Oh bloody hell
Ok, so its like this... I really have had a lot of time to think about everything. And I mean EVERYTHING! My business is going well, my family and love life couldn't be more perfect (given the complications) my health is rather good (need a bit more exercise says my blood tests). I have friends, family, fun... but I had not been happy. I had lost
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I actually suffer that from time to time. Though I haven't trekked multi religions, nor made high accomplishments (heh.. actually it's the contrary), I do get that "am I missing something?" from time to time. Many times it deals with "I know what I'm doing today but not tomorrow". Kind of a scary way to live, actually (which btw... I'm going back to school - Assoc. degree in computer science: programming so I can wave that certification since everyone insists on it).
Anyway, I digress. I don't know if it helps, but I recently discovered that a lot of my issues derives from wanting knowledge of everything. This thought first started with my Geometry blog. And I got to thinking... "man, I have to know the answers to EVERYTHING before doing ANYTHING". I find this same trait brewing within my son... very methodical and moving at a snails pace. What he/I knows is mastered inside and out. But when there's an unknown answer it's like everything has to be placed on pause until I KNOW. That's suffering terribly from enigma.
So with this I started thinking. Who the hell came up with pi and how is it certain? (Personally, I think it's bullshit. teacher said pi R square. Pi R not square. Pi R round.. bad joke) Why does a2 + b2 = c2? Sqare root comes back to the same question as pi. I guess calculus can answer these questions. But I sat back and asked a NEW question that I had never asked before. WHO CARES??? It works. Go with it. I had actually never done that before. And when I did, it was like a huge load off my back about geometry and I figured out why I FAILED it twice... because I wanted to know the answers to things I was not yet ready to know.
Applying this to life has made some things a bit more tolerable. I've discovered, dispite my insistence on solving riddles and problems, that answers eventually come. Some answers come to things you never even asked. To me, that "wait" can drive me nuts. Because *I have to know*, else I will fail. And that sort of living pattern can cause your entire world to stop spinning in leiu of despair.
When asking the how or why questions, consider that is = is and don't worry about it any further. Always seek answers even to life's most bizzar or unanswered questions but don't focus too heavily on it. Just like that question "am I missing something?" I sometimes envy the idiot because he often doesn't even realize he's an idiot. It's when you come to that kind of reality that you can crash. According to physics, the bumblebee is not supposed to be able to fly. I guess bumblebees don't take physics... much to their own good. Ahhh.. ignorance is so bliss.
It makes you almost wish you took the blue pill. The more you discover, the more you realize how much you DON'T know. And that in itself can drive someone to the point of insanity. I think Dad often overcame a lot of enigmas with a simple statement of "I don't know everything, but I do know this much..." And lo and behold he had a special way of simplifying some things so complex! And I think that was one thing that always made him rather successful and able to pull off what some people thought impossible. Simply because he went off of what he knew and not trying to figure everything else out.
Well, I read back and I doubt any of that helped at all. But it's my most recent discovery. is = is. Why? Good question. Perhaps I'll figure that out later. But for now, is = is. Work with that. I'm not saying this from an agnostic standpoint. Quite simply put, there's some things we just don't know that makes is what it is. For some (like me), that's very frustrating. Perhaps you have missed something... but what you've missed may not be as big of a problem as you think. That is of course unless you're travelling to a ski resort and you forgot your skis... that's a problem. But then again, that often happens to someone who thought too long trying to figure out if they forgot something.
Embarassingly said, I'm going to go take a blue pill now.
PS: I'm taking Cipro. It's not blue... it's white.
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