Money
So, my absolute failure with money has led me to buy a lockbox which half of my check will be going into and I will not be allowed to have the key. I honestly thing I enjoy the feeling of spending money more than I enjoy the things that I actually get. This was a necessary step, but I must admit I'm feeling a little resentful.
My source of income isn't exactly going great, either. Next week she doesn't need a sitter because their family is coming up from Georgia and starting in may she will only need someone something like once a week. Not that I'm too sure I would want to do this job more than that as the three-year-old is extremely difficult. He woke his mother up again yesterday with his screaming. He got very physical around noon and I had to sit him down into a two minute timeout because he was hitting the dog and kicking at his baby brother. And he threw such a fit about the punishment that he made himself sick. But what was I supposed to do? We went outside after that and at least I found out that if you need him to come closer to the house, it's usually the most effective to just start walking back without him and he'll follow for fear of being alone. The kid did give me an idea for a short story, though, so perhaps worth the drain.
I applied for a more regular job - still babysitting - for a ten-month-year old girl about four days a week every week which will be helpful. On another positive note, I found a place that can do my insurance for 120 a month with bare coverage.
Sara and I went out today and went to Borders which didn't have my book which apparently is just obscure enough to not be carried by a major bookseller unless I was willing to go two hours out of my way. So I coughed up an extra four dollars to order it and have it delivered to my house. This is the book of such fuss:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/156947558X/ref=s9_sims_c2_s1_p14_i1?pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_s=center-2&pf_rd_r=0DQP7TZN2E5TXVAE9PQH&pf_rd_t=101&pf_rd_p=470938631&pf_rd_i=507846
Oh, I have such a soft spot for family mysteries. I hope it's worth the effort.
We then went to see a movie - I Love You Man - which was neither the best or worst movie either of us has ever seen. I could relate to it, I suppose, because it can be hard to make friends as an adult. And it was a bit new which is something I can always appreciate but it just started too slow and then went too fast and I didn't like his wife and it was a bit too slapstick for my tastes. Then we went to meijers so I could pick up some shampoo, pens, and the lock box for my money. I know it seems a little ironic to buy something like that after spending a while bunch throughout the days but that really illustrates why I needed to get it.
My mother and I have been at each other's throats for the past few days with no way for me to get out of the house - I had not forgotten so much how it sucks to be without a vehicle but why it's such an awful experience. Meanwhile, everyone continues to dismiss my feelings of anger toward her for her behavior which has included yelling, throwing of objects, breaking of expensive objects, threats, and insults. It essentially became a contest of who owed who more and as just about anyone knows mothers always have a slight advantage in this arena.
It is driving me insane that my family keeps saying it is natural for two grown women to fight a lot when living with one another but then keep telling me that I should not move out because she will have to downsize to a smaller house and that I would essentially be abandoning her. I am so sick of feeling like my schooling, work, and life are putting everyone out. And I am sick of feeling guilty for having these things. These are all good things for a young woman to have and do and they do not feel like it! It seems unhealthy to me. And I just wonder if such a violent reaction would have come if I had tried to move out sooner or if the reality would not have hit her until very soon before I would have left. I'm so torn between the knowledge that guilt can be a motivator for positive action and the horrible feeling and hinderance that guilt has actually been in my life. I really think it is a very negative emotion.
Oh, went to the Detroit Institute of Art. Absolutely beautiful. Big focus on religious pieces and the Italian Rennascience stuff really blew my mind. Didn't care so much for the furniture and such that was being put on display. Even found some contemporary pieces that I rather like. I think one of the draws of modern art might be that moment when you actually get it.
Talked to Sharon on the phone for the first time in almost six months. Everytime I talk to her she sounds so much more confident! I think this experience moving to America has really been great for her. She's having a lot of trouble finding work, though, and that's with some prior experience and some knowledge of a second language. She's worried this will bring her back to square one.
I should have a short story up in the next day or so and I was going to get some fanfiction going though I would encourage no one to get too attatched because fanfiction is one of my old fallbacks when I'm not feeling particularly inspired to write anything original.