attached to it," the lieutenant said. "And I tracked him. He hasn't left the Triet base. And no, he's not dead either."
"It worries me that that's where everyone's mind instantly went," Jingle muttered.
208.
"Kratos cast a spell... Hmm."
"So? What does that mean?" Yuan made a face. "Other than me getting one hell of a punch to the face. Metaphorically speaking."
209.
"You look tired." Yuan's gaze was piercing, searching. Botta turned his head away, looking back into the flames.
"Why does everybody keep telling me that?"
"Because it's true?" Yuan suggested.
210.
"In other words, you're afraid Botta is going to turn on us and murder us in the middle of the damned desert," Yuan supplied, his eyebrows raised. "That he's going to kill us for... what reason exactly?"
211.
Yuan knew his debt to society was greater than he could ever hope to repay, and he wondered if maybe it was futile to try -- maybe all he was doing was just digging his own grave, deeper and deeper, until the ground above him would collapse and he'd be buried alive.
But, he reflected in a perversely cheery way, he didn't really mind that scenario. In fact, that would be preferable to many of the other options he had. He kind of hoped that the day he was finally killed he wouldn't know it was coming so that everything was still left unfinished. If he tied all the loose threads together, then he was afraid that the knots would end up choking everyone who was left at that point. If everything was still open and others could decide for themselves what direction to take, then maybe a better world just might emerge as a result.
Unfortunately, Yggdrasill was hardly an opponent to be underestimated, and if he was allowed to go on his merry way sabotaging everyone else, there wouldn't even be a world to save soon enough.
212.
Botta hadn't noticed him; he was leaning his back against a tree and watching kittens playing in the shade of a shrub. He looked almost... bored. That was a weird thing for Yuan to be noticing, but he had spent a good while trying to work out the man's expressions, and this one could hardly be anything else.
213.
"Damn right, sir." She gave him an amused look. "If you tell me to stay out of the room, I can do that, but rest assured, in that case I'll be camping on your doorstep."
"And I wonder if I should be worried that that is exactly the sort of thing I would expect you to do," Yuan murmured with a roll of his eyes.
214.
"Botta. What the hell are you doing here?"
"Cleaning up the place." Botta answered Yuan's frustrated gesturing with a calm, if guarded, look. "Something wrong with that?"
215.
"Are you feeling better?"
Yuan was sitting cross-legged on the floor. He leant his elbows on his knees, hunching his shoulders. "Better? I guess. Good? No. I still feel all kinds of wrong."
216.
"I don't understand how you've managed to stay alive this long with an attitude like that," Yuan muttered.
217.
Botta put his arms on the desk in front of him and laced his fingers together so he wouldn't spr
It wouldning up and punch something out of sheer frustration. He was good at controlling his emotional impulses. Of course he was. But when faced with... this, a thing so major that it rocked the very foundations of his life, and he found he had no way to change any of it... That was when he was ready to tell his usually placid nature to take a hike and start going around destroying something.
218.
"Come on out. I know you're there."
A figure emerged from the shadows and came closer. Yuan didn't turn around to face it. It wouldn't have made a difference. He could feel the presence of the spirit behind him all the same.
He hadn't expected to feel a pair of arms wrap themselves about his shoulders - arms that felt all too real, considering their owner didn't have a corporeal body.
"I'm so sorry," the spirit murmured softly, the voice soft and apologetic. "So, so sorry."
219.
"I don't think so. I know so." Usually Botta wasn't likely to be so snippy, but he was understandably short on patience. "Do you think I would let something like this affect my judgement?"
220.
Botta gave him a sideways glance, amusement in his eyes. "I liked the stories. You didn't enjoy them?"
"I don't think I'd have minded the stories themselves," Yuan said and snorted. "The problem was that I didn't have the attention span to keep sitting down long enough to get through a book."
221.
"Hm." Yuan's weary expression was hardly changed. He placed his hands on the table in front of him and rubbed his right palm right where the blast had scorched his mana veins mere weeks before.
222.
"You must be kidding me." Yuan's voice was incredulous as studied the looks on his subordinates' faces. "Why are you here alone? Without adequate supplies, no less?"
223.
He forgot about it, though, when Botta caressed his cheek and jaw gently, almost too gently. "I missed you."
Yuan took hold of his hand and lowered it, causing a bitter smile to appear on Botta's face.
"I'm sorry. Was that a bad thing to say?"
"You're jinxing this... thing," Yuan said, not able to come up with a better word for whatever 'this thing' between them was.
224.
Yuan looked at him, his gaze suddenly sharply focused, his mind lucid. "It all began with death. It keeps revolving around death, and the only way it'll end is death."
225.
"No," he protested loudly. His voice fell flat in the surrounding silence, but his irritation and indignation were practically radiating off him. "I'm not leaving empty-handed."
226.
Yuan had been surprised time and again by Botta's ability to walk so quietly - or maybe that wasn't the right word. He didn't walk quietly so much as he walked... comfortably, if you could say that. His footfalls were by no means silent, but it felt like they belonged perfectly in the base whose corridors he kept walking day after day. The clicking sound of his boots had become so natural Yuan hardly noticed it anymore.
Much to his chagrin, however, he certainly noticed it when that familiar, comforting sound was forever gone.
227.
"That's your headache, not mine," Yuan replied. "I'll be heading back to the base. Don't go getting in trouble again."
228.
Yuan wasn't sure what he had been expecting when the door to the room opened and he stepped in cautiously, but he was relieved and glad to see Botta sitting on the bed going through what looked like old logs; if the man was working, nothing truly terrible could have happened. Right?
229.
"Quit lying, Yuan," Botta snapped. Yuan didn't seem particularly taken aback, but he didn't try to protest as Botta went on. "You were acting downtrodden and secretive for days before you left. Why didn't you talk to me?"
230.
"Botta," Yuan greeted with a small but genuine smile. "Admiring my new look? I'm starting to think bruise blue isn't really my color."
231.
"You... you don't know what it's like to hear the way his breath catches when he shifts in his sleep," he said so quietly it was difficult to make out the words. "The way he keeps drugs stashed everywhere in his quarters because if he's hit with a spell of pain, he can't move at all. The way that--"
"--that he often almost drops the coffee mug he's holding but catches it at the last moment before he spills any of its contents? The way his eyes flash with pain if he turns slightly too fast?" Botta sighed and shook his head. "I'm hardly blind. We can see he's in agony and I wish there was something we could do to change that. I still don't think getting yourself killed here is the right way to go about helping him out."
232.
Yuan rolled his eyes. "She knows she has me at a disadvantage so she doesn't even bother trying to be polite."
233.
Their surroundings were precariously fragile. Getting up would be a challenge for Botta even if he used his mana senses to their very limit. His companion, although much lighter and more agile, didn't have that ability to call upon and he would be going in literally blind. It sounded more like an elaborate suicide plan than anything else.
234.
"Origin is no longer bound," he said eventually. "Lloyd has made a pact with him. He has the Eternal Sword."
Botta's expression didn't change in understanding. Yuan found that irrationally annoying. He frowned.
"It's only a matter of time before he and his friends vanquish Yggdrasill."
"I know." The simple, sure answer caught Yuan by surprise. The continuation made him feel worse than before, though. "I read the report."
235.
Botta came close to calling Yuan a liar to his face, but he thought that that wouldn't help things any, so he swallowed the biting and nervous remark, instead nodding slowly.
236.
He couldn't help feeling conflicted nevertheless. He sat back on the bed, hands in his lap, and looked at the other man currently occupying more than his fair share of the bed. Yuan was sprawled out on it, dead to the world. He had fought off sleep for nearly three days and nights before he had no longer been able to stay awake. Hell, he hadn't been able to stay on his feet at that point.
Botta wasn't sure how to feel about that. He hadn't thought much of it at the time he had practically dragged Yuan off to bed before he collapsed in the corridors, but now that Yuan had fallen to sleep and was clearly asleep, he wondered if he should be more worried. Although Yuan was the least angel-like of all Cruxis' hideous creatures, he was still usually able to eschew such basic things as food, sleep and breathing, at least for a time.
237.
There was one thing everyone agreed on, one thing they could have lived without ever learning: Yuan was frightening when drunk.
If they had been asked what they thought a drunk Yuan would be like, they would probably have assumed he was one of those angry, unstable, violent drunks who would rant about the rottenness of the world until he passed out.
The problem was, Yuan might well have been angry and he was more than likely unstable, but the fact that he didn't speak at all was the worst.
238.
Botta went to the desk. All sensitive documents had been removed, of course, back when they had evacuated the bases. That didn't mean there was nothing there, even if the actual papers were gone.
Memories lingered in the place.
239.
Yuan walked to the window and leant his arm against the pane, smiling wryly as he gazed out into the thickening darkness. "There in itself lies the irony, don't you think? She harbored childish romantic feelings for a mysterious man she nursed back to health. She knows literally nothing about him, having an idea of him that doesn't correspond to the reality at all. I doubt she would much like the real me."
240.
Botta gritted his teeth as he rinsed the soap off the razor. He had long ago decided to keep the knowledge of his infatuation secret from Yuan, because by the goddess, they both had more than enough baggage to deal with and workplace romances made work far too complicated more often than not, in Botta's experience.
It was far easier to keep something like that from being revealed when one didn't have to share a bloody bed with one's object of interest.
Botta huffed as he brought up the razor again to finish his task. He nearly nicked the unprotected skin at his throat in surprise, though, because when he raised his eyes to the mirror, he found himself locking gazes with Yuan who had appeared at the bathroom door without a sound.
241.
Kratos looked out. "I've lived for much too long to want to live on for another eternity. Then again, I don't see a point in taking the matter directly into my own hands -"
"-Because you already failed at that." Yuan's voice had no particular inflection to it, as though he was talking about the weather or something equally trivial.
242.
"What do you want?"
"To talk."
"To lament, you mean." Yuan gave him no chance to reply and flipped open the book he had picked up. "Speak up, then. I intend to finish this paperwork before midnight, and the clock's ticking away."
243.
"This is one of your battle cards, right? It's pretty. How do you make these into weapons?"
He glanced up just in time to see her back stiffen considerably. She answered at length. "...It's not a battle card. There's no way I'm making those outside our village."
244.
Raine sighed irritably at the sound of a knock on her front door and placed her bookmark back between the pages of the book she had been intending to read. It had been dark and cloudy all day, and she had been looking forward to a quiet evening spent snuggled up in covers by the fireplace with a good book in her hand. Whoever dared to disturb her had better have a very good reason to be doing so. She stood up and walked to the door, opening it.
"Yuan," she deadpanned, looking at the man before her. He gave her a dry smile.
"Hello again, Miss Sage. I came to collect what is rightfully mine." Raine noted he had learned something from the last few times he had shown up at her doorstep - he didn't attempt to get any closer to her or past her. Wise of him.
245.
Raine nodded. "It feels strange. I'll be able to teach all your children, and their children, and so forth for several generations to come." A shadow passed her fine-featured face. "I'm not sure I would like to see it happen, though."
Sheena cast her eyes down, looking at her toes, feeling a pang of sadness well up inside. "I wonder if I'll outlive Lloyd and the others, too."
246.
No matter what Yuan said about it, his wings were a sight to behold. Especially in the pitch-black office where they were currently trapped - glittering, casting a warm pinkish glow in the suddenly rather confined space, beating in a slow rhythm, making the shadows shift continuously.
247.
"Why are you here?"
"I came looking for you," Botta replied walking slowly closer. Yuan didn't move, but he was on his guard, almost as though he were to bolt if given half a reason to do so. He didn't seem impressed with the reason Botta was offering him.
248.
Yuan's main weapon was enormous and thus wasn't ideal to be carried around at all times. Botta had sometimes wondered whether the man kept any other kind of weapon on himself or if he simply relied on his magic to save his hide should he be caught in a tight spot.
He got his answer once when he found Yuan, disoriented and wounded, in his office and tried to place his hand on the other man's shoulder to shake some sense into him. The dagger was out in a flash and caught him off guard.
249.
Raine looked up. "That's strange. I couldn't sense anything. Not even in the Tower of Salvation."
"Most people don't." Kratos shrugged. "The mana signature is like a fine web woven of extremely thin threads of life. Yuan's web has been... torn apart."
250.
"It's not like you're unfamiliar with being rejected," he shot back.
"There are very few things I'm unfamiliar with," Yuan conceded.
251.
"What?" Yuan turned around to look the woman in the face, obviously thinking he had heard her wrong.
The woman met Yuan's glare and, despite flinching a little, held her ground. "Two of the nurses have reported that you practically exude hatred and animosity. That is hardly the kind of thing a seriously injured person needs anywhere near him. So, for the time being, you are forbidden from entering the hospital wing."
252.
"Kratos loves to wander around the halls of the Vinheim castle at odd hours just for the sake of creeping me out. At least, that's how it feels, though I guess he's usually headed for a midnight rendezvous with dearest Mithos when I run into him." He paused and an odd look passed his face. "Now that just sounds wrong."
253.
"One could likely hit Lloyd over the head with a log while he's asleep, and that would merely make him wonder why his head hurts in the morning."
"Well, that just goes to prove you two are related," Yuan said.
254.
"Do you think he'll be okay?"
"He shouldn't even be alive. Not after being underwater for so long. And…"
"What is it, Genis?"
"Lloyd... He's not breathing."
255.
Lloyd assumed a pose that was far too close to his fighting stance for Yuan's liking. "Wait! What do you mean?"
Before Yuan had a chance to give a venomous reply or smash the boy's head in for asking stupid questions, Botta stepped in.
256.
"If your concentration falters -"
"When has anything like that happened?" Yuan interrupted, sounding irritated. "I can focus fine."
Botta paused for barely a moment. The look he gave Yuan quite clearly said that he thought Yuan was being a complete idiot. "You have blanked out on me twice in the past three hours because of fatigue."
257.
Fifty-three agonizingly long and dull years. He knew he should have left with Kratos back when Derris-Kharlan was about to drift away, but the Renegades… back then, they had needed him as much as he had needed them. It was only now that he felt they were both ready to be rid of one another for good.
258.
"Fairy feathers," Lloyd replied with a huge grin. "Red fairy feathers!"
"Fairy? Do I look like a fairy?" Yuan's tone was incredulous, bordering on both shock and rage. He inspected the damage done to his wings over his shoulder.
259.
"When is it ever?" Yuan asked in annoyance. "You don't trust me, I know that. Get over it. There are lots of people whose lives depend on this. It's no different from what Mithos did."
260.
"I'm sorry, Marble," he murmured as he gently wiped away the snow. "I'm sorry I couldn't make it here last year."
He placed a candle on the ground and cleaned the rest of the stone because somehow he felt compelled to do so. He was surprised to see four new names added to the list.
Martel. Mithos. Kratos. Yuan.
There was a short message to accompany their names. May they find the peace they long sought.
Sighing deeply, the man stood up and ran his fingertips over the second new name. "Yeah... find your peace. I hope you finally found it, Mithos. Take care of Lloyd and Colette and everyone for me for a little while longer, okay? I... leave them in your hands."
261.
"It's not my headache your sweetheart turned you down." Yuan looked up and raised a brow mockingly. "The course of true love never did run smooth. Ever hear that?"
262.
A breeze ruffled his hair, making him glance up at the remnants of the Tower of Salvation. Salvation, indeed. So many people were dead, and he, directly or indirectly at fault for causing their demises, was still alive. Martel, Mithos, and so many others. People he had known. People he had cared about.
All of them were dead and he was not.
263.
"It's no different from the Remote Island Human Ranch except for the fact that our roles are reversed."
Botta gave him a skeptical look. "That's not exactly a reassuring thought, considering that if it weren't for you, I would be long dead."
264.
The rest of the party followed him into the building. Zelos raised an eyebrow.
"You know Yuan's going to bitch you out if he ever finds out you came here, right?"
Lloyd threw him a look over his shoulder. "The door was open. That's like an invitation, don't you think? The Tethe'allan base was all locked up."
"The open door may well be just a way to lure us into a trap," Raine said. "It wouldn't be the first time Yuan has changed allegiances."
"Yeah, he's about as trustworthy as a weathervane," Genis muttered.
265.
Zelos rolled his eyes and gave Yuan an evil glare. "Relax? With him around? Sure."
"Why, I could almost feel insulted," Yuan muttered dryly.
266.
Kratos turned slowly, eyes locking evenly with those of Lloyd's. "He was no longer capable of trusting anyone after having been used by the whole of Cruxis for whatever ends. Mithos, Yuan and even myself... we misused the trust he placed in us. It is no wonder he wouldn't trust you, either. Although I confess I had hoped he would do so in time."
267.
"I don't understand how you've managed to stay alive this long with an attitude like that," Yuan said. Botta gave him one of those hauntingly familiar (but, a corner of his brain told him, much more bitter than he remembered) faint smiles he had missed.
268.
Yuan rolled his eyes. "I haven't been breathing for several minutes, in case you haven't noticed."
"Impressive how you can talk without any oxygen in your lungs."
269.
Anyone who passed through the eastern outskirts of the city had to be a thug, armed to the teeth, or just plain insane. It was common knowledge the place had been taken over by criminals and half-elves, and anyone who dared to pass through couldn't be entirely in their right mind. So, when an unarmed man dressed in what was far too fine clothing for the area was seen strolling the streets without any apparent anxiousness, it did tend to attract attention.
"Hey, look. There's a weird one out there."
Botta looked up to see his friend leaning against the wall and pointing out the window. He stood up, abandoning the half-repaired spear he had been working on, and walked up to the window.
270.
There were few people insane enough to pick a fight with Yuan, and even fewer who got away with it unscathed. Up to date there had only been two people still alive who had known his temper and still dared to go against it. Now here was a third, and truth be told, Yuan was not sure how to react to such impudence.
271.
"What is it, sir?" Botta asked. Yuan narrowed his eyes as he took a look at the map the computer was displaying.
"We're screwed, that's what," he replied and tapped the screen.
272.
Asgard hadn't yet deteriorated into a barely surviving village like so many of the other cities in Sylvarant. If he found no way to reunite the worlds soon, Sylvarant might end up spiraling to its doom, dragging Tethe'alla down with it. He sighed quietly. It was no new train of thought for him. He knew he couldn't dethrone Yggdrasill alone from his assumed role as the god manipulating everyone, including the Desians. It was too risky to try to involve Kratos; if he chose to talk, Yuan knew he would wind up losing his life the instant Yggdrasill got hold of him, and all his good intentions of freeing both Martel and the worlds would be lost to the wind.
273.
He clenched his fingers down on his arms hard enough to leave colorful bruises. "Did it ever occur to you that you could have told me?"
"What end would that have served?" Botta asked, meeting Yuan's eyes without flinching.
274.
Zelos gave a long-suffering sigh. "You just hate me. You could admit it already, you know."
"I'm quite sure the feeling is mutual," Yuan said as he walked away.
275.
Yuan opened his eyes and looked around the room lazily. He yawned and burrowed his head in the pillows. He knew he should be getting up, but he couldn't be bothered to do so, choosing to stay in bed for a few more minutes. It wasn't often that he slept in the first place, but he was feeling warm and secure.
Of course, the universe wouldn't stand for the Renegade leader to take a day off, and he was rudely jolted out of his pleasant half-dreaming state when the base-wide alarm went off.
276.
"Let me guess. His triumph ended shortly?"
"It did." The woman paused. "Lord Yuan doesn't play fair, you know. Not that I'm complaining! Seeing the look on Lord Botta’s face was priceless."
277.
"I didn't know you smoked." There was no scorn or disgust in the voice; it was merely a statement.
Yuan's lips curled almost unnoticeably as he brought the cigarette to his lips once more, but the almost-smile didn't reach his eyes.
"Some of the habits I pick up during undercover missions are difficult to get rid of," he said by way of an explanation, even though they both knew that wasn't really the truth. "What are you doing here?"
"I found the report you left on my desk," Botta replied dryly. "I came looking for you because it sounded like you were planning on going back to Cruxis without talking to anyone at all. Were you?"
Yuan had taken a pull on the cigarette once more as Botta spoke, watching him intently. Now he lowered his hand again and looked away, holding his breath. Slowly, he exhaled the bitter smoke through his nose.
"I have overstayed on Tethe'alla," he replied at length. "Yggdrasill is already suspicious."
278.
"What?" his eyes went wide in shock. "I can't do that!"
"You do realize that that was not so much a request as it was an order?" Botta countered, his expression stern and set in stone. "That will keep the shields stable."
279.
"What?" Yuan snapped. Zelos looked at him coldly.
"If this plan ends up backfiring like every other plan you've ever made and Lloyd has to suffer, I will kill you myself."
280.
"At least we're safe from the monsters for now," Yuan muttered, ignoring Kratos' nondescript grunt. "You owe me one Holy Bottle."
"I didn't make you toss it in the bushes. You did that adeptly enough on your own."
281.
When no one seemed to be able to react accordingly to this awkward situation, Yuan glanced at the group and spotted Zelos hanging around near the door. He, at least, seemed to have the intelligence to make sure he would have a chance to bolt if things got hairy.
Maybe the redhead wasn't so dumb, after all.
282.
Yuan was acting like a complete moron, and it pained Botta to think that he may have technically committed suicide. But why would he go about it in such a complicated, unreliable manner?
283.
Lloyd turned to Yuan who had begun to smirk in a sickening way. Did he truly take delight in seeing the emotional anguish of others?
284.
"I know," Botta said, his voice dark. "I kind of had noticed that myself."
Menazo kept looking at him, but now it seemed like he was having trouble hiding his grin. "Oh, I see."
"Don't start with me now," Botta told him with a glare.
"Mm. I was wondering why the air felt so weird. I guess I should have known," Menazo said, entirely heedless of the warning look Botta was giving him.
"Do you want me to set you on fire?" Botta asked. "I could do that for you if you'd like."
285.
He had known. He had known full well that Yuan wouldn't be anywhere near Palmacosta. He was mad at himself for having allowed even the slightest shred of hope to exist. The fall was always a rough one for someone who had futile hope in their heart.
286.
The shock sent them flying, and for the second time in less than ten minutes, Yuan found himself falling to the ground painfully, the wind knocked out of him and a fierce, white-hot pain engulfing him.
He wasn't sure whose scream it was that rang in his ears - his, Martel's or Mithos' -, but it was the last thing he was aware of before he finally blacked out. That, and the sharp pain that stabbed him when he tried to draw breath. But the scream - that was the thing that stayed with him.
287.
It wasn't his hell that was about to begin, Yuan mused as he slipped into the shadows of the alley, it was Yggdrasill's.
288.
Zelos ran his fingertips over a yellowed page, following the old, intricate letters with a finger. He suspected the book had been magically preserved; it looked hardly a hundred years old (which meant ancient for most humans but was nothing for the elves), but he knew it had to be at least three thousand years old. Not that that made it any more interesting; the text was hardly legible, written in the ancient elven language, and mostly had random statistics Zelos didn't understand scribbled on the pages. What did Yuan collect these things for?
289.
There were some things that Should Never Happen, and of course that meant that all those things were destined to happen at one point or another. Usually at a very inconvenient point, too, and much to his dismay, Botta found himself the victim of such circumstances.
290.
He had had to learn to live with that borderline painful itch, that call in his blood that screamed for lightning and thunder to be commanded, to give him that feeling of power when lightning bolts crackled in the air around him and static made everything snap when he touched it for minutes afterwards. But that was only a memory, something he craved to feel again, to be one with the raging powers of nature and for one ecstatic moment have those storms do his bidding, have that enormous power inside his veins, ready to burst forth.
But he couldn't.