What the fuck is happening to me?
Ok, I must be fucked up, because I find myself now crying and thinking about Charlie. I haven't thought I made a mistake with him since I was with him. But, I know I had a guaranteed thing with him. We could have been something really great. I find myself surrounded by happiness, but of those around me; not mine. It seems that everyone is happy. In a relationship that means everything to them. Brittany has a great guy, Brian and Brittni are happy together, Trishia and Adma's wedding is this Saturday, Matt and Tiff are doing great, and Jared told me tonight that he is now engaged.....everyone is happy except me. It's not that I'm not happy for them, I am. I love them so very much, all of them. And, they all deserve more happiness than the world can give them. But, you don't know how it is to be the only one who is all alone. Charlie's even happy, I can feel it in my heart. And, I'm happy for him too. I know that I couldn't have made him happy, I'm glad he found someone who can. I thought Drew could be the one. He was so great. He made everything go away, all the pain that I had, all the tears I had for Jared were gone with him. But, now they have come back. He is the one I will never get over, but I AM happy for him. As long as she makes him happy, and gives him everything he deserves.
Billy, if you are reading this, I will try to make it, but I just have no faith anymore. You were there when I was with Charlie, and you know how I thought it would work, I have told you some what about Jared, But you don't know half of the story. I'm sorry that I don't have the heart to try to be happy. You could make me happy, but I don't think I will allow myself to care again.
If you haven't read Matt's journal, he's not coming with me to Cape, so I am going to be going alone. I think that's what set me off completely. I am so happy for him, I just wish I had someone to call my own.
But, I can't see anymore, so that's all.
Untill the next.......
Mr. Lonely
Billy, if you are reading this, I will try to make it, but I just have no faith anymore. You were there when I was with Charlie, and you know how I thought it would work, I have told you some what about Jared, But you don't know half of the story. I'm sorry that I don't have the heart to try to be happy. You could make me happy, but I don't think I will allow myself to care again.
If you haven't read Matt's journal, he's not coming with me to Cape, so I am going to be going alone. I think that's what set me off completely. I am so happy for him, I just wish I had someone to call my own.
But, I can't see anymore, so that's all.
Untill the next.......
Mr. Lonely