GOD DAMN LIFE
The days seem so long lately...its hard to remember this morning...I think I had breakfast in JA went for a walk in the arbo, went to yoga at nine and then swam for a while at the AC, sounds right though that may have been yesterday. I had work tonight, which was shitty cause I had the show time and I thought that it was the call so I was an hour late for work and by the time I got there the show was basically starting and everyone was running around looking for me then I got yelled at for a bunch of stuff that was semi my fault but mostly not. I make sure that my people know what they are suppose to do but they are adults and if they dont do what they are suppose to do I guess I'm suppose to spank them in front of everyone or something. Gah bah. I have one of the best crews that I have ever worked with and I have them trained perfectly but they are human. Anyways work pissed me off so I came back here thinking Kathryn would be here but shes not and I cant get a hold of her and its adding to my esclating depression because I need to spend every moment with her from now until we have to go away. So I sat here on a Thursday night playing free cell and talking to people online when Alex showed up which was obber happy. We had a kick ass pillow fight and sang songs and had happy but he had to go play frisbie golf so I called Theo to try to calm my anxiety attack which is nearing full out and he says, "hey, I'm in JA with the cross country team so I cant hang out with you" and I think to myself WHICH ONE OF US IS ON THE FUCKING TEAM I think I can hang out with the cross country team but now I dont want to. I dont want to cause Theo is a fucking drunk ass hole and I'm sick of dealing with it. I'm sick of hearing, "I'm sorry, I was drunk...what can I do" the next morning. You can stop drinking if you actually meant that. And what this all comes down to is that I miss Roche so god damn much I dont know what to do with my life. I have been missing him all day, all the little happy things SHIT I hate how he sneaks up on me like this. I'll be perfectly happy and then something little will set me off...someone will hold my hand or try to make me laugh when I'm sad and the only thing that I can say is shut up youre not roche which you know, doesnt make too many people happy. What is wrong with me. Its spring weekend. I'm afraid if I start drinking I'll call him and say everything that I want to say and then we will be in trouble. By the way, Theo was suppose to be calling me back before I started writing this do do do no phone call from the drunk ass hole (yes, with the exception of kathryn, theo is my best friend and I adore him when he is sober...actually we had a great night last night. I didnt get any work done, hmmmm, funny how that always happens...but we had fun) I'm so lonely right now. Lonely for Roche and only Roche. sigh. FUCK.