Sometimes I really don't enjoy being right

[nightshade1972]

I've suspected for some time that I'm autistic. That's on top of all the other neuro stuff going on--partial agenesis of the corpus callosum, abnormal sinuses, abnormal pituitary, Chiari I malformation, hydrocephalus, epilepsy, cerebellar gait ataxia, ocular strabismus

Comments

[baratron]

I really do empathise with you. I have several friends with narcissistic, control freak mothers, and the stress and anxiety caused by growing up in that environment. In addition, my boyfriend, a former partner, and an online friend of many years are all autistic adults with abusive mothers (at least one of them also a narcissistic control freak). Of course, they did not "become autistic" because of their mothers, it's a complex genetic neurological condition. But the lack of caring and active abuse made a big difference to how they coped as children and adjusted into adulthood. If their mothers had recognised that they had difficulties in some areas and tried to help them, rather than punishing them for being "deliberately naughty" or "stupid", that would have made a difference regardless of whether the medical profession recognised "high-functioning" autism at the time. Other autistic friends who had love and unconditional support from their parents coped with their differences better, even if they had to wait until adulthood for a formal diagnosis.

I understand that in the 70s and 80s then either you were intellectually gifted OR you were learning disabled. The idea of a spiky profile, where you are very able in some areas and struggle terribly in others, wasn't something that ordinary parents were aware of. Still, my mother was aware of my strengths (academic pursuits) and weaknesses (physical coordination) and tried to encourage me in activities such as learning to bounce a ball and tie shoelaces. My relationship with my mother as an adult is difficult, not least of all because I am now aware of her chronic anxiety and the roles have reversed - most of the time it feels like I am parenting her. But I can't complain about my treatment as a child - I always knew that I was loved and always felt cared for.

My boyfriend, however, has many emotional issues stemming from his undiagnosed autism and lack of appropriate therapy as a child combined with his mother treating him like dirt. Now that he's finally moved out and has a good job in a supportive work environment where there are other neurodiverse people (he's an electrical engineer), he's finally starting to think of himself as "different" rather than "broken". But it's taken almost 2 years of support from me for him to get this far. It really sucks that he spent almost 30 years feeling stupid and hating himself just because his mother was too self-centred to see that he had problems. (His father is likely on the spectrum himself and probably COULDN'T do a better job of parenting than he did - they get on much better now as adults).

[nightshade1972]

Thank you for your kind words. It's helpful to know there are ppl who understand.

:-)