Positive things I got out of an abusive relationship

Feb 09, 2010 21:42

Well, generally abuse is considered to be a *bad* thing, and rightly so. But I hear there's a silver lining to every cloud, so let's see ( Read more... )

bleh, flowers of romance, angry-making, *that* was the bad thing!

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feanelwa February 10 2010, 00:11:05 UTC
Towards the end of this post you sound like somebody who is trying to berate themselves so an abuser might punish them less, feeling them to have achieved some of the required suffering already.

I also wonder if maybe you are having a sort of abusive relationship with this Masters course and the incompetence and idiocy of it. It is stupid and hurtful, you feel you can't get along without it and that it is improving you.

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feanelwa February 10 2010, 00:11:30 UTC
(The incompetence and idiocy of the organisation, teaching, other students and course material, that is.)

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friend_of_tofu February 10 2010, 07:49:30 UTC
I don't and never did think that I deserve abuse. I'm more observing that however bad it all was, *I* got positive things out of it. *I* learnt permanently useful things. I don't think that at all justifies it, but when thinking about it recently I genuinely couldn't decide if, were I able to change the past, I'd go back and not have been there, because I changed in many positive ways as a result. Fuck him, this is entirely and egocentrically about me.

I think my relationship with horrid course of horrid is a bit similar though, yes, you're right there, and it's in some ways much harder just to get up and leave. Importantly, it's quite indifferent to whether or not I'm suffering.

As yet, I'm unconvinced that it's improving me - it's just a box to tick.

OTOH, I did do something quite unheard of for me - a job application! So maybe I'm wrong there.

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friend_of_tofu February 10 2010, 08:00:02 UTC
(NB I *do* know I'm stubborn, and also that I'm lazy. I don't regard these as terrible things, they're just me *shrug*, so I'm not berating myself there, if that's what you mean.)

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feanelwa February 11 2010, 11:12:41 UTC
No, I just meant that you sound like somebody who's being taken back by present circumstances to the way they used to feel.

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friend_of_tofu February 11 2010, 13:08:23 UTC
Yes, a bit. It's a combination of old annoyance and new annoyance, IYSWIM!

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