What a difference a day makes
Got home quite late last night, so I didn't get a good chance to write about what a lovely weekend I had, despite not going to Pride (maybe because of that? Dunno, but it clearly reduced stress in several ways). And it *was* lovely, not least because it was quite productive. More boxes and bags got emptied for the first time in 20 months, a hell of a lot going into the recycling bin or the charity shop bag, which is a good step forward. We had lovely guests, who were extremely good about waiting ages for dinner. I cooked kohlrabi for the first time ever! OUR OWN KOHLRABI. And it was tasty, and purple (so hey, we were celebrating Bi Pride in the kitchen, kind of). And I rescued some overcooked bulghur wheat by bunging fruit, nuts & sugar into it and turning it into one of those cold rice pudding-type things which are popular in hotter climates. And I didn't panic. And I slept well. Then I wore my ace new skirt, with a pair of red skull braces (oh yeah). The Borough Market event was disappointing as they decided Southwark residents weren't 'local' enough, or sufficiently on their mailing list, t be admitted for the morning session, so we got lunch at Pizza Express instead, then left blahflowers while we headed back with hazyjayne to grab cuvalwen & R (WINOLJ, AFAIK) for a very enjoyable Planescape session. There were zombies! Our first ever! And blahflowers rejoined us for delicious Japanese takeaway. And I even did some tidying when I got home, which is almost unheard-of. I felt, quite rightly, pretty damn good as I drifted off last night.
So, what the hell happened? I woke up quite tired and I've become progressively sadder and more bad-tempered as the day's worn on. And I don't know why. OK, one can't be happy all the time, but it was such a contrast, and with only the smallest of reasons. Work was OK, yes the weather was shitty (and my sneezing kept worsening), but that's normal. Was it the hayfever making me cross and distressed? Annoyance at not being able to find the trousers I wanted to cut up? Worry about the million things I need to do? Concern about my apathy in the office? Fear for the future? I suppose it could have been any of those things, but none of them really feels like enough for such a reaction. What bothers me most is not being miserable, but being unable to get on with other things while miserable, something I've always been good at. It's all very frustrating and I think I need to work harder on managing my moods, because I don't need this, and it's slowed me down far more than it should have.
Summer's scaring me a bit, and I worry about not being able to complete my duties in all regards. I don't like that. It's all very dull, really, and maybe that's why I'm simultaneously angry and depressed, although that'd be impressively wanky and self-referential in its solipsism.
tajasel kindly gave me some spare earphones, so at least I finally had my iPod today. Music generally helps, of course.
This entry was originally posted at http://nanaya.dreamwidth.org/309079.html. Please comment there using OpenID.
So, what the hell happened? I woke up quite tired and I've become progressively sadder and more bad-tempered as the day's worn on. And I don't know why. OK, one can't be happy all the time, but it was such a contrast, and with only the smallest of reasons. Work was OK, yes the weather was shitty (and my sneezing kept worsening), but that's normal. Was it the hayfever making me cross and distressed? Annoyance at not being able to find the trousers I wanted to cut up? Worry about the million things I need to do? Concern about my apathy in the office? Fear for the future? I suppose it could have been any of those things, but none of them really feels like enough for such a reaction. What bothers me most is not being miserable, but being unable to get on with other things while miserable, something I've always been good at. It's all very frustrating and I think I need to work harder on managing my moods, because I don't need this, and it's slowed me down far more than it should have.
Summer's scaring me a bit, and I worry about not being able to complete my duties in all regards. I don't like that. It's all very dull, really, and maybe that's why I'm simultaneously angry and depressed, although that'd be impressively wanky and self-referential in its solipsism.
tajasel kindly gave me some spare earphones, so at least I finally had my iPod today. Music generally helps, of course.
This entry was originally posted at http://nanaya.dreamwidth.org/309079.html. Please comment there using OpenID.