We're standing still in time...
I am a music nostalg-ist. This is not a word, I just made it up. But my favorite playlist has HIM's "Wings of a Butterfly" on it, and that song just brings up a myriad of memories and thoughts that make me smile and wistful all at the same time.
"heaven ablaze in our eyes; we're standing still in time...
the blood in our hands is the wine; we offer a sacrifice...
Come on, let's show them your love;
rip out the wings of a butterfly, for your soul, my love -
rip out the wings of a butterfly, for your soul..."
I love it. I love love love it. I don't care what it says to other people, it says SO much to me, means so much to me. It is memories of Slack, of Washington and happier times. It is friendship and love, it is peace and it is honesty. It is self-awareness, truth, it is perhaps even perfection. It says to me, this is how it is. It cannot and will not get better. This is our world. Let us live it. Let us stand up and be who we are, let us revel in our heathenism, let us realize we are only human. We cannot be the angels of perfection, who dare to envy those with a choice. We cannot be the followers of a false prophet because there can be no falsehood in the options we are given. We are who we choose to be. Let us be strong and live our lives to whatever fallicies and dead ends, and then let us turn around and scream and laugh and fucking love, because everything we do leads us to another, perhaps higher, purpose. We are the People. We are the ones who will walk in our own light, who will find ourselves in the course of finding others. Let us fail as we will. Let every choice, bad or good, decide our futures. Let us kiss in the rain. Let us make love in the snow. Let us dance in the fire. Let us drown in the sorrow and exhalt in the elation of being alive. Let us simply BE and delight in BEING. Fuck hurt, fuck pain, fuck pleasure, fuck joy, this is all there is and this moment can never be again. My heart is soaring with simplicity and arrogance. I am beautiful, deadly, proud, egocentric. I am holy, I am evil, I am death and life and perfection and imperfection. I am both sides of the most incredible coin ever minted. I am dark and light, shadow and exposure. I am pure and innocent, jaded and dirty. I will never be this person again, and I will always be me. I will be your lover, your sinner, your angel and your guiding force. I will be your reason for living, your catalyst of destruction. I will be your friend and your enemy. I will give in to temptation and lead you down the path never followed until we're forging ahead, blazing our own trails. We will get lost. We will be found. We will fall and we will rise. I will make mistakes and I will get lucky. I will be burned and I will be the fire that burns you. Knowing me will be simultaneously your greatest thrill and deepest shame. I will humiliate you and show you the truth. I will teach you to learn, and you will learn to teach me. I will laugh at you, and cry with you. I will give you tomorrow and take it away. I am filled with power and obsession, and I will own you and desert you. I will seduce you and reject you. I will want you and hate you, and you will hate that you want me. I am love. I am anger. I am power. I am exultation. I am immaculate. I am perfection. I am sin and lust, fire and water. I am everything. You will thirst for nothing when you are with me, and I will leave with you a lingering starvation that will never quite be saited. Forever you are mine, and I will never be yours. You will live every day dying to be with me. You will give up everything for this one pure obssession.. and in the end, you will be stripped of everything worldly and you will finally, for one, small, perfect moment, know yourself. In the end, you will be forgiven. You will be saved. You will be home. With me, without me, because of me, in spite of me, beside me, inside of me - this is your calling. This is your truth. Your one honesty. The meaning of your life. Do not waste it. Do not give in. Do not go quietly into the dark night. Fight. Rage. Scream with every fiber of being to EXIST. This life is yours to claim, to conquer, to hate and to fucking love. Never stop feeling. Never stop yelling. Never stop celebrating everything. Never forget. Never remember.
Christ, I'm a very intense woman. Haha. I can barely breathe. I'm on a power high. I love my life and I love knowing that I am wanted, needed, and loved. Someday, everything will make sense and I will do everything in my feeble power to claim that one moment of clarity.
"heaven ablaze in our eyes; we're standing still in time...
the blood in our hands is the wine; we offer a sacrifice...
Come on, let's show them your love;
rip out the wings of a butterfly, for your soul, my love -
rip out the wings of a butterfly, for your soul..."
I love it. I love love love it. I don't care what it says to other people, it says SO much to me, means so much to me. It is memories of Slack, of Washington and happier times. It is friendship and love, it is peace and it is honesty. It is self-awareness, truth, it is perhaps even perfection. It says to me, this is how it is. It cannot and will not get better. This is our world. Let us live it. Let us stand up and be who we are, let us revel in our heathenism, let us realize we are only human. We cannot be the angels of perfection, who dare to envy those with a choice. We cannot be the followers of a false prophet because there can be no falsehood in the options we are given. We are who we choose to be. Let us be strong and live our lives to whatever fallicies and dead ends, and then let us turn around and scream and laugh and fucking love, because everything we do leads us to another, perhaps higher, purpose. We are the People. We are the ones who will walk in our own light, who will find ourselves in the course of finding others. Let us fail as we will. Let every choice, bad or good, decide our futures. Let us kiss in the rain. Let us make love in the snow. Let us dance in the fire. Let us drown in the sorrow and exhalt in the elation of being alive. Let us simply BE and delight in BEING. Fuck hurt, fuck pain, fuck pleasure, fuck joy, this is all there is and this moment can never be again. My heart is soaring with simplicity and arrogance. I am beautiful, deadly, proud, egocentric. I am holy, I am evil, I am death and life and perfection and imperfection. I am both sides of the most incredible coin ever minted. I am dark and light, shadow and exposure. I am pure and innocent, jaded and dirty. I will never be this person again, and I will always be me. I will be your lover, your sinner, your angel and your guiding force. I will be your reason for living, your catalyst of destruction. I will be your friend and your enemy. I will give in to temptation and lead you down the path never followed until we're forging ahead, blazing our own trails. We will get lost. We will be found. We will fall and we will rise. I will make mistakes and I will get lucky. I will be burned and I will be the fire that burns you. Knowing me will be simultaneously your greatest thrill and deepest shame. I will humiliate you and show you the truth. I will teach you to learn, and you will learn to teach me. I will laugh at you, and cry with you. I will give you tomorrow and take it away. I am filled with power and obsession, and I will own you and desert you. I will seduce you and reject you. I will want you and hate you, and you will hate that you want me. I am love. I am anger. I am power. I am exultation. I am immaculate. I am perfection. I am sin and lust, fire and water. I am everything. You will thirst for nothing when you are with me, and I will leave with you a lingering starvation that will never quite be saited. Forever you are mine, and I will never be yours. You will live every day dying to be with me. You will give up everything for this one pure obssession.. and in the end, you will be stripped of everything worldly and you will finally, for one, small, perfect moment, know yourself. In the end, you will be forgiven. You will be saved. You will be home. With me, without me, because of me, in spite of me, beside me, inside of me - this is your calling. This is your truth. Your one honesty. The meaning of your life. Do not waste it. Do not give in. Do not go quietly into the dark night. Fight. Rage. Scream with every fiber of being to EXIST. This life is yours to claim, to conquer, to hate and to fucking love. Never stop feeling. Never stop yelling. Never stop celebrating everything. Never forget. Never remember.
Christ, I'm a very intense woman. Haha. I can barely breathe. I'm on a power high. I love my life and I love knowing that I am wanted, needed, and loved. Someday, everything will make sense and I will do everything in my feeble power to claim that one moment of clarity.