impossible goals
Hey mythical readers. Before I start my entry for this week, I just wanted to make a quick note to say that I’m sorry for not posting last week. The week flew by so quickly that I didn’t even realize that I should have posted again until it was too late. Anyway, here’s this week’s entry:
When I was younger I didn’t really say much. I was likely a bit shy, or at least that’s what people told me. I think often times I just didn’t have much to say, or I didn’t think that anyone would care about what I had to say. I want to go back to being quiet like that again. I think it’s better to not say much. I want to be one of those people who don’t speak much unless they have something really important to say. I want to listen more. I want to choose my words wisely. Not speaking much feels authentic to me.
The only time doing otherwise has felt truly authentic was back when I was still connecting with my soul mate. We would share (without censor) every thought that came to our minds. We met each other without judgement or shame. It was safe to share the darkest parts of our shadow selves. I wish I understood at the time how rare that connection was. I naively believed that I could connect this closely with anyone I wanted to. It turns out that having that level of safety with another person is incredibly rare. I hope I have that again some day, but I understand how unlikely it is.
I’ve made peace with the fact that I may never have that kind of connection again. I’m just thankful that I was able to experience it at all. Many people believe that a relationship like that isn’t even possible. Even though I don’t have that relationship anymore, I still consider myself one of the lucky ones. Every time my heart aches to have a connection like that again, it’s never long before it fills with gratitude that I even know that such a thing exists.
Gratitude is so important for truly living life. It helps us to live life from a place of abundance rather than a place of lack. I’ve been trying to incorporate gratitude into my day to day life these days. I’m trying to turn the mundane into spiritual practices where I am giving thanks and living in the moment. I’m sure I’ve mentioned something along these lines before, but I think it’s one of those things that is an ongoing practice that I will never fully master. It’s an unattainable goal that you work toward because although you know it’s not humanly possible to do it perfectly, the more you try to reach that impossible goal, the more you improve, and the closer you get to divinity.
Another one of those impossible goals I’m working on is keeping myself in a place of peace. I’m not trying to ignore emotions of anger, jealousy, fear, etc, but I’m working on getting to the point where I acknowledge them, validate them, and then come back to my peaceful mindset through understanding and holding space for the root of those “negative” emotions. I truly believe that all “negative” emotions are a result of feeling that your basic needs for safety, sleep, love, food, etc are not met. I’m trying to remember to stop myself when I’m feeling a “negative” emotion and ask myself “what do I need right now?” remembering to look below the surface to see which of my basic needs are not being met, and then resolve the root issue(s) (to the best of my ability) as soon as possible. It seems like a much easier thing to do when I’m NOT in the middle of experiencing extreme emotion. I have hope though that I will eventually get to a place where it’s easier to catch and re-direct myself at these times. Just realizing how emotions are linked to basic needs like this is huge though. I wish I knew about this connection MUCH earlier in life. It gives so much clarity for understanding not only myself, but others as well. I’ve also been trying to see other people’s freak-outs from this point of view. I of course can’t have as active as a role in re-directing them, but it really helps me to be patient and understanding. Imagine if everyone took this approach not only to themselves, but others as well. The world would be a very different place. O course don’t take that statement as me bragging that everyone should be like me. I’m nowhere near where I want to be with this. Even just remembering to do this is hard, but I’m trying to be the change I wish to see. Hopefully I get better at it soon lol.
A third impossible goal I have is eating only high vibe foods. For example, meat is low vibe because it comes from the killing of an animal, and fast food is low vibe because it tends to be prepared by people who are being underpaid. An example of a high vibe food would be lettuce that I grew myself in my own garden, picked myself, etc. ...so it’s kinda like being vegan, but there’s another level to it. Just like the other goals, I am nowhere near achieving it, but I hope to get close one day. One may argue that this goal is actually achievable, but I think it depends on how far you take it. I mean, I suppose a person could follow it quite strictly at a pretty extreme level for a bit, but ultimately I think it’s easy to find yourself starving to death, or at least malnourished. To help avoid this I am taking things slowly. I’m not even vegan yet. Right now I’m trying to find dairy alternatives I can make myself. I don’t know if I mentioned it or not but I tried making oat milk awhile back. It was a fail. I ended up with water that tasted faintly of oatmeal. It wasn’t gross, but it definitely was nothing like milk. I plan to try again at some point.
Anyway, I hope this long-ish entry makes up for the lack of entry last week. I’m gonna have to end things here though because It’s very late. I was working on this entry earlier in the day to avoid having another late night entry, but I got interrupted, so here I am posting this when I should be sleeping instead.
For this section I’ve decided to do a number rating system instead of writing words out. 10 is best & 0 is worst.
Emotionally: 7
Spiritually: 7
Physically: 4
Color: I am grey today (gloomy and damp like a morning fog)
Last week’s goal: Improvements have been made but I’m still not where I want to be
This week’s goal: Keep trying to get more sleep
PS: the arm dude’s name is: “twinkle”
When I was younger I didn’t really say much. I was likely a bit shy, or at least that’s what people told me. I think often times I just didn’t have much to say, or I didn’t think that anyone would care about what I had to say. I want to go back to being quiet like that again. I think it’s better to not say much. I want to be one of those people who don’t speak much unless they have something really important to say. I want to listen more. I want to choose my words wisely. Not speaking much feels authentic to me.
The only time doing otherwise has felt truly authentic was back when I was still connecting with my soul mate. We would share (without censor) every thought that came to our minds. We met each other without judgement or shame. It was safe to share the darkest parts of our shadow selves. I wish I understood at the time how rare that connection was. I naively believed that I could connect this closely with anyone I wanted to. It turns out that having that level of safety with another person is incredibly rare. I hope I have that again some day, but I understand how unlikely it is.
I’ve made peace with the fact that I may never have that kind of connection again. I’m just thankful that I was able to experience it at all. Many people believe that a relationship like that isn’t even possible. Even though I don’t have that relationship anymore, I still consider myself one of the lucky ones. Every time my heart aches to have a connection like that again, it’s never long before it fills with gratitude that I even know that such a thing exists.
Gratitude is so important for truly living life. It helps us to live life from a place of abundance rather than a place of lack. I’ve been trying to incorporate gratitude into my day to day life these days. I’m trying to turn the mundane into spiritual practices where I am giving thanks and living in the moment. I’m sure I’ve mentioned something along these lines before, but I think it’s one of those things that is an ongoing practice that I will never fully master. It’s an unattainable goal that you work toward because although you know it’s not humanly possible to do it perfectly, the more you try to reach that impossible goal, the more you improve, and the closer you get to divinity.
Another one of those impossible goals I’m working on is keeping myself in a place of peace. I’m not trying to ignore emotions of anger, jealousy, fear, etc, but I’m working on getting to the point where I acknowledge them, validate them, and then come back to my peaceful mindset through understanding and holding space for the root of those “negative” emotions. I truly believe that all “negative” emotions are a result of feeling that your basic needs for safety, sleep, love, food, etc are not met. I’m trying to remember to stop myself when I’m feeling a “negative” emotion and ask myself “what do I need right now?” remembering to look below the surface to see which of my basic needs are not being met, and then resolve the root issue(s) (to the best of my ability) as soon as possible. It seems like a much easier thing to do when I’m NOT in the middle of experiencing extreme emotion. I have hope though that I will eventually get to a place where it’s easier to catch and re-direct myself at these times. Just realizing how emotions are linked to basic needs like this is huge though. I wish I knew about this connection MUCH earlier in life. It gives so much clarity for understanding not only myself, but others as well. I’ve also been trying to see other people’s freak-outs from this point of view. I of course can’t have as active as a role in re-directing them, but it really helps me to be patient and understanding. Imagine if everyone took this approach not only to themselves, but others as well. The world would be a very different place. O course don’t take that statement as me bragging that everyone should be like me. I’m nowhere near where I want to be with this. Even just remembering to do this is hard, but I’m trying to be the change I wish to see. Hopefully I get better at it soon lol.
A third impossible goal I have is eating only high vibe foods. For example, meat is low vibe because it comes from the killing of an animal, and fast food is low vibe because it tends to be prepared by people who are being underpaid. An example of a high vibe food would be lettuce that I grew myself in my own garden, picked myself, etc. ...so it’s kinda like being vegan, but there’s another level to it. Just like the other goals, I am nowhere near achieving it, but I hope to get close one day. One may argue that this goal is actually achievable, but I think it depends on how far you take it. I mean, I suppose a person could follow it quite strictly at a pretty extreme level for a bit, but ultimately I think it’s easy to find yourself starving to death, or at least malnourished. To help avoid this I am taking things slowly. I’m not even vegan yet. Right now I’m trying to find dairy alternatives I can make myself. I don’t know if I mentioned it or not but I tried making oat milk awhile back. It was a fail. I ended up with water that tasted faintly of oatmeal. It wasn’t gross, but it definitely was nothing like milk. I plan to try again at some point.
Anyway, I hope this long-ish entry makes up for the lack of entry last week. I’m gonna have to end things here though because It’s very late. I was working on this entry earlier in the day to avoid having another late night entry, but I got interrupted, so here I am posting this when I should be sleeping instead.
For this section I’ve decided to do a number rating system instead of writing words out. 10 is best & 0 is worst.
Emotionally: 7
Spiritually: 7
Physically: 4
Color: I am grey today (gloomy and damp like a morning fog)
Last week’s goal: Improvements have been made but I’m still not where I want to be
This week’s goal: Keep trying to get more sleep
PS: the arm dude’s name is: “twinkle”