OK, I'm tired of hiding this.
I can't keep this in anymore. I'm tired of having everything I do be for everyone but myself. I quit. This may hurt some people or anger people, but I have to get it off of my mind for a while.
I wasn't happy with Charlie for longer than anybody knows. It's not because of how he treated me or who he is. It's because of who he's not. He's not the person for me. I know that it was incredibly stupid of me to go back to him, and trust me, I'm paying for it. I tried to fool everyone into thinking I was happy in the hopes I would be able to fool myself. Well I guess it worked, for a little bit anyway.
Something just isn't right
I can feel it inside
The truth isn't far behind me
You can't deny
When I turn the lights out
When I close my eyes
Reality overcomes me
I'm living a lie
When I'm alone I
Feel so much better
And when Im around you
I don't feel
I know that running doesn't solve anything. I just never know what else to do. Everyone who knows me, knows that I am horrible with confronting what's wrong. I guess that's what I'm trying to do now.
I started another journal so that I could get out what is going on with me, but the only person who can read it is Beth. I didn't tell anyone because I didn't want to upset them. Beth and I are going through about the same thing. We are both in love with guys who don't know if they want to be with us. In my case, I know I shouldn't jump into another relationship, and I don't really want to. I want to take my time and find myself again, because I don't know who I am anymore. I just want to know if I will be able to be with him when I am ready. (and the way things are looking right now I'm going to die a creepy old cat lady) But, I guess that's what I get for what I did. I know I screwed up, and I deserve whatever I get.
I guess that's it for now. I'm sure I'll have more to say tomarrow or something. I just want to say that I am sorry to all of the people I've hurt.
I wasn't happy with Charlie for longer than anybody knows. It's not because of how he treated me or who he is. It's because of who he's not. He's not the person for me. I know that it was incredibly stupid of me to go back to him, and trust me, I'm paying for it. I tried to fool everyone into thinking I was happy in the hopes I would be able to fool myself. Well I guess it worked, for a little bit anyway.
Something just isn't right
I can feel it inside
The truth isn't far behind me
You can't deny
When I turn the lights out
When I close my eyes
Reality overcomes me
I'm living a lie
When I'm alone I
Feel so much better
And when Im around you
I don't feel
I know that running doesn't solve anything. I just never know what else to do. Everyone who knows me, knows that I am horrible with confronting what's wrong. I guess that's what I'm trying to do now.
I started another journal so that I could get out what is going on with me, but the only person who can read it is Beth. I didn't tell anyone because I didn't want to upset them. Beth and I are going through about the same thing. We are both in love with guys who don't know if they want to be with us. In my case, I know I shouldn't jump into another relationship, and I don't really want to. I want to take my time and find myself again, because I don't know who I am anymore. I just want to know if I will be able to be with him when I am ready. (and the way things are looking right now I'm going to die a creepy old cat lady) But, I guess that's what I get for what I did. I know I screwed up, and I deserve whatever I get.
I guess that's it for now. I'm sure I'll have more to say tomarrow or something. I just want to say that I am sorry to all of the people I've hurt.