(no subject)
I have come to the conclusion that Van Helsing, Moulin Rouge and Phantom of the Opera do not mix, for the following reasons:
In other news, today Alan tried to convince me that my entire life was just a dream, like in that one episode of Buffy:
Froodle: Well for a start, if the whole world was just my dream, it certainly wouldn't include Fat!Xander, Andrew or Spike's Initiative clone. In fact, it would mostly involve naked David Boreanaz. [pauses] And Gerard Butler, he can be in there too.
Jessica: I don't see them working as a couple. I mean, David Boreanaz is pretty much already the American equivilent of Gerard Butler.
Froodle: I see what you mean. Too mmuch sitting around talking about socks and birds, not nearly enough sexin'.
Jessica: Now, Gerard Butler and Johnny Depp, I kind of see that...
Alan: But won't Orlando Bloom be jealous?
Froodle: I'd want to see it just for the catfight between Gerard Butler and Orlando Bloom. And for the hot man-on-man action, of course. But mostly because Orlando Bloom would get bitchslapped.
Jessica: And then Heath Ledger could comfort him.
Froodle: There is absolutely no downside to this plan. I think we should insist that Gerard Butler and Johnny Depp have sex right away.
Alan: Yeah, why don't you write to them and tell them that?
Froodle: Don't think I won't!
- Gerard Butlers singing is only just tolerable as it is, without being compared to the greatness that is Ewan McGregor.
- Carlimir as a querulous transvestite is acceptable and for those of us who've seen the London Assignment, actually quite in-character, but Dracula as the Duke is all shades of wrong and leads to speculation about the effectiveness of Dracula singing "Like a Virgin" to Van Helsing versus, say, turning into a big fucking bat-monster. Personally, I found the singing way, way creepier, and I bet Van Helsing would have too.
- On a related note, "Big Fat Virgin King". Try explaining that one to your friends in the throes of a massive giggling fit.
- There's always someone who suggests Ewan McGregor should play Raoul, and that confuses me and makes me unsure whose side I should be on. This is unacceptable.
- Eventually this leads to debates about whether Erik, Van Helsing or Christian would win in a fight. This in turn leads to arguing about whether Gerard Butler, Hugh Jackman or Ewan McGregor would win in a fight. Ewan McGregor loses both times, and that makes me feel bad for him.
- Anna is even more annoying than usual when compared with Christine and Satine.
In other news, today Alan tried to convince me that my entire life was just a dream, like in that one episode of Buffy:
Froodle: Well for a start, if the whole world was just my dream, it certainly wouldn't include Fat!Xander, Andrew or Spike's Initiative clone. In fact, it would mostly involve naked David Boreanaz. [pauses] And Gerard Butler, he can be in there too.
Jessica: I don't see them working as a couple. I mean, David Boreanaz is pretty much already the American equivilent of Gerard Butler.
Froodle: I see what you mean. Too mmuch sitting around talking about socks and birds, not nearly enough sexin'.
Jessica: Now, Gerard Butler and Johnny Depp, I kind of see that...
Alan: But won't Orlando Bloom be jealous?
Froodle: I'd want to see it just for the catfight between Gerard Butler and Orlando Bloom. And for the hot man-on-man action, of course. But mostly because Orlando Bloom would get bitchslapped.
Jessica: And then Heath Ledger could comfort him.
Froodle: There is absolutely no downside to this plan. I think we should insist that Gerard Butler and Johnny Depp have sex right away.
Alan: Yeah, why don't you write to them and tell them that?
Froodle: Don't think I won't!