Collision chapter 5/?
Chapter 5
Luke sat on his bed waiting for the results of his scan. He decided to try and put Dr. Oliver out of his mind and check the newspapers online.
He picked up his phone and found he had a few missed calls from his mother and several text messages from his team mates, all wishing him well. He smiled while reading them. If felt good to be part of a team.
He then decided not to search for headlines about what happened. It would probably just upset him. What really mattered was that his team mates and coach didn’t blame him for what happened. And judging by the texts they‘d sent him, they didn’t. His phone beeped again. It was Mike.
< Dude, when u getting out?>
< Probably 2day if my scans are good.> Luke fired back immediately.
< Don’t take front entrance. Press is everywhere>
Luke groaned. Fuck! That was exactly what he was afraid of. He really did not want to do any interviews right now or answer inappropriate questions.
< Thx for warning>
< Sure. CU l8er?>
< Think so. Call u.>
Luke fought the urge to run to the window and see if he could see anything. He would have to talk to Bob. See if he could use another exit. He pressed the call button.
A moment later a nurse came in.
“What can I do for you, Mr. Snyder?” She inquired.
“Do you know if Dr. Hughes is in? If he is, could you get him?” Luke asked.
“Sure, Mr. Snyder. I’ll see what I can do. Anything else?”
“No, not right now. Thank you.”
After she left, Luke picked up his phone again and hesitated. He really should call his mom. He was certain she heard about the incident and knowing her, she was probably mad for not knowing any details. He sighed and pressed the call button.
His mom picked up after the first ring. “Luke? Finally! Are you alright?”
“Hi mom. Yes, I’m fine. I’m sorry for not calling earlier.” Luke quickly apologised.
“I was worried, Luke. I read the news about what happened and then I could not get a hold of you. You should have called earlier.” Lily said accusingly.
“I know, I’m sorry,” Luke apologised again. “I’m still in the hospital, but I am fine and I will be discharged today. I have a concussion though and I will have to take it slow.”
“Take it slow? What does that mean? You can’t play? What about the Championship?” Lily fired off questions like a machine gun.
Of course, that was what she was most concerned about. Whether or not he could play and make her proud. His health came second.
“The Championships are three weeks away, mom. I have to take it easy for about a week. After that I should be in perfect health again.” Luke explained, trying not to feel hurt by his mother’s lack of concern for him personally. The only concern she had was for his career, whether or not he could shine on the field. Gives her something to boast about. It had been like this all his life, so why should it be any different now? He knew what his mother was like, but it hurt just the same.
“Oh, okay then.” Lily sounded relieved. “Do you want me and your father to come and visit you?” She weakly offered, not sounding sincere at all.
“No mom. That’s really not necessary. I will be too busy anyway.” Luke declined. He was a grown man, but deep down there was still a small part of him that wanted his mother to come anyway. Just because she really wanted to see him and because she missed him.
“That’s true.” Lily didn’t hesitate to agree. “We tried to get tickets for the first game, but so far we had no luck. Do you think you could get your hands on three tickets? For your father, me and maybe your grandmother?”
Luke knew that that was a lie. There were still tickets available for all the matches. But Lily wouldn’t be Lily if she didn’t try to get something from Luke. He was not in the mood for arguing, so he said he would try to get her the tickets.
“I’ll talk to you later, alright mom? Give my love to dad and grandmother, okay?”
“Sure Luke. Bye.” Before Luke could say anything else, Lily had hung up. Luke slowly lowered the phone from his ear and stared into nothing, feeling empty and alone.
He was rudely shaken from his depressing thoughts when the door swung open and Dr. Oliver came barging in.
“Mr. Snyder,” he started while picking up Luke’s chart, “it looks like your head is a tough nut to crack. The results of your scan are in. Everything looks good and you are free to go.” He finished writing in the chart and looked up when Luke remained silent.
Only then did he notice the pained expression on Luke’s face and he moved to Luke immediately. He put his hand on Luke’s forehead to check his temperature and started firing questions.
“Are you dizzy? Nauseous? Any pain in your head? Anything else? Luke?” He ducked his head to look in Luke’s eyes. “Luke?” He continued in a much softer voice. “Hey, what’s up?”
If Luke noticed that Reid called him by his first name, he did not let it show. He was too wrapped up in himself and his thoughts. He felt like crying now that someone he barely knew, who he’d just met, showed more interest in him than his own mother.
He tried to fight it, but he couldn’t keep his eyes from tearing up. He sniffed and turned his head, not wanting Dr. Oliver to see him so upset.
“Luke, you have to tell me what’s going on here.” Reid started to get seriously worried now.
“It’s fine. It’s nothing, really. I’m fine.” Luke said in a wobbly voice.
“Obviously you are not fine. Are you in pain? Headaches?” He asked in an almost hopeful voice. Anything else was an underdeveloped area for him.
“No, it’s not. My head is fine. It’s just… I had a difficult phone call, that’s all.”
Reid stood next to Luke’s bed, fidgeting and not knowing what to do. Should he ask what is was about? Or not? Did he really want to know the answer? What if Luke wanted to…. talk about it?
But looking at Luke’s face, he made a decision. With his heart for once, not his head.
“Tell me about it.” He offered.
“What? No, no that’s okay. You don’t need to feel sorry for me, okay. I’m sure you’re very busy, so you don’t have to sit here and listen to me and my problems.” Luke refused.
“You know, I don’t do this very often. You should seize an opportunity when it comes knocking. So come on, talk.” Reid demanded. He sat down in a chair next to Luke’s bed, put his elbows on his knees, clasped his hands and looked at Luke expectantly.
Luke couldn’t help but smile a little at the sight. He felt strangely comfortable around Dr. Oliver. He wasn’t even worried whether he could trust him or not, he just knew he could. So before he knew it, he was telling Dr. Oliver about the phone conversation he had with his mother.
“You know, I shouldn’t be surprised. This is how it’s always been. When my parents learned that I could kick a ball around better than most kids, my mother made sure I got extra practice, called scouts to come and see me, signed me on to the big clubs. I was more of a trained seal, not a kid. She was always pushing me. I guess I should be grateful, because if she didn’t, I wouldn’t be where I am today. But sometimes I wish she was just interested in me, in Luke, her only son, and not Luke Snyder, the professional soccer player.” Luke ended his monologue with a deep sigh. He looked at Reid from under his eyelashes. He didn’t want Reid to think that he was spoiled brat, whining about his mommy.
Reid didn’t really know what to say. He thought about his own mother, her warm personality and her overwhelming love for him, how she always just wanted him to be happy, no matter what he did.
Luke mistook his silence for disinterest and started to feel uncomfortable. What was he thinking, pouring his heart out like this to a stranger?
“Look, Dr. Oliver. I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable. I shouldn’t have said anything.” He started.
Reid cut him off. “I asked for it, didn’t I? It wasn’t what I expected, but hey. It is what it is. And it must be painful for you to feel like you’re just a trophy and not a person.” Reid carefully chose his words, not wanting to pile on Luke’s pain.
Luke looked at him surprised by his understanding. “Yes, that’s exactly how it feels. And if I don’t live up to her expectations, I’m nothing.” He added.
Reid looked back at him, “You know, someone recently told me that you’re not just a soccer player, you are also a person. Now, I know where that came from.” Reid remembering Luke’s words to him.
“Does she even really know who you are? What you are?” He asked softly, before adding “Do you?”
Luke looked away, ran a hand through his messy hair and tugged his ear. “I’m not sure I know what you mean,”, he said quietly.
“Am I mistaken, Luke? Am I reading the signals all wrong?” Reid went on carefully.
Luke couldn’t bring himself to lie to Dr. Oliver, so he said nothing while his mind shot back to the signals he apparently sent out to him. God, was he really that obvious? That has never happened before. He guessed that blow to his head made him a lot less careful.
“It’s okay, you know. It’s not something you can choose. You are or you aren’t. But there’s nothing wrong with it- with being gay.” Reid didn’t know if he was overstepping any boundaries, but he wanted to ease Luke’s mind about the subject.
Luke jerked his head around to look Reid straight in his eyes, but he saw nothing but genuine concern in them.
“I know that. But you don’t understand … how it is. I can’t… I just can’t.” Luke stumbled on his words.
Reid watched him struggle and decided not to push it any further.
“Listen Luke. I don’t want you to get upset, so we’ll just leave it, alright? But if you do want to talk, about this or about anything at all, just let me know.”
Reid reached into his pocket and took out a card. He scribbled a number on it.
“This is my number. Nobody has that, except the hospital, and now you. Use it when you feel the need to talk or whatever.” Reid handed him the card.
Luke took it and folded it in half. He tucked it into his wallet very carefully.
“Thank you Dr. Oliver. For everything. Not just for today and this, but just… everything.” He said shyly.
Reid smiled at him. “I think it’s time for you to start calling me Reid.”
Luke felt an unfamiliar warm feeling spreading through his chest and he smiled back.
“Okay…Reid.” He tasted the name on his tongue. He liked the way it sounded coming out of his mouth.
“I have to go. But remember what I said.” Reid stood up and made a move to walk towards to door, when Luke’s voice stopped him.
“Can I ask you one more thing?”
“What is it?”
“Is it okay if I keep visiting Kevin? I still feel responsible for what happened.”
“I think there’s no harm in that. You’ll have to check with me or the nurse though before you go in, just to be sure.”
“Okay, I’ll do that. Thank you, again.” Luke didn’t want him to go, wanted to hold on to him, on to this safe feeling, like a toddler holding on to it’s mother on the first day of school, but couldn’t think of a reason to keep Dr. Oliver, Reid¸ with him.
Reid just nodded and stepped out of the room.
Luke sat still for a moment, trying to process what just happened. What he and Reid had been talking about. He’d felt completely at ease talking to him about his difficult relationship with his mother. For reasons he didn’t even understand, he completely trusted Reid. And Reid had understood what Luke was saying. How difficult it was to have to live up to expectations all your life. And then Reid had asked him about…
He knows, Luke suddenly thought. He knows me and about me.
He felt like he should be panicking, but he really wasn’t. Even though he hadn’t said out loud that he was gay, he also hadn’t denied it. For the first time in his life he did not deny it. And strangely enough he was feeling okay with that. Because it’s Reid.
*
Luke sat on his bed waiting for the results of his scan. He decided to try and put Dr. Oliver out of his mind and check the newspapers online.
He picked up his phone and found he had a few missed calls from his mother and several text messages from his team mates, all wishing him well. He smiled while reading them. If felt good to be part of a team.
He then decided not to search for headlines about what happened. It would probably just upset him. What really mattered was that his team mates and coach didn’t blame him for what happened. And judging by the texts they‘d sent him, they didn’t. His phone beeped again. It was Mike.
< Dude, when u getting out?>
< Probably 2day if my scans are good.> Luke fired back immediately.
< Don’t take front entrance. Press is everywhere>
Luke groaned. Fuck! That was exactly what he was afraid of. He really did not want to do any interviews right now or answer inappropriate questions.
< Thx for warning>
< Sure. CU l8er?>
< Think so. Call u.>
Luke fought the urge to run to the window and see if he could see anything. He would have to talk to Bob. See if he could use another exit. He pressed the call button.
A moment later a nurse came in.
“What can I do for you, Mr. Snyder?” She inquired.
“Do you know if Dr. Hughes is in? If he is, could you get him?” Luke asked.
“Sure, Mr. Snyder. I’ll see what I can do. Anything else?”
“No, not right now. Thank you.”
After she left, Luke picked up his phone again and hesitated. He really should call his mom. He was certain she heard about the incident and knowing her, she was probably mad for not knowing any details. He sighed and pressed the call button.
His mom picked up after the first ring. “Luke? Finally! Are you alright?”
“Hi mom. Yes, I’m fine. I’m sorry for not calling earlier.” Luke quickly apologised.
“I was worried, Luke. I read the news about what happened and then I could not get a hold of you. You should have called earlier.” Lily said accusingly.
“I know, I’m sorry,” Luke apologised again. “I’m still in the hospital, but I am fine and I will be discharged today. I have a concussion though and I will have to take it slow.”
“Take it slow? What does that mean? You can’t play? What about the Championship?” Lily fired off questions like a machine gun.
Of course, that was what she was most concerned about. Whether or not he could play and make her proud. His health came second.
“The Championships are three weeks away, mom. I have to take it easy for about a week. After that I should be in perfect health again.” Luke explained, trying not to feel hurt by his mother’s lack of concern for him personally. The only concern she had was for his career, whether or not he could shine on the field. Gives her something to boast about. It had been like this all his life, so why should it be any different now? He knew what his mother was like, but it hurt just the same.
“Oh, okay then.” Lily sounded relieved. “Do you want me and your father to come and visit you?” She weakly offered, not sounding sincere at all.
“No mom. That’s really not necessary. I will be too busy anyway.” Luke declined. He was a grown man, but deep down there was still a small part of him that wanted his mother to come anyway. Just because she really wanted to see him and because she missed him.
“That’s true.” Lily didn’t hesitate to agree. “We tried to get tickets for the first game, but so far we had no luck. Do you think you could get your hands on three tickets? For your father, me and maybe your grandmother?”
Luke knew that that was a lie. There were still tickets available for all the matches. But Lily wouldn’t be Lily if she didn’t try to get something from Luke. He was not in the mood for arguing, so he said he would try to get her the tickets.
“I’ll talk to you later, alright mom? Give my love to dad and grandmother, okay?”
“Sure Luke. Bye.” Before Luke could say anything else, Lily had hung up. Luke slowly lowered the phone from his ear and stared into nothing, feeling empty and alone.
He was rudely shaken from his depressing thoughts when the door swung open and Dr. Oliver came barging in.
“Mr. Snyder,” he started while picking up Luke’s chart, “it looks like your head is a tough nut to crack. The results of your scan are in. Everything looks good and you are free to go.” He finished writing in the chart and looked up when Luke remained silent.
Only then did he notice the pained expression on Luke’s face and he moved to Luke immediately. He put his hand on Luke’s forehead to check his temperature and started firing questions.
“Are you dizzy? Nauseous? Any pain in your head? Anything else? Luke?” He ducked his head to look in Luke’s eyes. “Luke?” He continued in a much softer voice. “Hey, what’s up?”
If Luke noticed that Reid called him by his first name, he did not let it show. He was too wrapped up in himself and his thoughts. He felt like crying now that someone he barely knew, who he’d just met, showed more interest in him than his own mother.
He tried to fight it, but he couldn’t keep his eyes from tearing up. He sniffed and turned his head, not wanting Dr. Oliver to see him so upset.
“Luke, you have to tell me what’s going on here.” Reid started to get seriously worried now.
“It’s fine. It’s nothing, really. I’m fine.” Luke said in a wobbly voice.
“Obviously you are not fine. Are you in pain? Headaches?” He asked in an almost hopeful voice. Anything else was an underdeveloped area for him.
“No, it’s not. My head is fine. It’s just… I had a difficult phone call, that’s all.”
Reid stood next to Luke’s bed, fidgeting and not knowing what to do. Should he ask what is was about? Or not? Did he really want to know the answer? What if Luke wanted to…. talk about it?
But looking at Luke’s face, he made a decision. With his heart for once, not his head.
“Tell me about it.” He offered.
“What? No, no that’s okay. You don’t need to feel sorry for me, okay. I’m sure you’re very busy, so you don’t have to sit here and listen to me and my problems.” Luke refused.
“You know, I don’t do this very often. You should seize an opportunity when it comes knocking. So come on, talk.” Reid demanded. He sat down in a chair next to Luke’s bed, put his elbows on his knees, clasped his hands and looked at Luke expectantly.
Luke couldn’t help but smile a little at the sight. He felt strangely comfortable around Dr. Oliver. He wasn’t even worried whether he could trust him or not, he just knew he could. So before he knew it, he was telling Dr. Oliver about the phone conversation he had with his mother.
“You know, I shouldn’t be surprised. This is how it’s always been. When my parents learned that I could kick a ball around better than most kids, my mother made sure I got extra practice, called scouts to come and see me, signed me on to the big clubs. I was more of a trained seal, not a kid. She was always pushing me. I guess I should be grateful, because if she didn’t, I wouldn’t be where I am today. But sometimes I wish she was just interested in me, in Luke, her only son, and not Luke Snyder, the professional soccer player.” Luke ended his monologue with a deep sigh. He looked at Reid from under his eyelashes. He didn’t want Reid to think that he was spoiled brat, whining about his mommy.
Reid didn’t really know what to say. He thought about his own mother, her warm personality and her overwhelming love for him, how she always just wanted him to be happy, no matter what he did.
Luke mistook his silence for disinterest and started to feel uncomfortable. What was he thinking, pouring his heart out like this to a stranger?
“Look, Dr. Oliver. I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable. I shouldn’t have said anything.” He started.
Reid cut him off. “I asked for it, didn’t I? It wasn’t what I expected, but hey. It is what it is. And it must be painful for you to feel like you’re just a trophy and not a person.” Reid carefully chose his words, not wanting to pile on Luke’s pain.
Luke looked at him surprised by his understanding. “Yes, that’s exactly how it feels. And if I don’t live up to her expectations, I’m nothing.” He added.
Reid looked back at him, “You know, someone recently told me that you’re not just a soccer player, you are also a person. Now, I know where that came from.” Reid remembering Luke’s words to him.
“Does she even really know who you are? What you are?” He asked softly, before adding “Do you?”
Luke looked away, ran a hand through his messy hair and tugged his ear. “I’m not sure I know what you mean,”, he said quietly.
“Am I mistaken, Luke? Am I reading the signals all wrong?” Reid went on carefully.
Luke couldn’t bring himself to lie to Dr. Oliver, so he said nothing while his mind shot back to the signals he apparently sent out to him. God, was he really that obvious? That has never happened before. He guessed that blow to his head made him a lot less careful.
“It’s okay, you know. It’s not something you can choose. You are or you aren’t. But there’s nothing wrong with it- with being gay.” Reid didn’t know if he was overstepping any boundaries, but he wanted to ease Luke’s mind about the subject.
Luke jerked his head around to look Reid straight in his eyes, but he saw nothing but genuine concern in them.
“I know that. But you don’t understand … how it is. I can’t… I just can’t.” Luke stumbled on his words.
Reid watched him struggle and decided not to push it any further.
“Listen Luke. I don’t want you to get upset, so we’ll just leave it, alright? But if you do want to talk, about this or about anything at all, just let me know.”
Reid reached into his pocket and took out a card. He scribbled a number on it.
“This is my number. Nobody has that, except the hospital, and now you. Use it when you feel the need to talk or whatever.” Reid handed him the card.
Luke took it and folded it in half. He tucked it into his wallet very carefully.
“Thank you Dr. Oliver. For everything. Not just for today and this, but just… everything.” He said shyly.
Reid smiled at him. “I think it’s time for you to start calling me Reid.”
Luke felt an unfamiliar warm feeling spreading through his chest and he smiled back.
“Okay…Reid.” He tasted the name on his tongue. He liked the way it sounded coming out of his mouth.
“I have to go. But remember what I said.” Reid stood up and made a move to walk towards to door, when Luke’s voice stopped him.
“Can I ask you one more thing?”
“What is it?”
“Is it okay if I keep visiting Kevin? I still feel responsible for what happened.”
“I think there’s no harm in that. You’ll have to check with me or the nurse though before you go in, just to be sure.”
“Okay, I’ll do that. Thank you, again.” Luke didn’t want him to go, wanted to hold on to him, on to this safe feeling, like a toddler holding on to it’s mother on the first day of school, but couldn’t think of a reason to keep Dr. Oliver, Reid¸ with him.
Reid just nodded and stepped out of the room.
Luke sat still for a moment, trying to process what just happened. What he and Reid had been talking about. He’d felt completely at ease talking to him about his difficult relationship with his mother. For reasons he didn’t even understand, he completely trusted Reid. And Reid had understood what Luke was saying. How difficult it was to have to live up to expectations all your life. And then Reid had asked him about…
He knows, Luke suddenly thought. He knows me and about me.
He felt like he should be panicking, but he really wasn’t. Even though he hadn’t said out loud that he was gay, he also hadn’t denied it. For the first time in his life he did not deny it. And strangely enough he was feeling okay with that. Because it’s Reid.
*