Positive things I got out of an abusive relationship

Feb 09, 2010 21:42

Well, generally abuse is considered to be a *bad* thing, and rightly so. But I hear there's a silver lining to every cloud, so let's see ( Read more... )

bleh, flowers of romance, angry-making, *that* was the bad thing!

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graciousviv February 10 2010, 00:01:54 UTC
We met once at Poptimism via Kat but I don't presume that you would remember me. I have read a lot of your posts and have not commented before. Mostly because everyone's experiences of depression and anxiety are different and, a bit like going on forums about any illness, you can end up feeling more anxious reading other peoples experiences and wish you'd never bothered. Well here goes anyway.. I have been on Citalopram since just before Wobs to combat anxiety attacks and depression.

I have had previous encounters with the "evil dread" as I call it and never resorted to long term medication like prozac before. CBT saved me last time. I didn't want to talk at a counsellor (I don't like all the navel gazing) and didn't want to be fobbed off with pills. CBT is great for a control freak like me as you get to make your own tool-kit of problem solvers whenever you get into your trigger situations. You end up re-educating your own thought processes. I secretly thought that no-one was going to be able to get into my head as I couldn't be trusted to be honest with myself or them and, on any given day, I can be erratic - sometimes I don't even remember what I've said the previous session. I loved your special snowflake reference. I didn't want to feel I was being herded down the NHS direction of least spend, least effort, one prozac plaster fits all.

It really did work. This time however it was different - have been through a traumatic time and can't work and it was taking all my energy to get up and dressed. I waited 7 months before I took the pill option. 7 months of beating myself up because I couldn't pull myself together. I personally had very bad side affects but like others have said everyone has a different experience. I think the nausea / not wanting to eat is relatively common and for me lasted only about a week. The weirdest one I am left with is that I will yawn (not even tired) for about 10 mins at a time. It has also affected my sleep patterns and I seem to get pissed on half a pint. But I do take another medication which interacts so prob it could be making things worse.

Despite all this I think that it must be doing something right as I wouldn't have been able to write this before (a bit incoherent still). Am also now starting to do a few social things.

I do think however that my current GP has steered me down the counselling and pill route. I asked for CBT (can't afford private) and have not been given it. I think with CBT if you don't use it you lose it. I had stopped using it when I felt better which I see is a mistake. I know what I need and they won't give it to me. Not easy to insist when you are feeling fragile.

Whatever you decide I hope you don't have to battle to get it.

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graciousviv February 10 2010, 00:05:26 UTC
apologies - didn't mean to write an essay!

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friend_of_tofu February 10 2010, 07:58:27 UTC
I do remember you, I shall add you back right now :-)

Thanks very much for your comment, it's really helpful. So far, people have seen very keen to give me drugs and possibly CBT, I've not had to fight at all, which worries me a little bit! Maybe it's too easy? Certainly, I know other people have had terrible times trying to get the help they need. Perhaps it helps that I'm working full-time and there's an active incentive to prevent me going off sick or something? I know plenty of other people who've found it much harder.

Your input about CBT is very useful. I was frankly dubious about doing it, ftb I'm v stubborn and I just wasn't 'convinced' by the idea that it'd do much. I will probably try it and see though.

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