Songs, Space, and Questions
So I tried to take a moment last night and find a good song I could quote lyrics to regarding this whole mess I’ve created. I truly, could not find one song that makes it easier for me. Lately, I’ve thought about giving us some space for a while. I thought “Oh! That Dave Matthews song ‘The Space Between,’ that will be perfect!”
Damn was I wrong. So I stopped looking for songs, but I did think more about this whole space concept. Why is this so hard for him to understand? Why doesn’t he want space? What is he afraid of? I just don’t get it.
I know he doesn’t want to loose me, but he knows (I have said it so many times) that I don’t want to loose him. That would kill me if I lost him. I have already lost a part of him, I can’t survive if I loose the rest.
Why doesn’t he want space? This is the most confusing part of the whole situation. I cannot understand it. Is he afraid that he is going to loose me? I wont, I can’t let that happen. Does he still have feelings for me, is that why? I wish he would just say it, say it to my face. This indirect livejournal crap is driving me nuts, but I’m gonna wait for him to confront me.
What is he afraid of? Is he afraid that he is going to be my next Jeff Helmer, the one I spited for three years straight. No. It won’t. I made the mistake there. I pushed Jeff away. I’m not willing to let that happen to the boy that I love. Is he afraid he is going to show weakness. I hope not. If anything, that is only going to make him stronger.
There are too many questions right now for me to understand. Too many questions that I have running through my mind. Too much space, yet not enough.
Oh, and Congrats Dylan on your solo. I know I wasn’t excited about it yesterday, and I fucked up on that one, but I’m proud of you. You got what you wanted. You’re gonna be great. I can’t wait to be there to see you sing.
Damn was I wrong. So I stopped looking for songs, but I did think more about this whole space concept. Why is this so hard for him to understand? Why doesn’t he want space? What is he afraid of? I just don’t get it.
I know he doesn’t want to loose me, but he knows (I have said it so many times) that I don’t want to loose him. That would kill me if I lost him. I have already lost a part of him, I can’t survive if I loose the rest.
Why doesn’t he want space? This is the most confusing part of the whole situation. I cannot understand it. Is he afraid that he is going to loose me? I wont, I can’t let that happen. Does he still have feelings for me, is that why? I wish he would just say it, say it to my face. This indirect livejournal crap is driving me nuts, but I’m gonna wait for him to confront me.
What is he afraid of? Is he afraid that he is going to be my next Jeff Helmer, the one I spited for three years straight. No. It won’t. I made the mistake there. I pushed Jeff away. I’m not willing to let that happen to the boy that I love. Is he afraid he is going to show weakness. I hope not. If anything, that is only going to make him stronger.
There are too many questions right now for me to understand. Too many questions that I have running through my mind. Too much space, yet not enough.
Oh, and Congrats Dylan on your solo. I know I wasn’t excited about it yesterday, and I fucked up on that one, but I’m proud of you. You got what you wanted. You’re gonna be great. I can’t wait to be there to see you sing.