Those summer nights chapter 9
Texting with Reid had taught Luke some new things. They had been exchanging messages for more than a week now and while he thought he had gotten to know Reid quite well over the course of the summer, the texts showed a different side of Reid.
He was funny and quick witted and sometimes asked absurd questions, just for fun, that had Luke laugh out loud no matter where he was. Reid wasn’t afraid to start up a conversation, but sometimes there was a significant amount of time between his texts. He had explained early on that this was due to his schedule and sometimes emergencies.
What was absolutely the same as before, was that Reid was genuinely interested in what Luke had to say. Whether is was related to his job or his family, Reid never ignored a text.
It was easy and it was comfortable and Luke enjoyed it a lot. It wasn’t until Luke received a text from Reid that he did something spontaneous and possibly ruined everything.
The text itself was simple enough: ‘I HATE this time of year’. Reid had sent it almost an hour ago and Luke hadn’t seen it until then.
To Luke, this was impossible. It was December, the most magical time of the year. And Luke absolutely loved every part of it. To hear that someone didn’t just dislike it, but hated it, was something Luke was unable to let go. So he did the first thing that came into his head and called Reid. He didn’t even think about it, he was just going to make Reid see that the holiday season was a festive time and that one should enjoy it, not hate it. He bit his nails waiting for Reid to answer.
As soon as Reid answered with ‘Dr. Oliver’, Luke started the rant that had been building inside his head. “I can’t believe you hate this time of year! How can you not like December? It’s the best time of the year. There are decorations and lights and people give each other presents and-“.
But right when Luke wanted to start explain why Christmas was simply amazing, Reid cut him off. “Not now, Luke.”
“But Reid-” Luke tried, the smile fading from his face.
But Reid had already ended the call, leaving Luke staring at his phone, dumbfounded.
Slowly Luke sat down at the kitchen table, still staring at his phone. Then he cursed and threw the phone on the table.
Was this just a case of serious bad timing or did Reid not want to talk to him at all? Luke hoped for the first option, but at the same time, he feared it was the second. A nauseous feeling crept up from his stomach and a voice inside his head mocked him ‘See? You’ve done it again. Imposing yourself on someone like that. Why did you have to call him? You should have respected Reid’s wishes.’
He dropped his head on the table, muttering ‘stupid, stupid, stupid’ and emphasizing every word with an extra bang of his head to the table. It hurt, but in a different way. Physical pain, he could easily deal with. He was used to it. But emotional pain, he didn’t have the best track record of dealing with that. He absentmindedly rubbed the scar on his back. It wasn’t that he felt the urge to drink, he was in a much better place now, but it was still difficult at times.
He sighed to himself and decided to go get ready for work. He would be early, but there was always something that needed to be done and it would take his mind off of things.
Luke took a quick shower and headed off to the hospital.
*
It isn’t until the afternoon of the next day shift that Luke turned his phone back on. He was dead on his feet when he came home after his shift early in the morning and he had fallen into bed, barely able to get his scrubs off, and passed out . He didn’t have to go in again until that evening, so he slept late and lounged around in bed, playing around on his Ipad.
After he made himself a somewhat healthy lunch, he showered and put on his clothes for a trip to the grocery store. He grabbed his keys and his phone on the way out. Sitting in his car, he turned on his phone and threw it on the passenger seat. He tapped his fingers on the steering wheel to the music that played on the radio when his phone chimed. Luke glanced over to it, but couldn’t really seeanything on the screen. He forced himself to wait until he had parked at the store because he strongly believed in safe driving, but it took a lot of willpower.
When he arrived at the parking lot, he parked the car in the first spot he saw, which was far from the closest to the store, and pulled the keys out of the ignition.
He picked up the phone and unlocked the screen.
And there it was.
He had three messages. The first was a missed call and the other two were text messages. The screen showed Reid’s name as the one who had called him. Luke grinned to himself when he opened the app to view his messages. Sure enough those were Reid’s too.
Luke threw his head back against the head rest on his seat, relief flooding through him. He resisted the urge to squeal, but squeezed his phone instead.
The first message was short. ‘Just tried to call you back. No luck. Are you okay?’
The second wasn’t much longer. ‘Luke, let me know if everything is alright. Thanks´
Even though the message was short, the concern Reid had for him was evident to Luke.
That is why he quickly typed out a message back.
‘I’m fine. Just wanted to talk to you. Bad timing, I guess?’
Luke pressed ‘send’ and shoved the phone in his pocket. He climbed out of his car, but hadn’t even made to the entrance of the store yet when his phone buzzed.
‘You could say that. Yesterday was not a good day. It’s not that I didn’t want to talk to you´
Luke grinned again. ‘Good to know ;-).’ He shoved the phone back into his pocket and went to get a shopping cart.
--
He had just loaded his grocery bags into his car when his phone buzzed again in his back pocket. It read “I’m free if you are?’
Luke responded quickly. ‘Give me 10 minutes´
When Luke came home and had put away his groceries, Reid called. And they talked for almost two hours, before Reid was called into an emergency.
Luke tentatively asked about Reid’s bad day and Reid had no problem explaining what had happened with the 7 year old boy who was rushed into the hospital after he was hit by a car. Reid had spent most of the day trying to save his life, but in the end there was too much damage done to the boy’s small body and Reid had to call it.
Luke knew from personal experience how hard dealing with these cases could be, how much they could affect you in your work. He told Reid about patients he’d had under his care that didn’t make it and tried to make Reid see that it was okay to be upset about it. He suspected Reid didn’t give himself much time to grieve for anything or anybody. They argued about it, because Luke was right. Reid didn’t grieve or mourn or do anything really to process bad days with difficult cases. He just ploughed on, working even harder, trying to be better and stronger so he would be able to help other patients.
Luke admired him for that and told him so. Reid on his part explained to Luke why he was envious of Luke’s sunny disposition and easy way to handle people.
They both laughed about their admiration for each other and changed the subject to a dozen others.
When it was time for Reid to go, abruptly, he made a quick promise to call again. Or Luke could call him, even if he wasn’t sure he would be able to pick up the phone. Luke let him know he was completely okay with that.
After that, their goodbye was hasty, but it left Luke with a buzzing feeling and a smile etched on his face.
Baby steps, he reminded himself.
But after that first phone call, it was like a dam had broken. Luke talked to Reid almost every day and never got tired of it. They never ran out of things to say and even if there fell a silence between sometimes, it was never uncomfortable.
One day Luke was telling Reid about celebrating Christmas with his large, crazy family, how big and loud it could be and he heard Reid groan on the other side of the line.
“What is it with you and Christmas?” Luke asked amused, but curious.
Reid sighed. “I just don’t care for it. I never have. It’s just another day really.”
Luke frowned. “You never cared for Christmas? Not even as a child? You didn’t leave cookies and milk for Santa or got up really early to open your presents?” He could easily picture Reid as a child, serious but eagerly waiting for Christmas morning.
“No, I can’t say that I did.” Reid answered. After a few moments of silence, he added, “Not all of us celebrate Christmas quite the way your family does.”
Luke bit his lip. “I’m sorry, I didn’t-“
But Reid interrupted him. “Don’t apologize, I wasn’t judging you. I was merely stating a fact. My parents were very different from yours. We never had elaborate celebrations. Not at Christmas, New Years or even a birthday. And that’s alright. They taught me to work hard and become the best at what I do. And after they died, I continued to do that. So, this Christmas? I’m working, just like every other year. And it’s fine. Really.”
Luke barely breathed, listening to Reid talk. This was the most Reid had shared about his past. He didn’t like to talk about it, so Luke knew little to nothing. He only knew that Reid’s parents had died in a car crash when he was about 10 years old and that he lived with his uncle until he went to college. Luke could tell form the way Reid had talked about it, they weren’t the happiest of times. That’s probably why he did not mentioned it.
“Okay, if you say so,” Luke said tentatively, “it’s just-, I would just hate for you to miss out on anything. Christmas is supposed to be a happy time even if you don’t believe in anything, you know? Christmas can also be about spending time with your loved ones.”
Reid snorted. “Spending time with loved ones? And who would that be? My non-existent family?
Reid sounded bitter and sad and it went straight through Luke’s heart.
Everything in Luke wanted to reach to Reid, to show him that he wasn’t alone. So that’s exactly what he did. He didn’t even think twice about it.
“I know you don’t have any family left, Reid. And I am so sorry about that. But that doesn’t mean you don’t have people in your life that care about you, people that love you.” Luke said urgently.
“I’m a cold, sarcastic asshole, Luke. People don’t love me. Maybe there’s one of two people that can stand to be around me and one of them is my boss. Who probably only cares about the work I do.” Reid countered.
“Well- what about me?” Luke asked quietly, even though his heart was pounding in his chest.
Reid sighed. “What about you, Luke?”
“Maybe I’m someone that cares about you? Or even more?” By now Luke was starting to sweat, phone almost slipping out of his hand, but he was determined to take this chance. He had to know if Reid could ever look at him the same way Luke looked at Reid.
It went completely silent on Reid’s end and Luke held his breath without noticing.
When Reid spoke again, his voice sounded completely different. There was nothing left of his normal bravado and his voice sounded small.
“Luke? What are you saying?”
Luke’s knuckles went white from his death grip on his phone. This was it, all or nothing.
“Isn’t it clear by now, Reid? Do I have to spell it out for you?” Luke let out a short, nervous laugh. “I didn’t keep my end of our summer deal. I was supposed to say goodbye to you at the end of the summer and just take the good memories with me back home. I wasn’t supposed to get attached, I wasn’t supposed to enjoy being with you so much that I never wanted the summer to end. I wasn’t supposed to miss you more than I thought possible and I sure as hell wasn’t supposed to fall in love with you. But guess what….” Luke took a deep breath to steady himself before he added the last part. “I did do al of those things and I don’t regret it.”
When the line stayed silent, Luke rubbed his face with his free hand. He felt his throat close up and then with the telling burn in his eyes, he was close to crying.
“Reid,” he pleaded, “say something. Please.”
He heard Reid take a shaky breath and then a clearing of his throat. “I don’t- It’s not-…
“I don’t expect you to feel the same way or to even want to think about it.” Luke hastily interrupted. “And I didn’t even plan on telling you, but it kinda just… happened?” Then he sighed. “Look, I’m sorry if made you feel uncomfortable. I don’t want to make things awkward between us now, but I guess that’s kind of inevitable now, right?”
When there was no answer, he closed his eyes to force back the tears that were threatening to spill.
“Okay then. I get it. I-I wish you all the best, Reid. Please, take care of yourself.”
And ever so slowly, Luke pulled the phone away from his ear and he pressed the ‘end’ button on the screen.
*
It took Luke some time to get himself together for at least a little bit. He stopped re-reading Reid’s texts obsessively, but could not bring himself to delete them. He did try, but he could never go through with it, he wasn’t ready yet to let go of everything that reminded him of some of the happiest times of his life.
Casey was always around, watching him with concerned eyes, but he didn’t say anything, he didn’t offer empty words that would not make Luke feel better anyway and Luke was grateful for it.
He threw himself into his work, barely taking the time to have a break and eat or drink properly. Sleep came very rarely and he could not remember the last time he had a full night’s sleep. It wasn’t until there were bags under his eyes and he was pushing the food that Casey picked up on the way home, around on his plate that Casey finally opened his mouth.
“Luke, I know you’re hurting, but this, “he gestured to Luke from head to toe,” has to stop. You have to eat, drink and sleep. You’re not doing yourself any favors here. You know you have to be careful.”
Luke glared at him. “Don’t start, Case. I’m not in the mood.”
Casey glared right back. “I don’t care if you’re in the mood or not. You know I’m right.”
“So?” Luke shrugged.
“So stop! I’ve let you do whatever you wanted so far, but you’ve got to stop wallowing in your misery man. It bothers me that you would treat yourself that way. He’s not worth your health, Luke.
“Well, if it bothers you so much, you can always leave.” Luke said coldly.
Casey stood up abruptly and pushed his chair back. “You know what? I think I will. And while I’m gone, you think about what you’re doing and why, I might add.” He turned and stomped out the room and a few seconds later Luke heard the front door slam shut.
He looked down into his plate of food miserably. Of course he knew Casey had a point. He should be more careful with how he treated his body. He’d already destroyed one kidney with reckless behavior, he should treat the other one with a little bit more care and respect. He could not afford to let his emotions run his life, not again.
That’s why, after staring down at his plate for a few more minutes, he quickly shoveled a few bites into his mouth and washed it down with a few gulps of water. He threw the rest away and cleared the table, put away the dishes in the dishwasher and let himself fall onto the couch.
He groaned, burying his face in a pillow. Luke didn’t want to be sensible and do the right thing all the time, especially now, he wanted to be emotional and cry and make do stupid things. But he wasn’t a teenager anymore and his body could not handle treatment like that anymore.
So Casey was right. And Luke felt sorry for fighting with him when all Casey did was worry about him.
Luke pulled out his phone and typed out a message to Casey, apologizing for what he did and promising to be better.
It didn’t take long before his phone buzzed with Casey’s short but to the point reply.
“You better.”
Luke smiled and typed back ‘ily2’.
He laid back down again on the couch and stared at the ceiling. If only he could solve this thing with Reid so easily. Accepting that what they had - whatever it was - was now over, was something he wasn’t ready for. He was not ready to let go of something he instinctively knew could be amazing! There was something between the two of them that was unlike anything Luke had experienced before. And he was sure Reid felt it too. The way Reid had understood Luke, didn’t judge him for his past makes mistakes, the way Reid had opened up and told Luke a few things about his childhood, his past even though it was clearly difficult for him to talk about. Luke knew that this was not something Reid did often, Reid had told him so. Then why wasn’t he willing to explore this thing between them further? Luke felt the urge to punch or throw something, but settled for stomping the cushion next to him. These thoughts in one form or another, kept circling in Luke’s head. He couldn’t make sense of it and it drove him crazy. He wanted to shake some sense, or rather, some emotion into Reid.
Sighing, Luke got up to make himself some tea and then was stopped in his tracks by a knock on the door. He briefly contemplated to just let it go, but decided against it in the end.
Another knock made him yell, “Yes! I’m coming.” He briskly walked towards the door and yanked it open. To his complete and total shock, it revealed the object of Luke’s thoughts.
Reid.
A disheveled looking Reid with red eyes, bags under them, a few days’ worth of stubble and unruly hair, but still, it was Reid.
“Reid? What-?” It felt like Luke’s brain had suddenly shut down, because everything went completely blank.
Reid took a small step towards Luke, pointing at him with the index finger of his right hand.
“Did you mean it?” He asked in a soft but firm voice.
“What?” Luke’s brain was still rebooting, because he had no idea what Reid was talking about. “Did I mean what?”
Reid took another step and was now standing opposite Luke in the small hallway. His hands clenched at his sides
“When you said you were in love with me. Did you mean it?”
“Why?” Luke asked, thoroughly confused.
“Please, Luke. Just-..“Reid eyes searched Luke’s almost desperately. “Tell me… did you mean it?”
Luke swallowed and looked right back into Reid’s eye. “Yes.” He said in a clear voice. “Every word.”
A noise came out of Reid’s throat and he hung his head for a moment and shook it. When he looked up again, his shone with something new that took Luke’s breath away and his lips curled up in the corners.
Reid lifted his left hand and cupped Luke’s jaw, his thumb stroking Luke’s cheekbone. He stepped even closer to Luke, while pulling Luke towards him at the same time.
“I’m glad.” He said softly, before pressing his mouth to Luke’s.
Luke’s head was spinning. One moment he was hurting because he thought he’d lost Reid and now Reid was here! Kissing him and being glad Luke’s was in love with him.
Reid must have felt the confusion in Luke, because he pulled back to rest his forehead against Luke’s. “Are you alright?” He asked, his hand moving to the back of Luke’s neck.
“Yes-no… I don’t know.” Luke answered truthfully, reaching out to touch Reid’s face. “I’m confused.”
His fingers touched the stubble on Reid’s cheek and he had to stop himself from letting his mouth follow the path of his fingers.
“How are you here? Why are you here?” He asked. “I’m so happy to see you, but I don’t understand… at all.”
Reid laughed softly. “Isn’t it obvious by now, Luke? Do I have to spell it out for you?” Luke immediately recognized the words. It was the same words Luke used when he’d confessed his love to Reid. Hope started to bubble up in his chest, but he still needed Reid to really say the words out loud.
“Yes... tell me. Because you are not obvious at all.” Luke smiled.
Reid moved closer and pulled Luke into an almost bone-crushing hug. It felt so good to finally have Reid’s body against his own again, that Luke let out a shaky breath and buried his face in Reid’s neck, his arms wound tight around Reid’s waist automatically.
Then Reid started to speak, his mouth close to Luke’s ear. “After the summer, I was so confused, Luke. I was a mess and didn’t understand why and I tried to shut it down. So I did what I always do, I worked. I worked so much I didn’t have time for anything else. I tried to forget about you, about how it was between us last summer.
And then, then you contacted me and I was right back to square one. I realized that you had touched something in me and it scared the hell out of me. And then after our last… conversation, I completely panicked. And eventually, it was Terry that slapped some sense into me. She made me realize that I shouldn’t just let you go. Not because we made some stupid summer-agreement.” Reid pulled back to press a kiss to Luke’s forehead. He then leaned his own forehead against Luke’s and closed his eyes. After a few moments of silence, he took a deep breath.
“What I’m saying is… I want to give us a try, Luke. Because- because I’m in love with you too.” Reid confessed. “And I want to spend the rest of my summers with you.”
The burst of happiness inside of Luke upon hearing Reid’s words, was like fireworks. A burst of light, color and joy and it warmed him from the inside out.
He whispered “Me too.” and lifted his hands to cup Reid’s face and their lips met with a kind of gentle aching desperation. It felt so, so right that Luke wanted nothing more than to stay right there in Reid’s arms, kissing him until he couldn’t breath anymore.
But then Reid moved his hands down Luke’s back, pressing them closer together. And as if a switch was turned on, everything turned hot and frantic after that.
Until Luke wrenched his mouth away from Reid’s to pant, “Come on. We’re not doing this in the hallway.” He kicked the door shut and then dragged Reid through the hallway towards his bedroom. Yes, they would have to talk a lot more, but right now, it could wait until later.
Their clothes came off the moment they reached the bedroom. When they both were completely naked, Luke tugged Reid down with him as he laid down on top of the covers. They hastily started rediscovering each other again, hands roaming and mouths searching, trying to give each other as much pleasure as possible.
Luke already knew that Reid was in proportion everywhere and while he thought it was unfair that Reid looked the way he looked, while he ate the way he ate, Luke wasn’t complaining.
Because when Reid’s perfectly shaped cock finally slotted into place inside him, it fitted him like a key to a lock. And it knocked the breath out of Luke because the feeling that he always had during his time with Noah, that there was missing something, something significant and beautiful, that feeling was gone. Luke finally felt whole as if he had been waiting for this, for Reid and his body to make him feel helpless and powerful at the same time. He didn’t question it or try to understand it, in fact he stopped thinking altogether, because the feeling of Reid inside him, with his hands on Luke’s hips, his mouth on his neck was becoming almost too much. Instead, he just felt. Felt Reid move inside him, felt Reid’s hand move from his hips to his thighs and back up to his stomach, his chest and back to their original place, felt Reid’s mouth move from his neck to his chin to his ears, his eyes and finally to his mouth. And it felt so good, so right as nothing before.
Later, when they’re coming down from their highs and a cold nose pressed against Luke’s neck, Reid murmured sleepily,”We should work on lasting longer than 5 minutes.”
Luke shook with laughter and put his hands on Reid’s arm around his waist. “Stop. It was perfect.”
And after a moment of silence, Reid replied, “Yeah.” and he kissed between Luke’s shoulder blades.
*
He was funny and quick witted and sometimes asked absurd questions, just for fun, that had Luke laugh out loud no matter where he was. Reid wasn’t afraid to start up a conversation, but sometimes there was a significant amount of time between his texts. He had explained early on that this was due to his schedule and sometimes emergencies.
What was absolutely the same as before, was that Reid was genuinely interested in what Luke had to say. Whether is was related to his job or his family, Reid never ignored a text.
It was easy and it was comfortable and Luke enjoyed it a lot. It wasn’t until Luke received a text from Reid that he did something spontaneous and possibly ruined everything.
The text itself was simple enough: ‘I HATE this time of year’. Reid had sent it almost an hour ago and Luke hadn’t seen it until then.
To Luke, this was impossible. It was December, the most magical time of the year. And Luke absolutely loved every part of it. To hear that someone didn’t just dislike it, but hated it, was something Luke was unable to let go. So he did the first thing that came into his head and called Reid. He didn’t even think about it, he was just going to make Reid see that the holiday season was a festive time and that one should enjoy it, not hate it. He bit his nails waiting for Reid to answer.
As soon as Reid answered with ‘Dr. Oliver’, Luke started the rant that had been building inside his head. “I can’t believe you hate this time of year! How can you not like December? It’s the best time of the year. There are decorations and lights and people give each other presents and-“.
But right when Luke wanted to start explain why Christmas was simply amazing, Reid cut him off. “Not now, Luke.”
“But Reid-” Luke tried, the smile fading from his face.
But Reid had already ended the call, leaving Luke staring at his phone, dumbfounded.
Slowly Luke sat down at the kitchen table, still staring at his phone. Then he cursed and threw the phone on the table.
Was this just a case of serious bad timing or did Reid not want to talk to him at all? Luke hoped for the first option, but at the same time, he feared it was the second. A nauseous feeling crept up from his stomach and a voice inside his head mocked him ‘See? You’ve done it again. Imposing yourself on someone like that. Why did you have to call him? You should have respected Reid’s wishes.’
He dropped his head on the table, muttering ‘stupid, stupid, stupid’ and emphasizing every word with an extra bang of his head to the table. It hurt, but in a different way. Physical pain, he could easily deal with. He was used to it. But emotional pain, he didn’t have the best track record of dealing with that. He absentmindedly rubbed the scar on his back. It wasn’t that he felt the urge to drink, he was in a much better place now, but it was still difficult at times.
He sighed to himself and decided to go get ready for work. He would be early, but there was always something that needed to be done and it would take his mind off of things.
Luke took a quick shower and headed off to the hospital.
*
It isn’t until the afternoon of the next day shift that Luke turned his phone back on. He was dead on his feet when he came home after his shift early in the morning and he had fallen into bed, barely able to get his scrubs off, and passed out . He didn’t have to go in again until that evening, so he slept late and lounged around in bed, playing around on his Ipad.
After he made himself a somewhat healthy lunch, he showered and put on his clothes for a trip to the grocery store. He grabbed his keys and his phone on the way out. Sitting in his car, he turned on his phone and threw it on the passenger seat. He tapped his fingers on the steering wheel to the music that played on the radio when his phone chimed. Luke glanced over to it, but couldn’t really seeanything on the screen. He forced himself to wait until he had parked at the store because he strongly believed in safe driving, but it took a lot of willpower.
When he arrived at the parking lot, he parked the car in the first spot he saw, which was far from the closest to the store, and pulled the keys out of the ignition.
He picked up the phone and unlocked the screen.
And there it was.
He had three messages. The first was a missed call and the other two were text messages. The screen showed Reid’s name as the one who had called him. Luke grinned to himself when he opened the app to view his messages. Sure enough those were Reid’s too.
Luke threw his head back against the head rest on his seat, relief flooding through him. He resisted the urge to squeal, but squeezed his phone instead.
The first message was short. ‘Just tried to call you back. No luck. Are you okay?’
The second wasn’t much longer. ‘Luke, let me know if everything is alright. Thanks´
Even though the message was short, the concern Reid had for him was evident to Luke.
That is why he quickly typed out a message back.
‘I’m fine. Just wanted to talk to you. Bad timing, I guess?’
Luke pressed ‘send’ and shoved the phone in his pocket. He climbed out of his car, but hadn’t even made to the entrance of the store yet when his phone buzzed.
‘You could say that. Yesterday was not a good day. It’s not that I didn’t want to talk to you´
Luke grinned again. ‘Good to know ;-).’ He shoved the phone back into his pocket and went to get a shopping cart.
--
He had just loaded his grocery bags into his car when his phone buzzed again in his back pocket. It read “I’m free if you are?’
Luke responded quickly. ‘Give me 10 minutes´
When Luke came home and had put away his groceries, Reid called. And they talked for almost two hours, before Reid was called into an emergency.
Luke tentatively asked about Reid’s bad day and Reid had no problem explaining what had happened with the 7 year old boy who was rushed into the hospital after he was hit by a car. Reid had spent most of the day trying to save his life, but in the end there was too much damage done to the boy’s small body and Reid had to call it.
Luke knew from personal experience how hard dealing with these cases could be, how much they could affect you in your work. He told Reid about patients he’d had under his care that didn’t make it and tried to make Reid see that it was okay to be upset about it. He suspected Reid didn’t give himself much time to grieve for anything or anybody. They argued about it, because Luke was right. Reid didn’t grieve or mourn or do anything really to process bad days with difficult cases. He just ploughed on, working even harder, trying to be better and stronger so he would be able to help other patients.
Luke admired him for that and told him so. Reid on his part explained to Luke why he was envious of Luke’s sunny disposition and easy way to handle people.
They both laughed about their admiration for each other and changed the subject to a dozen others.
When it was time for Reid to go, abruptly, he made a quick promise to call again. Or Luke could call him, even if he wasn’t sure he would be able to pick up the phone. Luke let him know he was completely okay with that.
After that, their goodbye was hasty, but it left Luke with a buzzing feeling and a smile etched on his face.
Baby steps, he reminded himself.
But after that first phone call, it was like a dam had broken. Luke talked to Reid almost every day and never got tired of it. They never ran out of things to say and even if there fell a silence between sometimes, it was never uncomfortable.
One day Luke was telling Reid about celebrating Christmas with his large, crazy family, how big and loud it could be and he heard Reid groan on the other side of the line.
“What is it with you and Christmas?” Luke asked amused, but curious.
Reid sighed. “I just don’t care for it. I never have. It’s just another day really.”
Luke frowned. “You never cared for Christmas? Not even as a child? You didn’t leave cookies and milk for Santa or got up really early to open your presents?” He could easily picture Reid as a child, serious but eagerly waiting for Christmas morning.
“No, I can’t say that I did.” Reid answered. After a few moments of silence, he added, “Not all of us celebrate Christmas quite the way your family does.”
Luke bit his lip. “I’m sorry, I didn’t-“
But Reid interrupted him. “Don’t apologize, I wasn’t judging you. I was merely stating a fact. My parents were very different from yours. We never had elaborate celebrations. Not at Christmas, New Years or even a birthday. And that’s alright. They taught me to work hard and become the best at what I do. And after they died, I continued to do that. So, this Christmas? I’m working, just like every other year. And it’s fine. Really.”
Luke barely breathed, listening to Reid talk. This was the most Reid had shared about his past. He didn’t like to talk about it, so Luke knew little to nothing. He only knew that Reid’s parents had died in a car crash when he was about 10 years old and that he lived with his uncle until he went to college. Luke could tell form the way Reid had talked about it, they weren’t the happiest of times. That’s probably why he did not mentioned it.
“Okay, if you say so,” Luke said tentatively, “it’s just-, I would just hate for you to miss out on anything. Christmas is supposed to be a happy time even if you don’t believe in anything, you know? Christmas can also be about spending time with your loved ones.”
Reid snorted. “Spending time with loved ones? And who would that be? My non-existent family?
Reid sounded bitter and sad and it went straight through Luke’s heart.
Everything in Luke wanted to reach to Reid, to show him that he wasn’t alone. So that’s exactly what he did. He didn’t even think twice about it.
“I know you don’t have any family left, Reid. And I am so sorry about that. But that doesn’t mean you don’t have people in your life that care about you, people that love you.” Luke said urgently.
“I’m a cold, sarcastic asshole, Luke. People don’t love me. Maybe there’s one of two people that can stand to be around me and one of them is my boss. Who probably only cares about the work I do.” Reid countered.
“Well- what about me?” Luke asked quietly, even though his heart was pounding in his chest.
Reid sighed. “What about you, Luke?”
“Maybe I’m someone that cares about you? Or even more?” By now Luke was starting to sweat, phone almost slipping out of his hand, but he was determined to take this chance. He had to know if Reid could ever look at him the same way Luke looked at Reid.
It went completely silent on Reid’s end and Luke held his breath without noticing.
When Reid spoke again, his voice sounded completely different. There was nothing left of his normal bravado and his voice sounded small.
“Luke? What are you saying?”
Luke’s knuckles went white from his death grip on his phone. This was it, all or nothing.
“Isn’t it clear by now, Reid? Do I have to spell it out for you?” Luke let out a short, nervous laugh. “I didn’t keep my end of our summer deal. I was supposed to say goodbye to you at the end of the summer and just take the good memories with me back home. I wasn’t supposed to get attached, I wasn’t supposed to enjoy being with you so much that I never wanted the summer to end. I wasn’t supposed to miss you more than I thought possible and I sure as hell wasn’t supposed to fall in love with you. But guess what….” Luke took a deep breath to steady himself before he added the last part. “I did do al of those things and I don’t regret it.”
When the line stayed silent, Luke rubbed his face with his free hand. He felt his throat close up and then with the telling burn in his eyes, he was close to crying.
“Reid,” he pleaded, “say something. Please.”
He heard Reid take a shaky breath and then a clearing of his throat. “I don’t- It’s not-…
“I don’t expect you to feel the same way or to even want to think about it.” Luke hastily interrupted. “And I didn’t even plan on telling you, but it kinda just… happened?” Then he sighed. “Look, I’m sorry if made you feel uncomfortable. I don’t want to make things awkward between us now, but I guess that’s kind of inevitable now, right?”
When there was no answer, he closed his eyes to force back the tears that were threatening to spill.
“Okay then. I get it. I-I wish you all the best, Reid. Please, take care of yourself.”
And ever so slowly, Luke pulled the phone away from his ear and he pressed the ‘end’ button on the screen.
*
It took Luke some time to get himself together for at least a little bit. He stopped re-reading Reid’s texts obsessively, but could not bring himself to delete them. He did try, but he could never go through with it, he wasn’t ready yet to let go of everything that reminded him of some of the happiest times of his life.
Casey was always around, watching him with concerned eyes, but he didn’t say anything, he didn’t offer empty words that would not make Luke feel better anyway and Luke was grateful for it.
He threw himself into his work, barely taking the time to have a break and eat or drink properly. Sleep came very rarely and he could not remember the last time he had a full night’s sleep. It wasn’t until there were bags under his eyes and he was pushing the food that Casey picked up on the way home, around on his plate that Casey finally opened his mouth.
“Luke, I know you’re hurting, but this, “he gestured to Luke from head to toe,” has to stop. You have to eat, drink and sleep. You’re not doing yourself any favors here. You know you have to be careful.”
Luke glared at him. “Don’t start, Case. I’m not in the mood.”
Casey glared right back. “I don’t care if you’re in the mood or not. You know I’m right.”
“So?” Luke shrugged.
“So stop! I’ve let you do whatever you wanted so far, but you’ve got to stop wallowing in your misery man. It bothers me that you would treat yourself that way. He’s not worth your health, Luke.
“Well, if it bothers you so much, you can always leave.” Luke said coldly.
Casey stood up abruptly and pushed his chair back. “You know what? I think I will. And while I’m gone, you think about what you’re doing and why, I might add.” He turned and stomped out the room and a few seconds later Luke heard the front door slam shut.
He looked down into his plate of food miserably. Of course he knew Casey had a point. He should be more careful with how he treated his body. He’d already destroyed one kidney with reckless behavior, he should treat the other one with a little bit more care and respect. He could not afford to let his emotions run his life, not again.
That’s why, after staring down at his plate for a few more minutes, he quickly shoveled a few bites into his mouth and washed it down with a few gulps of water. He threw the rest away and cleared the table, put away the dishes in the dishwasher and let himself fall onto the couch.
He groaned, burying his face in a pillow. Luke didn’t want to be sensible and do the right thing all the time, especially now, he wanted to be emotional and cry and make do stupid things. But he wasn’t a teenager anymore and his body could not handle treatment like that anymore.
So Casey was right. And Luke felt sorry for fighting with him when all Casey did was worry about him.
Luke pulled out his phone and typed out a message to Casey, apologizing for what he did and promising to be better.
It didn’t take long before his phone buzzed with Casey’s short but to the point reply.
“You better.”
Luke smiled and typed back ‘ily2’.
He laid back down again on the couch and stared at the ceiling. If only he could solve this thing with Reid so easily. Accepting that what they had - whatever it was - was now over, was something he wasn’t ready for. He was not ready to let go of something he instinctively knew could be amazing! There was something between the two of them that was unlike anything Luke had experienced before. And he was sure Reid felt it too. The way Reid had understood Luke, didn’t judge him for his past makes mistakes, the way Reid had opened up and told Luke a few things about his childhood, his past even though it was clearly difficult for him to talk about. Luke knew that this was not something Reid did often, Reid had told him so. Then why wasn’t he willing to explore this thing between them further? Luke felt the urge to punch or throw something, but settled for stomping the cushion next to him. These thoughts in one form or another, kept circling in Luke’s head. He couldn’t make sense of it and it drove him crazy. He wanted to shake some sense, or rather, some emotion into Reid.
Sighing, Luke got up to make himself some tea and then was stopped in his tracks by a knock on the door. He briefly contemplated to just let it go, but decided against it in the end.
Another knock made him yell, “Yes! I’m coming.” He briskly walked towards the door and yanked it open. To his complete and total shock, it revealed the object of Luke’s thoughts.
Reid.
A disheveled looking Reid with red eyes, bags under them, a few days’ worth of stubble and unruly hair, but still, it was Reid.
“Reid? What-?” It felt like Luke’s brain had suddenly shut down, because everything went completely blank.
Reid took a small step towards Luke, pointing at him with the index finger of his right hand.
“Did you mean it?” He asked in a soft but firm voice.
“What?” Luke’s brain was still rebooting, because he had no idea what Reid was talking about. “Did I mean what?”
Reid took another step and was now standing opposite Luke in the small hallway. His hands clenched at his sides
“When you said you were in love with me. Did you mean it?”
“Why?” Luke asked, thoroughly confused.
“Please, Luke. Just-..“Reid eyes searched Luke’s almost desperately. “Tell me… did you mean it?”
Luke swallowed and looked right back into Reid’s eye. “Yes.” He said in a clear voice. “Every word.”
A noise came out of Reid’s throat and he hung his head for a moment and shook it. When he looked up again, his shone with something new that took Luke’s breath away and his lips curled up in the corners.
Reid lifted his left hand and cupped Luke’s jaw, his thumb stroking Luke’s cheekbone. He stepped even closer to Luke, while pulling Luke towards him at the same time.
“I’m glad.” He said softly, before pressing his mouth to Luke’s.
Luke’s head was spinning. One moment he was hurting because he thought he’d lost Reid and now Reid was here! Kissing him and being glad Luke’s was in love with him.
Reid must have felt the confusion in Luke, because he pulled back to rest his forehead against Luke’s. “Are you alright?” He asked, his hand moving to the back of Luke’s neck.
“Yes-no… I don’t know.” Luke answered truthfully, reaching out to touch Reid’s face. “I’m confused.”
His fingers touched the stubble on Reid’s cheek and he had to stop himself from letting his mouth follow the path of his fingers.
“How are you here? Why are you here?” He asked. “I’m so happy to see you, but I don’t understand… at all.”
Reid laughed softly. “Isn’t it obvious by now, Luke? Do I have to spell it out for you?” Luke immediately recognized the words. It was the same words Luke used when he’d confessed his love to Reid. Hope started to bubble up in his chest, but he still needed Reid to really say the words out loud.
“Yes... tell me. Because you are not obvious at all.” Luke smiled.
Reid moved closer and pulled Luke into an almost bone-crushing hug. It felt so good to finally have Reid’s body against his own again, that Luke let out a shaky breath and buried his face in Reid’s neck, his arms wound tight around Reid’s waist automatically.
Then Reid started to speak, his mouth close to Luke’s ear. “After the summer, I was so confused, Luke. I was a mess and didn’t understand why and I tried to shut it down. So I did what I always do, I worked. I worked so much I didn’t have time for anything else. I tried to forget about you, about how it was between us last summer.
And then, then you contacted me and I was right back to square one. I realized that you had touched something in me and it scared the hell out of me. And then after our last… conversation, I completely panicked. And eventually, it was Terry that slapped some sense into me. She made me realize that I shouldn’t just let you go. Not because we made some stupid summer-agreement.” Reid pulled back to press a kiss to Luke’s forehead. He then leaned his own forehead against Luke’s and closed his eyes. After a few moments of silence, he took a deep breath.
“What I’m saying is… I want to give us a try, Luke. Because- because I’m in love with you too.” Reid confessed. “And I want to spend the rest of my summers with you.”
The burst of happiness inside of Luke upon hearing Reid’s words, was like fireworks. A burst of light, color and joy and it warmed him from the inside out.
He whispered “Me too.” and lifted his hands to cup Reid’s face and their lips met with a kind of gentle aching desperation. It felt so, so right that Luke wanted nothing more than to stay right there in Reid’s arms, kissing him until he couldn’t breath anymore.
But then Reid moved his hands down Luke’s back, pressing them closer together. And as if a switch was turned on, everything turned hot and frantic after that.
Until Luke wrenched his mouth away from Reid’s to pant, “Come on. We’re not doing this in the hallway.” He kicked the door shut and then dragged Reid through the hallway towards his bedroom. Yes, they would have to talk a lot more, but right now, it could wait until later.
Their clothes came off the moment they reached the bedroom. When they both were completely naked, Luke tugged Reid down with him as he laid down on top of the covers. They hastily started rediscovering each other again, hands roaming and mouths searching, trying to give each other as much pleasure as possible.
Luke already knew that Reid was in proportion everywhere and while he thought it was unfair that Reid looked the way he looked, while he ate the way he ate, Luke wasn’t complaining.
Because when Reid’s perfectly shaped cock finally slotted into place inside him, it fitted him like a key to a lock. And it knocked the breath out of Luke because the feeling that he always had during his time with Noah, that there was missing something, something significant and beautiful, that feeling was gone. Luke finally felt whole as if he had been waiting for this, for Reid and his body to make him feel helpless and powerful at the same time. He didn’t question it or try to understand it, in fact he stopped thinking altogether, because the feeling of Reid inside him, with his hands on Luke’s hips, his mouth on his neck was becoming almost too much. Instead, he just felt. Felt Reid move inside him, felt Reid’s hand move from his hips to his thighs and back up to his stomach, his chest and back to their original place, felt Reid’s mouth move from his neck to his chin to his ears, his eyes and finally to his mouth. And it felt so good, so right as nothing before.
Later, when they’re coming down from their highs and a cold nose pressed against Luke’s neck, Reid murmured sleepily,”We should work on lasting longer than 5 minutes.”
Luke shook with laughter and put his hands on Reid’s arm around his waist. “Stop. It was perfect.”
And after a moment of silence, Reid replied, “Yeah.” and he kissed between Luke’s shoulder blades.
*