im still just a muddling child
notes to self:
- someone shouldnt have total or more leverage over a relationship than the other. i suppose that's narrowed down to respect. but looking at it from the stand point of holding something over the others head. puts a different light on it, i think.
- i need to work on assumptions. men that have been close to me, i treat or have tendencies toward them like my mother works. and i cant tell you how scary that idea is for me.
- im finding those men that have been close to me - expect me to keep in mind theyre needs or change for them and know what they like or dont like. i havent been in many relationships to know whether this is the way it's supposed to be, or if theyre just assholes. cause ive never really asked ppl to do things like that for me. i might say i like this or dont like that, but i dont expect them to remember it or do it differently because of it. maybe im just silly.
- self, im never going to understand you. mostly im just going to be. so go fuck yourself, self, cause i hate puttin labels on it.