Cartography
When I started the process of changing my life, getting divorced and moving to Seattle, I was off the map. I didn't have very strong plans or ideas of where I wanted to end up. At the time, it was thrilling.
Now, I have tried a couple of approaches to getting to a career in video games as an artist, or rather, getting a portfolio that would sell me as an artist for video games. They've been unsuccessful. My estimate of the time it would take was waaaaaaaaaaaay off. Guess I thought that the kind of illustrations I wanted to do would be as easy to pick up as the handcrafts that I'm good at. Nope.
Also made a very slap-dash, ass-first attempt at freelance design and illustration (as a day job). That didn't work. But because I got 2 jobs in 2 weeks, at the beginning it seemed to. With research, can see where I went wrong. Also obvious from this paragraph. Didn't go in with any kind of plan or knowledge of what I was doing.
At the moment this makes me sad. My confidence has flagged. I miss the brass balls that characterized my youth. (Yes, know I'm still young. Instead of "my youth" substitute "the end of my childhood.")
Feel lost, and that I've let Michael G. down. He is completely supporting my butt. Gave him a time line that I wasn't able to meet. Don't feel like I'm normally like that, but I massively flubbed the second half of one of my freelance assignments the same way. Looks like I overestimated my skills. Don't want to do that again. But if I'm too conservative, won't try for anything. That would be especially easy to do in my current state.
Been telling myself that I don't know what to do, but it's more that I don't know what I want. With no goal, it's pretty hard to chart a course.
Admittedly, started down a road towards making art for video games because it looked easy(ish). It's not. Neither is freelancing. Don't know why in the world I thought they would be. Of course they're as difficult as any other careers.
And Freelancing really is a full-time career. Not a day job. Guess I was running so hard away from another office-job that I convinced myself it was a good idea. Pretty silly.
Have a vague idea of getting that same office job, and going back to school. The resources online are phenomenal now. The quality of education there is high, and inexpensive compared to S.C.A.D..
Tired of feeling worn out. And tired of feeling like I'm starting from scratch over and over again. Wish I could find something that I'm naturally good at to pull me through. Would love to play to my long suit, if I could figure out what it was.
If you know me, are reading this, and have some idea of what you think I'm good at, please tell me. Don't seem to be a very good judge on my own.
Have a lot of little skills, but not enough business acumen to figure out which of them (if any) is actually marketable, and how to sell whatever it is.
All of this sounds pretty glum, and possibly as if I've given up. Haven't. Giving up isn't really something I do. Not in the sense of throwing my hands up in the air and not taking any kind of action, anyway. Am just musing, and trying to figure out where I am so I can go forward.
Now, I have tried a couple of approaches to getting to a career in video games as an artist, or rather, getting a portfolio that would sell me as an artist for video games. They've been unsuccessful. My estimate of the time it would take was waaaaaaaaaaaay off. Guess I thought that the kind of illustrations I wanted to do would be as easy to pick up as the handcrafts that I'm good at. Nope.
Also made a very slap-dash, ass-first attempt at freelance design and illustration (as a day job). That didn't work. But because I got 2 jobs in 2 weeks, at the beginning it seemed to. With research, can see where I went wrong. Also obvious from this paragraph. Didn't go in with any kind of plan or knowledge of what I was doing.
At the moment this makes me sad. My confidence has flagged. I miss the brass balls that characterized my youth. (Yes, know I'm still young. Instead of "my youth" substitute "the end of my childhood.")
Feel lost, and that I've let Michael G. down. He is completely supporting my butt. Gave him a time line that I wasn't able to meet. Don't feel like I'm normally like that, but I massively flubbed the second half of one of my freelance assignments the same way. Looks like I overestimated my skills. Don't want to do that again. But if I'm too conservative, won't try for anything. That would be especially easy to do in my current state.
Been telling myself that I don't know what to do, but it's more that I don't know what I want. With no goal, it's pretty hard to chart a course.
Admittedly, started down a road towards making art for video games because it looked easy(ish). It's not. Neither is freelancing. Don't know why in the world I thought they would be. Of course they're as difficult as any other careers.
And Freelancing really is a full-time career. Not a day job. Guess I was running so hard away from another office-job that I convinced myself it was a good idea. Pretty silly.
Have a vague idea of getting that same office job, and going back to school. The resources online are phenomenal now. The quality of education there is high, and inexpensive compared to S.C.A.D..
Tired of feeling worn out. And tired of feeling like I'm starting from scratch over and over again. Wish I could find something that I'm naturally good at to pull me through. Would love to play to my long suit, if I could figure out what it was.
If you know me, are reading this, and have some idea of what you think I'm good at, please tell me. Don't seem to be a very good judge on my own.
Have a lot of little skills, but not enough business acumen to figure out which of them (if any) is actually marketable, and how to sell whatever it is.
All of this sounds pretty glum, and possibly as if I've given up. Haven't. Giving up isn't really something I do. Not in the sense of throwing my hands up in the air and not taking any kind of action, anyway. Am just musing, and trying to figure out where I am so I can go forward.