(no subject)
First of all, I think we should all admire my shiny new icon. Oh MSPaint, you serve all my shitty-but-truthful icon-making needs.
Secondly, I went to see Blade: Trinity and Phantom of the Opera today. Because I'm cool and finished my essay a day early and I don't have any exams. So in your FACE, John Stuart Mill. Thinking you can deny me movietasmic fun with your stupid harm pinciple.
Anyway, Phantom was genii and B:T was pretty damn good and gets the Seal Of Not Being A Complete Pile Of Wank Like Blade Two, Man What A Waste Of My Time That Was, I Fucking Hated That Film.
On Blade:
Okay, I know it's been years since I watched the first Blade movie, but I'm sure there was a whole plot point about Deacon Frost and the Fang Gang being able to go out in sunlight by just wearing lots and lots of sunblock. Yet in Trinity, the vampires are suddenly all like, OH NOES OMG DAYWALKER! WE WANTS TO WALK IN THE SUNS TOO OMG!!111eleventyone! Seriously, what the fuck? Did they just not listen whenever Deacon talked? Like as soon as he walked into a room, all the other vampires were all, "Oh no, here comes that silly prick who reckons he can walk in the daylight. Everyone talk amongst yourselves in very loud voices."
Also, as anyone who watches or reads a lot of vampire-related stories will know, vampires are pretty damn stupid, what with the always wearing evening dress, living in houses with large windows and easily pulled-aside drapes and mirrors and splintery wood furniture that can be turned into stakes at a pinch. But what Blade: Trinity teaches us is that vampires are now infringing on the previously human-dominated area of stupidity of Unearthing Great Fucking Tombs In Sandy Places Where Evil Things Lie. Seriously, they should team up with Father Merrin for the next Exorcist movie.
Thirdly: keeping humans in battery farms to make feeding more effecient? Bitch, please. English vampires have been doing that since Ultraviolet. Hell, the Master was doing it in Alterna-Reality Sunnydale seven or eight years ago. You're Just Not That Cool.
Dracula: you also are Not Cool. Your demon form looks like Skip from Angel. Also, you killed that girl in the goth store for No Reason. She was perfectly nice and non-snotty, and that is rare in a sales assistent in a goth store. However, I completely support your decision to throw the guy with one eyeliner'd eye through a glass window. More power to you for that.
Blade: can you lay off the phallic references, please? I nearly choked to death on my popcorn when you were going on about Dracula tasting the end of your sword. No offence, but you;re just not pretty enough to slash.
How the hell can someone with fangs in her vagina have penis-envy? Seriously, that is the Coolest Thing Ever. As long as you don't menstruate, because I bet it makes using tampons very, very complicated.
Beardy Guy: you lived! This pleases me. Also, you are definatly pretty enough to slash. If only you had been in the first film, I feel certain the fangirls would have made you Deacon's wenchboy.
Mary-Sue McWhistler's Daughter? I hate you. The overwhelming stench of Sueism might have been tolerable, but you are just rubbing it in playing with that fucking iPod before every battle. Bitch.
Little Vampire Poodle Dog Thing: you made me laugh. I'm sorry you fell to your death, but you deserved it for doing that stupid three-part mouth thing from the second movie.
Whistler: didn't you die in the first film?
On Phantom:
Dear Phantom:
You know, you wouldn't be that bad if you didn't start screeching like a howler monkey every time somebody even looked at you. Also, why does your hair fall out and change colour when you take off one mask, but not when you take off the other? And how come when you're wearing a teeny-tiny Zorro mask, there's obviously nothing wrong with the lower half of your face, and yet when you take it off, the scars go all down your cheek? And if your eye on that side is apparently all messed-up, why do you wear a mask with eyeholes that look like they were designed for an anime female, and go so far as to apply eyeliner to your clearly not messed-up eye? Come to think of it, given that you're always running around smashing mirrors, how do you manage to get the eyeliner on straight? Enquiring minds need to know.
P.S. Seriously. It's not even that hideous. Stop being such a fucking drama-queen. You're like Adrian Mole in a tuxedo.
P.P.S. Why did you go to the Masquerade dressed as the Red Skull? No self-respecting person dresses like a Captain American character.
Dear Christine:
Daddy complex much?
Dear Carlotta:
I love you. Please don't ever change.
Dear Raoul:
The Phantom said he'd let you and Christine go. Stop making out in front of him; that's just mean. Can't you see the poor man wants to be left alone to play with his monkey?
Dear Monkey:
...why?
Dear Miranda Richardson:
I love you, too. Keep being great.
Secondly, I went to see Blade: Trinity and Phantom of the Opera today. Because I'm cool and finished my essay a day early and I don't have any exams. So in your FACE, John Stuart Mill. Thinking you can deny me movietasmic fun with your stupid harm pinciple.
Anyway, Phantom was genii and B:T was pretty damn good and gets the Seal Of Not Being A Complete Pile Of Wank Like Blade Two, Man What A Waste Of My Time That Was, I Fucking Hated That Film.
On Blade:
Okay, I know it's been years since I watched the first Blade movie, but I'm sure there was a whole plot point about Deacon Frost and the Fang Gang being able to go out in sunlight by just wearing lots and lots of sunblock. Yet in Trinity, the vampires are suddenly all like, OH NOES OMG DAYWALKER! WE WANTS TO WALK IN THE SUNS TOO OMG!!111eleventyone! Seriously, what the fuck? Did they just not listen whenever Deacon talked? Like as soon as he walked into a room, all the other vampires were all, "Oh no, here comes that silly prick who reckons he can walk in the daylight. Everyone talk amongst yourselves in very loud voices."
Also, as anyone who watches or reads a lot of vampire-related stories will know, vampires are pretty damn stupid, what with the always wearing evening dress, living in houses with large windows and easily pulled-aside drapes and mirrors and splintery wood furniture that can be turned into stakes at a pinch. But what Blade: Trinity teaches us is that vampires are now infringing on the previously human-dominated area of stupidity of Unearthing Great Fucking Tombs In Sandy Places Where Evil Things Lie. Seriously, they should team up with Father Merrin for the next Exorcist movie.
Thirdly: keeping humans in battery farms to make feeding more effecient? Bitch, please. English vampires have been doing that since Ultraviolet. Hell, the Master was doing it in Alterna-Reality Sunnydale seven or eight years ago. You're Just Not That Cool.
Dracula: you also are Not Cool. Your demon form looks like Skip from Angel. Also, you killed that girl in the goth store for No Reason. She was perfectly nice and non-snotty, and that is rare in a sales assistent in a goth store. However, I completely support your decision to throw the guy with one eyeliner'd eye through a glass window. More power to you for that.
Blade: can you lay off the phallic references, please? I nearly choked to death on my popcorn when you were going on about Dracula tasting the end of your sword. No offence, but you;re just not pretty enough to slash.
How the hell can someone with fangs in her vagina have penis-envy? Seriously, that is the Coolest Thing Ever. As long as you don't menstruate, because I bet it makes using tampons very, very complicated.
Beardy Guy: you lived! This pleases me. Also, you are definatly pretty enough to slash. If only you had been in the first film, I feel certain the fangirls would have made you Deacon's wenchboy.
Mary-Sue McWhistler's Daughter? I hate you. The overwhelming stench of Sueism might have been tolerable, but you are just rubbing it in playing with that fucking iPod before every battle. Bitch.
Little Vampire Poodle Dog Thing: you made me laugh. I'm sorry you fell to your death, but you deserved it for doing that stupid three-part mouth thing from the second movie.
Whistler: didn't you die in the first film?
On Phantom:
Dear Phantom:
You know, you wouldn't be that bad if you didn't start screeching like a howler monkey every time somebody even looked at you. Also, why does your hair fall out and change colour when you take off one mask, but not when you take off the other? And how come when you're wearing a teeny-tiny Zorro mask, there's obviously nothing wrong with the lower half of your face, and yet when you take it off, the scars go all down your cheek? And if your eye on that side is apparently all messed-up, why do you wear a mask with eyeholes that look like they were designed for an anime female, and go so far as to apply eyeliner to your clearly not messed-up eye? Come to think of it, given that you're always running around smashing mirrors, how do you manage to get the eyeliner on straight? Enquiring minds need to know.
P.S. Seriously. It's not even that hideous. Stop being such a fucking drama-queen. You're like Adrian Mole in a tuxedo.
P.P.S. Why did you go to the Masquerade dressed as the Red Skull? No self-respecting person dresses like a Captain American character.
Dear Christine:
Daddy complex much?
Dear Carlotta:
I love you. Please don't ever change.
Dear Raoul:
The Phantom said he'd let you and Christine go. Stop making out in front of him; that's just mean. Can't you see the poor man wants to be left alone to play with his monkey?
Dear Monkey:
...why?
Dear Miranda Richardson:
I love you, too. Keep being great.