No thought, no order, no sense.
My son Jeffery came home one day after school and I asked him what he learned today. He grinned and said, "I learned 2+2 and my ABC's."
"That's all?" I asked him.
He shook his head, "No, I also learned that if that bitch don't get home right now and make me some motherfuckin' spaghetti-o's, we're gonna have us a goddamned massacre!"
Once when I was asleep I woke up to someone touching me in my bathing-suit area. I quickly reached over to turn on the lights and I saw a figure dash for the window, as the lights came on I saw someone climbing out through the window, glancing back at me momentarily with a smile on their face. It was none other than Pat Sajak.
He winked at me and said, "See you tomorrow night, sexy."
Then vanished off into the night.
He never came back.
Damn him.
In Brunai it is perfectly acceptable to cover your genitals in EZ-Cheese. However it is not acceptable to then smear your face with jam. Do this and you will be stoned to death. Enjoy your stay at Brunai, land of a thousand EZ-Cheese coated genitals.
Apparently it's against the law to press your cock against a bus window and make dolphin noises. Who knew?
One time I had a taco and it was pretty good. It was a little too crunchy, I just figured it was stale or something so I kept eating it then I noticed my mouth was bleeding. I opened the shell a little and looked inside and found it wasn't a taco at all but razor blades concealed in a corn tortilla shell. Boy was my face red!
One time when I was finger-banging Elvira in the ass during Lollapalooza I got kicked in the face by some guy. I didn't even see it coming, mainly because Elvira has some big tits. I shoved her away and stood up to see who it was and standing right in front of me with my blood on his boot was Dolemite. He pushed me aside and proceeded to ass-fuck Elvira while I just stood by confused and bleeding from the lip. I shrugged and walked off and later that day gagged Gwen Stefani with my wang.
Sometimes when I'm all alone I like to wrap myself up in carpet and hide under people's beds till night time. Then once they fall asleep I climb out and jump on top of them and start humping them screaming 'Inchworm rape! Inchworm rape!'
Then I run out of the house carrying the silverware drawer, laughing.
LOLZ 1 TYME I WUZ SITIN IN MTH CALSS N TEH GRIL BHIND ME FARTED OMG IT WAS SOOOOO GROSS!1!1WTF!/1?!1/ O.o SKOOL IZ GHEY
The phrase "What's the worst that could happen?" was first coined by Thomas Jones in 1898 moments before he was raped by a dinosaur while being forced to perform cunnilingus on Rosie O'Donnell. He was then set ablaze by Dick Clark.
His name was Hernando Sanchez and he was a gas station attendant. Ever since he was young he pumped gas, it was all he had ever known and damn it, he was proud. One day he saw a man flick a cigar while he was pumping gas. Hernando raced towards the cigar and dove, catching it in his grease-covered hands. He let out a scream as it burnt him and he dropped the cigar and the gas station exploded. And that's how the Big Bang happened.
I remember once when I was travelling across Southern Africa hunting the elusive pink rhino, I ran over a giraffe. It just leapt out of nowhere and I drove right over it with my chopper. I hopped off and inspected the giraffe to see if it was still okay and everything, because I only kill that deserves it, like fucking pink rhinoceri. It looked up at me and licked my face with its black tongue and said something in giraffe-speak, then it shrank down to the size of a disposable lighter and climbed into my pocket. I named him Horatio McStabberthorne and he now travels with me wherever I go. He may not be exceptionally large, not even a tenth as large as he once was, but he has a the fighting spirit of a thousand angry retards.
Thank you for reading my stupid post. You may now go about your business. But beware . . .
INCHWORM RAPE!!!